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The Competition Chronicle (La cronaca del concorso) Started by: Lidl on Oct 13, '21 09:56

Lidl takes a break from selling a vast range of premium goods at discount prices across Europe to return to America, where he had heard Competition Time was upon us.  He had learned of competition times gone by, when the rattle of gunfire accompanied the scratching sound of quill on parchment.  In Pidgeon Italian, he thought to himself "Will any poor bums be assassinato per writing?  H decided that it was time to investigate.  To this end, he dedicated his life, and the lives of his children, to chronicling this competition...

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VOLUME ONE - THE BEFORE TIMES  (l'era della felicità)

Mr_Kuku announced a competition, and the Streets rejoiced!  Sadly, he was shot down, but a shadowy figure named Rocky came along and saved the day.  He enlisted @Lincoln_Lawyer and @EddieMame to oversee the fairness of the contest, and went to work.

@Rocky non sapeva che @Lincoln_Lawyer fosse un ladro di premi (Rocky didn't know that LL was a prize thief).

Rocky had been stalked by a man named @LostBoy, who could have forse omicidio him.  So, cornered, he murdered LostBoy, and some other puta and was himself shot dead.

RIP Rocky (Riposa in pace Rocky, sei un eroe per molti e un'ispirazione per tutto ciò che è buono)

Rocky's on was dedicated to the successful conclusion of his father's contest, but in a shocking series of events, @Lincoln_Lawyer stole the prize fund.  He alleges that he awarded the prizes to the son of the possibile assassino LostBoy.


In the face of now murderous hostility, EddieMame managed to judge the competition.  Despite behaving like a bambino idiota arrabbiato competition donor (and suspected wouldbe informant) @Ray_Liotta won first prize.  

To this day, like an cane non mascolino Ray has not received his prize.  @AmeliaGato won 2nd prize, and was awarded $8m.

Rocky managed to start, and have finished, the entire contest, with no fatalities.  Nobody who entered the contest ended up dead, and that should be kept in mind.

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VOLUME ONE - @Lincoln_Lawyer's Lethal Legacy  (Omicidio)

COMPETITION TIME was announced with verbose intensity.  Lincoln_Lawyer shamefully positing himself as an honest broker despite stealing the prizes from the last contest.  Lincoln  shamelessly invoked the name of de facto leader of the incentivised competitive writing community, Kuku, in the announcement.  Kuku is known not only for his philanthropic gestures toward the competitive writing community, but also for working tirelessly to reduce the violence endemic within the competitive writing culture.


For an early, promising, entrant into the competition, @AntonioMontana, was murdered.  He was murdered for asking question about the competition.

His entry was concise, poignant, witty, and relevant.  Much like the deceased man himself.


Can a thieving lawyer be trusted not to massacre the entrants to his competition?

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Maybe not relevant to the matter at hand, Lidl, although certainly something I've had on my mind for quite some time. Do you have any theories on just why ((historically and currently) RIP Antonio) competitive writing is such a dangerous pursuit? It seems that what should be a somewhat harmless activity has been littered with corpses. Why do you think that is?

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Amelia frowned, this number kept being tossed around as to what she had won. "Apparently I was robbed before I was even given my prize money, if it was supposed to be the amount of eight million." She said. But she had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment, Aang was in need of being relieved from his shift at the starting pint, and Thomas or Gregory, or whatever the fuck his name is, was due to be paid for his work at the Glamourpus. Contests were all well and good, but some people did more than just ramble on endlessly in order to make their money. "Although, eight million would have been nice to have, I suppose." Amelia said before wandering off to tackle her delightful to-do-list for the day ahead of her. 

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AmeliaGato - I have consulted the records, and it appears that you received $5m, not $8m.  We apologise for that error.

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PauliePoorAnalogy - you ask an interesting question.  The truth is that it's a bit like the murder rate going up in New York when ice-cream sales increase.  One would think that writing competitions, like ice-cream, are a universally good thing.  But the reality is that people write and people die.

A disgraced former organiser of contests once arranged for a safe space for writers, and speakers, to say their piece.  Carnage ensued.

Consulting the history books, the winner of the first ever big money contest, the late, great, Destro was murdered in the most mysterious of circumstances.

I have a feeling that the final death toll for this competition will reach double figures.  The figurehead of this contest has already proven himself capable of shooting his contestants and this, coupled with stealing the prize off of Ray_Liotta during the last one, reveal him to be a THIEF and a MURDERER.

So, I ask you, Paulie - why do you think writing competitions see so many casualties? 

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I have just received a message from the late Rocky's accountant, who confirmed that it was $8m awarded for second place in the contest:

Your accountant makes note that $8,000,000 has been wired to AmeliaGato from your account. The note "PRIZE FUND MONIES" was included.

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Ahhh Destro.... the enigmatic man in the mask, sole survivor of the Shannon-Whelan crew.

Halcyon days when an honourable mafioso could ice skate to his hearts content..... wait.... Do I recall that ice skating during that period was as dangerous as buying muesli ice cream in New York? Or was that Roller skating.

The clown harumphs

Im getting old but I remember that Destro chap had the jolliest of japes.  My thanks young lidl for reminding me.

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Destro did ice-skate.  The lamented RJFuller roller-skated.  

I did notice a hot-dog stand operated by AmeliaGato - I wonder if she knows the bloody history of Destro's Chicago hotdog stand? 

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"Excuse me, are you saying that I am a liar?" Amelia asked, turning back around to re-join the conversation, since apparently people were oblivious to when she had walked away, wandered off, or just fucking left. "Because while I was going to follow the request of the late Rocky2, now that you're slandering me in public I feel it is only right that I share my own personal recipts, which given you're just some cuck that no one knows, will probably be taken a bit better than whatever it is you're offering." Amelia said before pulling out the notice she had recieved in the post regarding the prize for the contest. "Please, do take a look at this if you would be so kind." she said. 

Oct 07, 15:36:49    Your accountant has received payment of $5,000,000 from Rocky2. The note "2nd place - please don't reveal the amount to anyone" was included.

"As you can see, that number at the front is indeed a five, and not an eight as you keep stating." Amelia said, "Now, I believe you owe not only myself an apology, but also one to Lincoln Lawyer, because its clear that you are full of shit." She said before laughing, "Well, I suppose even more clear, I think we were all aware of what your family line was prior to this conversation." 

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I have honored the rest of the prize money your line has stolen from Amelia, Lidl. No need to rope anyone else in your schemes.

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Oct 13, 11:07:39 Your accountant has made payment of $3,000,000 to AmeliaGato. The note "for the writing comp" was included.
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Thanks Dr_Satan but to be clear, I don't think you're the right person to be judging a competition.

Your skills lie elsewhere
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I'm in the right more than you little cuck. Don't you know when to quit?

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Dr_Satan - you seem preoccupied with the fear if being "cucked" - this causes you to project.
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btw I didn't do anything for you or your line. I did it because prize winners deserve their prize. And no, I don't have any fears, especially from cucks like you.

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Despite my lineage providing AmeliaGato with large sums of money and despite me being a loyal associate of her crew, she attempted to murder me today.

A Capo and a hand could not successfully murder an unarmed associate.

Do you have no decency, Sir?

I stand before you alleging that you are without honour and bereft of code.

So we really want another body added to the sad toll of Lincoln's lethal legacy?
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I like that after your constant slander and accusations that i was the first one that you came crawling too, begging for help, pleading for mercy. As I said to you, you are Persona non Grata here, you constant trolling and slanderous comments have alienated you to most decent people. Perhaps you might finally realise that our actions have consequences, although seemingly it has taken your bloodline longer than most to arrive at that conclusion. May the gods have mercy upon your soul.

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I'm still alive Lincoln_Lawyer.

I gave you an offer of support. The hand if friendship.

If you consulted your history books, you'd understand that my bloodline is historically most effective when underground. We all recall the Plumber's removal of Genocide, as well as the Winter of Discontent, for which my lineage had a leading and guiding role.

You don't scare me, son. Death doesn't scare me. Mediocrity does. That's why I jump every time I see Dr_Satan
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