Tammy spoke in her usual mild voice to Lance as they were on a cosy cycling tour through Detroit
It seemed to be the latest hype at the moment..

No, I don't mean custard! That's to solid to be called a hype, she replied.

I am talking about take-away-restaurants.. Where you can order some food or coffee to enjoy elsewhere.. In a park, at home, wherever you want.. Like a cafe without cafe, a bar without bar or a restaurant without the restaurant.. Do you think we can set up a mobile coffee-to-go market stall, to bring coffee around all over the city?
You could get your exercise and I could start a business at the same time, serving coffee, cakes and pies. Maybe we could even deliver some of those syringes you constantly are busy with around?

Tammy smiled
It would be totally complementary, wouldn't it?

Even before Lance could answer, Tammy was already visioning what it would like. People could make appointments and Lance would make a tour around all the spots all over the city. Tammy would be preparing the coffee, tea, cakes and pies. Both sweet and savoury. She wondered what the maximum load was for Lance to carry..

Do you think there exists anything like a max for you, Lance?

Lance took a look at his bike; the smooth lines, the aero touches here and there…then imagined bags attached to the sides.  He shuddered.

“Look Tammy, if I’m carrying anything it isn’t going to interfere with how amazing my bike looks or how awesome I look on my bike.”

He looked down at his perfectly cultivated tan lines where his cycling top and bib shorts ended.  Tan lines so sharp he was in danger of being lacerated by them.  He looked over at Tammy’s bike.  The bike basket out front looked ideal for carrying things.  If push came to shove he could use that.

“I dunno, I think you’d have to upgrade the tyres on that thing.  They’ll lose structural rigidity before I get to a maximum load.”

Lance rolled around Detroit on Tammy’s big red bike.  Foamy had wanted some custard and red velvet cake, RonSwanson had insisted on a porterhouse with chips, LeslieKnope had asked to get some spades delivered to a small playground project (that had needed the bigger basket) and Lib_ had put in an order for extra custard deliveries.

All that was needed to do was drop off a beer delivery for Indifference.  The rumours coming out of Detroit was that Cinnamon was looking to have a copy of his latest recording “Space Cadets” included with each delivery.  Lance wondered whether Tammy really wanted to keep this as a free service.  People were complimentary about the complementary service and Lance appreciated the custard awareness programme that Tammy was running.

The only problem he was finding was some dick kept greasing his saddle.  When he got to the bottom of that Lance was going to kick someone in the nut/nuts.

Foamy devours his meals on wheels custard, a real treat and given Tammys bloodline, no surprice at the excellence.

Foamy quickly greases Lance saddle as he makes a delivery and in an astonishingly random act, nips to Lance's house and puts cling film under the toilet seat.

squirrels fucking rule

Tammy finally was back in Detroit. Negotiations on her business had been harsh. In the end she had struck a great deal with Foamy about it. She would sell Foamy custard and grease and Foamy would let her run her business as she liked. A win/win situation for anyone with an even number of balls.

Tammy sighed as Lance proposed to ask fees for delivery of all types of products.
The whole idea is that my bakery and coffee bar runs well and you get your training. Do you actually see a future in people PAYING to get stuff delivered at home? It's hard enough to sell goods anyway nowadays..

Tammy shook her head, thinking about how Lance thought he always was ahead of the time with his ideas and forbidden substances.
Luckily enough for the mediocre waitress, who in fact was one of world's bests at being mediocre, Lance had decided for now to keep the business running.. cycling.. however we called it.

Tammy handed Lance a bowl and as he brought custard to Foamy, the squirrel suddenly came back from the other side of the cart. For a moment he thought he was going nuts, but then he reminded the deal they made.

Tammy smiled and got ready preparing the next order.

Lance pulled up to the delivery start point area thingy, the bit where he got all his delivery orders, as Foamy left.  Today, already, he had clocked up about eighty miles and it was only half past eight.  Tammy was a bit of a hard task master about this sort of thing and was looking for twenty four hours of work in an ordinary shift.  Lance wasn't normally the one to put up with this kind of shit, normally it was him giving the orders and getting people to do work for him.  Fetch me a bottle, get me a can of coke, pass me that syringe, help me win La Tour...that sort of thing but here he was working like a chump.

He got off the bike and started limping over like an early John Wayne...further down the road, John Wayne would come to refer to it as walking like Lance...and moaned to anyone who would listen.

"I don't fucking believe it, some bastard has been greasing my saddle again and I've slipped and bashed my one good bollock.  It really fucking hurts."

Foamy digs into his custardy goodness, Tammy hadn't let him down, her wares every bit as fine as her bloodlines.

Lance I have a pen just like you, it's a uniball.

Foamy can't wait till Lance gets home and goes to the toilet.

Fuck, what a long day! Karizma had had enough and was looking forward to getting off the streets and into her comfiest pj's. The hotel bed wasn't as comfortable as the one back home, but right now, she'd give a week's wages just to be able to curl up under the duvet, pull it up over her head and say good-bye to a day that had Monday written all over it - even though it was a Tuesday. 

With that thought in mind, she almost missed the coffee bar but the unmistakable aroma of fresh coffee assaulted her nostrils and she did a quick double-take. That was when she noticed in big letters "Coffee, Cake", two of her most favourite things! Karizma quickly walked up and ordered the largest to-go cup they had! She was one of those fortunate people that could drink coffee right up until bedtime and it wouldn't affect their sleep. Of course, she would have to hide it from Takkar, or he would be sure to try to knock it out of her hands again. Just to be safe, she had also bought a huge slice of chocolate cake to distract him with.

She took a sip of the hot drink as she walked towards her hotel and sighed contentedly. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all. Coffee always made everything seem better.

"No way. It can't be true. There is no way she would sell those," Takkar muttered to himself as he wandered around the streets of Detroit trying to find Tammy. Last night Karizma had presented him with a scrumptious, moist chocolate cake and when he asked her where she found it she said something that shocked him.

"At Tammy's? Are you sure? " he had asked her repeatedly and each time she nodded a yes. This made no sense to him. He had passed by Tammy's bakeries that popped up all over the country and so far he hadn't seen a single one of her establishment serving anything that had chocolate in it. When he raised a stink at the Philadelphia bakery, she had mentioned something about Guatemalan farmers and scarcity of chocolate. Which he thought was complete bullshit by the way.

When he rounded a corner, he was almost run over by a bike. "Hey watch it. I'm walking here," he shouted at the rider when he noticed Tammy sitting behind the man on the back of the bicycle. "Tammy. What are you doing?" Takkar raised an eyebrow. "Tell me something. Is it true that you are serving chocolate cakes? Did those pesky farmers finally get off strike?"

Lance was driving as if he was fighting on a time trial in the penultimate stage of La Tour and Tammy held on to the carriage with two hands as someone yelled..

Lance! Stop! That flash.. I think we just flew by Takkar.. Turn around!

Tammy secretly enjoyed commanding Lance. The business they were having in Detroit was perfect for it. When they arrived in front of Takkar, the latter started asking questions

That was close! I know.. but we aren't motorized, officially, so we are entitled to drive here..

We are.. well.. bringing custard around! Tammy smiled

Definately so! But the farmers are still on strike, so we had to tie up a new agreement with some dodgy firm in Ivory Coast. They have a trademark on their chocolate though, albeit it says 'Unfair Trade'. But.. chocolate we have!

She waited for a smile to appear on Takkar's face before she said

..in Philly.

Would you like custard? Coffee?

We don't have much time, though, as Karizma has phoned RichieRahl for a home delivery..

"Lance started the stage a whole three minutes behind the leader and now with his head down he is gaining quickly in his quest to take another Tour de France win.  This time trial has certainly brought the best out of Lance."

As internal monologues go, it was one of Lance's better ones.  It always brought the best out of him, especially when he had a dead weight like Tammy on the back of his bike.  Whoever had suggested this as a delivery strategy had neglected to tell Lance he was doing all the work.  To be fair, he was developing the thighs of a track sprinter rather than a grand tour legend but when he took the deliveries into the Detroit hills, super quads were not an advantage.

"Lance!  Stop!  That flash,,,"

Lance immediately had visions of paparazzi in a bush but Tammy was just wanting him to stop beside Takkar.  Lance slowed down although with the pace he was putting out it was like stopping an oil tanker.  Eventually he rolled round to let Tammy talk to Takkar.

The sun was rising as Genesiss closes the blinds. He was hoping for another good day of business. However he forgot to get his coffee. He was heading out anyway so he figured to search a place for some jo. He outside with his jacket on his arm. 

As he walked outside he immediately saw a place owned by Tammy so he walked to the entrance. He headed inside. It was pretty quiet during the time of day considering the time. He made his way to the counter and made a quick decision on what to get.

"I'll take your largest cu of coffee, with two sugars, please."

Foamy returns to Detroit, seeing that the whole business district is getting out of hand so stops by Tammy's to get refreshment before his work begins.

Hey Tammy, any chance of just a plain old coffee and something dunkable? it's gonna be a long day

Tammy was happy to have Foamy place a delicery order and she was even happier  that she had prepared a large box of hazelnut syrup custard cookies this morning. The morning had started weirdly as Genesiss had entered her delivery shack and Lance had had trouble pulling the whole carriage, with Tammy, Genesiss and the cookies forward. After a short stop in the park, where Lance asked Tammy to give a certain Mister Fuentes a coffee on the (moving) house, he seemed to move faster, though and it wasn't long before the arrived at Foamy's tree house. Tammy stepped out, brought the wonderful squirrel some coffee and offered a couple of cookies.

How are you, Foamy? It's been a while since we properly spoke. May I comment that Detroit Business District is blooming?

Foamy had finally stopped talking her ear off, allowing her to slip away. The only time she'd ever been to Michigan it had been camping up north with her parents and so she wanted to take this time to explore a city she'd never been in. She walked the streets for a while before the rumbling of her stomach started when the smell of coffee and baked goods came over her. Sniffing her way in the correct direction she opens the door and looks around, "Wait, theres nowhere to sit?" she asked them, "How can I drink endless coffee if there isn't..." she frowned

Foamy greet Tammy warmly and hungrilly as his order arrived, warm and fresh, custard doesn't get any better'

'You're right Tammy, the district is going from strength to strength and I thank you and master uni bollock for your part in that.  Be wary of that Jen character though, she's known to burst into song with her mouth full, awful manners that one'

Fresh from his rejuvenating and restorative break at that other coffee shop where it wasn't a competitor to Tammy's operation in any way, Lance wheeled back into sight.  He wiped any Tombits crumbs off his face then hunted out Tammy.

"Hey Tammy, I was meaning to say.  I got a note from someone saying she was looking for a job doing bicycle deliveries.  It says, You don't have to pay me to get my as on a bike  and is signed Jen"

He loaded up some custard for Lib_, some steroids for Borat and a special delivery of mixed nuts for Foamy.

"Anything else you need me to deliver?"

Foamy does his patended squirrel shuffle in excitement of the mixed nuts delivery and tips Lance generiously with his own nut butter

'Lance, can you translate that message again?  I know Jen can be.......erratic but her writing is usually understandable.

Tammy smiled as she approached Jen, who started throwing existentialist questions at her.
Handing her a cup of coffee, she replied
Endless coffee? We can arrange that. She looked around at Lance, who was hardly breaking any sweat yet.
Just order and we will deliver. Just like I have just delivered to your neighbour..

Tammy nodded politely as she shifted her look to the nibbling Foamy
I will take that warning to heart and be careful about how much custard I will deliver Jen at the same time, Foamy

She listened to Lance and raised an eyebrow and calmly replied
You mean you want to quit business? Don't we have some sort of contract?
Oh.. we don't..?
Well.. How is this Jen figure going to make sure she reaches your speed? Will the coffee still be delivered warm?

Tammy stopped for a moment and mumbled
Although.. The endless coffee can be served to the cyclist.. That would be easy..

Foamy nodded sagely, showing support for @Tammys response.

'It's just that she tends to do strange things with custard, unspeakable things really and I can't bare to see the glorious goo treated in such a manner'