The stage is set once again. The BBB banners were neatly hung and the crowds were amassed. The good, the bad and the jaws assembled onstage, awaiting the findings of a totally legitimate and very serious witch hunt  inquest. Today was their day in court (well more of a pointing and booing day). They all had a feeling that this was legitimate; very serious and not at all for entertainment. This report would not only support their beliefs that ball-playing was a necessary and much-needed aspect of life; It would allow them an opportunity to showboat in public once AGAIN. Besides, what's the point of being a baller if you can't throw a few blind passes, break some ankles and generally be a joy to be around?

The crowd fell silent, it was time. The smartly dressed man bounded his way up the stairs with the grace and spring of a gazelle on the Serengeti (Of course those wicked rumours about his father’s “incident” while in the savannas of Africa had been proven untrue years ago). He approached the mic, popped an orange slice into his mouth and began.

“Ladies, Gentlemen…. Jaws,” He nodded his head to @Jaws who was helping a small child learn how to spin a ball on his finger. It was just like Jaws to help others and make the world a better place. The boy's eyes glistened with wonder and joy as the ball revolved. He was captivated by it, engrossed by it. This was what Detroit wanted to protect. The ball dropped to the floor and after picking it up @Jaws spun in a circle with the ball in the centre as though his body and finger were rotating around the ball. Such a joker he was. It was at that moment an idea struck the BBB member. It conjured up an interesting concept and represented how ballers feel about basketball. It is their sun, it gives light and joy, it allows them to flourish and without it darkness would descend, dimming all hope and once hope was lost, life would soon follow. He shuddered with the thought. That's why his work was so important, that's why he was here. To ensure that life and hope live on. He then had a flashback to school, where he sat in the front row, studying the solar system, bored as always because school was for nerds (except for gym class of course). Perhaps noticing the boredom, the teacher placed a basketball on the table. “Now kids, imagine this is the world.” The man was pulled back to reality by @HeadCoach tugging at his arm.

This pause in his speech and his staring at Jaws began to cause some confusion and murmurs began.  “Who was this strange man, why was he here, why was he so smartly dressed when the others were not?”

Before they could continue for much longer the man began to speak again. “This investigation aims to examine the policies put in place by Hobbs for Summerlin, Las Vegas.”

A swell of cheers and joyous cries rose through the crowd. However, the Detroit faithful let their voices be heard with their special brand of mind games; hurling insults and biscuits/cookies into the air. The biscuits or as they've come to be known in Detroit, HobNobs, are an often-used item to represent the feelings of Detroit's masses towards Hobbs. Some street urchins fumbled around on the ground fighting each other over the fallen HobNobs. It was a pitiful sight. These young children dressed in brown sacks scrounging and rummaging around pitifully on the floor like @Ragnarok_ trying to pick up girls outside the 12th Street Public Toilets. Somewhere in the back, a moo could be heard. Perhaps it was the coffee cow who had haunted the dreams of so many; seeking its revenge for that long-forgotten sin? Could it be Hooper the time-travelling horse mascot (Who had been brought back in time through the power of friendship and buckets to cheer on the DT mafia basketball team) playing with his moo box to remind him of the good ole days on the farm? Or maybe HeadCoach increased to such a girth that he had become a wild and untamed bull who would concede charging foul after charging foul as he marauded around the court like well a bull on a basketball court. Who was to know? One thing was for sure no one was going to milk it. The crowd began to fall silent again as the gent looked out over them.

“Hobbs' feelings are well known and he sure does enjoy talking about his feelings.” The ultra-macho Detroit muggers snickered. They did not talk about their feelings. They shouted insults, punched walls and bottled it all up inside. In a way, mugging was how they expressed their feelings. There were happy muggings there were sad muggings there was even sexual tension muggings if Hobbs and HeadCoach were involved. It was their special time hidden away in a dark piss stanched alley away from the prying eyes of the media and HeadCoach’s wife”.

“To refresh everyone’s memory; Mr Hobbs stated that this policy was being introduced”:

"In response to a recent slate of criminal damage, noise complaints, competition rigging, undeserved mugging beatings and unprofessional attire, Summerlin district in Las Vegas is implementing an unprecedented “No Ball Games Allowed” policy.

Mr Hobbs’ also had this to say:

  I wasn't banning JFMAST from the city! Just ball games in general.

In this journey of discovery, we examined evidence from all parties and made a completely unbiased assessment of the situation. No stone was left unturned. We plan on submitting this case study to scientific peer review and hope to publish the findings in many notable journals.

“Many of you will believe that you know the situation and how it stands. However, our investigation has unearthed some shocking facts and discoveries. We name Hobbs directly as this action is being taken directly against him and his actions. All other parties will remain anonymous for the time being. We may release this information at a future date. References to evidence articles will be used and all evidence links can be found at the end or will be presented as I speak. With that being said; the finger-pointing will begin.”

As the crowd began to shuffle, the well-dressed man took a sip of his water and scanned the crowd. It was a big turnout he saw some familiar faces staring back at him. He was glad to see a show of support from countless mafia clubs. There was @MCThunder of the Storm Chasing Society, @Daiquiri of the Forest Foraging Friends and @Void of the Las Vegas Pacifists. He smiled as their show of support filled him with immense joy and pride. He took one more sip of water, it was going to be a long one.

“The following is taken and adapted from a fantastic article written by @Touch_Of_Evil on Jun the 3rd^[1]. At 15:36 on the 3rd of June, Hobbs was apprehended rummaging his way through a contribution box placed in the BBB building in LV^[2].” The Detroiters booed and hollered as this was just the type of behaviour they came to expect from Hobbs. The dapper bloke waved his hand to quiet their ruckus. He did, however, give a small nod of acknowledgement.  

“Funds were being collected to fund the life, liberty and pursuit of balls project, which aims to bring basketball to the poor, downtrodden and disadvantaged masses. Shortly thereafter Hobbs was pursued and apprehended by local ballers and all stolen funds were returned^[3]. This shocking act took place only minutes after the BBB had negotiated the release of Hobbs from a local prison where he had been left abandoned by his followers.^[4] This clear disregard for the well-being of those less fortunate does not paint Hobbs as the ‘magnificent leader of men’ he may wish to portray.^[5]”

As the speaker looked out he saw some nods of agreement. Some people agreed with him or at least were engaged with his words. He was not a gifted orator but there is something about a man that speaks with passion in his voice that engages an audience.

“I will now move on to my second point in this glorious report. Stick with it people.”

There were some groans from the crowd. He chuckled to himself as he glanced down at his notes. Little did they know what lay ahead….

“One does not have to spend long within the confines of the Las Vegas border to notice Hobbs is often confined within four walls of the penitentiary^[6]. On several occasions, our members have come to his assistance while those members of his city sit, watch and twiddle their thumbs. Once or twice our members have watched as he sits out his whole sentence without a finger being raised to remove him from his temporary abode. This behaviour raises the point that either his family and city are willing to let him rot or perhaps there is another reason he spends much of his time incarcerated”.

“During our investigation, we found that many basketball enthusiasts have been locked up due to the new policies in place. So why does Hobbs choose now to spend an entire sentence surrounded by the very people he despises. The only conclusion to be drawn is that he enjoys their company. We can expand this further. This review found evidence that Hobbs actively participates in ball-related pastimes within the jail^[7]. Not only this but he has been quoted as cheering on his teammates with cries of “Great Ball” and “now you're balling.”^[8] In summary, Hoobs portrays a false image of himself when condemning basketball and the glorious Detroit's activities^[9].”

He pauses to turn over a new page of his notes while at the same time wiping his brow with a BBB hand-embroidered handkerchief.

“Our investigation has found that in general Hobbs spends the majority of his time attempting to implement his policies and just bashing Detroit.^[10] Which raised the very important question; where does the money for his large entourage come from? Let’s look at this entourage itself to explore this question. Some of Hobbs’s own insanely large entourage have themselves played with balls.^[11] Do you think they learned to block shots on their own? No, they have been trained over several gruelling years with some of the best shot blockers in the world. While Hobbs might be content by doing sudoku and colouring-in books.^[12] His many guards are visiting Detroit Gyms and some are even contracted with @MikeTyson, one of the world’s best dribblers to work on their training.^[13] When Hobbs walks down the street with his protection they are all simultaneously boxing out. That's how it's done and that's how they keep him alive. Does it not seem a bit hypocritical to outlaw all ball games while simultaneously travelling to several ball-playing hot spots, erecting new buildings, and for some reason calling nerds peasants.^[14] He was even seen spending huge sums of money on a basketball player’s training.^[15] Our summation is that he is using money from ball-related events to pay for his entourage/friends and trying to keep it from the public by banning ball games in his home district of Summerlin.”

“There can be no denying that Hobbs has an insanely large entourage.^[16] Large in numbers, small in size compared to the JFMAST Basketball Team. But do not forget good people that these are paid jobs. Yes, that's right ladies, gentlemen and @Jaws. The people who spend the most time with Hobbs and listen to his nonsense are paid employees. Never does he report that he's walking down the streets with family or visiting friends. He states that they are closest friends and allies that money could buy.^[17] I would be rather insulted if I was a member of his family. As we’ve already seen in evidence #15 Hobbs looks down on the rest of his people as peasants. These hired goons are more highly respected than the hard-working people who busted their asses to get him to the position he's in. Does Hobbs have any friends outside of these paid employees? Our agents canvassed the cities to find someone who would admit to being his friend but was unable to find anyone. The closest we came was an individual, with terrible hearing, who wished to remain nameless. He has this to say, “Yeah, @Cobb is a very nice person. Great guy 10/10.”^[18]”

A group of teenage female mafiosos screamed and swooned at the mere mention of his name. We love you @Cobb one of them screamed before they all left giggling and whispering to each other. He hadn't seen anyone react to a name like that since the glory days of  Roco, Toby and their illustrious paper company. The site of Toby’s little paper hat was enough to cause girls to faint with excitement. Some say he couldn't even visit the zoo without causing a large amount of disturbance at the goat enclosure. As the well-groomed man raised his head and @Cobb soaked in the adulation of the crowd. Several prone goats could be seen in the crowd, it would appear @Cobb had a similar effect. The well-attired gentleman cleared his throat.

“Please remove those goats. I would like to proceed. Send them to Summerlin. We have plenty of goats in Detroit and god knows they need some.”

There were some chuckles from the crowd, @Illuminatiated especially seemed to enjoy it, his shoulder shocked as he tried to hold in his laughter. The speech continued.

“This is largely a dispute between one district within Las Vegas and the entire city of Detroit. It could be argued that this is a sign of a lack of support for the “no ball games allowed” policy. There are numerous accounts of mobsters from the wider Las Vegas region and beyond showing their lack of support for the policy and in turn offering their condolences and championing Detroit and their highly successful mafia basketball movement. During our investigation, we were able to find numerous supporters of the Detroit Basketball program and by extension all ball games.”

"I guess the basketball net fixed to the garage in the uneven driveway just didn't cut it for you. I am sorry I couldn't provide the facilities to keep you around my HQ, but I knew it was a pipe dream. I would wish you the best of luck in the big leagues, but we both know you won't need it. It's pure skill.

When you find the time, I would like your advice on how to hunt deer by firing baseballs at them." -Twigs^[19]

 

“As far as my views go on the Motor City, I want to first say they are in no way a reflection of the Hidden Ones or Chicago and they are solely my own. I am a staunch supporter of the Mafia Basketball team. From characters like HeadCoach who is literally one of the greatest mobsters this world has ever seen to Iron Mike Tyson roaming the streets, from Frizzle Fry  to Conqueeftador the entire Detroit city is filled with royalty in my opinion and provides an experience that mobsters won't forget. I consider that those who freely choose to go to Detroit understand the core philosophy of this life, to live a life worth living. If I had the choice to choose what City would be our sister city in all the land, time and time again I would freely choose Detroit. Despite their lack of depth in their roster, the shows they put on are brilliant and are dominating the streets everywhere you turn. As the Cheer Captain and Head Coaches wifes Yoga Instructor, I try my best to be there for the team and Head Coaches wife when he can't be and yet often when he can be. I wish nothing but the best on all of Detroit and their Mafia Basketball affiliation.

 

In terms of Las Vegas, the glorious city it is, I believe it is a really sad situation that Hobbs, who stole a recruit I was desperately trying to get in "the son of rage and love" put a notice out that Mafia Basketball was no longer allowed. I feel that this infringes on the freedom of the mafia people and I would implore Hobbs and all the sin city residents to recount their stance. Mafia Basketball provides another form of entertainment of which Sin City has been infamous for. To remove Mafia Basketball from sin city is a crime in itself.” -Imperium ^[20]

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen. To those of you who are sporty. I can see the upset you may be feeling over Summerlin's stance on No Ball Games Allowed, and I understand why it would cause you some anguish. There is an alternative place where you can play your ball games whenever you're visiting Las Vegas. The Strip has The Forest. Lots of free outdoor places to kick or throw your balls around at your leisure. No pollution to worry about, just the beehives to watch out for. You would be most welcome to play there!"-Daiquiri ^[21]

 

“Hobbs is no longer a very nice person. In fact, we here in Chicago think he smells awful and is RUDE''- Illuminatiated^[22]

“Hobbs repeatedly complains of DTs macho behaviour whereas he often carries out many of these activities himself and even viciously reprimands those within his crew and those in other crews.^[23][24] Our interviews discovered several accounts of vicious behaviour. Several times he has been caught viciously beating down people on the streets.^[25] Some have never recovered. We talked to one poor mobster who lost it all, his money, dignity and will was stolen by those terrible trembling fingers that haunt the unsuspecting public like @Touch_Of_Evil outside a sorority house.^[26]”

“For anyone who didn’t catch that, a man who talks down on macho behaviour and the Detroit lifestyle is OPENLY embracing the mugging-centric views of the very people he claims to hate. Perhaps it is not a hatred of Detroit and basketball, but hatred of himself. Is he repressing his internal desires to leave Las Vegas, move to Detroit and take up basketball? He has shown himself to be an avid basketball fan time and time again. Just the other day he was bragging to all that he was able to witness the JFMAST team reach a landmark five-game losing streak he was even invited to sit in on a team practice at their new gym.^[27] We find that his actions do not match up with his rhetoric.”  

“We’ve invited the world-renowned Doctor Sigmund Freud to interview and psychoanalyze Hobbs. Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that the good doctor is no longer seeing patients as he died and his office closed (RIP). This leaves us only speculation, so we ask that you review his words and actions yourself and come to your conclusion on this specific matter.”       

“At this time we will be taking a short break to stretch. They will be led by the JFMAST team as @HeadCoach always says a stretch (or two) a day keeps the injuries away.”

 The stylishly clothed individual stepped back from the podium and allowed head coach to assume the position. Arms were flailing and legs were spreading. The crowd is doing their best to keep up. Head coach bent over at the waist touching his toes and relieving his vast gluteus maximus to the bewildered audience. “That's no moon” was a cry from the back. It must have been @Admiral_Ackbar spouting some nonsense from a morphine-induced trance.

As the fashionably dressed man stood there entranced by the gigantic rear end of @HeadCoach, he began to reminisce on the first meeting of the two gentlemen. He had been awoken early from his slumber by the head of the Detroit BBB division. Something big was going down and he needed to be in Detroit right away. He rolled out of bed and unbuttoned his BBB embroidered silk pyjamas and hung them on a hanger. Hmm, which suit for today. Of course, they were all just so stylish that it didn't matter. Within no time he was in Detroit. Arriving at the door to the HeadCoaches office he was shown inside and that's when he first set eyes on that behemoth of a man. The flapping of his robe as he walked left nothing to the imagination. Come in my friend, he called, gesturing to a seat next to his desk. Thankfully HeadCoach sat behind the desk and no longer had his gargantuan baseballs and bat on display. You have arrived on an exciting day. HeadCoach began, we are finishing our security fortifications and I am very excited for the arrival of our new guard dogs. We are getting some German Shepherds. The awesomely attired individual nodded his head in approval. HeadCoach went on to explain that @Skidmark had been set the arduous task and he in turn had decided that he wasn't bothered; so he, in turn, told @Grin-22 to take care of it who had jumped to it with his usual vigour and enthusiasm. As HeadCoach finished there was a knock at the door and @Grin-22 entered, I have those German Shepards you wanted, I don't know what you wanted them for but enjoy, close your eyes and I will bring them in. Eyes were closed and much fumbling could be heard and then a remarkable sound, baa, another baa and then a door slam. @HeachCoach and the extremely nicely suited and booted male opened their eyes and to their astonishment in front of them stood twenty sheep and three men in lederhosen and Tyrolean hats.

He felt a tug at his arm. It was @HeadCoach, “Get back out there kid, you ain't done yet”.

The crowd were waiting, looking slightly more refreshed after a bit of stretching and light entertainment. After a gentle tap on the butt from @HeadCoach, the elegantly tailored gent returned to the podium. 

“Ok Ok enough of the Hoobs bashing. At least he takes to the streets to speak his mind and does not cower in the shadows. Well, he does if HeadCoach is feeling like a bitta Hobbs. But it takes two to tango and all good stories require a nemesis.”

“The detractors of basketball would have you believe that it is a fruitless exercise and a waste of your valuable time. However, this is inherently untrue. The sport has several scientifically proven positive effects on one's mental and physical health. Firstly basketball is an invaluable way of losing one's fat reserves. A huge amount of energy is expelled when playing basketball which aids with overall fitness and health^[28]  You may not think it looking at @HeadCoach but anyone that has been chased down the street by him after a pickpocket will testify to these benefits. In some cases, basketball can also help to improve vision^[29] which some of you could do with considering how many pickpocket attempts incur no reaction. The playing of basketball can also be linked to improved muscular and bone strength^[30]. Anyone with eyes that work can see evidence of that on this very stage. Never have we seen such girth all in one place before.” 

He turned and gestured to the mountainous men of Detroit.

“Basketball can also provide a morale boost, I won't bore you with the mumbo jumbo science behind it and frankly, @Skidmark will beat me for being a nerd if I do. But I ask you, have you ever seen any of the Detroit ballers in a bad mood? That anecdotal evidence should be enough. The effects of basketball on the sexual drive are still unknown, however after viewing the antics of the most recent post-match party held by @HeacCoach’s wife’s humble abode I can say I believe it is increased.”

There were smiles shared among the Detroit ballers as they remembered the night in question. Nobody will forget @HeadCoach using only a flashlight and his personal property to create a puppet shadow of Churchill looking startled and then to follow up a simple Big Ben. And of course the discovery of a missing jar of Vaseline, rubber gloves and the German Shepherds. They were a little European in their methods but man they could sure lay one in against the backboard.

“We will now move on to the recommendation that this report will make. We will try to keep it concise and to the point like the rest of this speech. He chuckled to himself.”

“We here at the BBB, after our extremely thorough investigation, recommend the following actions are taken.

1. All ball activities are allowed within Summerlin. All of those imprisoned due to these Summerlin bans should be released and offered compensation.
2. Void be offered an honorary BBB membership card, he has made efforts to stand up for what he believes in and has his spirit crushed, We here at the BBB wish to reward his bravery.
3. That mugging becomes an accepted part of this world and that people are encouraged to experience all aspects of this world
4. That Summerlin cease all hostile actions, return all stolen artefacts and in return for this Detroit will provide all Summerlin members with a basket of Detroit mafia basketball merchandise. Some items included will be a signed poster of @HeadCoach, a dummies guide to basketball, and I mugged sticker collection to hand out to your mugged victims and @Skidmark replica underwear.
5. Summerlin will create or allow Detroit to create a public toilet in Las Vegas. It badly needs one.
6.  Hobbs talks to more people than his just bodyguards
7. BBB is permitted to continue its work within LV and expand into new locations. Chicago is the first on the list as many have expressed interest.
8. New basketball teams be created to compete with Detroit
9. Hobbs must make a public statement on the status of ball games and how they aren’t so bad
10. If all parties are agreeable the BBB will begin full court proceedings with an independent judge and jury. Hobbs and HeadCoach would be given a chance to have their voices heard and we might be able to finally draw a line under it all. This would take place in the streets for all to see.”

He paused after giving the recommendations to gauge the reaction of the audience to it. After turning the pages of his notes he surveyed the crowd. There was some light and polite applause. Several in attendance were nodding in agreement and ruminating on the opinions given. To the side, there was much excitement from the now infamous Detroit German Shepherds who began to cheer and shout encouragement such as oh Mein Gott, ya ver gut and v Luv ze basketball.

He took a deep breath, took a swig of water from a bottle that @Grin-20 had handed him and popped another orange slice. He looked around at the crowd, everyone was struggling to keep listening, but it was so close to the end now. He looked at @Dimilazzo who still hasn't paid his membership fees for the year, next to him stood @Touch_Of_Evil one of the best damn deputy managers the concession stand had ever seen. Last in line was @Amir_Malik_Ahmed who had last year been invited to a trial with the globetrotters, however, sadly he didn't get in, foiled by those damn pesky doors. One day he would. He had been sent on an intensive door opening course recently and had been seen practising. All the Detroit boys had smiles on their faces and joy in their eyes. One last push was all that was needed.

“Lastly!” There were some cheers from the crowd which awoke @CancidRunt from his slumber.

“For those of you that are still listening, well done, good game and thank you for your attention. This has been a large undertaking and we are grateful for your giving us your attention. Hopefully the passion we have for mafia basketball and this world has shone through the nonsense of my words. We fully believe that through mafia basketball this world has and continues to become a better place. We have had the honour of speaking to numerous people throughout this land. Through their, on and the record comments we have seen the remarkable impact that mafia basketball has had on the lives of ordinary people. We thank those people for their time as well and for putting up with some of our nonsense. You may have noticed a thread of we being used throughout this speech. This is because we mug together, we play sports together, we are mafia basketball, we are Detroit and we ask you not to allow that “we” to be taken away from you. Ours not to reason why, ours but to dunk and fly.”

He paused for dramatic effect and hoped it would be enjoyed. @Atropos from the birds against flight movement glared back at him. There were cheers from the usual Detroit rabble. Many fists were bumping, chest-bumping and butt slaps. The only way to truly show support. @Nicola-Trevisani waved and made a very interesting gesture with her hands towards @Conqueeftador. She seems to greatly admire his prize-winning aubergines and watermelons. That must be it, he thought. @Conqueeftador of course was a closet gardener. A hobby difficult in inner-city Detroit but somehow he made it work.

“We will finish with four questions for you people that are gathered here today. We do not ask these to Hobbs or others that are here to protest against us and what we believe. We are asking you the silent majority who over the last few days we have spoken to and the many more that we weren't able to reach.”

“Do you want to see a full debate and court case between Detroit and Hobbs?”

“Do we want to live in a world where people are silenced for expressing themselves?”

“Do we want to live in a world where there will only be a headstone to remember you for your inevitable demise?”

“Do we want to live in a world without mafia basketball?”

He turned on his heels taking in the applause of the Detroit faithful. The job was done and he was filled with a feeling of pride and exhaustion. He just hoped that respect would be paid to his words and that many citizens made it to the end. He gestured towards some other BBB members to hand out the statements taken from HeadCoach and Hobbs.

We at the John_Fareham Memorial All-Star Team take any attempted infringements on the right of a man to engage in mafia basketball very seriously. We have faith that the findings of the Better Basketball Bureau will align with our own independent investigation, and hope that a peaceful resolution can be found with Summerlin without the need for further violence nor physical interaction with pug-faced Hobbs. We look forward to the summary of the report, as well as the continued growth of mafia basketball across our great nation. God bless mafia basketball, and if he doesn't, we'll cross him over like a pretzel and toss a backboard-shattering dunk down over his prone, skeletal torso. Bababooey.

 

- HeadCoach, head coach of the John_Fareham Memorial All-Star Team

 

 

Sure I'll give you a quote

 

Basketball is the game with four bases right? Well let me tell you this much for free, you won't pass third base with me because I'm not a slag. Now shove that up your alley oop.

 

Hobbs Leader Of Three Star Mob

^[1]  The Star Underworld Examiner, Issue Two - 3rd June

^[2]  Pickpocket

^[3]  Mug

^[4]  Jail

^[5]  Summons For Soap: Cleaning the Detroit Restrooms.,

^[6]  Prison Ball Play  Prison Ball Play  Prison Ball Play

^[7] Link Photographic Information

^[8] Link Photographic Information 

^[9]  Summerlin, Las Vegas: No Ball Games Allowed

^[10] View Summerlin City rules 

^[11]  Link to guards playing basketball

^[12]  Sudoku

^[13]  Hobbs overpays for guard training

^[14]  New Building

^[15]  Paying for Conqueef’s fees

^[16]  Link to photo of Hobbs’ BGs

^[17]  Link to Hobbs BG talk

^[18] Link to mail about Cobb 

^[19]  Link to Twigs quote

^[20]  Link to Imperium quote

^[21]  Link to Daiquiri quote

^[22]  Illuminatiiated quote

^[23]  The JFMAST Power Pump Traffic Stop

^[24] Hobbs Reprimands  Hobbs Reprimands

^[25]  Violent Tendencies Violent Tendencies Violent Tendencies

^[26] Poor homeless who lost everything to Hobbs

^[27] Hobbs witnesses historic game

^[28] Basketball paper link Basketball paper of fitness

^[29] Basketball paper on vision

^[30]  Medical Journal  

Hobbs had sidled into the room in time to hear the speeches begin. He was a little late, and partially soot covered for soon to be explained reasons.  He and his 180-200 associates stood there listening in the crowd, unable at times to comprehend the insanity coming out of the mouthpiece of The Better Basketball Bureau. It seemed the BBB had been extremely busy building a case against him.

In a way it was commendable. Here was a meat headed, short wearing Neanderthal delivering a report that had surely taken him weeks of dedication to pull together. On the other hand it was fully hypocritical of an organisation who were famous for their poor literacy rates and inability to do basic mathematics. Hobbs was sure that any day now BBB would be thrown to the wolves as an outcast. As a nerd.

"Firstly, before I begin my retort fully I just wanted to extend my warmest and most formal commiserations for the arson attack on the The Better Basketball Bureau in Las Vegas. It's such a shame to hear of such a shameless act of vandalism, and I for one have no idea where 180-200 flaming Molotov cocktails could have come from. Really, it was lucky I was passing in the area on entirely unrelated business when it happened and was able to pull the lifeless and limp form of Void from the wreckage of the building. Sadly anyone else in there no doubt perished in the blaze. Very, very sad I'm sure you'll agree."

Hobbs held up his arms in silent acknowledgement as chants of "Hero", "WE LOVE YOU HOOBS" and "Have my babies" filled the air. He caught the reflection of himself looking resplendent as always. He wiped some completely un-fire related soot away from his cheek.

"Yes, yes. I know! I do try . Not many could have done what I did, and I'm thankful for the appreciation of everyone in this room."

Hobbs allowed the clamour to die down. Unfortunately for Hobbs there was undoubtedly some strong support for Triple B with financial gifts arriving from all areas of the country. The very nice, very evil @Illuminatiated would be there no doubt playing both sides of the room. The fat man Headcoach was in the corner frothing at the mouth too, though that may just have been dribble from the amount of beatdown's he'd received in the last week. Putting a brave face on it Hobbs continued.

"Mr BBB and the BBB, for a man who has scribbled multiple references down on scrap paper and glued them all over the room as 'evidence', I find it appalling that you discounted a crucial piece. The Better Basketball Bureau has no jurisdiction in Summerlin. Zero. Nada. Zilch. I warned you two weeks ago when you started sniffing around in my business and yet here you are today with your doctrine of lies and half-truths. You've now left me with no choice but to take action.

I have already made contact with an excellent lawyer who has agreed to take this case hopefully pro bono due to my immense popularity. Publicity is it's own financial reward after all."

Hobbs stood aside to allow his new legal representation to arrive in whatever style he saw fit.

Skidmark watches the ruckus ensue after the official findings of the Better Basketball Bureau are delivered to a crowd of repressed potential athletes outside of a dilapidated Las Vegas structure. There is a shoddy sign hanging over the door which reads simply "Hobbs HQ". It is the type of structure common in any third-world country or other area dominated by fascist regimes.

Skidmark is accompanied by 180-200 well groomed lawyers dressed impeccably in Armani suits. One of them stands by, courteously, allowing Hobbs to speak his mind, then steps forward to address the crowd in an official capacity...

"As most of you know, the Better Basketball Bureau is an agency governed under the executive branch of the United States government and has federal jurisdiction in all matters relating to basketball, particularly when the constitutional rights of American citizens are infringed upon by public and private entities. As Americans, we enjoy the right to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, and no entity, public or private, has the right to infringe upon those constitutional mandates without an order of a court of federal jurisdiction."

"Please do not be confused by the claims Hobbs is making. He is not a representative of the United States government, much less an attorney under the employ of the executive branch or any administrative agency. He has no authority to overrule any mandate of a court of competent jurisdiction. Allow me to read the following official court transcripts from this morning's hearings:"

NOW COMES THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF NEVADA who having entered a well received complaint, and the Defendant Hobbs having been given adequate time to enter a response. Given that no formal challenge has been filed to the findings of the BBB, this court enters a default judgment in favor of the People of Nevada, with the following caveats and clarifications of the findings:

The findings of the Better Basketball Bureau are well taken, and henceforth the United States District Court for the Southern District of Nevada issues the following orders:

In regards to findings #1, #2, #8:

-All ball activities will be allowed in Summerlin and anyone jailed under any law deemed unconstitutional by these findings shall be released immediately with their records expunged. Hobbs will be required to pay compensatory damages of $100,000 per day to any individual who was illegally detained.

-Void, as well as any other United States citizen, is free to pursue any basketball related activities under this Order, as well as under his constitutional right to freedom of assembly and the right to the pursuit of life, liberty,and happiness. Other cities are free to create new basketball teams to compete with Detroit, or not, so long as there is no repression of the right to do so.

In regards to findings #3, #4:

- Mugging is a crime. Theft of artifacts are also a crime. The court will not condone criminal activities and will not issue any Order related to the same. These recommendations are outside the purview of the court and no opinion will be issued.

In regards to findings #5, #7: No public or private entity shall infringe on the right of private developers to build a public toilet in Summerlin or elsewhere in this Court's jurisdiction, so long as local zoning laws are followed and all relevant permits and fees are paid. The Better Basketball Bureau is an agency under the executive branch of government and has federal jurisdiction. No state or local entities may obstruct their right to operate and issue directives as a federal agency.

In regards to findings #6, #9:

- The Court will respect Hobbs' freedom of expression and no mandate will be issued obliging him to make any public statements or speak to anyone besides his 180-200 poorly dressed associates. Our country was founded on the right of any citizen to assemble with whomever he pleases, regardless of whether or not it makes said individual appear to be a loser.

In regards to finding #10:

This Order is issued by the United States District Court for the Southern District of Nevada. Either party may exercise their right to appeal with the United States Court of Appeals. The hearings will be public in order to avoid any corrupt or biased intent, as Hobbs has shown his proclivity to tamper with evidence and intimidate witnesses. Further attempts obstruct these proceedings will be met with a charge of Contempt of Court.

"Thank you for gathering here today. I know the wait was long to finally get some resolution on these matters, but now that we have clarification on the issues, I think I can speak for HeadCoach, Skidmark, MikeTyson, FrizzleFry, and all other basketball lovers in the nation when I say that we here in Detroit look forward to competition with teams from other cities. We in Detroit did not get everything that we wanted, but we are satisfied with the ruling of the Court. This is the dawn of a new era in Cosa Nostra. One where we throw away the pinstriped suits and don athletic gear as we see fit."

Skidmark smiles as one of his entourage reads the Order from the U.S. District Court...

"I hope this settles the differences held between all of Detroit and a tiny fraction of sourpusses residing in the Summerlin neighborhood of Las Vegas. Now that Hobbs' tyranny has been condemned, I look forward to the building of a basketball franchise in Summerlin. I believe Void would make a fine head coach of that team, and is likely the only one competent to do so. I also hope that Hobbs will accept the ruling of the court and not drag this matter out further with futile appeals. The letter of the law seems to be clear in this case."

I would like to congratulate BBB on the competence displayed by the investigative division of the Better Basketball Bureau here, though we all mourn the loss of the recent company building at the hands of a certain Insanely Well Protected Pyromaniac (whose identity still eludes me as I was dragged out of the building by Hobbs [1] after falling unconscious from the lack of oxygen) I'm sure we can at least celebrate the thorough report that lays before us.

Judging from the amount of hands that you've had to shake and the thick envelopes deposited into the tip box [2] I think we can tell that this kind of extensive journalism is most welcome inbetween the existential questions posed to us in surveys by Jaws.

Void pulled up his copy of the BBB's recommendations that was handed out to the crowd after the speech was over.

First of all regarding the recommendations, I shared a mixed view on some of them. As before I will (on the recommendation of my basketball-lawyers) only respond to those directly affecting me so as not to get drawn into the potentially-incoming basketball lawsuit:

#2: Though I appreciate the sentiment I am afraid I will have to politely decline the membership card. The reason is twofold: I am not a basketball-practising athlete nor have any aspirations to play ball [3]. Secondly I am afraid that I will get more derogatory titles attached to me from a certain entity if I were to accept it.

#5: I am very strongly opposed to the creation of a "12th Street Public Toilets" embassy in our lovely Vegas. We don't need such filth right next to the serene and clean grounds of The Forest. The many friendly animals who frolick around those grounds would surely die of the stench. To even suggest that one would be built in Vegas after the efforts put forth by Don twigs to clean up Detroit's [4] is an outrage.

Void put the copy of the recommendations in his pocket and then turned to Skidmark and raised an eyebrow.

Next, Skidmark, though there was apparently already a preliminary hearing I question its legality and am left wondering if we're not dealing with a Mistrial here. What is a trial without the Defendant being given a chance to defend himself? Who is the Plaintiff? Did BBB not pose a question before us in his oration to gauge the general public's opinion before considering whether to press charges [5]?

Now for the addendum you made:

I believe Void would make a fine head coach of that team, and is likely the only one competent to do so.

I am not an athlete and have no aspirations to play b-ball [3], I have the physique of a pencil and the agility of a sloth [6]. I'll leave this up to another brave soul who is willing to bear the accompanying reproach one is sure to recieve.

Once more I would like to thank BBB for the thorough investigation that was performed on this complicated affair, though I don't fully support all of its conclusions I'm still thankful that someone put in the time and effort to assemble this report.

[1] Hobbs testifies to dragging Void out of the BBBBB (Burning BBB Building)

[2] Local reporter gets handsomly rewarded for a job well done

[3] Void does not play ball

[4] twigs calls upon Brave Vegas Volunteers to clean the 12th Street Public toilets

[5] BBB asks the general public whether to press charges

[6] Void is an unmuscled peasant

Void, although I am not a representative of the Court, I believe I can answer your questions for you. Hanging around 180-200 lawyers in Armani suits has taught me a thing or two. First of all, there was no preliminary hearing. The investigation by the BBB substituted for a preliminary hearing in its fact-finding endeavors. The Plaintiff in the case was The People of the State of Nevada, which is often the case when an issue is brought to court which benefits the public good. Just like in any criminal case, the plaintiff is the State (or "the people of the state") and the defendant is the nefarious wrongdoer - Hobbs in the case. This, however, is a civil case and not a criminal case. Once a complaint is filed, the defendant has a set amount of time to respond to the complaint. If he or she does not, a default judgment is entered against him or her. That is what happened here. Rather than file an Answer to the Complaint, Hobbs chose instead to stand out in the streets squawking about his hatred of all things good and just, and to make matters worse, he did the unthinkable and destroyed a government building through arson. We know it was you, Hobbs.

There are no grounds for mistrial. Hobbs can appeal the case, but only as to a mistake in law. He forfeited his right to argue the facts of the case when he failed to answer the Complaint. The facts stand and the decision of the court is going to stand. I would say he got off fairly easily considering that the court did not take all of the recommendations of the BBB into its final decision. Furthermore, his criminal activities were never brought up to smear his character. The cost of the arson will fall on the taxpayers of the State of Nevada to rebuild the government building. I'm sure the fine folks at the BBB will be requesting a sauna and a chocolate fountain in the breakroom of the newly rebuilt BBB offices.

Jhonny steps off of his car and lights a cigarette. From his point of view, it was already possible to notice the general public gathering around a small wooden stage, barely nailed together.

Inconveniently enough, the stage was set inside a basketball court.

Upon walking past the crowd with Linda, Jhonny’s Legal Assistant, they both reach for Hobbs, who just pronounced him self confidently. Hobbs was clearly pissed at the event, to which he referred to Jhonny as a case of complete nonsense. So far it was exactly that. It’s not like a supposedly representative of a so-called official bureau would dress smart and proclaim funny words. Things in contentious disputes were to be a lot more serious, follow protocols, meet certain criteria, and certainly invoke the rightful law particular to the case.

In fact, at the first look around, Jhonny found to be in a rather delusive, pity inquisition, much like those long past inquisitions held on public squares in Europe. Maybe tomatoes were to fly around, or rocks, it all depended on how barbaric the self-proclaimed inquisitors were.

Strangely enough, the scene laid before Jhonny made him remind of a piece described on ancient roman papyrus. Once Emperor Caligula called forth for his army and ordered their marching toward the ocean in a rather intricate, but hollow, attempt to war against Poseidon. After a quick giggle and another cigarette puff, Jhonny wondered to himself if they would push it even further and, as Caligula’s army, bring sea-shells back home where they would claim it as spoils of war. Not sea-shells he thought, but maybe pennies and gums, whatever was found on the floor.

“Linda, oh Linda, this will be interesting.” – Jhonny throws his cigarette away.

Jhonny steps even closer to Hobbs and stops at his right. Jhonny instantly caught his attention. In fact, drawing people’s attention was quite easy for Jhonny. Always well dressed, quite tall and lean. His suit was dark blue, perfectly cut to his body, accompanied by a fine dark red tie. All covered by a dark brown coat hanging from his shoulders.

“Hobbs, I’m glad I made all the way here in time.” – Jhonny puts his left hand on Hobbs shoulder, already noticing the general public looking back to him.

“You did well to contain yourself. I will take from here now.” – Said Jhonny.

Jhonny and Linda then proceed to locate the so-called inquisitors and, one by one, they were all recognized.

At this moment, the crowd turned back to the stage.

Firstly, they noticed the man standing on the stage, not even smartly dressed. It was a representative of the BBB, also known as The Better Basketball Bureau. His face was new to both Jhonny and Linda, almost like an anonymous, or better yet, a scape goat for the BBB. It was noticed by Jhonny and Linda that he was quietly drooling while observing another guy, equally out of place.

Following the scape goat, there was Jaws, awkwardly spinning around a basketball. In that particular moment, both Jhonny and Linda decided that no further thoughts were needed. He was doing his thing, maybe trying to figure out what side of the ball were more orange-ish red, or maybe red-ish orange. Only him could come to an agreement with himself.

The next one to be identified was Headcoah. This one was important compared to the two before him. Headcoach was notice just as he snaped BBB into reality. Prior studies by Jhonny and Linda have shown that he was heavily, too heavily involved in the sports business in the motor city. Could he be the one playing the Caligula role in this play? This thought kept bugging Jhonny and Linda, just until the Escape Goat began to talk about bulls, using his fingers to better impersonate it, charging left and right at the stage.

“Linda, take note. The Escape Goat is playing a scene, pretending to be someone of relevance. HeadCoach is the one seemingly running the show, at least for now. And Jaws… He might actually be having a convulsion after that many spins.” – Linda takes a small notebook and starts to write.

“The relevant part starts now. I want everything written.” – Jhonny lights another cigarette.

After a while the Escape Goat brought forward the real matter to the crowd. Apparently, The Better Basketball Bureau wasn’t happy with Hobbs decision to forbid all ball games in Summerlin, Las Vegas. The Escape Goat even read a phrase Hobbs spoke some time before. It was clever, on a second hand, to clear things up by adding Hobbs haven’t banned the JFMAST movement from Summerlin, Las Vegas. The matter then only revolved around the banning of all ball games in that particular district.

The speech kept going.

This particular line explained Jaws presence in the “court”. Jhonny scratches his head as if he were trying to figure out how come they have chosen Jaws to do the press work.

“Unbiased they say. Maybe it’s really a collective delirium, but as I have studied before, no concrete proof of such a thing was ever proven to exist.” – Jhonny looks to Linda. – “Are you writing it down?”

The Escape Goat takes a sip of water and gets back to it, this time stating that Hobbs was once caught at the BBB building while actively stealing a donation box. This statement was backed by an article written by Touch_Of_Evil. Jhonny smiles as he recalls the details of this incident.

Since Jhonny and Hobbs began to talk about the legal actions that would be taken against the BBB and all the hustlers behind it, Hobbs told him everything, exactly how everything happened.

“I remember this one Hobbs.” – Jhonny turns his face toward Hobbs. – “You get chased for what they believed to be an act of stealing, got beaten up on their territory and locked up without the due procedure. Said jail wasn’t even a legal public building, it was pure ransom in plain sight.” – Jhonny turns back to the stage, lighting another cigarette. At this moment he realizes other mobsters gathering around.

“The Escape Goat… Eh how I enjoy calling him like this. Anyways, the Escape Goat is even presenting a supposedly police report he filed against you. What he fails to understand though, is that if a real police report were to be filled, it is legally required to be presented by the Bureau’s chairman. Clearly, we are not seeing him here. Better yet, the BBB is supposed to be an entity, therefore it cannot be pickpocketed. The police report, allegedly filed by the Escape Goat, doesn’t even points the correct crime, if there was even one to begin with.” – Jhonny looks to Linda. – “Linda, pick three random people from the public. They will witness on court of law regarding these hollow accusations, cheaply presented by the Escape Goat in public, staining Hobbs image and dignity.”

“Now he is admitting publicly you were assaulted and held captive. This is only getting better Hobbs.” – Linda adjusts her glasses, not yet completely aware of the weight this publicly statement holds.

The Escape Goat proceeds with his speech.

Now the subject is Hobbs personal affairs in Las Vegas incarceration system. The, proven-to-be not-so-smart man then opens for the public eyes what he calls “evidence number 6”. To his own surprise, the giant paper was blank. Most of the people present try to mask their giggles. In fact, they masked it so well that the Escape Goat Couldn’t hear it.

On the same set of impotent cards, the Escape Goat proceeds to show the public gathered around the stage what he called “Evidence number 7”, which came to be a totally unreliable statement from one of the inmates that allegedly served time with Hobbs.

“Now the BBB is supposed to have jurisdiction over the incarceration system of Las Vegas and Summerlin.” – Jhonny pointed out to Hobbs in a sarcastic tone. ­– “Hobbs, how is your brother doing? I’ve heard he have plenty of remaining time to serve. You still visit him so often?” – Hobbs nods.

“Great, now the Escape Goat is publicly complimenting your success, your hard work and well-deserved fortune. It’s funny, actually. The same time he is, in fact, complimenting your good wealth, whether he realizes it or not, he is also stepping on the regards of how you conduct your businesses. This level of contradiction can only be topped by the past statement, where the Escape Goat accused you for stealing, but also confessed you were assaulted and held captive.” ­– Jhonny slowly and silently applauded the complete lunacy he was hearing. – “Amazing.”

“Now, regarding your entourage playing basketball, I think he is overstating it. I thought you had made it well clear your entourage trains and exercises every day. Am I missing the point Hobbs? Obviously, their training is not composed of basketball solely. MykeTyson is a well-known brawler, in instance, even though he plays a little ball on the side. And to finish it off, how does banning all ball games on Summerlin is contradicting when the Escape Goat is trying to show the public you are involved in ball sports OUTSIDE of Summerlin?” – Jhonny offers a cigarette to Hobbs. – “When you called me and explained the situation, you could describe it a thousand times more detailed, but i would never imagine it was this unbelievable.”

“What is also unbelievable is that the Escape Goat is using anonymous statements as evidence. If he were really representing a real entity, with legal jurisdiction over Summerlin, wouldn’t he be required to actually study legal matters and applying laws, such as the obligation of the identity of the witness and their oath to make it even sustainable in court? I mean, it’s evident that this freak show has no legal validity. That’s not how official matters are conducted. I’m better be looking at lost, absent intellects pulling a theater show than people with serious, valid intentions. Sincerely, the way I’m seeing this Hobbs, it’s there’s nothing legit against you. Nothing presentable as an administrative action of the supposedly legally existing Bureau, let alone in a courtroom.”

 The Escape Goat starts his nonsense again.

“Linda, it looks like this past one-hour speech was mostly useless and rather disappointing.” – Linda agrees with a smirk. – “Let’s hope this next hour-long speech will compensate.” – Jhonny adjusts his suit and stretches his back.

“So, the Escape Goat came forward with identified statements this time. Hobbs, pay attention to this next piece, there might be something you will want to add later on.” – Hobbs adjusts his fur coat and nods back at Jhonny.

The Escape Goat finishes presenting all identified statements to the public.

“Once more I’m disappointed Hobbs. The Escape Goat couldn’t bring one statement from someone actually based in Summerlin. I understand the mentioned mobsters are well respected, their word carry weight, but truth be told, Summerlin is fit to be discussed by its residents. As you already mentioned publicly, your decision to ban all ball games are based on a social and large complaint from the residents of Summerlin as a whole community. Once again, despite the BBB trying to convince the public gathered in here, their discourse is practically, no, entirely biased. You can also notice that the Escape Goat never reached for an actual member of your family, or maybe he did, but couldn’t find any of the support he needs to even make this discourse minimally relevant” – Linda promptly agrees.

“And I wont even enter the discussion about your allegedly behavior. They claim you caught one or two thieves and served them a good beating. Hobbs, they are accusing you of something they practice openly in Detroit. What a pity behavior.”

“But what caught my attention even more, is the fact this speech has long past the actual point of it. The Escape Goat is nothing even talking about your banning on ball games, but simply trying to work your image down. I’m just glad that lots of the public listeners are not as weak-minded as the Escape Goat himself. So far, after this exhausting, and apparently firs half, has been very weak. The Escape Goat is even calling for a collective stretch.” – Jhonny double taps Hobbs on his left shoulder. – “You can relax, I’m used with these feuds. Nothing more relevant will come from that stage.”

Hobbs loosens up little more.

“Now let’s hear what BBB has to suggest Hobbs.” – Jhonny smiled.

The Escape Goat begins to read the notebook he had in hands. Upon finishing, there was a small silence between the crowd.

“Hobbs, on what concerns us, i strongly advise you to maintain your position. Nothing they brought here today is capable of invalidating your decision. On the other hand, we can demolish them on the court, if they ever try to go that way. Anyways it’s your decision.” – Jhonny looks to Hobbs. – “In any case, I haven’t driven all this way on a hurry to be silent. Now it’s my turn to talk.”

Jhonny approaches the stage just as the Escape Goat finished his speech.

“Hello, I’m Hobbs lawyer and I expect to be given space for some points i have noted during your speech.” – Jhonny adjusts his tie. – “May I?”

______________________________________________

Jhonny steps up to the stage. The view was horrible. Someone stepped with 180-200 lawyers. It seemed like this someone was overly prepared, or maybe just not that self-confident.

Regardless of the absolutely unnecessary team of lawyers, Jhonny decided to listen what the man had to say.

After twenty minutes, Jhonny took his place.

“Ok, ok, you explained a lot Mr. Skidmark. Well done, but let me do the talking now, right?” – Jhonny adjusts the microphone height to better fit his tall.

“My name is Jhonny Santoro, better known as Jhonny Sketches. I’m a certified lawyer and I have been hired by Mr. Hobbs to represent his interests and provide a sufficient level of sense into your minds, however, if further actions are to be taken, I will also represent my client in court.”

“First of all, Mr. Skidmark, who are you again? Certainly you haven’t identified yourself as a representative of the so-called Bureau, even worse, you didn’t even presented your self as a government employee or public servant of the sorts. In this regard, I’m sorry to inform you, but you can’t make statements on the Federal Government behalf.”

“Moving forward, your team of lawyers also lack proper identification. As far as I know, the Federal Government interests are defended by the Attorney-General’s office. Now, if you are talking about the BBB only, then I’d recommend you to present valid identification of everyone of said lawyers and also provide me with their official appointment by the Federal Government to their position as BBB lawyers.”

“On the other hand, and on the worst hand I must add, the BBB comes publicly through the Escape Goat and affiliated members, but it fails to even prove they are a real Bureau tied-to and under the Federal Government. If so, I’m to be provided with everyone’s identification, their official appointment to the position they occupy, the legal act that formed the BBB and most important, the entirety of the prior investigations and the proof all legal protocols were followed, unless, of course, all the BBB wants their “case” to be regarded as illegal.”

“And regarding the correct plaintiff, I must state that the BBB, if even real, is declared to be an administrative entity and invested to control or regulate Basketball. Now, whenever an administrative entity is to claim or apply penalties in court, it should be the plaintiff, not the people of the state of Nevada.”

“Furthermore, the BBB has no rightful power, or interest, on other ball games or activities than Basketball. Therefore, if something is to be discussed, it is Basketball only.”

“Again, I must also add that whenever a certain people of a certain state are represented as plaintiff, their interests are represented by the district attorney, county attorney, state's attorney, prosecuting attorney, commonwealth's attorney, and not public invested lawyers, defending the interests of an administrative entity.”

“In this case, I suggest Mr. Skidmark to make things clear so I can carry my job correctly. Are we dealing with an administrative entity interest or are we dealing with the interests of the people? In any case there are unfixable issues with the proper representation, thereby rendering this whole crusade illegal.”

“Regarding the orders of the court you mentioned, I must add that I have applied to be Hobbs lawyer, that means instead of being represented by a public defender, he will be represented by a particular lawyer. In this case I have a legal time lapse to study the case and present further actions I see fit. Therefore, if anything was issued by said court, it is now evidently null. Believe me, I can reverse any decisions issued in prior to this day. The defendant wasn’t even officially notified by a court bailiff.”

Jhonny lights a cigarette.

“Now that I’ve cleared these legal matters, I will add that I can foresee Hobbs decision right now. We are going to meet at the court BBB, be it by my initiative, be it by yours. There is no point to drag this discussion into a wooden stage.”

“And to finish it off, I want to add that under the United States Civil Code, whenever the population of an independent district, after public debates, held in the districts chambers, are favorable to a new district-wide determination, considering the vast majority, it is not opposable on court, as long it doesn’t harm the collectivity, the racial equality, freedom of speech, prohibiting ball games is not considered a offense to the freedom of speech, I must add, and finally, illegal purposes.”

“All I have heard are false and weak accusations, unsustainable evidences, doubtful statements, biased administrative work and a hateful perusing against my client. I will say this one more time. Any further discussions shall be resolved at the court of law. In the right one BBB, not any.”

“Thank you all.”

Jhonny steps down the wooden stage and heads toward Mr. Hobbs.

“Let’s go Hobbs. We are dealing with a fake Bureau. They want to hunt you down because of Summerlin’s rule of no ball games, but they can’t even show proper balls here at the streets.”

Jhonny pats Linda gently on her head, lights another cigarette and leaves the scene with her.

---

OOC: This is a work of fiction, no statements are to be taken as real offenses.

Skidmark stands by watching Jhonny, who is now completely out of breath, show up late and address his oral arguments to a crowd of onlookers on the street, after default judgment had already been entered against his client...

This certainly puts a new spin on “improper venue”! Mr. Sketches, if that is even your real name, my entourage and I have come here today only to pass on information. We are not here to do your research for you, we are not here to discuss goats, and most certainly we are not here to relitigate an already decided case. That being said, and considering that judgment was rendered by the District Court before you even filed a Notice of Appearance...good luck with that malpractice suit, by the way. Ahem, as one of many individuals harmed by Hobbs’ actions and seeking a suitable remedy, I offer a settlement that I believe all members of the aggrieved class will agree to. If Hobbs agrees to form a basketball team in the Summerlin District, led by himself or Void a coach of his choosing, we will file a motion to vacate judgment. You are not going to get a better deal than that.

The definitely well dressed man was awoken from his slumber by an associate. 

"There some sketchy guy ranting about goats out there and I think Skidmark may kill him if we dont lighten the mood a bit. Its a bit hostile"

The impeccably attire gent rolled out of his bed which luckily was situation adjacent to the stage and court. It had been placed there so ballers could eat, sleep and ball all in the same place. One of the ingenious ideas dreamt up by HeadCoach. As he made his way to the stage he will informed of all the details discussed so far. As he appeared there was a thunderous applause. He looked out across the crowd and watched as Hobbs left with another gentleman. A smile crossed his face, Hobbs had listened he had gotten himself some friends and even more more exciting there was a woman with them. As the group of super happy fun friends left, the goats from earlier scowled at them. Must be something to do with this sketchy mans obsession with goats. Approaching the podium he felt a new found confidence. 

"Firstly, I would like to thank the out pouring of support there has been for this report, it warms my heart to have my work respected. Before I go any further I would like to have it added to the record that I am the G.O.A.T."

The goats bleated their approval. He continued. 

"Sketches We thank you for your appearance today"

How did this man that didnt attend the speech have all these notes and quotes from it. It was clear word was spreading and judging by the overflowing donation buckets, the world had reacted favourably. He readjusted himself, trying to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. 

"We wont say much, as I have said everything that needed to be said. We would advise Hobbs and Sketches to accept the settlement. Its the best outcome you are going to get. I would advise you Jhonny to consider why only now has Hobbs hired you? This matter has been ongoing for weeks and only now after award winning report has he sought you out. I think its clear that he has seen our magnificent report and the overwhelming outpouring of support and decided that he needs a fall guy. He needs someone to blame when his tower of hate and lies inevitably comes crashing down. Hobbs we address you personally and plead with you to accept the settlement, at this stage we are the only ones keeping the wolves from your door and the dogs on their leash". 

He chuckled to himself. I too know animal related phrases he thought. 

"Skidmark to this point has shown some restraint even if hes confused the shit out of me,  and the rest of Detroit have allowed the report and findings to speak for themselves. Do you really want to change this?"

He yawned as he began to miss his bed. 

"Ladies, gentlemen and animals of all species, we finish with thank you for your support, you have made me very happy. We thank those who replied and most importantly we thank Void for following in Detroit's footsteps and providing references. Perhaps there is hope for Las Vegas after all, only time will tell".

With that he wandered sleepily off the stage and back to his bed where he would no doubt dream of goats and wolves.

ToE watched on bemused, he'd seen this shit before, too many times. He'd sat in court more times than he cared to remember, and during that time he had seen all kinds of flim flam men, wafflers and bull shitters stand up for their 'client' and issue forth all kinds of verbal diarrhoea, mostly with the effect of putting the jury in a somnambulistic coma. @Jhonny-Sketches was certainly up there with the best of them. The one thing that ToE was looking forward to was the public habit of abbreviating names and unions. There was Ashmi, Spederline, Brangelina, and Robsten amongst others, and ToE couldn't wait to see what would pop up in this case. He sincerely hoped that Hobbs would get one. Jhonny-Sketches kept referring to him as 'the scape-goat', which in of itself was a bit of a mouthful. Hobbs the Scroat worked better, rolled off the tongue better, perhaps he would suggest it to BBB... perhaps. Perhaps he would be better to just go to the bar and drown his sorrows instead, or at least try to forget the deluge of BS he had witnessed from the so called Lawyer... Oooo Jhobby would also work to describe the dynamic team of the Lawyer and his guilty as fuck client.... yeah, Jhobby, that's the one. 

"I think my main man, Mr Sketches has proven everything that needs to be proven. Said everything that needs to be said. Baked all the bread that needed baked. Tickled all the ferrets that needed to be tickled. I could go on, but I think there's been enough words said in the last couple of days."

"There has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth - mainly from Mr Skidmark over there who seems intent on setting the dogs on the Prince of Summerlin. Now, I'm not sure how wise it would be to set a bunch of dogs loose when my King, Giorgio-Esposito runs his very own zoo. I'm not sure how well a dog would fare faced against lions and tigers and bears (oh my). I'm more concerned that the right honourable and jovial Headcoach has hired a federali as his Right hand man. Skidmark? More like Skidnarc am I right?"

Hobbs paused for LAUGHTER which would surely come.

"For now, I will make no other statement till I've had chance to sit down with Headcoach in the ruins and wreckage of D0m3n1c's business house in Detroit. Nicola has currently set up squatters rights in the premises, but I'm sure we can find an untouched booth in which we can sit down and discuss where to go from here. For now, all options are on the table, and these include, if necessary, sacrificing my good friend Void to ensure I get whatever it is that I want..."

Hobbs slowly returned to the scene of the inquest. He'd had a long week of soul searching whilst trying to make the next decision the right one. The Better Basketball Bureau had spoken, and the tides of public opinion had firmly turned against Hobbs. No longer number 1, he cut a forlorn figure.

"At this time, I'd like to make a brief preliminary statement of which I will follow up on at a late date in regards to The Better Basketball Bureau findings. Please permit me some privacy whilst my missing lawyer team of 180-200 associates draft an apology to Detroit, and it's friends in other cities."

Hobbs stepped down to choruses of 'Hobshite' and 'Hobgoblin'.

This was a sad day