Kuku steps out of a car, onto a podium, and begins to speak...

Friends, it is will no small amount of pride that I announce my FIRST WRITING CONTEST!

I'm going for simplicity and honesty, so bear with me whilst I explain the rules...

I want a transcript of your speech to be pinned here.

I want the transcript to be between 300 and 500 words long.

I want it to be about the funniest thing you've seen, done, or heard about in this thing of ours.

Any questions?

Mr. Hawk, with a statement like that I almost feel like that's a challenge to try it.  I mean, imagine if someone DID write something about vampires or werewolves and it was found to be particularly funny - maybe even winning the contest!  I think that would be quite the feather in someone's cap after such a bold declaration that 'no one' wants to hear it.

Isadora - werewolves and vampires could feature in the story, but it would be very difficult to incorporate.

I should add, by the way, that each entry will be scored and have feedback.  The judging process will be transparent.

Oh, that'll be nice.  Thanks for the information, Commissar.  Now I just need to think of something funny that happened to me or someone else... humor has never been my strong suit.

It can be difficult.  I think the only reason I'm as popular as I am is because of the level of humour that I have managed to promote and encourage.

Latom had noticed CommissarKuku stepping out of his car. Not sure what to expect she interestingly listen as the man laid out the rules for a competition. This could be interesting. But having read journals about competitions like this and she couldn't help but feel conflicted. They had, in the past, a tendency to spark arguments.

"- It is going to be interesting to see where this goes CommissarKuku. Do you think we can expect the same amount of controversy surrounding this competition as we've seen in the past when your bloodline has arranged them?"

Latom, no, these contests are going to organised completely differently.  The prize money is, as you can see, significantly less than my father offered.  This is undoubtedly in part because he had access to fraudulently obtained funds, but it is also in part because I want it to be more about the contest entries and less about the big money outcome.

So straight away, there's three differences.

Lets see how that plays out then.

What about the judging process. From what I've read that was also a big thing up for discussion. Claims of biased judges and giving out winnings to friends. Could you tell us all a little more of that process? Do you have a specific set up in mind? And if so, is it something you could share with those thinking about entering the competition?

Sally slipped out of her car and skipped up to the podium with a bright smile. Giving Kuku a polite curtsey, she pinned the typewritten transcript of her speech to the remarkably bare podium before giving him a thumbs up and skipping away again.

In this day and age, it seems all too easy to succumb to the overwhelming stress of these mad times. Between the market crash, the Spanish flu, war, and the general unrest amongst the populace I’ve heard many lament the humourless state of our lives; But, to those who claim that whimsy has no place within so somber an era, who say that it is impossible to marry the humourous with the humdrum, I daresay you simply haven’t had much practice. Why, I’ve sometimes observed as many as six hilarious tings before breakfast.

I once knew a family who’s benefactor was so fond of their family pet that he instituted it as a consigliere to the family. And the associates were forced to treat its barks and yips just like commands. Can you imagine it? A Dog as a don… giving humans commands.

I heard of another instance ages ago, from Vegas I believe, about a pet goat. Apparently, the Donna INSISTED that it be protected like her own child. It had a bodyguard and everything… even though it ATE all the furniture in their headquarters and made a meal of the family’s financial records.

But, I think the funniest thing of all… and you can witness this for yourself any given day of the week… is the unending and ever-creative personas that people create for themselves in this thing of ours. Anyone can be literally anything if they just work hard enough at suppressing or buying off the voices that would question it. Maybe this thing of ours attracts people of a certain kind, or perhaps the weight of it all just gets to you after a while, or maybe it’s the money and the drugs that go to your head. I don’t know why. But we invent and institute all manner of madness, just because we can.

A dog as a don? SURE! A hawk? Why not? I’ve seen people make others profess their undying loyalty to carrots and potatoes.

Want people to believe you don’t shit? Install a mobile toilet in your car. Eventually people will notice they never see you go into a restroom.

You want to be known as a good-hearted mafioso just doing what you can to stick it to the man? Go ahead! Build a little hoover camp and hand out free food and shelter to the homeless. People will call you whatever you want, Robin Hood.

You want people to think you’re a superhero with superspeed? Just put that rumour out there and pull off a few good heists. People will start to whisper.

You want to be self-proclaimed King of the Streets? Abso-fucking-lutely. Just scream it loud enough while you throw money in the air. Even if people DON’T believe you, they’ll be too busy picking up your left overs or covering their ears to argue.

Hell, publish a few penny dreadfuls, and you’ll even have people arguing about vampires and werewolves.

And isn’t it the most beautiful parade of hilarity?