| Sep 22 - 11:14:46 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 2 [ > - >>> ] |
| The Swine Awards Presentation Ceremony | Started by: FlyingPig on Feb 17, '08 22:10 |
|
A handsome swine opens the doors to the local Community Center, rolling out a red carpet that some of his goons ripped up from the floor of the Ritz Carlton Hotel in the nicer part of the city. Several curious passersby wander in to see what is the commotion. "Nevermind the frayed edges on that. We're on a freaking budget here." "So, the moment you've ALL been waiting for...or maybe not. Whatever the case may be. The doors are locked now and you're staying here until the presentation is over, so you will listen and you will like it." "Let's get the show started. Before I present the winners, let me remind you that the winners were based on the ability of the nominator to justify his nominee. If you feel someone is more deserving, tough shit. You either didn't nominate him or her, or you couldn't justify why your nominee deserved to win. I believe that with someone truly deserving of any award, it should be easy to explain why that person deserves it. Here we go..." A drumroll is heard offstage The Swine Award for Best Family Leader goes to... SOUNDWARNINGS Although, not being the most talked about or even known for that matter, he was a Crew Leader that took initiative in the desperate try to rid Anita of her power. It was pretty much a solo effort, that eventually created sort of a movement of collaborated efforts. Unfortunately, the effort came too late for our brave and bald SoundWarnings, who finally fell to a bullet from Anita. SoundWarnings was selected for exemplying something sorely lacking in leaders, bravery and testicular fortitude. He was also active in the street, despite being about as verbose as a mime on hallucinogenics. Honorable Mentions: --------------------- Cathy Parks: She speaks very good, and she brings a fresh spin on old way of life. [Nominator] was never part of Cathy Park family but, still very impressed. Oliver_McTavish: He made every member of his family feel valued and enjoy the work they were doing. When his leader Rhett was killed McTavish set up to protect members of their family. "Congrats to SoundWarnings. I don't think anyone saw that coming, but it goes to show, at The Swine Awards, anyone can win as long as you can make a good argument for them". "The next category is BEST RHM!! Strangely enough, there were only two nominees for this category, and one of them went right in the fucking trash for having what amounted to no jusification. As a result, one of my own ancestors was selected. I strongly suspected ass kissing played a role here, not to say my ancestor didn't do his job well. Ass kissing is acceptable, as long as the ass in question is attached to me." "The winner of The Swine Award for BEST RHM goes to..." MAXWELL!! Maxwell is a RHM to be adored. He's strong, he speaks good, he was dedicated, and he was loyal. "There are no honorable mentions for this category, as I mentioned, there was only the two nominees and one of them stunk up the place" FlyingPig slips off to the side of the stage where he can be seen slipping a few large bills to a man behind the curtain "Moving right along...There was also only one nominee for Best Hitman. Keep in mind the strict qualifications for winning this award, and the vehemence with which I laid out those qualifications during the nomination process." "The Swine Award for the Best Hitman goes to..." FlyingWig!!!! Although his name put me off I've heard he was a strong and loyal soldier to the families of Rhett, Oliver_McTavish and JohnnyAxe. He did his job well during several wars and was also helpful and informative to young hitters about training. "I might add to that, if I may. This brave soldier stayed true to his family while other mentally deficient idiots all around him were going rogue left and right. He ranked to Consigliere after surviving many battles, and won the respect of this old hitman." "The next category is one that has undergone much discussion recently. While RonMexico has been the usual recipient of pats on the back for his speaking ability, one cannot discount the several other excellent speakers who grace us. But regardless..." "The Swine Award for Best Orator goes to...why, it's a TIE!" Cathy_Parks and RonMexico !!!! Miss Parks did not publicly speak as often as others may have, but when she did, she was eloquent, articulate, and made her points unequivocally clear. No matter the topic, she made no illusions as to what we all were; criminals in a life of organized crime. She assumed a leadership role and continued her excellence in oration providing well thought out commentary and debates to already established topics. Even with discussions that have been beaten into us since our infant days, Cathy was able to bring a revitalization and a fresh point of view to our streets. RonMexico was outrageous, outgoing and entertaining even when he was talking about nothing at all. His presence on the streets was known before and after he got auth, a trait I've heard is rare with leaders. Most are barely seen on the streets before they get auth, go to the streets after auth with a few mildly interesting speeches or ideas then they are rarely seen on the streets a week after setting up. RonMexico knew the importance of the streets all the time, not just to get auth or look like a cool leader after he got it. "Congrats to two VERY deserving speakers. Many might consider that to be the highest award on show today, since speaking plays such a vital part of our life." "Now is when things get more interesting, so you fuckers can quit trying to get past the locked door. We have seen many shit leaders in recent months. Probably the worst of the worst have been forgotten already, so the winners today shouldn't feel too bad. At least they were remembered." "The Swine Award for WORST CL goes to..." Jay-C !!!! "I was surprised at how many nominations the poor guy received. Here is what a couple of them had to say..." I want to nominate jay-c as worst cl, just because I think he was more of a follower than a leader. And... No worst crewleader of the year award would be complete without paying mention to JayC, a man whose rise to Boss is and will forever remain, a total fucking mystery. Where should I start? From his decisions to ramble on about issues that had nothing to do with him and EVERYTHING to do with other families, through to his posting of copy and paste threads from the history channel, moving on to his decision to oppose auths and be a total shit with it, continuing yet further to the supporting cast he surrounded himself with, including Marco who is a moron, all the way through to his end, that was brought about by an almost unprecedented decision by 3 families to work together and terminate his tenure as CL, despite his being authed by the then most powerful family in the game. "Can you feel the love, folks? I sure can. How appropriate that this is being held just a few days after Valentine's Day." Honorable Mention: ---------------------- Witchyx: I personally don't know her and none of my bloodline have been in her family, but I've heard from some of the children of her dead members she's unorganized and her many different Right Hands do all of the work in the family. "Ahem...boy, that was fun, wasn't it? Moving right along, the next category is Fucktard of the Year. Please keep in mind that the Fucktard category is not awarded to someone who has been a bad mafioso, but merely a clueless person, despite several tools at their disposal to learn the errors of their ways" "The Swine Award for FUCKTARD OF THE YEAR goes to..." HOWARD !!! While his intentions are rather admirable, his effort and execution are questionable at best. Though having been offered assistance in his speech writing and delivering techniques, he turned them down, set on paving his own way. His dedication is to be applauded, however the denying of assistance from those only wishing to bring out the potential he possesses clearly demonstrates his poor judgment and critical flaw. "We should make note here, that effort put forth such as Howard's should never be discouraged. It is much better to make an effort and appear a bit silly or clueless, than to make no effort at all. Howard's lineage will have a bright future in La Cosa Nostra if they continue to put forth such effort." Honorable Mention: ---------------------- Geoffry666: His disrespect on the streets that lead to his death was one of the stupidest things I've heard about. He was warned by several people to respect other mafiosi, but continued to spew bullshit and even said respect and the founding traditions of the mafia weren't important. "It is time for the grande finale! The most prestigious award for some, the badge of shame for others. This award is slightly different. Whereas other awards are given in consideration ONLY of an individual's personal achievement, this next award takes into account the whole bloodline's achievements over the course of a year. Let's get right to it, then..." "The Swine Award for ASSHAT OF THE YEAR goes to...OMG, it's another TIE!" DerKommissar and Revan !!!! I'd like to nominate DerKommissar for Asshat of the Year. I'm more than sure he and his descendents have left their mark on many people in the past twelve months. His talent and mastery in giving his children and grandchildren witty and parodical names is greater than most success any criminal in our fair streets has ever known. Out of all the asshats out there, he's proven his spot as the number one time and time again. The evidence lies in his persistency. I can't recall any event he has ever failed to make numerous speeches about--all filled with absolute shit. This asshat truly deserves the award for far more reasons than I can list. What can one say about Revan? The award should be named after him. Generation after generation, his bloodline steps forward for one purpose and one purpose only - to be a pain in the arse and to mock the virtues which true mafiosos hold dear. While showing flashes of potential at times, he chooses instead to focus his energies on new and creative ways to annoy people. It would be a shame to give the award to anyone else. Honorable Mention: -------------------- The Captain: I hate his fucking third person speech, and overall I think that he has been watching me while I have been taking showers. "Well that's it for this year's Swine Awards. Guards, you may unlock the doors now and allow people to leave. I would say at this point that it has been an honor to be your Master of Ceremonies, but it really hasn't. You people annoy the fuck out of me." "Get out." |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Runs inside with hop of strong bunny as I look around happylike at all of the little awards that lay around the room. "Can I have one? I will smile like fatass with thousand cakes!" |
|
| Reply by: C1nd3rella at Feb 18, '08 00:29 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Mick jumps to the front of the crowd, up the podium, pick's up the small gold gun shaped statuette engraved "FlyingWig" and speaks G'Day folks I'm here to accept this award on behalf of my dear 'ol Dad, he would like to be here but it's a bit difficult an all seeing as he is 6ft under and stone cold dead but he would be pretty chuffed nonetheless. Spot's FlyingPig looking bored and agitated with his hand worryingly close to his holster Strewth! Looks like my cue! Runs off the podium and out the door |
|
| Reply by: Mick-Dundee at Feb 18, '08 10:34 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
That was a pretty good show after all i guess. After these words he rushes out |
|
| Reply by: The_Scandinavian at Feb 18, '08 11:11 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Sorely dissapointed in my lack of awards. | |
| Reply by: PrinceofCheese at Feb 18, '08 12:01 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I got an award. So this Award show was heaps better than the other. \o/ | |
| Reply by: C1nd3rella at Feb 18, '08 12:06 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I was wondering if Gaara could get a mention, possibly for being sexy? | |
| Reply by: NWA_GANGSTA at Feb 18, '08 13:47 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Sledge-Hammer noted his fellow mobsters in the crowd with disdain and made a mental note to arrange better seats next time. Dressed in a very fine tuxedo that made a lady on the upper balcony scream with delight, he sadly reflected upon his own inability to qualify for any of the awards. He had considered best RHM to be an option, but he wasn't even the best right hand on his anatomy. He flexed his real right hand and fought back the desire to have the cold steel of his beautiful pistol nested right there....Then wiped his brow. Damn, this was gonna be a long night it would seem. | |
| Reply by: Sledge-Hammer at Feb 20, '08 21:34 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I want to nominate someone for worst NewspaperEditor, is there anyway this is a possibility? | |
| Reply by: Riley__ at Feb 20, '08 22:10 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Riley, don't do it, DON'T DO IT!!!!! Come my son, let me buy you a whiskey while we converse on scripture and the Lamb of God. |
|
| Reply by: Sledge-Hammer at Feb 20, '08 22:11 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
OP runs up to the presentation ceremony and shakes FlyingPig's hand. Claiming Jay-C's 'Worst CL' award. He takes it and turns to the crowd "This is a great day for me. I now truly know what all you twats thought about my great great grandfather. Only now he is dead though, did you truly reveal what you thought." OP turns away, and before he turns the corner... < ?em> "Oh, and one more thing, that I have said a few times already. Grow A Frikin Backbone" |
|
| Reply by: OriginalPratster at Feb 21, '08 07:45 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
"I now truly know what all you twats thought about my great great grandfather." Nice to see there is still some respect around here. |
|
| Reply by: BruceCarrol at Feb 21, '08 11:04 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Not wishing to be tarred with the same brush as these "twats" of whom you speak, I'd just like to clarify that my own bloodline was always brutally honest, even when your Great Grandfather was alive. Sal_Giaquinto should've got an honourable mention at least for Best Crewleader, incidentally. Fame is indeed a fickle mistress. |
|
| Reply by: Orwell at Feb 21, '08 11:59 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I do like a nice fickle mistress. | |
| Reply by: PrinceofCheese at Feb 21, '08 12:16 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
I agree that Sal was deserving, Orwell, yet no one nominated him. I couldn't awards someone who wasn't nominated. And Pratster, my memory is a little different. I remember quite a few people saying those same things while Jay-C was alive, but that's not important right now. Today is a day for celebration. Congratulations on your Swine Award. After-party at your place? |
|
| Reply by: FlyingPig at Feb 21, '08 16:14 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
OP cranes his neck round the corner "I'll take that swine award, and I have lots of beer at my place. So yes, party at mine" |
|
| Reply by: OriginalPratster at Feb 21, '08 21:04 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Runs inside wiff da boozez. "I tied (we all know I was the real winning...) Asshat of the year! Yay! Today we dine in a tiny little restaurant! I buy." Runs out of da plaecez. |
|
| Reply by: FruitFilledBean at Feb 21, '08 22:35 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Alright, well it's time I reply to this. At first I had no intentions of doing this, but what the hell.... DerKommissar, my father, was named Asshat of the Year. Apparently his one original speech on not having expectations earned him this? Of course not, and this is where I have a problem with this award. DerKommissar, was a hardworking man. His lineage had worked hard for some time, doing it's best to undo the stereotypes, paranoia's, and all the other shit, his relatives had accrued from their past. Yes, his grandfather's grandfather's grandfather was notorious for his mouth on these streets. Yes, his relatives were known prowackers and instructors for previous rogues. Yes, his kin (my how I hate that word), had insulted most every leader, god, and religious leader of their day. And yet, this was not DerKommissar. This was not DerKommissar's father. So, to hand DerKommissar, Asshat of the Year, is an insult to me, as it was to him. Had his relatives been presented the award, I have no doubt, he would have chuckled. This was not the case though. Thusly, knowing that he could not be separated from his past, DerKommissar had no reason to move forward. In conclusion, I'm ok with my relatives being given said award. They fucking well earned it. Let's remember, however, that each man tries to move forward, and is not the same man his father, or his father's father, was. If you want to present an award to someone, make sure it goes to where it's deserved and for the correct reasons. |
|
| Reply by: Adebayor at Feb 23, '08 13:32 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
"Why are you such a downer AB? We won Asshat of the year! Be proud of your heritage you stupid cunt!" FFT laughs at AB for being a stupid cunt. (OH MY! THE HORRID LANGUAGE! I am such a naughty boy. :() |
|
| Reply by: FruitFilledTree at Feb 23, '08 13:35 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Now see, an award like that, I might deserve...I could understand that. I just don't want the bar to be set too low for these award ceremonies. If one original street speech can warrant "Asshat of the Year" status, then that would mean, anyone with two original street speeches could upend me. I'd rather see my relatives with that award in their case, seeing as they were the ones that deserved it, and nobody...nobody could outdo them. |
|
| Reply by: Adebayor at Feb 23, '08 13:58 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 2 [ > - >>> ] |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
