A man with a face that could be used to scare naughty children makes his way to "The Streets". 

I've just been listening to a guy provides more definitions than Webster about purging, all of them wrong, and while I was considering what a dufus he was, I started thinking about other meffs.

There have been a lot of despicable people over the years and I'm sure you can all think of a few. One that comes to mind for me happened across the same moronic discussion I was at, @HeadCoach.

This fat waller was fighting for one side, admittedly full of losernerds, and now is fighting for the other side, also full to the brim with shithouses. Was this guy a chubby plant all along or just a rotund opportunist?

I say let's kill him. Thoughts?

I would like to invoke the journaling of an ancestor of mine, following a similarly catastrophic war:

I stand here in the ruins of society looking jacked as a fucking minotaur, while the relatives of these nerds are weeping over their child-sized caskets.  

You all know me as a man of girth and wisdom. I am like the last living speaker of a lost language; with my death, this mafia would barely be able to shoot a free-throw, let alone run a triangle offense. 

This war has gone on an intolerable eternity, like purgatory, or a speech by Honesty. There is barely a gangster alive old enough to have witnessed the old ways. How do you expect to rebuild a community without a head coach? Someone to inform the young ones of the time Constipated shot his own RHM for a joke somebody else told? Someone to tell the old tale of Dagda directing a speech specifically at a group of homeless people, for some fucking reason? 

I am needed here, by my people.

Sunrise, if I could kick you out of this conversation, I would. Nobody cares about twigs. This about that snake-in-mammoth-clothing, HeadCoach, not a communist sympathiser.

Let's review the facts. He served his previous crew with distinction by refusing to pro Constipated. He loved participating in RATs and reading mails about them. He was a free agent. He joined the other side. That is the very definition of treachery in Xander's dictionary. If we intend to ever bring any sort of order back to this society, this guy has gotta go. 

This is about me, Sunrise, not twigs. Please do not make any more attempts to divert attention away from me.

Ogreface, you remind me of me, in that you seem very determined and also are quite hideous to look at. You also remind me of my wife, who refuses to kiss me and laughs when I drop something. Being the worst of these two worlds, you are essentially the son I never had. And because of that, I am disappointed in you and fear you will never become the kind of man your father is; large, powerful, and impressive in so many ways.

If I could, I would like to relive my heartfelt eulogy for Constipated, as further evidence of my good nature:

Constipated once said that he had made the decision to murder Fareham despite being "as jovial as I am and like good humor and have acknowledged such", like the minister's boy excusing himself from following the rest of the group into the Tommy Bahama store on their rumspringa. This is how I choose to remember him. As a man who was jovial and likes good humor and has acknowledged such. RIP.

This isn't about you or your dead Dad, bro. Please keep this discussion on topic or I will throw you out on your ear.

HeadCoach made his vows to Team Jen/Spike/Constipated. He pricked his thumb in the basement of Spike's Mum's house, and swore to give out pros to people trying to save their own turkeynecks, the same as the rest of us. He had a duty and he shirked it. Defending this kind of behaviour is exactly what got us into this mess.

The mafia is a business and HeadCoach is a businessman.  People lose sight of that. He worked for a crew, now he works for a different crew.  To my knowledge he and Constipated were extremely close friends and aside from refusing to pro him, he did not do anything traitorous to Constipated or Wheeler or any previous employer. Smells like a smear campaign to me.

My father this, my father that, and if your auntie had bollocks, she would be your uncle. I knew Wheeler and he wouldn't have appreciated you sticking up for this weasel. Next you'll be like FrizzleFry here, an obvious descendant of the Terrah line, defending an equally obvious traitor. This guy isn't a businessman. In business you take a job and you stay in that job until your dead. You can't change your job and you can't start working for someone else just because you feel like that. 

At the Team Jen/Spike/Constipated family BBQ, which HeadCoach brought his bratty little fat kids to, it was agreed that we would all work hard for the Team right up until the final whistle. There was no talk of treachery. Changing sides after you've said the words is disgusting. What about omerta?

I am a man who wakes up every morning and puts his pants on one leg at a time. In fact, I wear my pants so high, I get nipple chafe off belt straps. I am an honest man. Never have I stood in anyones mom's basement - especially not Spike's or Constipated's - and said anything resembling, 'I, a man who is jovial and enjoys good humor and has acknowledged such, pledge my allegiance to the collected allied families in the Wheeler periphery'. 

At this time, I move to hear the testimony of Grace, who I gave a protection shot to mid-war and who offered to shower me in gifts and pleasantries in return - an offer which I declined, out of the warm heartedness and generosity of someone who would eulogize Constipated with such grace and eloquence. Was I anything but professional? Was I nought but a loyal soldier? 

HeadCoach is the best this world has to offer. HeadCoach is our shining, golden boy. 

Next you'll be like FrizzleFry here, an obvious descendant of the Terrah line, defending an equally obvious traitor. 

FrizzleFry chuckles awkwardly from his seat at Ogreface 's remark, then inexplicably casually gets up from his seat, walks up to the podium from which Ogreface as speaking, and slaps his across the face much to the shock of everyone, Ogreface especially.  Stunned, Ogreface looks on as FrizzleFry returns to his seat.

Leave my mother's name out of your mouth.

Ogreface attempts to explain himself but FrizzleFry cuts him off

I SAID LEAVE.... MY MOTHER'S NAME.... OUT OF YOUR FUCKING..... MOUTH!!

Coach is an animal. A freak of nature. Have you ever seen a man so strong and powerful, yet so elegant and graceful? It's mad that there is a war going on currently and its not over with his team winning.

The war is still going on, but lets say, this was a basketball game. Coach would be leading his team to the easiest victory over these pipsqueaks hiding out in New York.

Thank you Coach for doing what you do. I hope one day I will be able to hit a three pointer.

Toranos, I don't know how many times I need to remind you what the topic of this conversation is, but it definitely isn't your dead Dad and his dumb dead thoughts. We are here to discuss the disgusting actions of HeadCoach only. Why are you batting so hard for him? Podgy worms like himdon't deserve it.

After giving Toranos the long overdue telling off he deserved, Ogreface was minding his own business when FrizzleFry approached him. He had a little chuckle to himself as (s)he approached, expecting them to share their thoughts on why HeadCoach was a duplicitous little weed. He leaned in and SLAP, FrizzleFry smacked him across the face, he reeled away stunned.

Wow. Oh wow. FrizzleFry just smacked the shit out of me. Wow, dude. FrizzleFry yells over his stammering not to mention the Terrah bloodline again and, now cowed and fearing for his life, Ogreface relents. I am going to, ok? Ok.

Still smarting from what has gone on, Ogreface ignores the nonsense spoken by everyone else on this topic, especially from the walrus with the forked tongue, HeadCoach. What new lows would the man sink to? Were there any left?

There is no great sports story without adversity. A man tried to wack me this morning. A man named Skitzo. Unfortunately for him, I am unwackable. You're gonna have to do better than that to get at the Buddha of Ball. Giorgio is very aware of this. He could have provided this counsel to Skitzo, if they were not at war with each other; further proof of how a good coach thrives in the heat of battle. 

Pray for me, as my enemies attack me from all sides, as ugly young Ogreface assassinates my character while the bullets fly. 

Do not try to kill HeadCoach. HeadCoach is the chosen one. HeadCoach has never been to Spike's mom's basement. 

ifilnacasimao tried to WACK! you.

Again they come for old coach. @NicolasAmalfi, you cannot be blamed. You are as weak as any man who stands before such a giant. The Buddha of Ball lives on.  

Oh what a surprise, HeadCoach tests the waters of unsponsoredship, finds them chilly around his shriveled nethers, and quickly runs back to the security blanket of twigs. Does this man know no shame? We can add cowardice to his ever increasing list of flaws. Enjoy that protection while you can, Coach, your time is running out. There is a special place in hell for traitors, remember you were warned when the apple is in your mouth and everyone is having a bit of your chargrilled thighs.