Coke For Kidz

My proposal shall be called 'Coke For Kidz', A government backed scheme to keep kids of the streets. How it works is as follows:

Me being the badass coke dealer I am, would find the local Youth Club, one that isn't doing all that well say, needs abit of help. What I would offer them would be half price coke bought in bulk! See little Timmy over there? Well he is set for a life on the streets, robbing old grannies, setting fire to the neighbors dog, and well, lets face it...he is gonna end up on Death Row. Coke For Kids will help prevent this by providing Free coke for all under 16s (as long as its taken under the watch full eye of the Youth Club Coordinators) Little Timmy will be given a chance! He will be given a head start in life we all so desperately needed...little Timmy will have HOPE

What are the benifits you ask?

Well for one little Timmy wont be able to commit mass murder in his later life as he now has is nose in a bag for the finest coke around, he will be here for sometime, and by the time he does leave his brain will be so frazzeld he will no longer remember how to use that gun his degenerate Father showed him how to use when he was 2.

Kids will no longer walk the streets, 'Hooded up' looking for trouble...why would they when there is FREE COKE on the table!!

Coke taking will be implemented into classic borad games such as 'Snakes and Ladders' oh boy how everyone wants to fall down that last snake it the end "snoooooooooort"

Kids will be tought money handling skills as they will be forced to roll there own bank notes.

Parents will have a much earned rest from there terrible teens as they are perfectly safe in the 24/7 Youth Clubs of which they will all flock to.

There will be a new Gym area built in with added climbing frame space for when the Kidz are so high they just need to climb the walls a little bit.

The local Hospital will also be able to hire more staff as they will send Nurses to the Youth Club around the clock to offer nose bleed kits. This in turn will benefit the economy with the extra jobs on hand.

Every weekend the Youth works will bring the kids to the local park where they will be put to work clearing litter, repainting fences, mowing lawns, and general duties....which of course will cause no complaint from the Kids as they are now in 'Addict' stage and will also, by now, be foaming at the mouth and desperate  to burn off some of that endless energy they have sustained by snorting there own weight in coke

This will be a government backed initiative as all Youth Clubs are funded by the government, so its also a great way to get some money back from those hording bastards and finally get something good out of the system!

I will be able to supply the coke at the much cheaper price as the 'buy in bulk' is a must with the amount of Kids now sniffing there tits off...as demand increases the price lowers....this in turn has a knock-on effect for the price of Coke in general, which will also start to fall as all the kids will no longer be be robbing there parents to score off the local street dealer. The normal dealer will now have an excess of coke to shift and will be forced to reduce there price....so in essence....Coke For Kids = Cheap Drugs For All

I personnaly see no better way to help the community as awhole....START WITH THE KIDS FOR THEY ARE OUR FUTURE!! Get them hooked save the economy!

I thank you,

Kes

Go fetch Grandma’s ‘caine   

If you cannot trust the elderly, what, quite frankly is their purpose? All that wisdom and sage wrapped up in a soft, slow moving wrinkled and aging façade, edging ultimately closer to that special place… no, not Florida.  

Here we are, in not only our local communities but nationally and globally facing an epidemic of such proportions never recorded before, it’s dubbed the ‘grey generation’ basically, our countries population is aging worse than milk and while scholars and think-tanks are scratching their heads on how to combat the situation, my proposal would see these veterans once again being given purpose, utilizing their best assets.  

Who’s going to be suspicious of your grandpa & grandma? Do you think the DEA has them under surveillance, keeping records of your gran’s incontinence or grandpa forgetting why he’s standing outside Walmart. No, they’ve got bigger fish to fry, which law enforcement agency wants the negative public relations of charging a generation noted for values and making the country what it is today, the DEA would like to keep things simple and continue on targeting the minorities of the country.   

Even if they’re caught and prosecuted, the jail sentences would be minimal, whether because of the old judge showing leniency or due to the fact that they’re going to die at any moment. The routine of prison could also benefit the deteriorating mind of the infirm, along with the 24 hour care and consistent food, there’d be little difference from the home itself. On the other hand there could be no prosecution at all, with many ailments such as Alzheimer’s playing into one’s favour for the defence team to use. 

Imagine the potential networks available where dealers and distributors could apply their trade and move comfortably with anonymity, retirement villages, hospitals and bingo halls being some of the thriving places. Consider the savings being made by dealers using the access to free public transport, using the bus pass instead of young folk showing all that bravado in their blacked out SUVs, think of what it saves the environment too.   

Consider the lack of violence, no longer would you have the atypical male in his prime, aggressing upon rivals or users, the testosterone levels would be minimal, there would be no place for violence in the arthritic limbs of these would be dealers. Thus the violent crime in the area would dissipate further throwing off the authorities, the lack of crime also benefiting the community in the price of housing edging up, bringing in a better standard of potential customers.   

Cocaine purity levels at present are shocking, street level is downright disgusting, as low 6% in some areas, at some point people simply became too greedy and it’s the customers who’re getting shafted, faith in the product needs restoring and we all know old folk like to use the finest ingredients, not to mention their love of generosity, they’re the gift that keeps on giving. Unfortunately we’ll never know what the exact cutting agents are that will be used in the cutting of the powder, in some cases, even household cleaning products have been used, you simply wouldn’t get that with the older generation, they’re too house proud to be wasting such things and secondly, everyone knows they’ve got the best access to the best drugs around, I’d rather mine was cut with grandpa’s prescription than whatever some lowlife can get their hands on.  

Perhaps most of all it’ll educate those of a younger generation about a different way of applying their trade, with respect and kindness, professionalism and a calming nature, ensuring repeat business and a loyal customer following.  

So in summary here’s what you’re getting, a safer and less violent business model, a cleaner environment so our children’s children can also enjoy the wonders of drugs, a more subtle form of transaction causing a more tolerant law enforcement approach, a cleaner and purer form of the drug, lower criminal statistics which will reflect well on the national average, raising the community standing and many, many more positives.  

Word count: 671

Thank you very much

Kes goes off to Columbia with his winnings to get some more stock for the Kids

\o/

An idea for the community

The idea is simple really. What does every single good ol' fashion American do on Sunday? They go to church. Whether they are are rich or poor they go to the church they love. Now most churches are set with morals, you know like living good and not killing your neighbor and things of that nature. How do we keep people staying in these churches? You see the national polls have been showing a decreasing rate of people attending church. So many things are now consuming their time. There has to be a way to keep them on and active at their holy gatherings.

Those that do not attend church on a weekly business are likely to not care about God in their lives, Their priorities are placed in whack and they do not know what to do from this to that. This might explain the growing rate of crimes in our very own city. Many times youth that grow up without a church based home seem to go off the deep end. They do whatever fits them, whatever makes them happy. If you don't have church in your life you don't have the sense of what is right and what is wrong in our daily lives.

It is tough really. I mean preacher man up on the preacher stand is preaching to unreachable ears. No one wants to listen anymore unless there is something in it for them. Now what in the world could possibly make someone so happy to come back to church week after week? What could be so addictive that a man would take a step back and say yeah forget about football for the day i think i want to go to church? What could be better to lower the crime rates of the city then men and women going to church? I guess if we could save a soul and make the community better couldn't Coke do the trick?

a proposal for the town

The proposal is this my dear people of the community. You look around you what do you see? You see hoodlums and bad guys, you see shooters and stabbers, you see the devil at the very work in our own community. Why?! Because people don't go to church! We have to bring them back. Now we all know people wont go listen to a boring preacher or a long one hour service of some sort. So how do we solve this? We bring them what they want most. A reason to come back.

If we take a glance at history you will notice the only reason anyone has ever been able to do anything great is because they got people to do it with them. The way they did this was to make the people feel wanted and accepted, Invited especially. We must call together the youth that can and will grow up to be dangerous for our community and we must call up the local bar drinkers who avoid their families just to get a swig of some beer. So they can go to church and spend time with their families.

You see, church is a great family thing. They say a family that prays together stays together. Well why not get families praying together again? Why not get families to stay together again? I am sure little Johnny and cute little Susie would love to pray with their family again, or at least see them.

An action for the children

We will give the families that come in a little baggie full of coke. With this baggie they are free to use it within the service of their church. They go on in listen to the preacher man preach about living a good life and when they start to get bored they can take a hit of that good ol'white powder. They will remain attentive to the service and even attempt to act on this idea of what the preacher man said. Soon week after week your family will be coming back to church and looking for a better relationship with their own personal God.

Whatever they do not use they would be asked to donate back to the church. We would hate if this got in the hands of those that had no purpose of giving back to the community what so ever.

Now what happens if a man or woman doesn't feel god on Tuesday or Thursday? We understand that the week is just so long and so many burdens can come out and hit you. This is why we have provided a possible way to get coke on the side, just a little baggie of it. Although you have to be in good standing with the church you are going to and your family must be in absolute love with you.

See we care about each everyone of you. Especially your souls. So why not take a chance on this? Aren't the souls and lives of the ones you love worth the distribution of coke at the churches?  I believe so because i care about my community. The local authorities would agree that to better help the lives of others a bad thing must be put out of its misery, that bad thing my fellow friends is the lack of attendance at church. Lets bring them back time and time again with a bit of excitement.

*DISCLAIMER: IF PEOPLE START TO BUY COKE PRODUCTS OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH FROM SINGER IT JUST MEANS THEY WANT MORE CHURCH IN THEIR LIVES. IF THEY BUY IT FROM OTHERS THEY NEED TO BE PUT IN PRISON.*

Cocaine in the community

I am going to do this a little different, my cocaine dealing business will be unveiled to the community via a poem. Because i am cool like that.

They call me Nando, the cocaine dealer
Dealing my drugs in the nearby area
My stuff is the best, it's completely pure
I guarantee you'll be coming back for more

I don't take checks, i just want the cash
Give me the reddies, i'll give you the stash
My business is open to everyone and all
If you want a deal, just give me a call

Age, sex, religion, race, i don't really care
Anyone can buy because my prices are fair
You're more than welcome to sample the drug
Just don't take the piss cos i ain't no mug

You see, if we all take drugs, crime will stop
And if anyone crimes, i'll give them the chop
Take coke, get high and be merry
We can even share a Ben 'N' Jerry

The best service you can get
I'll be like your brand new pet
You'll love me and my cocaine
It even won't mess up your brain!

In the next few months we'll all be hooked
We can spend our nights just getting fucked
A simple, easy and relaxing life
No more need to go through strife

Everything is better when you are high
This is a promise, i would not lie
Trust me now, you'll be making a good choice
Help eachother so we can all re-joice

Buy some coke and sniff it good
Pass it round the neighbourhood
We can share our love for the powder
Show me the passion even louder!

Let's all praise the almighty white snow
I want to see how far your addiction can go
I'll always be there on hand with a deal
In desperate times i can help heal

If you need some coke
But your ass is broke
I'll give you a wrap
You can have it on tap

But if you don't pay up
Then your life goes 'Rup!'
I'll send round the boys
Who'll make some noise

The police will be bribed to stay the fuck away
So i can continue to deal every single day
Special discounts for the neighbours and police
I'll keep them sweet so we can keep the peace

I have a long term plan for the estate
I hope in time there are jobs i can create
I'll share my wealth with the local community
So everyone can live as happy as can be

As my business expands, and the money rolls in
I'll start a collection and stick it in the tin
When we have enough, we'll build a playground
A new love for the kids is what i have found

First things first, we'll clean up the streets
We'll tidy it good, listening to some beats
A clean neighbourhood is always nice
Those who trash it will pay the price

We do not need guns and we do not need knives
We should not be shagging our best friends wives
Forget about the violence and let there be no more bloodshed
It's not worth wasting your life, just start using your head

Show some respect and we'll get along fine
Keep yourself in check and don't cross the line
Let's all get along and be the best we can
Keep it up, don't let it slip out the pan

So jump on the cocaine bandwagon
And given time we'll earn a ton
Drugs are good, drugs are fun
Buy some now, please don't run!

Here my friends, is my business card:

Fernando_Torres

Cocaine dealing extroadinaire
Prices are very fuckin' fair
Top quality service in your neighbourhood
My cocaine is better than good
You can't miss out, buy yours today
If you don't take advantage, then you are gay.

I resent the last line on your business card.

I am not surprised with a name like yours.

The community is in need what with this recession


Now we all know that a lot of countries in the world today have been hit with this credit downfall and people are unwilling to travel so far away for there coke as travelling to get coke costs money as well…

So If people are unwilling to come for there cocaine we need to find a way to bring our cocaine to the people and… I have thought of such a way!

What instead of going to a public house are people doing these days?

There travelling to a supermarket where they can get cheap drink because they supermarket don't need to make profit on there alcohol all they need to do is get people into there shop and people will spend there extra cash buying other items.

What instead of going to a fancy restaurant are people doing these days?

There buying there food in the local supermarket butchers or delicatessens and cooking it at home, either that or McDonalds…

What do the supermarkets need to do in order to bring more custom to there shops?

They need to compete in an all round cocaine war!

They supermarkets will start to set up stands in there lobby's where they can sell coke at low cost prices.

How will they buy there coke?

They buy it off the local drugs dealers at an increased price and sell it a low cost just to bring people into there establishment and get them buying other products, just like there alcohol and cheap food.

What else will this accomplish?

More coke addicts…
The supermarkets can set up little booths with free samples of different types of coke and that will instantly get people hooked.

Increased supermarket sales…
Shoppers who buy the substance will instantly feel like there #1 and they will be buying all sorts of products that never sell, the likes of rock climbing kits and French booklets which only those fluent in French can read because these people will all think they can do stuff that they can't.

Jobs!
More jobs for the out of workers who find it hard enough to get money what with the recession.

More drugs….
Dealers will be making so much profit on the cocaine that there will never be a drought of coke or other side drugs such as marijuana and ecstasy.

Cheaper cocaine again…
Different supermarket companies will compete in the price of there cocaine to bring customers to there own stores which means cheap cocaine for everyone!

Other drugs?
With your local drug dealers working so close with your local supermarket, you may indeed bump into him and also be able to purchase other drugs there and then…

Smaller businesses?
You find other smaller businesses trying to compete with the larger supermarket industry and you may not have to travel as far as the supermarket for your daily hit.

What are the downsides?
Unless you live near a 24 hours supermarket and you forgot to purchase your cocaine that day in the supermarket you will have to get your cocaine off a drug dealer at double the usual price.

You may find that your house is now piled full of useless items which you bought while you were high and that you won't be able to get rid off, not to sober people anyway.

Some staff may be fired if caught using on the job.

End this recession!!

More jobs in the supermarkets! Which are not affected by the recession…
The rich will be at the supermarket more often and we can get there money pumped around the community once again, nobody has to be poor anymore!

Thanks

Anthony Corelli

I also meant to add that if the supermarkets are doing it, it can't be illegal.

Oh well. :P

The government should legalise the possession and use of Coke. All coke dealers should be licensed to operate in a specific area. They would have to purchase their license from the government and pay a yearly renewal fee to keep that license.The government should then buy the coke openly from the drug cartels and send it to distribution centres around the country.

These licensed dealers would then go and buy the drugs thus generating revenue for the government and will help reduce the national debt. Extra trading standards officers would need to be employed to ensure that the product is not cut. Each dealer would have his own police protection officer to ensure that any disputes are handled peacefully. All drugs from unlicensed dealers would be seized and re sold to a legitimate dealer. Certain dealers would be licensed to sell their products in the school canteens and old folks homes. Others could be licensed to sell within prisons and other government institutions, this would obviously have to be subsidised because of the low wages. Youth clubs would be another good source to generate income for the dealer. Each dealer by simply having a license would be paying the top rate of income tax, thus generating even more revenue for the government.

To reduce the impact on the environment dealers would be able to go from door to door selling their wares,thus stopping the need for the customer to get the car out to go looking for a dealer.

Supermarkets and department stores would also be able to benefit by offering coke on their loyalty and store credit cards. For example for every £5 spent in store you get 1 gram of coke.

All these proposals would generate more people being employed and therefore more taxes being paid.

For those people who do not wish to participate in the programme alternatives could be offered.For example free DVD rental from blockbusters or some such mundane thing.

The benefits as I see them are increased workloads for the police,local and national government officials and funeral directors. This would force them to take on more staff which generates revenue as already stated.

No crime as criminals are too high to do anything more than a token bit of shoplifting and the staff are too high to prevent this or even to catch them.

A reduction in customs and excise staff which will please all air travellers,as no one will want to smuggle coke (They could be retrained).

Anti-social behaviour on the streets would be cut as with home delivery they do not have to go out.

There is unfortunately some few disadvantages.

Increased death on the roads caused by 'high' drivers. It would seem that the elderly and disabled would be unable to cross the road in time, but this would be offset by the increased staff taken on by the undertakers.

Emergency services unable to treat casualties or dealing with fires as they are too busy getting their wraps.

I could also see the closing of numerous pubs unless they decided to allow the dealers to operate within their premises.

My next point is Funding.

While those who are in work should have no trouble with finding the necessary means to feed their habit,my thoughts turn to the unemployed. Rather than pay them a jobseekers allowance,as they currently do, this should be halved and the other half be given as a credit note to their local dealer which he/she can redeem at the distribution centres. All other benefits could be treated in the same way.

Prices would have to be set at a realistic level to ensure that the product can be enjoyed by eveyone,whether they are employed or not. Dealers would be free to offer discounts where appropiate but not so much to provoke a 'war' with the neighbouring dealer and any profiteering would result in the immediate loss of the license.

School Dinner Initiative

Our society has a problem.  A massive problem, a problem which if not curtailed in the next several years will plague us all until our dying day.  That problem is the ever burgeoning size our worlds asses.

It is up to us to do our part to reduce the waist size of our population and the solution is a simple one.

For to many years the childrens favourite musical instrument at school has been the dinner bell.  I intend to change this so children all across the world now aspire to have a lead role in the Bolivian marching band and take joy from playing the trumpet.

How does this help those fat kids? I hear you cry.  The answer lies in the musical instruments I have mentioned above for they are not musical instruments in the traditional sense of the word but ones with magical powers.

The instruments described will be used as euphemisms for the partaking in a miracle drug.  A drug which our governments for to long have described as a killer, evil and dangerous.  Whilst they try to restrict the general populace from partaking in this drug they themselves play their own trumpets on gilded mirrors in the ivory towers of power. 

Whenever have you seen a fat politician?  NEVER! Is the answer.  The reason?  They want to keep the best for themselves and give their families associates the best chance in this life of ours.

What is this drug and how do you propose it can change our children’s lives?

This drug is called many things:

The Big C, Yeyo, Snow  but most of all you will know it as COCAINE!

The answer to our childrens plight is simple.  Every school up and down the land will receive a consignment of the highest grade government Peruvian flake. 

Instead of milk monitors schools will now have coke co-ordinators.  Every hour on the hour children will take a small line of cocaine.  All food items available in schools will also be laced with the product.  Specifically ALL children will take part in the school dinner program.  From this moment on School dinners will consist entirely of A slimfast fast shake with coke sprinkles, for desert a minimum of a 1ft line of flake.

This enforced participation in the school dinner initiative will help not only with the growing number of fat kids but also solve other  problems we face in our schools in one fell swoop.  No longer will quiet little Johnny sit in the corner and be bullied, feeling invigorated he will take part in many more social functions and interact more confidently with the other children.  When he goes home instead of sitting in a darkened room playing on a computer console he will be out on the streets enjoying the fresh air and exercising.

Picture your local nursery and Primary school as it will be.  Happy involved children running around in a perpetually euphoric state.

Picture your local hospital; no longer will 75% of its budget be taken up be un fit over weight people clogging up its aisles on specially designed super trolleys.

Your next trip on an aircraft will not be blighted by a super size neighbour taking up your space.

No more fatties to negotiate on the public transport into and out of your city.  The reduction in weight the vehicles are carrying also reducing their fuel costs and reducing the amount you have to pay.

Within a generation society will be changed for the better for ever.  A generation of super fit super sociable humans will emerge from the squalor of the early 21^st century marching forward rejuvenated  and full of self-assurance into the snow white future of tomorrow.

Coke the Way Forward

We have watched drugs cause damage to our society in epic proportions, robbery, overdoses, homelessness and death.   Every year we see costs of policing and customs increasing dramatically as drug dealers and smugglers find new ways to bring substances in to our cities damaging young lives.  Hospital wards lay full of those injured, overdosed or poisoned by bad drugs now we need to reclaim the cash.

Every city has there suburbs that are less off i propose we open factories in these area to mass produce cocaine primarily for export into other cities but secondary we will open out local outlets in each district.  This creates  jobs two fold, low skill on the factory floors, cleaners and waitresses as well as middle jobs in supervisory jobs and management opportunities revitalising our economies.  This creating more tax for the economy, lowering welfare dependency and increasing further investment into our economy through new earnings.Licences will be granted to outlets and factories, health screens will be made on customers so to avoid contamination.  This will also increase future jobs through contaminated waste disposal facilities, increase in munchies fuelling local supermarkets, hypodermic needle production, foil products, glucose and baking soda.   Health checks will be held randomly at outlets, products will be checked for quality and will be cheap coz of the production levels lowering crimes such as burglary, mugging as well as the lack of costs in policing.

We also believe this can be used to cure the obesity crisis our country is facing combining a diet of heart disease, some forms of cancer due to the weight loss by a diet of amphetamines and cocaine and free gym membership.  These products will increase the agression, stamina, speed and abilities of these fatty coffin dodgers.  We can further branch our products out to newly licenced sporting events such as the Athletics, Boxing and Swimming so to unlock the full potential of athletes.

Finally, We can revitalise the haulage industy further creating jobs through haulage, gasoline manufacture and invest into alternative fuels and energies.  The jobs needed to move our product into other cities and countries in various degrees of cut to uncut levels will net our town a windfall.
We dont want to see addicts dead in houses, is time to licence, supervise and safety check our product.

i know is too short, but thought would whip something in quick