Anton, you won't remember this, you'd have been too young, but during the MARLEAU AUTUMN we had a fellow arrive at the jail. His name was Phillip. Your dad, he was crazy busy at the time, practically single-handedly runnin the Iron Bank. Anyway, his friend Destro - I say friend, Destro never much liked your father - got in a beef with this Phillip character. The whole Soviet State was gunning for Phillip, and Phillip knew he was in danger. So he confessed to some bullshit crimes and a sentence. I spoke to the cop who dealt with him; said the fuckin' idiot never stopped talking, just went on and on and on. The cop had to use his baton to stop him.
Anyway, on Phillip's first day, he came over to me. Said he had heard about my Masculine Love Crew and said he wanted to join. I said "son, what do you have to offer?" He shot back immediately with "well, my name is Phillip, but I'm known as Phil the Lip. I'm keen to get involved." I said OK, and I had Dominic the Gimp grab my book. I said to Phil the Lip straight: "son, are you a pitcher or a catcher?"
Phil the Lip said "I'm in the mood for some catchin'!" I said "son, you're in luck. We've got two cells full of pitchers, and ain't no catchin' going on."
Phil the Lip shouted YEEEEAAAHHHHHHHA, and asked to get started straight away. I said "hold up there! We need to take some details. This isn't all one way traffic. The pitchers gotta catch an equal amount of times, at least for the first year, and that means that the catchers need to pitch!" Phil the Lip said "that ain't no problem, I'm down for six months. Let me catch for the first three months, and I'll pitch for the other three!"
I said "right on" and he asked where he should go. I sent him in to the Soviet State cell, some fellows were being held there for fraud. The whooping and hollering was quite something, let me tell you.
I ended up having to restrict Phil the Lip's catchin' activities. He was down for it seven days a week. Some of my men were starting to get weak with all of the effect. They were failing to complete their burpees. And it was getting messy, Phil the Lip's laundry was... man, it was getting out of hand. So we restricted him to catchin' five days out of seven. His two days off? Phil the lip just lay on his bunk and cried.
Anyway, he had a week to go until he was due to start his three months of pitchin'. I said "Phil the Lip, you sure had your fun. Now it's time to do your duty. You gotta pitch." Phil said sure.
He caught his ass off for the next five days, and we never saw him for the his two days off. On the Monday, I went to find Phil the Lip. We had some catchers just turn up from Viktor's crew: they were hiding after mugging your father, and confessed to some robberies. So I went to Phil the Lip's cell. He wasn't there, it was empty. I spoke to a CO. He said "your man Phil the Lip? He's gone and joined protective custody" I said "I'll be damned!!"
And that's the one time I was conned in jail. One guy just caught all the action he could for three months, and didn't do his duty.
Rumour has it your dad, Anton, the Commissar, killed this Phil the Lip fucker. I hope so.
Learn from this, son.
