Hope_Sandoval approaches the waiting crowd.  Her sultry voices landed upon the audience like honey melting on warm porridge, or "oatmeal" as it is known int he USA.  She is not here to sing, instead, she is here to read to the audience a prepared statement.

"I am here to read to you a statement provided to me by a strange man after I had finished singing songs of love lost, using my soft, dreamy voice to appear wholly desirable and approachable whilst also being other-worldly.  The statements reads as follows:

Late last night, a unit of the Kuku Lite Front (KLF) shot and executed SoulJaBoy.  For some time, the KLF have searched for the recipient of the late Rocky's writing competition prize, which was given to an un-named person who had not entered the competition.  The prize was awarded to this unknown person by a man we shall call "LL."  LL's defence was that he awarded the prize to the son of a murdered mob associate, LostBoy.

The KLF unit tasked with unmasking this recipient followed LL for some time, and noticed that he had an associate named SoulJaBoy.  A KLF intelligence analyst noted that SoulJa may well be the son of the late Lost.

Seeing a need for Mr SoulJa Boy to be executed, the KLF sprung into action.  Soulja went into the offices of a disgraced lawyer on a regular basis, staying for around an hour.  Late last night, Mr Boy was observed going into these offices by a KLF operative.  A medium-sized sandbagged emplacement was quickly constructed on the busy pedestrian thoroughfare opposite the law offices, disguised as a Writing Competition field hospital, and Vickers machine gun set up.  An eight man team waited for their quarry to appear before the execition commenced.

More than 5,000 bullets were fired from the water-cooled weapon, 4,895 of which hit the target.  Badly wounded, SoulJaBoy ran for help, but tripped over the tentacles of a large squid being sold at the nearby Mainstream Fishography Store, and sprained his ankle.  An ancillary unit of KLF members ran after the now limping SoulJaBoy, hurling 17 Mills grenades, of which 16 exploded, further injuring SoulJaBoy.

At this stage, SoulJaBoy pleaded for his life, offering to tell the KLF interrogation team where "the prize was" in exchange for this life.  The KLF team accepted this offer, and began to administer first aid.  Acceding to SoulJaBoy's request for something to eat, a KLF medic fed Mr Boy some salted almonds.  Tragically, SoulJaBoy had a severe nut allergy and asphyxiated on the spot.

The prize money remains unfound, and the KLF unit returned to their underground HQ to a serious dressing down from their commandant."

Hope_Sandoval cries a silent tear as she hears of SoulJaBoy's death, and then says "thank you" before walking off the stage, to an uncertain future. 

 Alice turned to her confidant the Cheshire Cat with admiration in her voice. That SoulJaBoy was impressive imagine a person taking 4,895 bullets and still be able to function. That right there is a true mobster. 

Also, just to highlight something.

The KLF unit tasked with unmasking this recipient followed LL for some time, and noticed that he had an associate named SoulJaBoy.  A KLF intelligence analyst noted that SoulJa may well be the son of the late Lost.

This right here about sums up that your group has the combined intelligence of a block of cheese. Lostboy, GRHS, passed away on the 6th October whilst Soul was already a fully serving member of my family at that point.

I get it, this stuff is hard for you guys to comprehend. Much more difficult than the shape sorter toys your group was working on prior to the gun incident.

SatoruGojo, they also can't even get their own name right, the term used was kuku-ite as is someone who borderline cult member, not kuku-lite. If it was kuku-lite their heads would have to be so far up their own assholes they would be at risk of turning completely inside out and creating a quantum singularity.

At least they probably enjoyed a nice circle jerk together after killing my big bad inactive associate, so gangster of them.

And still with the same shit, given that Souljaboy was alive and well before Lostboy died, and given that Lost biys grandson was supposedly shot dead a few weeks ago by another muppet claiming to be greater than he was, the chances of Soulja and Lost being related are marginally less than the chances of the kuku-ites getting over 75 on an IQ test. If all you blowhards are capable of doing is killing inactive associates, and misidentifying people then I am downright quaking in my boots. I better warn Humpty to watch his back in case you think he's my son.

I don't know Humpty from Adam, so again your intel is about accurate as that of the Ottoman's during the British attack on Palestine in 1917.

id recommend instead of tips donate to his mental health

Me thinks that smacks of the pot calling the  kettle black.

Cleo was stuffed with work lately, being unable to have a moment to herself and just relax. She decided to leave work for at least some minutes and went in search of a bar.

Walking on the streets, before reaching the Queens of Hearts bar, she notices a commotion. A group of people, some yelling, others angrily speaking and others just watching. Cleo approached, stoically crossed her arms over her chest and listened. After 5 minutes of listening, she couldn't hold it any longer and bursted laughing. Some people looked at her in surprised, but she kept laughing. Cleo laughed so much that her face was red and she almost chocked on her own saliva. 

Tears were running down her cheeks. She wiped them and, to some people astonishment, she just kept walking her way, in search for the bar. She shook her head and kept giggling along the way:

"Damn, that's exactly what i needed" She said out loud, between chuckles "now, for that drink!"

Im not really sure why people bother responding 

Keep feeding the troll and it will keep coming back for more at the end of the day this guys poses no real threat  

rupert there are so many things you need to be the best here and you are not showing them

loyalty

omerta

honor

rispetto

do you know what these things mean??

uhm correct me if I am wrong I'm just trying to follow this soap opera but didn't your intelligence tell you that Souljaboy was your recipient?

LL's defence was that he awarded the prize to the son of a murdered mob associate, LostBoy.

The KLF unit tasked with unmasking this recipient followed LL for some time, and noticed that he had an associate named SoulJaBoy.  A KLF intelligence analyst noted that SoulJa may well be the son of the late Lost.

 Then it was pointed out how faulty your intelligence was 

This right here about sums up that your group has the combined intelligence of a block of cheese. Lostboy, GRHS, passed away on the 6th October whilst Soul was already a fully serving member of my family at that point.

So if I am following this correctly Soul went from you suspecting him to be the recipient to you saying he had  a hand in making sure the prize money went to the next of kin , which is standard practice.

 I am just a little confused which one is he the recipient or the person who honorably made sure the next of kin got what they deserved?