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Boxing Competithion Started by: MikeTyson on Jun 07, '22 11:29

Iron Mike was in a much better condition than for the round one fights, his knee's were no longer weak, his armth no longer spaghetti. His recent brush with the law behind him he was feeling content and confident. He didn't bother scanning the stadium for missing sports reporter FrenchieHorn, his sources had indicated Ms Reynolds had eloped with RonaldCarabbia hot on the trail of the Mastrosimone Mutual Fund treasure.

"Friendths, for the thousands in attendance as well as the millions watching at home on pay per view. From the fabulous JFMAST sports stadium. LETS GET READY TO RUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBBBLLLLLEEEEEEEE!"

The crowd goes wild. Iron Mike is looking confident and swole in a smart grey shirt his biceps bulging like melons. The camera pans in & Iron Mike is sitting comfortably in the commentary box. The camera pans down quickly across the crowd & zooms into the ring as the venue lights cut out. Iron Mikes distinctive tone cuts across the aid via loudspeaker for commentary. The venue lights raise with both fighters in the ring.

"Ladieth & Gentleman welcome to the thecond round of our greatly thuccessful and totally original boxing competition. Our first fight of the evening is a qualifier to take on the buddah of ball, the girth god himself HeadCoach. The fight had been confirmed at the last moment given Coath's original opponent had split to the old country rather than take on the Iga Swiatek of mafia boxing. Please welcome to the ring Hobbs & Imperium"

The camera cuts to the locker rooms where reporter & Better Boxing Bureau representative BBB is waiting to do a pre fight interview of Imperium. As BBB walks into the locker room with camera crew in tow he finds Imperium doing some sort of thot dance, shaking his arse around like some cheap thloot. BBB looks aghast. A North Side Don no less twerking to get in the fighters frame of mind. "Back to you in the studio Iron Mike"

The venue lights dim then flash back into full power with both fighters in their respective corners. As the referee points out he wants a clean fight Imperium takes the opportunity to pat Hobbs on the head. This seems to enrage the Thummerlin Don.

"We could have a real grudge match on our hands here guyth" 

Hobbs is first into action as the bell rings, he closes the space & hits Imperium with a stiff jab. Imperium eats the jab & looks a little concerned. Hobbs follows up with two thunderous body blows. Imperium quickly steps away to make some space. A very clear shout from the crowd of "YOU CAN DO IT IMPERIUM, CUT HIS THUCKING HEAD OFF" is picked up by the ring mics. Spurred on by the support Imperium lets out 3 quick jabs, snap, snap, snap. Hobbs eats them with a grunt. He tries to follow up with a wild right hook but missed & the bell rings for the end of round 1.

Round 2 begins much the same as round 1 with Hobbs on the front foot. The ring Mic's pick up Imperium saying "Look Hobbs, a guy playing basketball in Summerlin" Hobbs turns to look & Imperium hits him with a massive overhand right. Hobbs is down, the ref is counting...8,9,10. Imperium wins by knockout.

Many boo's can be heard from the stadium as Vegas have brought many fans to sample the delights of Mug City. This isn't a popular winner with the crowd, but a win is a win.

"Imperium wins the qualifier to face the buddah of ball HeadCoach. After a commercial break we will be back with our next fight on the card, an all female, all Vegas contest LittleBunnyFooFoo Vs Daiquiri"

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"This event would like to pay thanks to our key sponsors, the church of Squishy & Chase & Sanborn Coffee. Pressure packed for freshness."

The camera pans to a dispirited Iron Mike in the studio. 

"Up next for the thousands in attendance & millions watching at home we have possibly the worst trash talkers on gods earth the Las Vegas Glamazonians Daiquiri Vs LittleBunnyFooFoo."

"In a first for our mafia boxing competition we have a fully female fight. Alina put in a great showing for the fairer sex in round 1 kicking the piss out of the Better Basketball Boxing Bureau representative Colossus Toby. Lets see how the girls from the West Coast fair."

As the lights go up both ladies are in the ring. Daiquiri comments on how much she likes LittleBunnyFooFoo's hair & Iron Mike grimaces. This was not helping toward the aggressive, rip someones arm off & beat them to death with it, atmosphere Mike was trying to build.

With an unexpected show of aggression as the bell rings Daiquiri aims & slams a MASSIVE thucking headbutt on LittleBunnyFooFoo

"Now this is more like it" exclaims an excited Iron Mike.

The ref has spotted it, hes deducting a point from Daiquiri. I don't think it will matter, it looks like these ladies will be going full throttle to knock each other out...The creature from Iron Mikes childhood nightmares (LittleBunnyFooFoo) shakes her head, recovers her composure and blasts a combo of jab, cross, hook into Daiquiri. Daiquiri counters with a heavy body shot. LittleBunnyFooFoo is winded but Daiquiri doesn't take advantage. 

The bell for the end of round 1 sounds with both fighters returning to their corners. 

"Well that was a hell of a thrap. Kudoth to both fighters"

The bell sounds for round 2. Daiquiri has lost it, shes only gone & slapped another HUGE thucking headbutt on LittleBunnyFooFoo. Its all over the ref has stopped the fight. Daiquiri is disqualified & LittleBunnyFooFoo moves onto the quarter finals.

The atmosphere in the JFMAST arena is at fever pitch, the crowd are going bonkers. We may need to bring in tear gas as crowd control at this rate. The level of hooting & hollering from the stands is immense. Clearly the crowd are thirsty for blood tonight.

"My goodnethth I have never seen a fight like that. I think with a few sessions down at Iron Mikes Muscle Maker & some extensive trash talk practice I could make a hell of a fighter out of Daiquiri with that raw animal aggreththion. If you ever get the urge for a career change or to get away from twigs give Iron Mike a call. Congratulations to our first quarter finalist LittleBunnyFooFoo!"

"We will be back after a short commercial break"  

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"We would like to thank our sponsor Coca Cola. Do not run the rithk of your kid growing up to be a math nerd. Do yourself a favour, do your kids a favour! Start them on Coke today!"

The camera cuts to Iron Mike in the studio & pans out to reveal BBB

"Ladieth and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce for your viewing please, the man, the myth the GOD DAM LEGEND BBB who is returning for the second time to provide us with guest commentary for Illuminatiated Vs MidpoinT. Take it away brother BBB"

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"Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to our broadcast. Tonight we have the 2nd round fights of the MikeTyson boxing competition. I thank you for joining us tonight, live for our next exciting fight. I'm not a very well-dressed man and tonight I am looking forward to another exhilarating fight between our two competitors. This fight is brought to you by Hobber for all your business evaluation needs. Thank you to Void for his generous donation which will help keep Dimilazzo in handmade underwear for the foreseeable future".

"There is a palpable sense of excitement here tonight. We have a sell-out crowd here in the area to watch these two titans go head-to-head".

"First, we have Illuminatiated aka Illumin aka Chief of the VNP. Speaking to Illumin earlier he told me he hoped MidpoinT would underestimate his power and he was hoping that MidpoinT just didn't show up. An interesting tactic there but we will see how it plays out for him. I think we are almost ready for Illumin to make his appearance".

Heavenly music fills the air

"Oh wow! look at that bright light filling the area and shining down on the entrance ramp. Illumin is on his knees up on a platform being lowered from the heavens. Either this man fully believes his own VNP hype or is he actually a heavenly character. I will let you at home make up your minds; He's wearing a white cowboy hat and robe over his boxing gear. What a sight this is. The platform has now touched down and wow there's a burst of smoke and he's thrown off his hat and robe".

New music has burst into life

"He's wearing plain white shorts, white gloves, and white boots. He’s posing for pictures at the entranceway. He loves the attention. I can see that strange symbol on the waist of his trunks now that the smoke is clearing. Here he comes down towards the ring. Strutting like he owns the place. He’s stopping to talk to fans as he goes. Oh, he's stopped and ladies and gentlemen he would appear to have brought his photographer to capture the day's events. Illumin is mincing around and throwing poses. He's made his way into the ring and is continuing his enjoyment. It seems there's a mixed reaction from the camera to this behaviour and Illumin himself. I can see Hobbs at ringside booing and moaning. He seems to have a mannequin beside him and a Void puppet on his arm. Hobbs is fighting with the puppet folks Go Detroit the puppet cries, boo replies Hobbs. Quite the sight ladies and gentlemen I guess the beating MidpoinT gave caused some real damage to Hobbs. But enough about Hobbs this day belongs to other characters".

"Illumin is pandering to the crowd now and handing out free sweets to the crowd. Where did those sweets come from? Illumin doesn't have any pockets. Don't take candy from strangers. A typical cheap trick to get them onside but it seems to be working".

Illumins music cuts off and new music plays.

"MidpoinT has had enough of these pandering and false niceties. Here he comes down to the ring with the Hobbs killer look in his eye. The crowd are on their feet for the miracle man the merciless MidpoinT. He's wearing his previous outfit which is boots, gloves and shorts matching the LV colours. He has the rainbow flags on the sides of his shorts and “The Zoo” is written across his waist. Middy is not rushing down to the ring this time. He seems to be conserving more energy than before. I tried to talk to him before the match folks, but he simply grunted at me and pushed me aside. One day we might manage to drug test him if he falls asleep ever or stays still but so far, we haven't been successful. MidpoinT is now in the ring and keeping himself loose. MikeTyson has been dragged away from chatting to a blonde in the front row to do his damn job. Mikes explains the rules to both men. Illumin looks nervous, as would I if I was standing across from MidpoinT the mincing machine. The crowd roars as Mike calls for the bell and we are underway".

"MidpoinT is going in hard here early on as expected. A zebra does change its stripes wait that’s not right, anyway MidpoinT the murderer is chasing Illumin around the ring. Lulu has been caught with two right hands to the face so far. Any more damage to his beautiful face and there will be tears amongst the women of this world and men as well sure who am I to judge. I spend most of my time chasing Hobbs around and talking to goats. Illumin is returning with some shorts of his own. He’s picking his punches carefully and there isn’t much menace or anger in his punches. More a gentle tap. I know he's a nice guy and all, but I think all he's doing is angering MidpoinT. MidpoinT is chasing hard again and there are awwws and oooohhh from the crowd as he lands some heavy body shots on Illumin. The bell rings and that's the end of the round. An interesting one. I'm not sure Illumin has the temperament for boxing, but we will see what the second round brings. We go live to German Sheppard number 2 who is with Skidmark. Vell Skidmark vat du yo think o ze match zo faa? Well I think if Illumin doesn't get a little angry and start putting some venom in those punches then he's going to lose. vack to yo VVV". 

"Thank you for that German Sheppard number 2. Looks like we are ready to get underway again. Both fighters are up, and the bell has been rung. MidpoinT is moving fast now dodging lefts and rights from Ilumin. He’s worked his way in close and is catching big body shots. Illumin bounces back and away. He’s gotta keep away. He never going to win a slugging match with MidpoinT. Illumin returns with to jabs. He’s using his reach to keep MidpoinT further away. Jab and move, jab, and move. He’s getting himself into a rhythm now. A quick 3-punch combo shakes MidpoinT but MidpoinT is quickly back in. We have seen this man that beating before. MidppoinT ducks under a jab and gets in a heavy body shot. The crowd gasps. Illumin drops to one knee. That was a big one folks. MikeTyson starts the count as MidpoinT paces back and forth. Illumin makes it to his feet at 5 and we are back at it. The crowd roar as MidpoinT goes back on the attack. They want blood, not sunshine and rainbows. Illumin is rocked backwards, and the crowd erupts".

"Illumin makes his way back to his corner and Mike is going to have a word with him. MidpoinT is prowling. This man never stops, does he. Mike has finished his speech. I wonder what was said. Oh Hello, I have been joined in the commentary booth by Dimilazzo. How’s it going, friend? I was just popping in to tell you I overheard what Mike said to Illumin. Oh, nice one. That's great. We have an exclusive here folks. Take it away Dimilazzo. Well, Mike told Illumin to get angry and man up before he got himself hurt. He told him to get to his angry place and find the very evil person inside of him. Sorry, I can't make an impression of Mike, I'm too scared. Bye. Thank you Dimilazzo. Interesting to hear. Let's see if it makes a difference".

"The bell rings for the 3rd round. MidpoinT rushes out of his corner. Illumin stands up and he’s staring at the ground. What's going on folks. MidpoinT stops in his tracks. Illumin begins to laugh and his shoulders shake. The arena falls quiet with confusion. Time seems to be standing still. I'm whispering into the mic. The only sound that can be heard in the arena is the maniacal laugh of a madman. Illumin is raising his head and his expression is completely changed. He’s, he's smirking evilly. He raises his arms out towards Mike. You want him out Mike, you got him out, ladies and gentlemen welcome Disillusioned. Illumin leaps forward evilly. He dodges left and right! He hammering MidpoinT with heavy blows. This is unbelievable. MidpoinT is busted open. MidpoinT falls backwards and onto the mat. The crowd is silent. I'm shocked, I don't believe what I am seeing. Illumin jumps onto the top of MidpoinT and continues beating MidpoinT. Mike called for the bell. The beating continues. Mike pulls Illumin off MidpoinT but Illumin pushes him off and continues throwing hammer blows into MidpoinT’s head. I gotta stop this, I'm going in".

BBB slides into the ring along with Conqueeftador and Skidmark. They eventually manage to drag Illumin off MidpoinT. Illumin pulls himself away from the group of men and stares them down. His expression changes to one of sadness and sorrow. You forced me, Mike, I didn't want to let him free. He looks down at MidpoinT and looks shocked. I'm sorry man, I love you. Illumin begins to sob lightly and rolls out of the ring and makes his way out of the arena. The men stand shocked in the ring and looking at each other, medical staff rush down to the aid of MidpoinT and the crowd is silent.

BBB made his way back to the commentary table.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner Illuminatiated. But at what cost".

People in the crowd looked bewildered and stared lost into the distance. All but one man Hobbs smiled and whispered to his mannequin and Void puppet  "I knew it, I knew the secret all along and no one listened".

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Iron Mike is tumescent with excitement. What a fight. What a commentary! Where did that blonde go? The camera pans onto Iron Mike who has quickly bounced back from being thrown to the ground while trying to rescue an unconscious MidpoinT from possible brain injury at the hands of a mad man. Mike is proud of his mug city breatheren @Conqeeftador, Skidmark & BBB putting their health on the line to help a man in need. He was even more proud that no one rushed to help Hobbs when he got his dome cracked by Imperium.

"What a fight...I am still in a little shock. Congratulations to Illumintiated who moves into the quarter finals to fight the winner of our next bout"

Iron Mike notices @Immuminatiated striding across the arena in his direction. Thuck did this guy want to fight an expert now. Surely he knows you can't beat a pup then move onto the big dog? No no, all is well, he now looks calm. Which is excellent thucking timing as I would like to welcome to the studio our next guest commentator who will be covering the Danish destroyer & recent godfather murderer newly promoted head of Las Vegas twigs Vs a man dear to my heart, mug cities finest Denis. Take it away Illuminatiated.

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Hobbs enjoyed the Illuminatiated fight. It had been a real ding-dong battle and he'd let his real persona slip out. Just for a second the mask slipped and a hideous goblin man appeared.

"Yes, yes. Embrace it. Embrace the dark side. Very nice, very evil.

He also loved BBB's struggles to pronounce Illuminatiated's ridiculous name. Hobbs heckled as such from the gallery.


Hobbs winced as he shouted. He'd taken another unexpected loss at the hands of Imperium. Too much showboating, as well as a nasty betrayal from The Better Basketball Bureau. Hobbs was convinced they'd put baby oil inside his gloves and made them slippery to start with. That, alongside underhand distraction tactics had proven his undoing.

"I hate you" Hobbs said through split teeth. Maybe he could get the very nice, very evil person to curse Imperium and make his legs fall off or something.

Hobbs needed a doctor to fix his face and mouth so he could talk when the time came for the epic conclusion to the day long rivalry that had consumed his consciousness today. Skidmark vs McIver. Hobbs knew who he wanted to win, but it wasn't for him to choose. OR WAS IT?

Suspenseful piano music played in the background from somewhere.

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The camera cuts back to a distressed looking Iron Mike. 

"Ladieth & Gentlemen & the millionth watching at home. I have had news from our producers that Gnoch is having trouble locating his boxing gloves in the locker room & our medical team are having to check over Illuminatiated following his fight so we will be moving onto our next scheduled fight of the evening."

"This grudge match has already drawn one duel request & should be a real blood & guts contest. Our first fighter is the man who knocked out a real live horse (& a fat fucking one at that) Bricktowns finest Skidmark. His opponent hailing from New York is Right Hand Man to Sunrise, duel decliner extrodinare & sometime Bush Master Johnny-McIver. The winner of this right will go on to fight the winner of HeadCoach Vs Imperium in our quarter finals."

"I am proud to announce our guest commentator for this fight, with a mafia boxing record of 0 wins & 2 losses, our most expensive guest commentator so far. (I haven't paid him, the bathtard has just lost me loads of money with his crackpot lottery schemes) the number 1 in sports entertainment (Grimace) friend to few, enemy to most, the lunatic who thinks he can stop mafia basketball in Thummerlin. Ladieth & Gentlemen, its guest commentator Hooobs...Erm Hobbs."

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"Ladies and Gentleman boys and girls, children of all ages. Welcome to the Skidmark v McIver fight. In the build up to this match up things got very heated, very personal, and almost very violent. We almost had our second match up cancelled due to a death - and in that circumstance I am assured by my lawyer that I would have got the call to fill in as a ringer despite my less than sterling 0/2 record in competitive boxing. Anyway, let's cut to the footage from the press-conference and weigh in"

A Mciver video package plays first. A relatively unknown entity from the Bronx. Right Hand Man to the Merchant of New York Sunrise:

"We all know what's about to happen. Skidmark? Please I run laps around this kid, I'll leave skidmarks all over his face. He don't want this smoke, I got two dangerous weapons and they are these right here...."

"Skidmark goes down in the first round. I guarantee it."

"You can't hide from me though! We can fight anytime, anyplace, anywhere."

The final word anywhere echoes around the arena. Strong words from Johnny McIver.

Next Skidmark's package plays. Skidmark number one free throw shooter in Detroit and top on steals:

"They call him "Bushmaster", apparently? I'm going to be mopping the ring with that uncontrollable mess of pubes after I knock him out! I'm the man around here! I'm pretty! I'm so bad I should be in detention! You don't want any of this, Johnny!"

"Now you can talk smack all day long about what you plan on doing to me in the ring, but if you are talking about doing it anytime, anywhere, well, that means something entirely different, doesn't it? If you want to settle it out in the street, we can duel at high noon, out in the wild west of Las Vegas".

"As we saw in the pre-match footage, a duel was offered but declined with Johnny-McIver insisting this will be settled in the ring! We've also had some info tricking through this morning from the Better Boxing Bureau who are overseeing the event. A represetnative from the Bureau has confirmed they turned down a last minute request to turn this into a non sanctioned fight, meaning in essence the rules would be relaxed and we'd have a very different affair on our hands. We understand the request came directly from Skidmark but the New York camp were one hundred percent against it.

Pre-match odds have the fight firmly stacked in Skidmark's favor. His showing in the weigh in showed he's trigger quick to anger. Skidmark has a clear height and weight advantage - but we are assured by the on hand Detroit medical staff that this is absolutely nothing to do with HGH supplements, and we are also to ignore his shrivelled testicles, as quite frankly, we shouldn't be looking anywhere and are an utter disgrace to commentary teams everywhere..." Hobbs whispered to a technician stood by "Can we edit that part out? I'm not Void! I'm not a pervert?"

Regaining his composure Hobbs continued

"McIver is considered something of a ladies man, and is very protective of his face. A fact that may give Skidmark an entry point as this fight progresses. He has shown great skill in getting under his opponents skin; a tactic that may pay off as we get into the fight and give him an underdogs advantage."

Scene set Hobbs stepped back to allow the ring entries

McIver entered first as a chorus of female fans chanted 'Muff Diver McIver' through the arena. He lapped it up clearly happy with his lot in life. In next was the favourite, at 6 foot 6 from NORRRRRRRRRRTH CAROLINAAAAAAAAAA entered Skidmark wearing his ridiculous trademark Basketball apparel. Skidmark was all business and stepped into the ring. After brief concurrence in respective corners the fighters met in the middle of the ring, touched gloves and were ready to go.

Round one: Skidmark Swinging

"Skidmark straight out of the blocks throwing aggressive jabs and hooks. One caught McIver flush on the jaw, and he stumbles back and drops to his knee. Skidmark strides in and follows with more swings as Mciver goes down muttering something about his pretty face. The referee pushes Skidmark away and escorts him into the corner. Skidmark looking wild to this commentator! 

Skidmark the clear winner in round one."

Round two: McIver Diving

"A cautious McIver comes forward and is once again met with raw aggression from a clearly riled up Skidmark in danger of losing his discipline. A faint touch and McIver was down on the ground again. Where'd that come from? He barely hit him! Skidmark follows in close again with punches and a sly kick. McIver opened his eyes and winked at the camera. Was this a new tactic....?

The referee once again gives Skidmark a warning. One more and you're done seemed to be the call! Well I never, this isn't the Basketball court now sunshine, put those elbows away!"

Round three: Skidmark Bites

"Skidmark looks incensed by the tactics on display! Straight into the middle for a grapple, and wait, what was that?! Blood is splurting everywhere.. could it be? YES IT COULD. SKIDMARK HAS BITTEN THE EAR STRAIGHT OFF JOHNNY MCIVER. I can't believe what I'm seeing! Shades of Tyson, clearly a tactic picked up down at Iron Mike's Muscle Maker. The referre doesn't like it, but Skidmark doesn't seem to care. Skidmark is cheering holding the ear as a prize! ...HE'S JUST PUT IT ONTO A NECKLACE AND IS WEARING IT ROUND HIS NECK LIKE SOME KIND OF CANNIBALISTIC SAVAGE. Please stay with me folks whilst I try see through the crimson mist!"

A brief pause before the facts come to the fore.

"The referee has disqualified @Skidmark. @Johnny-McIver is the winner! Never in all my days of watching boxing (one) have I seen anything like this before! INCREDIBLE SCENES HERE. Congratulations Johnny. Johnny...? Can you 'ear me? YOU WON! BACK TO YOU MIKE IN THE STUDIO, WOO".

Hobbs stepped down not sure what he had just witnessed.

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The atmosphere in the JFMAST Arena was at fever pitch. The mug city locals are incensed at seeing their contender disqualified. Hooting & Hollering at a level usually reserved for Iron Mikes Muscle Maker is blasting out from the stands. If this evening descends further into madness we may have a death toll to rival any competitive writing event! Will the madnethth thtop?

The camera cuts to a sheepish looking Iron Mike in the studio. 

"An exthellent round from brother Skidmark. That referee is a dithgrace! Thank you Hobbs for that fine commentary. While a very poor class of fighter you are a middling hotelier (2.9 stars at best) and excellent commentator. Congratulations to bushmaster Johnny-McIver who progresses to the quarter finals"

"Keeping the action moving thick and fast let me introduce our next guest commentator. The camera zooms out (Way way out) to reveal the Buddah of Ball, the Iga Swiatek of mafia boxing, the Grirth God himself...HeadCoach"

"Thankth for being with us tonight Coath. This next fight needs to hype from Iron Mike, its the Danish destroyer & recent godfather murderer newly promoted head of Las Vegas @twigs Vs a man dear to my heart, mug cities finest Denis. Take it away Coath."

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"Thank you Mike. First of all, I'd like to congratulate Skidmark on his breakfast, it's a shame tournament rules punish a good fighter for finding a mid-round snack. We've got a great fight on our hands here, and without further do, let's introduce the fighters...


He's the most handsome man in Detroit and that's a ladder not easily climbed, our fighter in the red shorts floats like a stale tortilla and stings like antiseptic. Once the boss of Corktown before stepping down to focus on his training, most days you can find him pulling extra thick anchor chains or doing weighted underwater sprinting at the local pool, in just two of the many unnecessarily elaborate workout routines he performs to crowds of salivating potential sexual partners. If there's one quality his opponents will know and fear as he steps into the ring, it's that there's never been a fighter with hair this good, nor punches this tender. 


The crowd goes wild, an entire seated section of hard-bodied workout warriors (the Detroit home fans) begin to chant, "Denis! Denis! Denis!".


All the way from The Strip, Las Vegas, our fighter in the blue shorts might be most famous for giving HeadCoach a war-time home in exchange for a series of life-changing 1-on-1 training sessions, but his list of accomplishments doesn't end there; he also remains a friend of HeadCoach, the person who authed HeadCoach, and is not Goku. Though he faces a Mug City champion, this fighter is not to be underestimated; his haymakers strike with all the violence of a competitive writing contest and he eats a punch as non-chalantly as he overthrew a regime, it's the Godfather-Chairman of Las Vegas...


The away section gets some cheering in but are quickly drowned out by the powerful, unprecedented decibel levels the Detroit crowd is able to conjure. The bell rings and the fighters are off their corners.

"Denis is quickly out of his corner, tip-toeing around the ring with the grace of a swan and looking hot as hell, an adonis, there are sketch artists in the crowd taking hours to shade the musculature of his upper body. A jab here, a hook there, perfect technique, it's like watching a Greek sculpture perform power-violence. twigs is ducking and weaving well, not taking much damage, but looking equally enamored with the Corktown casanova. The Godfather-Chairman throws an uppercut right into Denis' jaw and it rebounds with a pling and a dimpled smile. A woman in the crowd faints. Can I get a water? Somebody get me a water. It's hot in here right? God damnit he's one handsome bastard.

The bell rings and our fighters are in their corners after round 1, twigs looks focused, determined, while Denis recieves a quick trim and a shave from the team barber. They're off again, the scent of a fresh squirt of cologne emanating from the red corner, and the fight begins to develop in twigs' favor. He's moving well, switching stances, sending body shots into a set of tanned, rock-hard abs that you could eat sushi off of. Denis is starting to look uncomfortable, which makes us all sad, because something so beautiful should not suffer, like a baby bird or a butterfly. 

Denis is struggling to find a response to the increased aggression, and twigs is moving in with quick hooks left and right, setting himself up for a big one, trying to find an opening. He's got the look of a man who led a revolution now, every strike is starting to land like the play-by-play of their momentous first wave - there goes CLO, there goes SatoruGoju, goodnight HeadHunterX. Denis is reeling, he's got his hands up protecting his money-maker, he's backed into his own corner - and twigs lands one right in the temple, Denis is down, HE'S DOWN, and the ref calls it!


A small riot breaks out in the home section, with several people reaching into each others pockets and emerging with around 15k, before being brutally beaten down by close friends & strangers alike.&nbsp;

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Iron Mike was stunned. First brother Skidmark beaten, by a no doubt roid rage induced disqualification & now Denith out cold at the hands of twigs. Not a good round so far for Mug City. 'I knew I thould have entered this thucking thing, show them how the art of pugilithm is really performed' broods Iron Mike.

"Thankth HeadCoach for your wonderful guest commentary, good luck later this evening in your bout against Imperium."

"Congratulations twigs on your victory. twigs will face off against @Illuminat... Thuck it. Ian. twigs will face off against Ian in the quarter finals."

Iron Mike is hopeful the detergent destroyer can bring some much needed victory back to mug city in the next fight.

"Ladieth & Gentlemen, our next fight is between Mug Citys own Grin-22, who beat the brakes off of a mute girl in the first round & untested Paradise crew leader Justice. The shit talk before this round was text book, with Grin referring to his opponent as 'Just another stain who he can rub out, & Justice firing back with 'Fuck you Grin I'm gonna administer a life sentence with these hands. You're going down.'"

The scene was set as the two fighters enter the ring. Grin had his lucky JFK_Jr vest tucked into his shorts but throws it to his corner-man as he steps into the ring. 

"Clearly Ladieth & Gentlemen if this fight goes down to experience Grin-22 is an easy winner. In Mug city we have beat the piss out of grin since time immemorial. He has the experience of a fist to the face & the cold heart to run the best dam laundry room in the mafia basketball league. Letth thee how thingth play out."

Justice looks to be starting hard & fast. He Snaps out a stiff jab to the face, followed up by 2 heavy body shots. Grin eats them all with a smile. His mug hardened body is not going to be a weakness. He juke-steps his way into space & hits Justice with a solid overhand right. Justice looks stunned, this could be over in round 1.

Iron Mike lets out a yell of 'CMON GRIN DO IT FOR MUG CITY BABY' before putting his professional impartial observer hat back on.

Wait what is this...It can't be. It thucking is. FrenchieHorn is in the building!!! Back from her hiatus searching for the missing Mastrosimone Mutual fund funds! Finally she may actually do her dam job (Which I am not paying her for) & report on some dam sportth. Hold on... She is pushing her way through the crowd with the grace & anger of Eric Dier, heading directly for the ring. Grin is looking directly at her. I can't hear over the crowd noise but it looks like she is shouting something about the father of her baby, no no hold on that's not right its some nonsense about a hugely over sized and particularly ugly suit.

Grin has turned his back on Justice to remonstrate with Frenchie. 

'CONTHENTRATE BROTHER GRIN!!!' screams Iron Mike, but he knows its too late.

Justice has wound up a huge haymaker & planted it with a crunch on Grin-22's Jaw. His knees have gone, he drops to the canvas. He has thucking Jerome'd it.

Justice WINS!

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"Ladieth & gentlemen Iron Mike needs a sit down after the crushing blow of defeat for another mug city competitor. While big poppa Mike has a rest, let me introduce for your viewing pleasure our next guest commentator, who following a strict medical review has been confirmed as not brain injured. Its the one, the only...Illuminatiated

Brother Ian will be covering our next bout which is, hailing from Las Vegas the Gnoch goblin who recently over turned the odds & beat the mug city maestro Conqueeftador in the first round & has recently started some sort of riddles club Vs one of the windy city's own (Who is always beating Iron Mike in Rat events) the one, the only Jarrick

Take it away friendth Ian..."

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"Sir, Sir, Could we get an interview with you please? Mr. Imperium.. If you would just stop twerking for just a few moments, we would love to chat with you about you dropped the impenetrable Hobbs!" 

The interviewer pulled a pencil from behind his ear and stood before Imperium waiting to get a few words. 

"Yeah, honestly, I didn't believe I could knock Hobbs out. When I was younger I did boxing at the age of 5 for several years then I switched to another form of martial arts known as Thai boxing. Anyway, the lessons I learned there certainly helped me adapt in the second round. He was certainly much heavier than I was so the jabs he landed certainly made me on shaky legs, like i was walking on a boat. I guess i got lucky catching him with his hands at his side."

The interviewer scribbled down the words. He followed up with a question about his upcoming opponent the three time coach of the year, the non-godfather, the king of DT, HeadCoach.

"I think it will be a close one if I am honest. Coach with his size will likely be undeterred from my combos. The game plan is to stick and move. The last thing I would want in a match with him is to be put in the corner or on the ropes. If we keep the fight at a distance, I would likely be able to effectively use my reach. I can't hope to score a knockout here but simply outbox and outpoint him. So yeah, I think his cardio will begin to weaken in the later rounds and if i can safely avoid the tornado in the opening rounds, I should wear him down and walk away with the win on that one."

The interviewer was scribbling rapidly and smiling from ear to ear. He ended his series of questions with one regarding the whole show and event put on by MikeTyson

"Honestly, I am such a fan of Mike for doing this. Truly, the whole of Detroit is just one Innovative individual after another and I think they are reshaping our life as we know it. I hope they recognize how great they are for this society. Sometimes, when you are outside looking in you can see everything better. Tyson, BBB, Jaws, FrizzleFry, the whole team out there is really remarkable and I am grateful they have provided opportunities like this one for people like me...Ordinary citizens who have nothing to do with organized crime."

The interviewer shook Imperium's hand and then hustled off to go find some more interviews. A few seconds later Imperium could be seen twerking violently in the bathroom stall by himself for no apparent reason. 

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His fight had been an intense roller-coaster of ups and downs and he for one couldn't seem to piece it all together in a way that made sense. Ian remembered eating a few punches from MidpoinT, and then...a flurry of hands were pulling him off of MidpoinT's limp body. He vaguely recalled MikeTyson tongue-tripping over his name while claiming that he was to call the fight between twigs and denis - which had Illuminatiated confused. He could have sworn he was to be calling the fight between that newly found philosopher Gnoch and his dearest friend and ally, Jarrick. And then...nothingness.

Ian came to in one of the back rooms where the fights were being held, wet washcloth upon his brow. MikeTyson kept mumbling something about brain damage. Hobbs could be seen around the perimeter of the room pacing back and forth - he seemed to be repeating the same two sentences "very nice" "very evil" over and over with a slightly manic look in his eyes. Ian would have to figure out what that was about at a later time and place. 

The medical team did a thorough review and it didn't take long before Ian was sitting once again next to MikeTyson in the booth. Illuminatiated grinned and ran his tongue over all of his teeth - just double checking that they were all there - but it probably seemed like he was flaunting his dental health at ol' Iron Mike. 

Gnoch entered the walkway carrying a whole bunch of big white posters that simply had boldly written ????'s all over it.

"Is this some type of promotional gig for his riddle...contest? Event? We're not sure what to call it other than interesting, that's for sure! Ladies and gentlemen we give you GNOCH! Aka Credit Goblin aka Jr Detective aka Riddleman. We'll just go with Gnoch though because it's easier and he replies to it the fastest." 

Ian's eyes scanned the crowd and noticed a lot of people exchanging money. Of course that was natural, but it didn't sit well with Illuminatiated. He knew Jarrick well and had a feeling that Gnoch's insanity would prevail victorious. 

Jarrick didn't waste any time with antics - he strode down the walkway with purpose and with his head held high, climbing into the ring smoothly he stuck out his right glove and bumped it to Gnochs' glove. Ian had heard that was only gay if they were both wearing socks, which, he incredibly noted...

"Our next contestant, who appears to...not be wearing shoes? Or socks? I'm not sure what my dear friend is thinking out there - but - we give you....Jarrick!!!!" 

A polite round of applause ensued as the ref gave the usual 'keep it clean, back off when I say back off' schpeal that the lawyers demanded get spewed out at every fight. Ian was pretty sure that the refs were sometimes in on the take but hey, no shock there. DING!!! 

"And we're off! Holy hell Mike look at that goblin move, he's side-stepping and POW-POW double jab straight to the jaw of Jarrick! He seems to have recovered well though getting in a left hook to Gnochs face - which might I add, actually seems to have improved its appearance?" 

The two tangoed their tale 'til the TING of the bell rand again, signaling the end of Round 1. Some of the audience had gotten bored and trickled out to get snacks, HeadCoach had been spotted flirting with Not-Mrs.HeadCoach, and Imperium kept up a steady stream of rumpus shaking - Ian made a mental note to ask Imperium if this workout routine resulted in rock solid glutes. 

"And round 2 my oh my that break was quick! Just about as quick as HeadCoach is in bed! HOLY HELL!"

Jarrick landed a string of body shots on Gnoch who seemed to have given up the tried and true method of 'keep your guard up' in lieue of a 'make funny faces at your opponent' style. It seemed to be working, too! Jarricks' shots lessened in intensity and then in frequency until he was at a standstill in the middle of the ring, gawking at the ridiculousness of Gnoch. But - credit goblin though he was - Gnoch was in fact a lowkey genius who held the title of Jr Detective. He had picked up on the clue that it was time to strike and laced into Jarrick with a devastating uppercut right to the soft spot under the jaw. Jarrick was lifted from his feet with the force from this unexpected and undefended blow - there was no doubt about it....


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Iron Mike grimaces as the goblin hand of Gnoch crunched into the Jaw of Jarrick

"Thatth going to sting in the morning! Congratulations to our newest quarter finalist Gnoch who will go on to face the winner of Alina Vs FrizzleFry in the next round."

The camera sweeps onto Iron Mike in the studio.

"Many thankth to our guest commentator Illuminatiated who did an amathing job & didn't even bring up the fact Ol Iron Mike had a small mental breakdown & introduced the wrong fight earlier thith evening. Excellent work in sports reporting my friend. A certain FrenchieHorn could learn a trick or two from you."

The camera pans out to reveal a smartly dressed man sat across from Iron Mike. 

"Friendth in attendance and the millionth watching at home. You are now in for a real treat. I have with me alleged peace pervert & business reviewer Void in the studio to provide his dulcet tones as guest commentator for our upcoming bout. Up next we have the man, the myth, the legend, the buddah of ball, the Iga Swiatek of mafia boxing, the girth god, the one, the only, the very round & rolly HeadCoach. This is Coath first bout in the contest but given his impressive physical form I think its clear to see he has been working down at Iron Mikes Muscle Maker...& must go down as favorite for the win...Not just this fight, the whole dam contest. I am feeling PUMPED"

"His opponent, the vanquisher of Hobbs, the sometimes cross dressing, always entertaining, the dude who didn't bother to enter on time but got to kick some ass anyway, the man windy city residents have taken to calling Blue Thunder...Its Imperium."

"Take it away friendth Void..."

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Some static could be heard over the microphone followed by a loud schreech. "Oh sorry Mike I won't touch any more buttons or knobs haha. This is the unmute button, right?" SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH. lithpy cursing could be heard in the background. "GOD THUCKING DAMNITH THTHOID THOP TOUCHING THE GEAR YOU MOTHERTHUCKER LETH ME HANDLE THATH." After several more seconds of what appeared to be a scuffle and static noise the audiowaves finally cleared up.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen! I have the honour of being your guest-commentator for the night during the next EXCITING match we have scheduled for you. Titans will clash, Teeth will go flying. Two men shall enter the ring but only one shall leave with their dignity left intact, there will be no holding back in the runner up to the quarter finals!". The audience roared in excitement.


The stage was dark, the audience cheering in anticipation. "In the left hand corner we have the man known as the Bowling Ball of Detroit, rumored to have the strength of a gorilla. A sneak-preview of his destructive girth was displayed once before in D0m3n1c's many business venues and most can say they have experienced it first hand when being on the receiving hand of his signature move, the mug suplex. Here tonight to make his boxing debut ladies and gentlemen please give it up for Heeeeeaaaaadcooooaaaaach!" The spotlight in Headcoach's corner lit up and revealed his densely muscled figure. The audience was hollering loudly and whistling could be heard around the stage. Miss Headcoach appeared to be disinterestedly doing her makeup.

"In the right corner we have the 'Warrior of Rome', rumored to be a RIPPED yoga instructor and here to settle the score with the coach over an old mugging grudge. Known for his dexterous feetwork and quick jabs, this man has already knocked out the now-humiliated Hobbs in the runner up to this match and is on the warpath for more blood. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Imperium to the ring!" The spotlight in the other corner lit up as well now and once again the crowd was going wild. Headcoach's wife had gotten up to cheer this time around as well, surely she must've had the names confused or something, it was generally known that one could get a bit mentally sloshed after an intense session of yoga.




Both men were inching forward, boxing gloves kept in front of their heads in the proper fighting stance, one could tell both had gotten their ABCs Mike's den. It took a bit of shuffling back and forth and Imperium yelling out "HEADCUCK" before the first fist was thrown. A powerful jab by Headcoach but swiftly dodged by the dexterous Imperium. A couple of more missed blows were exchanged by the two before Imperium landed the first straight hit in Headcoach's gunt. "OOH FOLKS THE FIRST CLEAN HIT, but the weighty walrus does not flinch!". The dance continued, it could be observed that Imperium was vastly more agressive and faster-moving than coach and that the Buddha of The Ball was rather conservative with his swings, instead opting for a solid defence. The bell rang, the first round ended. Both fighters retreated to their corners.

"ALLLRIGHT FOLKS that was it for the first round. I think I speak for most when I say that we had expected more agression from the Leader of Thicctown, is he still exhausted after his last basketball game? Or is he building up his famed gorilla rage? Only time can tell but as things stand Imperium is ahead score-wise because of the many successfully landed jabs and hooks. For whatever reason he now appears to be twerking at the Coach as somekind of taunt. Headcoach does not look impressed, shakes his head and returns Imperium's vulgar taunts with a few thrusts of the hips."

"I don't know what to make of this folks... but with that odd display out of the way it's time for the second round!" DING DING.

The round went much like the one before it at the start, Imperium's technique was impressive with the many hooks and jabs that he was able to cleanly land. The punches weren't packed with the force of a truck but still counted towards an ever widening score difference. The massive girth of coach however proved difficult to penetrate and prevented the hits from causing any major damage. Imperium appeared to be setting himself up for a power move, did a step to shift his weight to his frontleg and started weaving punches on the Coach's ripped torso one after the other in a zigzagging movement. "OH LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MIGHT WE BE SEEING THE SETUP FOR A DEMPSEY ROLL TONIGHT?" As Imperium got closer however the dormant animal in Headcoach awakened from the pent-up rage. A deafening roar was heard as the coach stomped the floor with the force of a thousand basketballs. The thunderous rumble caused Imperium to stumble and start falling forward, upon which the coach intercepted the trajectory of his skull with a devastating uppercut.

Imperium flew backwards and hit the floor with the back of his head. "OOOOOOOOOOH" Void and the audience collectively yelled in fear. Miss Headcoach fainted. The referee got on his knees and started the count "1... 2... 3..." but everyone already knew based on the lack of movement in Imperium's up-unil-recently dexterous limbs that the match was over. All it had taken was a single punch in the second round from the Basketball Behemoth.



"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT WOULD APPEAR THAT WE HAVE A CLEAR WINNER BEFORE US. A win by knockout, the victor of tonight is Headcoooooaaaaaaach!" The referee held up the pumped arm of the enraged girthy gorilla and the crowd roared in approval. Imperium was caried off on a stretcher, but not before the Coach waddled up to him and whispered into his ear "you need to work on your ball-game, son".

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Iron Mike is PUMPED! What a display from the buddah of ball. Mike knew that by mercilessly kicking the shit out of Coath repeatedly he would make him into a warrior, clearly the training had paid off.

"Did you thucking see that Void? He bathhed his thucking brainth out! What a punch! What Girth...What a MAN!"

Iron Mike puts his hand over the mic & whispers to Void 'Thucking hell man I have a little trouser tent action at seeing Coath DOMINATE like that' the mic easily pics up the whispered conversation & Mike looks embarrassed.

"Moving thwiftly on, thank you Void for that delightful commentary. I am sure you, the crowd with us tonight & the millions watching at home will agree that was the most impressive display of the night. Ol one eared Johnny had better watch out as he is up against Coath in the quarter finals!"

"Our final fight of the evening, is for a place in the final 8 & a match up against the Gnoch Goblin. Its Alina Vs Aththithtant Coach FrizzleFry. We will be back thoon after a short commercial break." 

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Imperium crawled up the ropes and leaned against the corner. His body drooping. He looks at HeadCoach and smiles. 

ThiccTown stand up, congratulations Not Godfather HeadCoach, You have defeated the odds every day you have been alive. What a performance. I have nothing else to say apart from that. 

He proceeded out of the ring and an interviewer immediately stepped in his way to discuss with him what had actually gone down. 

"Well, if i was honest. He hits harder than you would imagine. I was not completely out when i hit the mat, but my legs were not responding to my demands and I could nto force myself to stand at will. Despite my favorite yoga client giving me some shouts of encouragement, I could not bring myself up. Yet, this is the life we choose as fighters. I dont know if i will ever twerk in the same way again. 

Imperium drops his head and continues to walk into the locker room. 

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Word on the street was FrizzleFry was missing in action. He hadn't reported for fight duty and the fight was delayed. Mike was reportedly tearing around backstage punching walls and looking for the mystery blonde to distract himself for the impeding embarrassing no show.

Hobbs thought back to the day a few weeks ago where Frizzle wanted to leave Basketball behind before being bullied by his peers to stick around. Maybe he was finally free of playing with balls all day? Maybe he'd gargled his last cocktail of HGH and piss. Were his days of eating soggy biscuits after a hard thought session over? Hobbs certainly hoped so, for his sake. If Frizzle was missing though, what would happen to the fight? Another Detroit forfeit would be embarrassing of course, but like Headcoach at an all you can eat buffet, Hobbs smelt himself an opportunity.

This was his chance to redeem himself. To win a fight. To win glory! He wasn't going to waste it this time.

Hobbs excused himself from the audience. He used his commentators pass to enter backstage and slipped into the laundry rooms. Once there, he raided Grin-22's fresh pile of washing until he found a used jock strap and plain white shorts and t-shirt. On a hook was a whistle, and on the desk was a clipboard and pen. He quickly changed discarding his bloody clothes into the laundry pile. He dressed quickly and then stood in front of the mirror to practice.

"As jovial as I am and like good humour and have acknowledged such"

"I am the Assistant Coach. I am THE Assistant Coach. Coach. Coatch. Grin-22 sucks. Jaws was a leach on society and I'm glad he's dead."

He was now in character. He walked down the hallways of the backstage area until he found MikeTyson

"Hey Mike, sorry I'm late. I was dealing with a very real sports related crisis. The new shipment of basketballs arrived from the West Coast all deflated. As I'm sure you can understand I've spent the night on hands and knees with balls in my mouth trying to revive them. Oh, and I was also trying to fix the basketball situation."

FrizzleHobbs nodded as if this is what men did. He blew a few times on the whistle. "GREAT HUSTLE OUT THERE EVERYONE. GO DETROIT, WOO".

He passed Headcoach as he made his way down to the ring. Coach, as always, was eating two comically large joints of meat - one for each hand. HobbsFrizzle as a staunch vegan abstained, and instead accepted the celery stick from Henson.

"Great win Coach. Good to see JFMAST finally get a result. Thanks Henson. Great Right Henson Manning today. Really pleased, really. Great ball work."

FrizzleHobbs confidently moved around. It was great being an athlete. Maybe his entire life was a sham? Too late to think about that now. Focus on the fight.  He was fighting Alina apparently. A girl! That'd be easy for a fine athlete such as Frizzle. But for Hobbs? Maybe not.

"Well Mike, are we ready to go?"

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Well damn Alina thought to herself.  She was giving FrizzleFry the benefit of the doubt but the anxiety was starting to get the best of her. She stayed in training, practicing her stance and gaining that balance which is a key to both defensive and attacking techniques. She ate right and drank enough liquids but not sleeping and getting the proper rest was taking its toll.

She started second guessing herself.  What if FrizzleFry was missing in action because he was so preoccupied receiving his FFFs. If he was she wanted to scream FOUL.

Alina knew if he was out getting Fucked, Feed and Financed she was in a lot of trouble.

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