MobGov – Knowledge Is Porridge

This is the fourth instalment of the pace setting, trend finding and awe inspiring survey series that is sweeping the seven six cities.  It is not the purpose of this organisation to provide opinion on current affairs, merely to present the data and allow you, the public at little and large, to make your own judgements.  As this is a voluntary organisation, we are beholden to no-one except as we are represented by the esteemed Charles Barkley esq there is some legal review process before the final survey is placed into your hands.

As always we appreciate the continued support from all our respondees.  Without you we couldn’t continue.

There has been some upheaval since the last survey and as such some of the questions are out of date. 

As they say a week is a long time in politics but it is an eternity in this world.

MobGov Board of Director.

MobGov Survey 3 Results - Brought to you by Butter Me Up - a Kuku Jailbird Enterprise product

Question 1 - Most appreciated: Nipples, Nipsey or Nipper?

• Nipples – 26%
• Nipsey – 30%
• Nipper – 44%

As the perfect opportunity to Nipper and Nipsey to lean on their respective members to influence this the relative crew sizes possibly bear this out. 

This means that the real winner is Nipples who as a member of the Wu-Han Clan Transmission did not have the corrupt organisational pressure to increase his/her score. 

The survey did not recognise whether the appreciation of Nipples was of Nipples him/herself, Nipples’ nipples or just nipples in general.  That is for the reader to decide.

Question 2 – Public dissemination of coffee shop logs is…

• A public service – 13%
• Freedom of information – 10%
• Shit stirring – 35%
• Having the wrong people in the room – 26%
• A breach of Omerta – 4%
• Treason – 4%
• One of the best ways to fuck people over this world has ever seen – 4%
• A pass time (sic) enjoyed by our family from generation to generation – 4%

Following the removal of SeanCallan (RIP) this was a late addition to our third survey. 

With most people believing that publicly communicating logs to be shit stirring this hides that almost a third of people view the activity to be a positive thing.  Positive for who, that is a debate for the ages but it invariably does produce some rearrangement of upper structures when it happens. 

The old adage of loose lips sinking ships is very apt if it’s about having the wrong people in the room but what can you do, eh!  MobGov have no real opinion on this matter - from the outside it is fun to see and from the inside embarrassing and life threatening.

Question 3 – Who is the leader of the streets?

• Kirsty – 17%
• Anyone but Kirsty – 83%

One question overtaken by events however the overwhelming majority of you feel that anyone but Kirsty should be leader of the streets. 

MobGov researchers strode onto Stupid Street to find anyone but Kirsty to be the leader of the streets and recommend Cinnamon, provider of the catchiest tune this year to be that individual until Kirsty’s son or daughter decide to remind us that they are the self-proclaimed leader of the streets. 

This will usually be found in a discussion about how great the Commissar was, so we here at MobGov look forward to that with bated breath. 

As there is a trend for this title to be a self-proclamation, then this is a recommendation only.  Any individual can obviously say they are.

Question 4 – Should Grin-07 kill Kirsty?

• Definitely Maybe – 65%
• No Doubt – 35%

Again, another question overtaken by events with the demise of the legendary Grin-07 (RIP) and Kirsty (RIP) although obviously not at the hands of the glorious Lego man. 

With both parties dead and all hitlist rewards scattered to the winds the only winner is the group of people wishing Kirsty dead.

Question 5 – Are raccoons just larger, snootier ferrets?

• Yes – 52%
• No – 48%

With nobody really knowing what the actual purpose of a raccoon is, it seems a reasonable response that they are viewed as nothing more than larger ferrets. 

Given ferrets can run quickly through small holes, it is entirely possible that raccoons are even less useful than ferrets. 

This will not please Elodin, the resident raccoon of Chicago who has spent his life assuring various leaders of his usefulness.  Whether this is the reason he is kept alive or purely for entertainment purposes is only for the rulers of the Windy City to know.  MobGov do not condone animal cruelty of any form. 

Philadelphia have no issues with raccoons in their city, maybe Chicago can learn something from how they handle raccoon relations with TrashPanda down there.

Question 6 - Should Grin-07 carry out his threat to hunt the hitlisters his own way?

• There’s No Other Way – 44%
• Whatever – 13%
• It’s a conspiracy – Grin-07 is the hitlister – 35%
• Let It Be – I Predict a Riot – 8%

The final redundant (for the moment?) question.  The important response for all tin-hat wearing conspiracy theorists out there is that 35% believed Grin to be putting the hits on himself. 

MobGov Tinfoil Headgear Department have done the calculations and found that there is a 97% probability that this was the case.

The fourth edition of this fantastic series of surveys is now live.  This time we dive into key subjects of the day including:

• Evening
• Vampires
• Raccoons
• The Nips (again)
• Lost Angeles

MobGov Survey 4 - Grinble Beach Farm - For all your cattle grazing needs

And more in need of a bath than any ferret, Elodin!

Wow, that's mean @Quarinah ! I thought I made it clear I am washing very regularly ! Dancing under the water hose, etc ! 

Chuck sniffed at the air. The smell of wet, warm, flea-filled fur was everywhere. Current Seattle council guidance was to wear a mask while in public. He pulled one from his pocket. It had a slightly stale smell that was better than the surrounding air. Had he used it to wipe his ass, it would still be an improvement. 

I think you’re doing a great job Elodin. 

Humu hummed quietly to himself when he read the poll reports and the shady, iffy slightly criminal interpretations of them by the esteemed mr charles_barkley. He knew the man was known for using perfectly innocent stuff to show everyone that he was right about everything. Oh dear Poseidon...

Yet the lingering smell stirred Humu to vomit slightly in his landsuit, what was it.... Ahh no way, it was elodin, the self-proclaimed 'clean' raccoon of Chicago. Dear Poseidon, hath thy no limit to thy wrath.

As he saw many people fainting and mr Charles keeping a stern face by seeing the many beads of sweat on his brows, Humu slipped him a note with the name and an address he felt could be the solution

Chuck was slightly shocked at the aspersions being cast by humuhumunukunukuapua.

Shady?  Iffy?  Slightly criminal?  How dare you!  The data is there for you to interpret yourself if need be.  I, I mean, the MobGov analysts are there crunching numbers and diving deep into data to provide you with pearls of good quality information.

For example, it is more of an achievement for Nipples to do so well given he or she doesn’t have the weight or intimidation factor to use.  It’s looking beyond the numbers but it’s not for MobGov to determine what is right or wrong.  The boffins present the numbers and if somebody interprets them differently then that’s perfectly legitimate.

Chuck glanced over at the source of the stench…

Do we need to do an Elodin intervention and just remove him to an area where the smell can be contained?

Left looks to his right and reads this week's issue of mob gov

I'll tell you what I see

I see pride I see power I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!

Another great read!!

Taking the newest survey into his hands he read it through with a confused look on his face. Was he not voted the leader of the streets? Does no one ever pay attention? How loud must he be to be noticed? That's when he politely set down the survey and smiled. There was no reason to cause too much of a ruckus, sometimes people just forget important details.

"Good stuff. I liked it."

Could this be why? Did he not have what it took to be noticed? No, it wasn't that. It couldn't be. Putting his head back down he slowly left and decided to leave it all be. One day people would notice him... maybe. Probably not.

Sisyphus - There is a pre requisite for being the self proclaimed leader of the streets...you don’t get invited to be self proclaimed leader of the streets.

It needs to go a little bit something like this...

I, Sisyphus Lord of All What I Survey, do henceforth proclaim myself to be leader of the streets, marquis of the business districts and mayor of my back alley.  

Cinnamon was only a suggestion but it does need to come from within. If you spend very little time on the belittling and develop a skin thicker than a covering made only of electrons and you will be all right and on to a winner. 

The MobGov board of director wish you well with your tenure if you do choose to proclaim that. 

Having read the most recent edition of the ever-entertaining issue of TheMob, Gerry wanders into the street strumming on his guitar and whistling a melodic tune.

Continuing the riff on his guitar, but ending his whistling, the gaunt looking singer begins to explain his raison d'etre in an almost interview-like manner, oddly.

"I don’t want any exposure, man. I don’t deal wae people that I don’t trust, an I don’t trust people that I don’t know. So I don’t deal wae any cunt. You know what I mean?"

"For me it's aw about the music." he continues, adjusting the shoulders strap and shifting key as the rhythmic melody continues flawlessly, before continuing with his infamous disinterest of notoriety.

"I don’t really huv any ambitions for it tae go any bigger. I don’t want it tae get any bigger… It’s just trying to make it better. An if that means a bigger venue, then so be it."

"I'm a vehicle of the people. I say what the people are thinkin and how they're feelin wae sometimes brutal honesty. I hink aht's whit resonates wae people."

Strumming a final note, he allows the echo to fade, letting a palate cleansing silence descend before strumming a much faster melody and begins a song to entertain the few remaining onlookers... "Ah hink the people huv spoke about this afore anyhow, so this wan's tae endorse Sisyphus as leader ae eh streets - self proclaimed or otherwise". Laughing happily he segues into song

When I was a wean I used to sell puff to make money, but we'd smoke all the profit and by Friday it was no longer funny

I know a guy who's a lightweight, one or two jars and he's buckled. He's the guy that loses keys has to break into his own house - and gets huckled

These faces I've known growing up on the streets in the Southside from the sobs and the schemes to the art-school dreams of the town.

With the most intimidating voice that he could muster it was time for him to set the record straight for all to see, but you see he hadn't spoken in so many hours now that his voice was a bit weary and tired and some crackling was to be expected.

I, Sisyphus *Ahem*, am a lord of all that I see, say that I'm a street speaker and all that is holy of the streets, amen.

Perfect.

So does that proclaim me or what? Put me in your next next edition. Thank you so much for the help.

Can't wait for the next installment here

any chance we could hear some sneak preview, what will the topics be, or are you willing since you have staff now to consider some requests?

Apologies for being forward, but the obvious leader of the streets now rests in peace, i'm sure he would have requested such things if he had been here

Truly interesting each time a new issue comes up here.

Hope that next one is as good as the last one to read and smile at.

Way to go!

Placing the paper down with a grin under his helmet.

"Quite the read."