imperium struggled to get to his feet. Beaten, bloody, bruised and now mentally broken he couldn’t understand how HeadCoach caught up with him. He was sure he safely escaped the clutches of the coach but no…no he did not. 

I…I think I’m concussed. 

Imperium sat back down. His record in the Detroit Bingo was a disappointing 0-3. How would he recover from this onslaught of the mafia basketball team putting their hands in his pants? Time would only tell

Vantas wasn't exactly in the best shape of his life, in fact, his glory days were long passed him. Still he managed to catch BBB and Skidmark. Maybe it was the spiked coffee he had at the cafe earlier. Perhaps it wasn't their day today. Or maybe Vantas was just built different. Shrugs.

Jun 04, 00:10:35    You caught up with Skidmark, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $69,824

Jun 04, 00:10:29    Skidmark PICKPOCKETED you, taking $15,000 from you. If you are quick enough, you can extract a little revenge.

Jun 03, 14:35:54    You caught up with BBB, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $208

Jun 03, 14:35:04    BBB tried to PICKPOCKET you.

I'm serving humble pie out here for anyone daring enough. Free of charge of course. Snickers.

Having woken up feeling smart behind luscious annoyance, my first venture was to find a Schmuck to pocket fellate.  Imperium fit the bill and after a swift rummage I left him feeling a discomfort of unworthiness as I scampered off down the street:

I await a reaction..... 

Henson was a brave man. He used to be a semi-handsome man. Until I caught him, beat him and humiliated him in his own city. Still, I give him kudos for giving it a try where so many others in Detroit have failed to have testicles. As you can see, here, this man attempted to lift my wallet. All he got in return was a pistol whipping, with his main gun I might add.

As they say in Paris, the city of love, a notch is a notch. I'm on the scoreboard, and if anybody here is brave enough there will be more to come. 

It's nice to see some of my fellow Detroit all-stars being mugged. It builds their character. A couple scars mean you've lived dangerously, which is just what we need on the court, given the violent nature of the mafia basketball league. It's nothing but hard elbows and thrown knees in the paint. It seems, however, that my next-level agility and blue-chip speed continue to meet no worthy adversary. 

Jun 04, 07:39:16    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Daiquiri.
Jun 04, 06:18:41    You tried to PICKPOCKET! MidpoinT.
Jun 03, 23:02:42    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Hobbs.

I've been doing a lot of hand grips lately to maximize my ball skills, something that has left my fingers obnoxiously muscular and broad, with tiny six-packs forming at their bases. It's made it very difficult for me to reach into pockets successfully. No big deal though, I'm rich as Croesus and married to a damn supermodel (basically, not professionally), who needs 15k? If my wife weren't constantly at fitness classes, she would kiss me so much, dude, I'm handsome as hell. Anyway, Daiquiri, MidpoinT, Hobbs, better luck next time. Big points up for grabs for catching this vanilla gorilla. 

Easy pickings on the opening night of the Detroit Bingo.

Jun 03, 18:22:49    You PICKPOCKETED! DarkKlay. You took $1,693.

DarkKlay was the first victim. His banner advertising "Don't PP , unless you are willing to pay back" was particularly tempting as I had no intention of paying anything back. Took his $1,693 without even breaking a sweat.  

Jun 03, 20:25:46    You PICKPOCKETED! Shield-Hero. You took $15,000.

Shield-Hero was next, barely above the vagabonds who lurk in the alleyways of Detroit. Where he managed to find $15,000, I'm not quite sure but it's mine now. Some hero. 

Jun 03, 22:07:01    You PICKPOCKETED! KillShot. You took $15,000.

More Chicago money for the Grion Bank. Associate, member, LHM, no difference. These guys are so mug adverse they barely deserve their money.

Then, an assault upon my person. Finally some action. I felt the deft fingers of a young punk in my pockets and knew immediately it had to be someone from Detroit. Whirling around, I caught Triple B, with hands redder than Hobbs' face after whiffing another easy lay-up. I acted on instinct, doing what came naturally and stomped BBB's face into the mud. 

Jun 03, 22:56:28    BBB tried to PICKPOCKET you.

Jun 03, 22:56:46    You caught up with BBB, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $382

$382. A cheap lesson in the Detroit way. 

I heard the sirens coming from the direction of the art gallery and knew a successful job had been pulled. I also knew that the coward Hobbs was obviously not in town. Making my way towards the commotion, I found Void trotting off, score in hand, smug grin upon pudgy face. It was too tempting. 

Jun 03, 23:19:29    You PICKPOCKETED! Void. You took $8,486.

My cut, thank you very much. I proffered my chin, welcoming beating number 25, but it didn't come. Void hadn't even realised he'd been robbed. Another sucker. More stolen currency for the Detroit economy.  

After day one, a day which will have to be chalked up as one of missed opportunities to break the fat fingers of HeadCoach, we've got an early leader.

Vantas with charming beatdowns of Skidmark and BBB, strides ahead of the pack with 8 points.

Paperinik is yet to gloat about whipping the piss out of Mikus_ so their 3 points are currently on ice. 

BBB was very active in the paint, love to see it, being both the yin and the yang in the mug cycle, scoring 1 point for tackling Henson.

I pulverised BBB as reward for his good work, claiming a point in the process. 

Maybe someone else did some mugging, I'm not sure, probably barely even put anyone in the hospital. 

Anyway:

1. Vantas - 8
2. BBB - 1
3. Grin-22 - 1
4. Hobbs - 1

*Paperinik 3 points pending.

Daiquiri had awoken early and was detouring through Detriot before her next flight. She hasn't slept well and was barely awake when she approached a kiosk at the airport. She very much needed a large cup of coffee. That's when it happened, a warm, clammy, rough-skinned hand slipped into her left pocket. At first, she didn't quite realise what was going on, for she was distracted watching the barista do his art in her coffee cup. However, when it did dawn on her and she turned around no one was there.

"Dammit," she muttered out loud as she looked around at the crowds of people. Looking at all those strangers hands. Nothing seemed to match what she just experienced. Whilst at the same time she was relieved that the stranger went into her empty left pocket and got bugger all. She turned back to the kiosk to pay for her coffee with the money she has in abundance in her right pocket. 

She then went on her way to get her departure flight from the city as she mumbled to herself "It's a shame I didn't see who it was, I would've recommended an intense course of skincare!"

Coach whips out his handheld whiteboard and takes a quick look at his most recent victims. 

    Jun 04, 17:59:15    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Atropos.
    Jun 04, 16:26:05    You tried to PICKPOCKET! CourtneyLaPlante.
    Jun 04, 14:37:25    You PICKPOCKETED! Billy-Costigan. You took $319.
    Jun 04, 13:31:32    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Sosabowski.
    Jun 04, 10:10:51    You PICKPOCKETED! potato. You took $345.
    Jun 04, 08:15:21    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Rustam.

"A cool 319 + 345 bucks for Coach. You do the math because I certainly won't. Another beautiful day as the most unmuggable man in the mafia. Is anybody going to earn any points off me this tournament? I'm more and more discouraged by the lack of explosive power around this community, it's two steps and I'm on a clean break. You bring that kind of lethargy onto the ball court and you're gonna look like the famously lugubrious @Constipated attempting to figure out a joke and whether he should kill someone (or his own RH) for it. Heads on a swivel, people."

Jun 04, 14:31:20 You caught up with ♥Skidmark, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $64,367

OMalley smiled, clearly pleased with himself…

“Prolly getting in on this too late, but was fun none the less!”

Never make a Cad ma!

Evil moustache at the ready.

Gnoch was a man of the Americas, he never let himself stay in one place for more than a few days at a time. While Vegas was his home, he would also frequent Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, and yes, sometimes even the city of motor oil and high school basketball teams that kept going defunct thanks to grown men stealing their courts and not allowing the children to practice.

This particular stay in Detroit was different than his usual, however, as there was a ring of pickpocketers that had taken up out of one of these high schools that had to shut down recently due to the hardcore Over-40 basketball squads. One of their largest men, be it in girth and power in Detroit, Grin, ran up to Gnoch as he was eating a chicken parmesan minding his own business and attempted to rifle through his pockets.

Before Gnoch could even take in what just happened, Grin realized his miscalculation and ran from the powerful Vegas Consigliere. For a split moment it looked almost as if he had gotten on all fours, his hands pushing against the ground to get faster momentum out of the area, like some sort of weird creature that wasn't quite human-- while this confused and slightly startled Gnoch, he knew that he couldn't let himself be attacked like that. There must be some sort of repentance by this lowly member of Detroit.

It was a trap, of course, as Gnoch knew this greedy man would want nothing more than to accept any sort of way to gain a quick buck, which was obviously why he attempted to shove his hands into the Vegas mobsters pockets in the first place. As quickly as he showed up to accept the OC, it was declined right from under him and the beatdown of a century commenced.

"I'll be using this to buy a new sandwich. I realize you must be going through tough times, but next time just ask if you need some money."

Having invested a lot of money into making sure she was as stealthy as possible -- including many painful surgeries that made her footsteps inaudible and tailoring all of her clothes to be made out of silk so they wouldn't rustle and make noise whenever she moved -- Climax lived a relatively peaceful life. She got to read her books, do her knitting, sharpen her knives, water her plants... but most of all, she almost never got pickpocketed, except for when one of her pesky hands Gnoch or Geralt used the crew locator to find out where she was.

She thought today was going to be a regular day. She was hanging out at the local prison setting the inmates free for funsies when she felt something brush up against her back pocket.

Climax quickly turned around and was face-to-face with Grin-22, a basketball player from Detroit who she knew to wear the 22 jersey, then 114, but now he's just running around topless apparently. He tried running away but for a basketball player, he didn't have much speed because in a little over 10 seconds, he was already on the ground while Climax towered over him. She knew raising fists was never the answer because after all, she preferred kicking people rather than punching them.

A fine day of near-death pummelings to enjoy yesterday. The first successfully reported beatdown of that oaf, Jaws, catapults Utter_Cad to the top of the table. Father_OMalley caught up with Skidmark and left him lying in a pool of his own blood. Exactly the way you should treat someone who's name you have tattooed on your calf inside a little heart. HeadCoach's slovenly escapes continue to go unpunishied and I enjoyed muggings number 25 and 26, one of which has not even been gloated about. Poor form, Wish. The other, well, the less said about that the better. Just another reason why I should not put my body on the line for these art gallery jobs I guess. Always trying to help, that's my problem. I suppose at least Gnoch managed to pull himself away from his caviar and champagne dinners long even to share the story. And so what if he lured a lowly laundry boy away form the driers with the prospect of making more than minimum wage for once. Big deal. A ruptured Achilles tendon, a broken orbital, a few broken ribs and a $44 theft. None of that is new to me. Are you proud of tricking a man who has been mugged almost as many times as Hobbs has failed OCs? Well, you shouldn't be. I almost feel like awarding the 5 points to someone else on a point of principle. I won't though, because, unlike certain other people, Gnoch, I'm not a conniving sneak thief. 

So, the standings:

1. Utter_Cad - 25
2. Vantas - 8
3. Father_OMalley - 7
4. BBB - 1
5. Grin-22 - 1
6. Hobbs - 1

*Paperinik 3 points gloat-dependent.

*Wish 5 points gloat-dependent.

Onto day 3 and already, an early morning inch-of-life stomping for Grin-22. The Detroit breakfast special. Things can only go up from here, right?  

Iron Mike was enjoying a lazy Sunday but suddenly senses a hand hover near his trouser region. Is this going to be a friendly bum pat from HeadCoach to show he is a valued and appreciated part of Mug city? Is it thuck. Some rotter was trying to lift Iron Mikes wallet. He hadn't trained this hard to not beat the snot out of people & since his fave victim Southsider was on the missing list along with RonaldCarabbia he hadn't enjoyed a good beat down for a while.

Iron Mike gives Touch_Of_Evil a beathing he wouldnt forget in a while finishing with a vicious uppercut. 

"Cmon friendth, lets get you down to the pride of Detroit the 12th Street Public Bathroom to get you cleaned up."

Iron Mike was off the mark in the Detroit Bingo competition with a great showing of pugilithic perfection resulting in a rethpectable +2

Since my last report, I've been hustling around Detroit like a man possessed, heaving my sausage fingers into the pockets of unsuspecting chumps like I've got a cross-country tour of continental breakfasts to pay for. I remained unmuggable - a flash of lightning, like a boulder shot out of a catapult.

    Jun 05, 13:50:14    You PICKPOCKETED! Sue. You took $15,000.
    Jun 05, 06:59:01    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Mugsy.
    Jun 04, 21:46:47    You PICKPOCKETED! Bear. You took $15,000.
    Jun 04, 20:43:35    You PICKPOCKETED! Cursed. You took $290.
    Jun 04, 19:30:17    You PICKPOCKETED! Dak-. You took $15,000.
    Jun 04, 18:59:32    You tried to PICKPOCKET! Hobbs.

But look at me now. I'm chewed up like a dog toy. It took a man from Detroit to catch me. A fellow athlete. And not just any athlete: a champion. We went a full 8 rounds, punch for punch, handing each other a beatdown so vicious we both could've been killed. That's the Detroit way. Good fight, MikeTyson. Rest up, big guy. 

Jun 05, 14:22:08    MikeTyson caught up to you and beat you down. They took $83,076 back. As they walk away they say, "POW IN THE KISSER".
Jun 05, 14:21:47    You tried to PICKPOCKET! MikeTyson.
Jun 05, 14:20:43    You caught up with MikeTyson, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $0
Jun 05, 14:20:28    MikeTyson tried to PICKPOCKET you.

That was a hell of a beating Coath. Really brought the spirit of Mug City to that scrap. Iron Mike is proud to be a part of thith fine dynasty. What doenth kill you maketh you thronger I always say. 

You caught up with @HeadCoach, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $83,076

Following our clash of the titans I went to clean up down at the 12th Street Public Bathroom I noticed I had a part of your tooth wedged in my fist. It may or may not have fell onto the floor. Do you want it back my friendth? Given the magnificence of the beating you gave me in turn, I think you will be going in as the favourite in the betting for my soon to launch, super thucthessful boxing competition. 

Iron Mike doesn't do numerth math but he is pretty sure that puts him on 12 for the Bingo competition. Now iths time to reth up & drink some protein shakes to prepare for my next victim.

After recovering from the terrific beating HeadCoach had inflicted Mike decided to head out West to give the citizens of Summerlin a chance at Detroit Bingo glory. He ad spotted world renowned explorer and well known multiple sylible word user Indiana-Jones on a street corner. Iron Mike had took his wallet & secured a cool $15,000 the guyth didn't even try to fight back.

You PICKPOCKETED! #Indiana-Jones. You took $15,000.

'Strange people out here' muses Mike. Little did I know this guy had not given up, after a hard set of squats & working the heavy bag at the Detroit Mafia Basketball Gym in thummerlin & enjoying a communal shower with Skidmark & Denis I noticed a shadowy figure wearing a geeky fedora going through my locker. Needless to say I beat the brakes off that chump & ended up a hell of a lot richer.

You caught up with #Indiana-Jones, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $547,448

Who will be next victim of Mikes Summerlin Pick Pocket Spree? Hobbs I think...

"Can individuals be banned for failing miserably?"

Nyarlathotep tried to PICKPOCKET you.