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Aug 14 - 21:23:35
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An Investigation into Officer Hibbs Started by: Hobbs on Aug 04, '22 19:35

Hobbs emerged from a small car followed by all 180-200 of his expensively hired bodyguards. It had been some week already. He'd failed upwards and won many prizes by being a loser at Dice, and then had spent the week battling despicable horse related jibes. He was exhausted if truth be told and ready for another vacation. Except... except something deeply unsettling had happened to Hobbs earlier. For weeks now people had been asking why he was so rude earlier? Why did he not thank people for the jail bust? Why did he change his hair so frequently? Hobbs was baffled until it happened to his self.

Success! Hibbs was set free.

It was like looking into an inferior mirror version. It was clear somebody was being paid masquerading around the place dressed Vegas as a Hobbs imposter. Why someone would want to copy Hobbs was obvious. He was handsome, he was pretty, he was the Queen Prince of New York City Las Vegas City. In recent times the imposter had begun to wear Clown make up. Hobbs took this as a direct insult at himself. Was he a clown? Sure there was the two of three weeks in the stocks. There was the pointless arguing back and forth with Detroit... the absolutely untrue horse murdering rumours and there was 'Spaghetti Gate' also but the less said about that the better.

"Let's get straight to business. There is a man roaming the streets known only as Hibbs. Upon closer inspection it's clear to me that this man is attempting to make a mockery of me. He wears a clown mask. He has copied my mannerisms and speech style, and he's taken to proclaiming himself as the Pauper of Las Vegas in a direct stab at me."

Hobbs was a respected suit wearing, fedora pimping member of the community. He was absolutely not a clown in any form. He casually tossed an orange in the air and caught it. One of his 180-200 bodyguards passed him another orange and he threw that too. And then another. Before long he was casually throwing and catching multiple balls at the same time. Wow he was good at that. He put the balls down and began to speak.

"A quick glance at my local surroundings reveal he is once again stalking me, following me around in Paradise like some sort of malnourished shadow, all noodle armed and gangly limbed. He stalks my every move, and I'm convinced my family are accidentally sending all their tributes through to him instead of me."

Hobbs took out a handkerchief from his jacket sleeve and began to wipe his nose. The more he wiped his nose the more random coloured handkerchiefs emerged from his sleeve. He shook his head to regain his composure and was squirted in the face by the flower placed in his lapelle that very morning by his good friend Void.

"What has become clear is somebody has hired this man. Somebody is working with him. I will personally pay $50,000 for anybody who can provide information on who has employed Officer Hibbs, no matter how trivial the detail may seem. I need to build a full picture of the kind of threat I am up against. In two weeks once I've gathered all the evidence I need I will end this charade once and for all."

Hobbs couldn't handle it anymore and blew his nose till it was red with rage.

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Iron Mike watches as friendth Hobbs descends into some sort of nerd rage.

"I know nothing of the origin story of officer Hibbs but I am sure a whole $50,000 will provoke a fevered reaction from the public my friendth. On a recent trip to drop off a chocolate log at the world renowned touritht attraction the 12th Street Public Bathroom I couldn't take a dump in peace due to the conthtant talk of 'Who is Hibbs? Where did he come from? Could he usurp Hobbs as the most annoying person in the USA? Frankly I am DITHGUSTED & ALARMED. A man should be able to take a dump in peace. I will up the ante on the reward to a HUGE $10,000,000 to get to the bottom of this mythtery. Yeth you heard me right. $10 million for info. Please see Hobbs lottery life partner Alina to claim your prize."

Iron Mike turns to Hobbs.

"I am here for you my friendth. I know you are a mental (& physical) weakling so I worry for your mental thtate at a trying time like this. Whatever you do my friend do NOT look into THIS GUY"

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Alina stopped by the office to see if she could catch up with Hobbs and see how he was doing. She knew about this Hibbs guy stalking him like some sort of malnourished shadow and the family tribute but normally she avoids his personal business for it was just a little too intense for her.

The phone rank and she heard an unfamiliar voice say “Are you still offering the HUGE $10,000,000 reward. 

What 10 million dollar reward are you talking about and who the fuck is this? clueless

The 10 million MikeTyson was talking about, for information on Hibbs and you don’t need to know who I am.

Well if I don’t need to know who you are our business is finished. she hung up the phone.

Finally she got the story from Void, Hobbs offered $50,000 and MikeTyson upped it to 10 million for information on this dude Hibbs.

Alina didn’t understand what type of information would be worth 10 million surely her people could have him completely out the picture for that  amount.  She was cool with it since it wasn’t coming out of her pocket. She remembers the last time money and her name were mentioned. 

She called a few of her informants and the ladies of the night as she called them,  got the word out. If she received any pertinent information she would turn it over to Hobbs and MikeTyson

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"MikeTyson I knew there was a reason why I liked you and haven't tried to burn your house down yet. Your help and assistance with this during my time of need is exemplary and just what our streets need to see in times of strife. I have it on good authority that Alina is at the bank as we speak withdrawing the full $10 million to give out PER person who helps with the investigation. It does make me wonder though, how many times did she win the lottery to have that much money? Perhaps she's got another revenue stream...."

Hobbs dropped his voice to a whisper

"...or perhaps she's the one working with Hibbs? That's a truth I'm not yet ready to find out."

If his darling life partner and Lottery Tyndicate Syndicate partner hated him he'd be like Ian O'Keefe and have nothing left to live for.

As Hobbs began to talk a very intelligent looking chap walked past with glasses and a shirt on. The name tag on the shirt said Hoobbs.

"That's strange! That guy has a name eerily similar to mine, and similar hobbies too based on the glasses and bow-tie combo. I'd never wear a shirt though."

Hobbs didn't have time to second guess that. He had to work out who was the driving force behind Hibbs.

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Hearing a frenemy in distress Void couldn't help but chime in as well. Void may be both heartless and a peace pervert but he wasn't completely unable to feel sympathy for the plights of others.

"Hobbs I am happy you bring this up, I also noticed and was worried by the grotesque figure of Hibbs stalking your shadow (just like I do so often myself for reasons I cannot disclose). But even though he's a shameful imposter I can still laugh at his dumb jokes sometimes. Just the other day when I picked his pockets he yelled SPAGHETTI at me before honking his nose. Hilarious. But I can see why you'd find it to be in bad taste."

"I have been dealing with a doppleganger of my own as well as of late. He doesn't stalk me yet but I have seen him pass me by on several occasions now on the streets of DT. Doiv some call him, an obvious alias which is a play on my name. Just awful, who keeps employing these mocking jokers?"

"By the way, I would just like to say the following as well: in the local coffee-shops I heard BBB whisper that he suspects me to be the employer of Hibbs. Preposterous, insanity, a baseless claim! BBB if I was the one masterminding this GRAVE INSULT to Hobbs, why is there also a mockery of me walking around eh? No, obviously it cannot be me who's behind this all."

Having the finger pointed at him Void started nervously sweating, if Hobbs was to be convinced that it had been him who pulled this ruse Void would not be getting home without a broken arm and half of his teeth missing. The most effective way of removing suspicion from himself was to find out the true culprit once and for all.

"Let us engage in finger pointing no longer, I have employed the brightest private investigator on the planet to help us find the mastermind behind these mysterious dopplegangers. I present to you: SherlockHolbbs. I had tried to get ahold of Sherlock Holmes instead but it appears he has died under mysterious circumstances as related to us all in the tragic oration of about a month ago by Sunrise."

"Rest assured Hobbs, we will find out who did this and more importantly I WILL claim those fat stacks of rewards."

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Alina was just livid sitting in the office of Lottery Tyndicate Syndicate.  AquaTelfanna was with her when she heard the news. She wanted to say can you believe that son of a bitch but wanted to be nice.

Hobbs must be out of his mind. Always trying to spend my money, this is the second time. Then have the audacity to say .or perhaps she's the one working with Hibbs?  I can’t seem to find him but this note will.

My Dearest Mr. Hobbs,

Please do not get it twisted but this is your last time you will place me in this type of situation having to say I ain’t paying jack shit to anyone I don’t owe.  Anyone having any information on this Hibbs dude will report to you or MikeTyson let’s get that straight.

Secondly, you better wake up and smell the roses.  Now I never asked to become your life long partner but have taken the job stylishly.  I have people working 24/7 trying to find out information on this Hibbs person. 

And thirdly ,you don’t have many friends out there.  You should really recognize and appreciate someone who truly has your macho, egotistical, arrogant back.

Have a nice day,

Love, Alina

Alina gave the note to Void and asked him to please make sure Hobbs receives it.

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Skidmark sees Void walking down the street carrying a note from Alina. Recognizing his good friend from Las Vegas, he quickly tosses the basketball he always carries with him towards Void's chest...

"THINK FAST!"

With superior athletic agility, Void drops the note he is carrying and catches the basketball in the palm of one hand, just like any real superstar would do.

"C'mon, Void, let's head down to the gym and try to get a game of 3-on-3 going. Nobody has to know that you're the best baller west of Mug City."

The two run down the street passing the ball back and forth, occasionally practicing a few crossover dribbles along the way. The note to Hobbs, now completely forgotten by both of them, blows away in the wind towards the 12 Street Public Toilets.

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BBB was doing his daily inspections of the 12th street toilet. He was just finishing up when he spotted a piece of paper floating towards him. He managed to catch it as it floated past. He read it. From Alina to Hobbs. Its not very sexy now is it. I would have expected from from notes between these two. Especially after seeing the script Hobbs has produced in the DT library. He shrugged. He called over one of the German Sheppard's. Take this to Hobbs. Who knows where he is but take the others and a few goats and get it sorted. The Sheppard shouted some instructions in German to the others and the all ran off with some goats. Where to who knows. Lets hope it gets there he thought to himself or we will be back in Alinas bad books. He sighed and fixed his goat nibbled fedora. 

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SherlockHolbbs and his stand-in-Watson Void were hot on the trail of the man behind the mysterious mockeries wearing clown makeup. Though there was an initial drought of clues, after some recent developments the investigation into The Strange Case of Dr William and Mr Hibbs was coming along nicely now...

Just the other day a key piece of evidence was procured, when Void had managed to sneak up to the clown-horn honking figure of Hibbs he managed to make a dig into the impostor's pockets.

  Aug 06, 11:10:09 You PICKPOCKETED! Hibbs. You took $13.

What Void had found was a damning bottle of HGH supplement pills along with the pocket change. Most suggestive indeed. Who or what organisation was it again that was known for making use of these to make mad muscle gains? Neither SherlockHolbbs nor Void knew, the Detroit public library was to be consulted later.

Another clue hinting at the identity of the mastermind were the events that had transpired only yesterday. Skidmark had thrown a basketball at Doiv (mistaking the imposter for Void) and it could be observed that Doiv had caught the basketball with remarkable speed and quick reflexes, and then proceeded to masterfully control the ball in an impressive dribble. Void, being the unathletic and pathetic worm that he was, could of course never have pulled this maneuver off. This pointed to Doiv either hailing from Detroit himself, or his employer being a Mug Cityizen.

Much food for thought either way, SherlockHolbbs and Void walked up to his similarly duped frenemy Hobbs.

"Hobbs, the case is progressing swimmingly. We've gathered several new pieces of information hinting at the nature of our wicked tormentor. Soon enough we'll have grabbed them by the tail, after which we'll be dragging them straight to the public Stocks for a fruit-and-potato pelting. We will have our justice and I will have my reward."

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"Void, please share with the room what you've uncovered! You are doing the Lord's work now."

Hobbs was comforted by Void's passion and dedication to the task before them. His hiring of Sherlock Holbes was an inspired choice and would surely lead to results in uncovering the mastermind behind the devious Hibbs.

Satisfied things were going well Hobbs signed up for an Organised Crime mission with some of the other people of the city. It went well, and following the great success twigs had gone around the Las Vegas lounge congratulating and thanking everyone who took part in a lucrative heist. Everyone except Hobbs. Instead Mr Hibbs had received the 'bum pat' that was reserved for Hobbs. Hobbs was shocked/

Devastated he'd left and gone looking for Void, his one true friend and confidant. As he approached the basement where Void dwelled he'd overheard a snippet of conversation between Void and a mystery person Hobbs couldn't see behind the curtain that separated Void from the rest of humanity.

"Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design"

Curious. Most curious. Void so far had been a bastion of virtue in a sea of bastards, but was there more to his help than met the eye? Could it be that Void was looking to take advantage of the history of strife between Detroit and Summerlin? Hobbs tried to blot the untrustworthy poisonous thoughts from his mind. 

"I told you he was Tricksy?"

"NO. VOIDY IS OUR FRIEND"

"VOID BETRAYED US!?"

Hobbs rubbed his head trying to quieten the voice and slipped back upstairs. Detroit must be to blame. He would go to see BBB and find out once and for all what he was up to in the absence of the behemoth Headcoach.

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BBB appeared looking as dashingly handsome as ever. He has been bored since the end of the boxing competition. He had tried to reignite that fire within himself but he had failed on many occasions. Maybe this would be an opportunity. He straightened his goat chewed fedora. 

"Hobbs, I will let you if you need help. I have done some initial investigations and have uncovered some shocking revelations. Now I am not one to jump to conclusions with proper diligence so I will not share these publicly YET. I would like to offer my services. You know I have no reason to want to help you or pander to you. However, I feel there is an injustice being undertaken against you and I would like to help to right that wrong. I will wait to hear from you but I will leave you with this."

He placed his hands in his pockets

"Do you really think that Detroit would undertake this sneaky and cunning insult and not be bragging all over the streets about it. When have we ever been subtle."

He raised this finger and thumb to his chin deep in thought.

"No I would suggested that far more conniving and cunning minds are at play here. I suggest that you accept my help and together we examine this deep dark Void of lies and chasm of falsehoods."

He begin pacing and lost in his thoughts. 

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Hobbs was frazzled. He was back in Las Vegas after an enjoyable stint on the coast where he'd got his mind back, refreshed and ready for action. The issue of Hibbs was still deeply struggling and Void was clearly not pulling up any trees in the investigation. If truth be told he was failing and letting everyone down, but how could Hobbs say that to his face? He couldn't. He was not that cruel. He would think the absolute worst of the waste of space peace loving pervert but would never say it.

"Great work, Void. You and Holbes are doing sterling work..."

Hobbs turned the corner and bumped into BBB.

"There are many great combos in life; peanut butter and jelly. Bacon and egg. Hot dog and mustard. Arson attacks and crewleader. Perhaps we could be the next great. Void has done his best but I'm ready to accept fresh help. Assist me, sir."

Hobbs only hoped he wouldn't have to have BBB's life partner Frank helping as well. Hobbs hated that guy.

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"Thank you Hobbs! Now I have come across a new interesting piece of information today, just earlier--"

Void looked behind him as a shot rang out and one of his bodyguards got winged by one of ParadiseCL's dreadful goons. They really came out swinging today with an agression similar to that of an HGH deprived HeadCoach. Void, Hobbs and their respective entourages of bodyguards quickly hid behind some cars on the side of the road while the shots kept flying. He shouted at Hobbs, adrenalin flowing through his body.

"Hobbs! I'll keep it short. Just earlier today I found the lifeless corpse of Doiv in a pool of blood and spaghetti. Just before I got close enough however I saw a silhouette stand over the corpse and shout the following into dead Doiv's ears."

  Aug 14, 17:11:24 You witness ***** standing over Doiv's corpse as they say "Send my regards to your master, Void."

"I think I'm being framed here Hobbs! They obviously shouted it so loudly just so that others would heard it and suspect me. Why would I hire someone to make fun of myself? What madness is this?"

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