*Zeitgeist strolled out onto the streets in a firmly pressed suit and a delightful Santa hat, he smiled for a moment reaching to get something from his top pocket, pulling out a large piece of paper; he cleared his throat and began to speak*

Ladies and Gentlemen I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas Eve, for many of us this is a time to be shared with family and friends to laugh and to share. However, for those of us who will be working this evening, Las Vegas has put together a small event and competition to ensure we also have a fun time this Christmas eve.

Las Vegas Christmas Crackdown

 

The warden will be working overtime this evening and beginning at 22:00 tonight the city criminals will be rounded up for us to break out over and over again we can all collect some experience or just enjoy partaking in this human version of catch and release!

A Christmas Ku - Writing Competition

 

"Mistletoe above

 So I kisses the misses

 Then look for my wife"

 

To all the writing enthusiasts we would like to welcome you all to enter the Christmas Haiku competition, it's very simple, just write a Christmas, Or Mafia, or Christmas/Mafia themed Haiku and stand up on this very stage and share it with all of us. You may enter as many times as you like winners will be decided upon by myself and a few other judges. Competition closes on December 27th 23:59. Please note: Whilst we typically enocurage theft we are looking for original work here. Plagiarised entries will not be considered and Santa will be instructed to skip your house this year.

 

Prize: Corrupt Agent + Instant Named BG

 

A Visit from Bubba! - Design Competition

 

Your ancestors may have told you stories of a deviant who would prey upon unsuspecting criminals in their cell. They would be minding their own business when this strange man would begin relentlessly humping them, it would seem after the 10th incident of hepatitis he was finally shipped off to solitary and never heard from again

 

To all the design enthusiasts we would like to ask that you reimagine what Bubba looked like or what you imagined him to look like based on your grandparents recollections. This image can be as artisitcally brilliant, or "memey" as you would like. You may enter as many times as you like, winners will be decided upon by myself and a few other judges. Competition closes on December 27th 23:59. 

 

Prize: Corrupt Agent + Instant Named BG

*Zeitgeist folded up the piece of paper neatly reinserting it into his top pocket, adjusting his hat ever so slightly he readressed the crowd*

Ladies and Gentlemen, I do hope you will join us for some of the fun this evening, and a very merry christmas to you all!

A Christmas bullet

Melts through skin like a snowflake

Santa’s sleigh is mine

Andrew saunters his way to the stage and removes a piece of paper from his chest pocket. He clears his throat

I think I was shot

No I just spilled some ketchup

To the dry cleaners

Walking down the street

Suddenly I don't feel well

I just did get shot

As I lay there still

My mind slowly starts to think

Heartburn will kill me

He takes a small bow and exits the stage 

Work Christmas party

Why’d I wake up in a bush

I got drunk again

Casey sighed quietly as she stepped forward. It was clear she didn't want to be in the streets, but her boss was rather persistent in pushing her to broaden her horizons. At least he made a good muse. She cleared her throat and glanced down at the paper clenched in her hand before beginning. 

My sassy Zeitgeist,

Eris wants to touch the peach.

So do Eeps and I.

Nipsey heard about the haiku competition and wrote a few down. After finishing, he took the stage and cleared his throat before speaking.

It's a Silent Night
Durden shots started to ring
Not quiet no more

Christmas lights are on
Little kids running around
Time to open gifts

QueenFrostine slid down an icy slope bumping into CaseyCox, grabbing on to try and not slip. She had been summoned by the King of The Jungle himself and wanted to say a few words.

Zeitgeist is a babe

Shake that peach for a real one

To my muse, my flame

QueenFrostine blew snowflake kisses to her lovelies, CaseyCox and PrincessLolly after spitting hot haiku fiyah.

When it’s Christmas time

Let there be a truce and smile

Only joking, KILL!

Secret Santa’s fun

I got a book about birds

I fucking hate birds

Lollipop Posse

Jingle Jingle Jingle Bae

Sweet Sweet Sweet Sugar

PrincessLolly leaves her Haiku with a twirl and gives QueenFrostine and CaseyCox a wink. 

Home Alone or Elf?

Fuck it I’ll just watch them both

Because I’m hardcore

I’m a bad Santa

Mrs Claus in lingerie

I’ll take your bae bitch

Can you guys stop being weird and flooding this well thought contest with nonsensical shit.

Cluckfarts

AssChicken Ass Chick
 AssChicken He's Our Man Yeah
Said No One Ever

AssChicken Ass Chick
I Love Him So So So Much
-Said No One Ever

AssChicken Ass Chick
Wow What A Fantastic Guy
-Said No One Ever

AssChicken A Grinch
Maybe His Cold Heart Will Warm
With A Big Ol Hug

PrincessLolly gives twirls across the street and gives AssChicken a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

I hope this makes you feel better, friend! Happy Holidays :D 

She tosses glitter into the air and beams with a huge smile