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Quick team huddle regarding today's Herald Vol.1 Started by: FrizzleFry on May 05, '22 20:35

Assistant Coach FrizzleFry blows his whistle and calls for a huddle.  He holds a copy to the Herald of the Underground up above his head for the whole team to see.

Listen up!  Got some exciting team news to share with everyone.  Not sure if any of you illiterates happened to see this morning's newspaper, but it would appear that our very own HeadCoach made the FRONT PAGE STORY!!  Heck of an accomplishment and a giant step forward for the team brand!  We're mainstream!

The team begins to hoot and grunt, pumping their fists in the air, spittle flying from their mouths as they shouted in solidarity and unison.

We're the hottest thing in the news right now thanks to HeadCoach and due to amazing assist by JohnFarehamJr who was showcased in about 80% of the newspaper.  Mind you, this is the day after the longest recorded war in our history, and they had to bury that article behind the want ads just to make room for the JohnFarehamJr article!  And even THAT article ended up being about JohnFarehamJr!  I can't wait to see what's in store for this amazing young legacy player.  Hopefully he doesn't allow his newfound celebrity status get in the way of his commitments.  Remember, no one is above the team.

Oh but that's not all folks.  There's more.  The newspaper editor RonaldCarabbia has promised to pay $50,000 per published opinion.  And guess who had 4 opinions published.  Well, if you guessed, Protector, you owe me a lap.  The correct answer is ME Assistant Coach FrizzleFry!  But here's the news...  I've got a little promise to make to you all..... this isn't my 200 grand.  Oh no.  This is OUR TWO HUNDRED GRAND, TEAM!!!  

The team erupts into almost violent cheers over the news.

So what should we do with our cash once it is wired to me, team?  Let's hear some of your thoughts.

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200 hundred grand! 200 hundred grand!

The team is induced into a near-riot state. Protector is peeling concrete off the street floor and screaming.

Fame and fortune, boys, I've been telling you it was only a matter of time, and look at us now! The JFMAST has truly arrived. I've got thirty bottles of middle-American sparkling wine cooling in the showers for us after we've finished here. FarehamJr is, of course, suspended from team events while our internal investigation is still pending but big shoutout to the rookie for such a prominent feature in the piece.

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"RonaldCarabbia got some major details wrong, but he was right to establish the JFMAST as the most newsworthy team.

But what I want to ask our head coach, HeadCoach, how the internal review is going, and if I can have my gun back? My record of limited murdering of allies in wartime has proven I can be responsible."
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Now I never learned how to read, instead devoting all my time to gaining more girth and ball fondling handling skills, but a simpleton like me knows that a FRONT PAGE STORY is big news! 

I just want to thank HeadCoach and FrizzleFry for the opportunity to be here and participate in the sport and I think we should use this money to go on a trip to Disneyland, which I have heard nice things about since it recently opened. 

Also I want to extend my support to JohnFarehamJr I'm sure that the truth will come out in this investigation and he will be back with the squad full time very soon. 

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While I don’t necessarily agree with your stance on the importance of academics, Conqueeftador, I do like the way you think.

See, this is what I’m talking about. You’ve got an athlete like Conqueeftador who clearly hasn’t put an ounce of forethought into his future past basketball, yet he presents a great, albeit an expensive and irresponsible idea to his coaches without hesitation or even thinking it through. This is the type of “live for the now” spirit we try to instill in our players and I’m proud to have you onboard with us. Damn proud even.

Matter of fact, I might just take a page from your playbook and make the arrangements right now, despite not actually having received my money yet. But putting off til tomorrow what can be achieved today is what we call loser-thought around here. Anyone else have a vote? As with everything, the weight of your vote varies by free throw skill, so if you’ve got a good shot chances are your vote will count mare than some of your other second-string teammates. Meanwhile I will go out of pocket to cover any purchases until I am compensated for my newspaper contributions by the mafia’s newest newspaper editor RonaldCarabbia
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Skidmark hears the news that the JFMAST was featured on the front page of the latest newspaper publication and he cringes in anticipation of what would follow. He was used to being featured in the Sports section and in highlight reels for his thundering slam dunks, but front page? That's not usually good news. Last time it happened, it had to do with a paternity suit from some loose harlot in Chicago he met for drinks during all-star break....

"There are some who say bad press is better than no press. Thank Jordan it's not all bad this time, however, the alleged scandal involving Mr. Fareham Jr. is quite troubling. I know we are all excited about what $200,000  might buy, but maybe it should be spent on a private investigator to get to the bottom of these allegations? I've known Mr. Fareham Jr. to be a man of high character and a team player with a utilitarian ideology, so I find it hard to believe he is capable of such subterfuge. We need to find out the source of this libel accusation. It very well may have been designed by an enemy in order to sow discontent on the team in order to trip us up on the way to the Finals. We can't let that happen!"

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I hear you guys loud and clear. Does anybody know a third-party investigator?

I have heard of a second mafia journalist, by the name of Xkop. I'm not sure he does PI work, though. We really need to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible, before FarehamJr's suspension from team activities has a more permanent effect on morale.

It might take a big chunk out of our 200 grand though. We may have to cut the second and third-string out of what we decide to do with the cash (Disneyland? Space camp? Boat drinks?).
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"I do want this straightened out, as quickly as possible. The Fareham lineage have a proud history of serving as upper structure, and I feel this supposed journalist's "expose" is a blatant attempt at stifling talent.

I got some friends of mine to look into his past. Seems to me that ancestors of his owned the StarExaminer.

If you look on the streets, you'll see no record of this newspaper.

Make of that what you will"
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HeadCoach thank you for your kind mention. It is true that I am an aspiring journalist but I would just like to confirm that I am not currently looking for private investigative work.

I am working on an article night and day that I hope to bring to the streets soon. A 100% accurate and detailed blow-by-blow of the war. I have however heard via my own sources that RonaldCarabbia is currently approaching crew leaders to confirm information on deaths that my own piece will soon reveal.

I wonder if you bringing me hear with questions is a ploy to distract me from publishing my own work in a timely fashion. I would kindly request that you ask him to refrain from any more war stories on HERALD OF THE UNDERGROUND until I have published - it will clear everything up with perhaps the exception of who killed Gazza though rumours tell me this was the late COF. Good day sir. 
 

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