That BD Energy

Letter from the Editor 

Welcome one and all to the first edition of The BDE Chronicles! I would like to first thank you for picking up a paper! The BDE Chronicles would be nothing without it's readers. However, running a paper has many expenses so toss your witcher a coin or a tip or a comment expressing your over joyed experience!

The BDE Chronicles is your typical weekly, biweekly, published when inspiration hits paper. Some facts are checked. Some are completely made up. It's most important to keep in mind that everything is said in good fun. Not having fun? Send me a private mail. Hit list me. Take your storming rage out by throwing me an insulting comment. The power is yours. 

(Disclaimer: If you are triggered by losing 15k you may want to skip all of this) 

Now please, continue reading and if you feel like you have lost time or things look not as they should that just means the drugs have kicked in.

Stop Touching Me

The Tragedy of Personal Space

Unless you've been quite literally living under a rock in Kansas you probably know of the heated street debate on the not so new stance on picking pockets and mugging. So, if you have been living under a rock in one of America's forgotten states why don't you go check it out or just continue to read. Whatever. It's your life. 

A quick summary you ask: Godfather (with no competition) Chairman @Homer came out to the streets to not only grace us with his make a girl faint good looks, but also delectable words of charm. The great GFC enlightened us/reminded us of the stance the Soviet Bear and company had put into place. If a Made Man or higher pick pockets a Wise Guy or lower and that Wise Guy or lower retaliates with a mug the Made Man CAN shoot to kill the lower ranked member of society. 

It seems that many had either forgotten that this was the current way things or had completely abandoned all form of paying attention to what was going on in the world they lived in. There was many a complaint. Because, you know, 15k is really worth their life. Let me present the best replies in a segment called Stop Touching Me!!

This takes away our right to defend ourselves against made+ pp'ers! stances should always be respected and respect is a two way street in my personal opinion, i will also always defend myself against unwanted violations of my personal space.

-@Kaiya

Lucky enough, Kaiya's position of Right Hand Woman will probably save her from actually being violated. If anyone attempts a shot on a RH after they are mugged by said RH - well good luck. Some people make decisions and live and some die in the grave they dig for themselves. 

I do, you do, its ok but If im caught I know ill get my ass kicked. You will too.

-@Revenant

Okay, last week I saw this guy pushing not one, but two shopping carts full of trash, tattered blankets and whatever else homeless people drag around with them.  Ramblings of a mad man, but non the less entertaining. 

For some of us, $15K is a lot of money and it's something I have to work very hard to obtain.

-@Yeetzi

No, $15k is not a lot of money. This argument is so poor.

Banking your money doesn't stop people from trying to pilfer your pockets

-@Randall

Randall is very protective of his pocket lint and fears it being stolen. 

this is just the first in a long line of bad decisions made by the regime that lots of mafioso, associates and made, are going to disagree with. they will get worse. there is a solution but you will not find it here.

-@Smaug

Smaug is a clear deliverer of bad news. He can be often seen on street corners holding signs that say "End of the world is near!!!" "Sex with hookers will damn you to life!!!"

Honestly no one should really pay attention to what Homer says anyways. He is a stopgap at best. Also just for the record, Homer is a piece of shit

-@TeddybutwithaJ

@TeddybutwithaJ, do you need a hug? 

That's all for now folks. Check in the next time someone brings an explosive topic to the streets. 

The 15k Breakdown

What can you actually buy with 15k in our world.

Since everyone is obnoxiously up in arms about a measly $15,000 I've decided to break down what you can get for $15k in our world and what you cannot. This list is not EVERYTHING, but an example of all the fun you can have. Spoilers: You cannot have much fun on 15k. 

Dealing Drugs

• If your local drug dealer is selling cocaine for a reasonable price of $5.2k you can buy three units. Even a Thug wouldn't even mess with a three unit sale. Surely he'd take full advantage of his minimum five unit carrying capacity.

Tips

What you can get:

• You can bribe an officer for jail population 
• You can bribe for specific prices for Mary Jane to Morphine

What you cannot get:

• You cannot bribe to carry more units
• You cannot bribe for specific prices for barbs, heroin or coke
• You cannot bribe for name and location of inactive sluts
• You cannot request information from the Madam
• You cannot purchase witness information
• You cannot locate an untouched grave

Casino

What you can get:

• You can play one game of slots for $10k
• One $15k bet at the roulette table. Two $7.5k bets. Three $5k bets. Six $2.5k bets. Baller, shot caller!
• One $10k bet at the blackjack table.  Tree $5k bets, Seven $2k bets. 

What you cannot get:

• You cannot play Craps
• You cannot play Poker

Life and Times

What you can get:

• Dead corpse that is dressed as a whore. Yup, you still have to pay for the sex.
• Peanuts

What you can't get:

• Everything else. 

Chain of Command

A brief reminder of ranks 

Welcome to the mafia! Where the person with the rank above you is above you. If you mug a made man they have the option of taking you on a fishing trip, one where you probably won't come back. This is real life kid, fuck with someone with a higher rank than you be ready to pay the consequences. 

 THE KING OF KINGS TOP TOP DOG RUNNER OF CITY

Godfather Chairman

Current Examples: @Homer

RUNNER OF DISTRICT KING

Godfather

Current Examples: *crickets*

Meat of the family

Don

Consigliere

Boss

Capo

Made Man

-----------------------------------

Associates of the family

You're in a crew, congrats. But you haven't made your bones yet. In the crew and apart of the family are two very different things. Remember this. Prove yourself for the respect you want.

Wise Guy - Almost there, donate more

Earner - show some activity in the crew

Goomba

Gangster

Thug

-----------------------------------

Civilian - find yourself a family or get taken out

Thief! Thief!

And other ways to scream for the police like a little girl 

Now that The Stance has swept across the nation what happens when you are pick pocketed by someone with the rank of Made Man or higher? What can you do about it? What are your options here? 

• Chase that fucker down and mug their ass. Consequences? Death. Risk level: High-ish

You've had enough of this bullshit!!! You've watched one too many fully fledged crew members walk away with YOUR money. You lean down and tie your laces. You give chase. You catch the guy. You smash his head with your fists. You beat him down. You still his money and fuck up his day. You right yourself, you stand tall, you are worthy. But now you've got to watch your back.

• Stomp your feet and call after them with insulting words. Consequences? A punch in the face. Risk level: Low

You watch as the pick pocketer run off with your life savings of fifteen thousand. You watch in disbelief at first. How could this happen to you? You were just minding your own business stealing purses from old ladies and running prostitution rings. When you finally sober up to the reality of your life now your assailant is too far for you to do anything, plus you don't want to risk your life. So you stand there and yell vulgar words in the direction of the pocket thief. 

You filthy dirt bag! Good for nothing! Hope lighting strikes you down!!!

• Walk away with your head hung in shame. Sit at home and cry over the pennies you lost. Never leave your apartment again. Forget to feed your cat. Forget to feed yourself. Consequences? Lack of sunlight and possibility of never eating pizza again. Risk level: Shame

You stand there, shook. Tears are already filling the corner of your eyes. You feel an empty pit in your stomach. The level of violation you feel is just too much. You walk home, forgetting what you were about to do. An innocent member of this community robbed of 15k and whatever dignity you were holding onto. After getting home you feed your can for the last time, shut the blinds and lock yourself away in your room.

• Find a correction officer and steal whatever money you can from his pockets. Consequences? None. Those fuckers don't give a shit. Risk level: Low

After having your personal space violated by a Capo you clench your job and hold yourself back from punching the guys face in. Instead, you find a correction officer doing some dirty work in a back alley. You steal everything the guy has on him including his nice leather belt his wife gave to him for Christmas and the lucky penny he keeps in the bottom of his left shoe. Crime breeds crime. 

 Promote that Wise Guy?

I'm A Made Man Now (maybe)

Throughout the history of our way of life, the ancestor journals, the family diaries, the rank of Made Man has wavered from meaning something to meaning a little something less. It comes and goes just like everything else in our line of work. Ebbing and flowing around politics, epic leaders, scoundrels and acts of the gods. Now, with the newest change not change to our world, the mugging stance gives a definite definition between Wise Guy and Made Man. 

It has always been the case that until you were a made member of the family you are apart of you were just an associate. Someone that was protected by the crew, but not officially part of the crew. On pay roll, but disposable. Once one achieves the rank of Made Man you are one with the crew, live and die by the crew, represent the crew and the crew represents you. You made it, you're in it for life. The rank comes with perks and the most recent resurrected perk is that if you are mugged by a lowly associate you can send them swimming with the fishes. 

In the street discussion @DougRoss leader of Chicago's End of The World has publicly stated, not once, but twice, that he will shoot you if you shoot one of his members without discussing the issue you with himself first. A curious thought: Will we see this perk change the way people promote? Will more consideration be given when giving someone their button?

If someone is up for their Made Man promotion but has a few marks against them for pick pocketing trouble will they be held back because they may cause future issues? Will we see a slight change in how leaders lead and promote with The Stance in full public force? Very curious indeed. 

 Pick A Pocket Horoscopes

15k Written in the Stars

Have you ever wanted to know the future but didn't know where to turn? Well now you can always find the loving pages of The BDE Chronicles to help you find your way. Check out your horoscope for this week below!

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Congrats Aries, you've made it to 2020. A new decade is here for you to show off all your special talents. You'll gain reputation as a fabulous person because girl you are! You'll also gain much in money this year!! How will you earn your next 15k? By pulling an all nighter and doing all those felony jobs you've been blowing off for months. Looking at you @Chang. 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Dear Taurus, love is in the air and it's coming for you. However, your crush might get murdered by a Made Man + for doing something so silly as mugging someone outside her rank. Don't worry Taurus, another love will come along. 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

It may not seem like anything is in your favor, Gemini, but don't let this get you down. Your duality personality will shine through and you'll get that promotion you've been waiting for. However, the $15k promotion may not seem like a lot at the moment it is still surely in your favor. Remember that the way things are today will be how things are forever. 

Cancer

Jun 21 - Jul 22

You're potential is rising, Cancer. It may feel like things are moving too fast in certain aspects of your life but embracing the changes never hurt anyone. You may be a wise guy on the move, but don't get too cocky and mug a Made Man. You might die, dear Cancer and the world needs you.

Leo

Jul 23 - Aug 22

Leo, there are so many new opportunities on the horizon. New Year, New You! Don't forget to tip the baby sitter 15k. 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Virgo, you've been quiet aggressive in the streets as of late. Calm down, take a chill pill and reflect that everything will be okay. You might be surprised on how things actually turn out. Leave the 15k thoughts of the future to your local psychic. Don't worry yourself with the little details.

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Always with the soft and soothing soul, Libra, you are constantly full of love. Just wait till February 14th where you'll have to fend yourself off from all the admirers, all 15k of them. 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Fierce and Fiery Scorpio. You da best. 15k!!! YEAH. Things are feeling Spiccccy

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Wonderful Sag, you may have a lot on your mind but don't fret. Things will turn up soon. You have an excellent track record of turning water into wine and bad thoughts into good ones. Don't let the bad days get you when you've got so many good ones on the way. 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Sometimes life gives yous lemons, dearest Capricorn, but you know what to do with them, right? Turn those 15k lemons into lemonade. 

Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Siren of the sea, Aquarius, 15k. 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Your good efforts have not gone unnoticed, Pisces. The sailors life may not be one for you, but there are more fish in the sea. 15k fish in the sea to be somewhat exact. True love is out there, don't give up yet. 

QueenFrostine smiles as she reads through the wonderful paper PrincessLolly has printed. It was about time to have the streets alive with a good old fashioned paper again and who better than the Lollipop Princess herself?! She framed the issue and put it on her office wall before sending love and good BDE vibes to the editor in chief herself!

*It had been a busy week for Zeitgeist, the streets were awash with the blood from a large Durden invasion and bullets were still flying all over the streets, on top of that he had been critically wounded deposing the previous Godfather of Paradise. He was doing a brisk walk to place a bet on a horse in the fourth, the fabled sure thing when the salacious PrincessLolly caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, and the moment he heard the letters "B" "D" and "E" his walking pace and heart rate quickened rapidly*

*Zeitgeist paused for a moment to catch his breath, taking his hat off his hand to reduce drag and allow for a faster walking pace, he had arrived, quite late but just in time it seemed as he was just in time for his horoscope, though any talk of BDE's, much to his disappointment, seemed to have passed"

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Wonderful Sag, you may have a lot on your mind but don't fret. Things will turn up soon. You have an excellent track record of turning water into wine and bad thoughts into good ones. Don't let the bad days get you when you've got so many good ones on the way. 

*Zeitgeist had extensive experience turning wine into water but never the other way around, but he was relieved to hear the bad days were behind him and hoped his future looked as bright as the delightful Ms Lolly seemed to think it would be. Zeitgeist reached into his back pocked removing, purely by chance, exactly sixty-nine thousand, six hundred and sixty nine dollars and casually slipped it into her designer handbag along with his phone number and a provocative note. Zeitgeist had heard after all that she was not averse to green card marriages and whilst he was happy to murder and pillage to his hearts content he knew better than to get on the wrong side of the department of immigration and his heritage and pant size was African. Zeitgeist placed his hat back on his head before making his way back to the head office to sit by the phone like a teenage boy*

Furious smiled big after reading this pretty funny and awesome paper, long time since he had so much fun reading stuff, he didnt read much nowadays bit this one were pretty cool to read so he smiled after reading it and lights up a smoke and gets out to the streets happy over what he just had seen.