Jub came out into the streets in an unusual get-up. Instead of his normal shabby worn out XXXXL shirt and leather jacket, this time he whore the proper attire for a change. He looked a reformed man. Someone who, after having lived a life of gluttony, debauchery, filth, and Soil, had finally seen the light. He was carrying a leatherbound book with the letters 'SIoT' and a toaster emblem printed on its cover in his right hand. Though one might have mistaken it as one on first glance, it did not look quite as volumous as a Bible. He spoke, his voice sounding as grating as always.

WHY WHEREWASI'S SYSTEMATIC IMMOLATION OF THOUGHT?

"CITIZENS."

"Recently something came to my attention, something mysterious, something fantastic. It started with the simple rumor that yet another wackback had occurred a week ago on an unsponsored gangster (see The Herald: a Systematic Immolation of Thought miracle), this time unfortunately by my very own boss, worm. There were rumors that the lucky survivor had carried a copy of Systematic Immolation of Thought on him and that, miraculously, this had saved him. Some of the rumors (which I curiously echoed) even claimed that Systematic Immolation of Thought posessed divine protective attributes which had saved these individuals."

"At first I was skeptical, but there were 2 things that finally convinced me (as I hope they will convince you).
1: This was the third time this happened in a row under the exact same circumstances, three wackbacks on different people with one common factor: that they all carried a leatherbound copy of SIoT.
2: My boss worm is the most capable man-worm I know. He could never miss a shot unless somekind of divine hullabaloo was involved. The fact that EVEN HE managed to wackback on someone carrying SIoT solidified my conviction of its divine nature."

"So, in light of these happenings, I've spend the past week digging into WhereWasI's philosophical Magnum Opus Systematic Immolation of Thought to see what it's really about. I come today to provide you with a contemporary analysis which will hopefully kindle in you a passion for WhereWasI's masterpiece similar to the one which came to burn so fiercely in my very own soul."

HOW DOES SIOT APPLY TO ME? WHY WOULD I CARE?

"Systematic Immolation of Thought is a work of Mafia Philosophy. Philosophy is the science that studies the basic nature of existence, it is something that can give us a framework of (non-systematically immolated) thought to deal with our own existence, it speaks about matters of the soul. We all have souls, we all are mobsters, ergo Mafia-Philosophy applies to us all."

"When I first dove into Systematic Immolation of Thought, I was completely blown away by its content, depth and eloquence. It has been a life-changing experience. It has changed who I am, how I think, how I perceive and I can genuinely say that it's the most profound piece of mafia philosophy ever written. I applaud the (by now unfortunately missing) author for this monumental achievement."

"I've seen other attempts at contemporary analysis of SIoT (such as Reviewing WWI's Systematic Immolation Thought) but I've found them all to be horribly inadequate and only dealing with irrelevant minutiae instead of pondering the larger questions and implications that SIoT pivots. To give an example, the analysis I referenced just now can't even get the name of SIoT right, and somehow thinks that 'but still where the attire' was an unpunctuated question when in reality id was a powerful peace of meta-comentary on the use of language. Coolklinski, that utter tool, did not do SIoT justice. I will."

SOME EXAMPLES OF THE GREATNESS OF SIOT

"Let us begin with a few short examples to highlight BUT A SLIVER of the greatness that Systematic Immolation of Thought contains. First of all I wish to elaborate on the often misunderstood phrase 'where the attire'. What WhereWasI was saying with this (in form, rather than in direct words) is that we are often careless in how we present our opinions. This is further illustrated by his later remark:"

I've already noticed one glaring grammatical mistake, but decided to go with my thoughts as is without editing to preserve the raw concepts behind them. I apologize to any of you that this may disturb, but it is a process I have great faith in.

"You see, this is was a clever move of his to add another layer on top of this already meaningful line. By immediately dispelling the gramatical erorr in his speach he was telling us that, even if we notice our carelessness in retrospect, we think we can just handwave it away anyways (which of course, he strongly disapproves and sees as a sign of slothful apathy). A very powerful message contained in just 2 (two) sentences of his, a testament to how packed and layered SIoT is with messages and philosopical advice."

"A second example would be the controversial toaster chapter. People often wonder (if they even get this far, as many fail to even interpret the literal meaning of this chapter): 'Why did WhereWasI use a toaster to explain how a solution to a problem you've used in the past is not applicable to all problems of the future and the circumstances of the those problems?' This has been a hotly debated topic among the world's leading scholars of SIoT. Some think it's an allegory, others believe that there's no meaning whatsoever. I pose a different theory however (of which I'm 100% sure it's correct):"

"The Toaster is a simple household item, everyone knows and recognises it, and WhereWasI effectively used it to explain his idea since everyone who is not a total intellectually bankrupt buffoon could grasp what was meant in the toaster chapter. I think The Toaster chapter was a deliberate mental trap set by WhereWasI for future analysts, to make them expect there to be meaning when there is none in reality (this, in turn, to humble them and teach them not to underestimate SIoT). This makes it a paradoxical meta-chapter, as it not having any meaning or purpose gives it meaning. Most cunning, and another testimony to SIoT's depth and the brilliance of its writer."

THE FUTURE OF SIOT

"With the unfortunate disappearance of WhereWasI we've been met with a TOTAL draught of mafia-philosophy. I've tried numerous things to satisfy my cravings but nothing quite hits the spot like Systematic Immolation of Thought ever could."

"I've been so desperate that I even tried hiring a 'WhereWasI' ghost writer to create something to fill the SIoT sized hole in my (saturated-fat clogged) heart, but that only gave me disastrous results. I present to you this exempt from what happened when I asked a ghost writer to write 'Systematic Immolation of Thought 2': A manuscript of the ghost writer"

"It pretends to be WhereWasI but it's not. It's completely devoid of SOUL. It's an insult to Systematic Immolation of Thought and WhereWasI. I was so utterly disgusted by the disgusting soulless drivel the ghostwriter produced that I did not tip him. Instead I gave him a look of contempt, spit on the floor and walked away."

"So, being left with no new works to match the original, I am forced to try and find new meanings in the original manuscript of Systematic Immolation of Thought instead. I must attempt to find more nuggets of wisdom that I had not noticed before, new layers of complexity, more lessons to guide my life."

"If we can have a 'Summa Theologica', we should be able to have a 'Summa SIoT' too with enough time and scholarly study."

WHAT SIOT MEANS TO THE COMMUNITY

"In order to not just preach my own interpretation of SIoT, I've reached out to various members of our way of life and asked them to answer the following question: 'What does Systematic Immolation of Thought mean to you?':"

simpleton: "I used to read various sections of SIOT daily, as was recommended under the [redacted] creed. That is, until, I noticed that I was becoming extremely constipated each time I read from it. My doctor ordered me to cease all connection with and to SIOT, and turn to the dark side. Now I'm a [opposite of [redacted]] Lord."

Wellerman: "SIT was largely ignored when it was originally created and it took many years for the words to really mean what they mean now. That meaning of course is open to interpretation."

KennyRusso: "IT'S CONFUSION. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME TRYING TO DECIPHER. UNLESS YOU'RE BIG BRAIN. THEN YOU CAN TRY AND TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS. CAUSE I'M STUPID.""

Anonymous: "It's a bright torch in an age of darkness. It has shaped my moral compass and guides my every action. I would not be the mobster I am without the framework for thought that siot provides."

BonzoIII (mysteriously disappeared after the interview): "It means far more than can be put into one sentence - it's means everything, always, everywhere: all at once."

"As we can see, my completely random selection of individuals unanimously praise SIoT for its greatness. The only exceptions being simpleton (who had to stop reading it for medical conditions) and KennyRusso who obviously still has much studying ahead of him. Perhaps one day Kenny will reach the true enlightenment that lies at the top of the tall mountain called Systematic Immolation of Thought."

WHAT SIOT MEANS TO ME (A CONFESSION OF LOVE)

"This analysis was a confession of love to SIoT and its author. Not a depraved and sensual earthly kind of love, but a pure and incorruptible intellectual infatuation of the spirit. Jub can only mourn that we will no longer see great works produced from WhereWasI (Systematic Immolation of Thought 2 is, unfortunately, out of the question). Secretly I hope for a second coming of the great poet, similar to what is prophesised in certain other holy books."

"Until his return, as a tribute to WhereWasI's Magnum Opus, Jub will make it his personal life-mission to spread the gospel of SIoT, to educate the masses on SIoT and why it's important for us all. Jub will ensure that our community's libraries are stocked with free copies for all who want to enrich their souls."

"And if necessary, Jub will even explain SIoT's lessons using the understanding of how a Toaster works."

Finishing his long speech, Jub collapsed from exhaustion and hit the cold streets face first. As he was falling, his face did not have the crazed features of a madman one would expect to see on someone who gave a speech as fanatical and delusional as this.

Instead there was a simple, genuine smile, the expression of a soul in rapture.

As Jub lay perishing on the floor from exhaustion after his frantic speech, he manages to mutter a few words at his heckler before definitively losing consciousness.

"To do SIoT justice one has to be as thorough as SIoT itself. Rome wasn't built in a day, and Systematic Immolation of Thought wasn't written in 3 sentences."

Anyone who has properly read SIOT has only benefited from it. 

Fact. 

There was nothing, not a single thought forming in his mind. Sitting there with his copy of the contemporary analysis of the Systematic Immolation of Thought in hand, he couldn't figure out what any of it meant or if there was any reason whatsoever for any of this to have been said: Which meant it was something that he would have to pretend to understand, what would his peers think if he didn't know what his member was talking about? 

This is, uh, brilliant, Jub. Really good stuff. I know exactly what you've done here, it's very primal writing, you know? You know, I've not, uh, read anything like this in years. Maybe ever!

Nailed it. Before any questions could be asked about the contents of what he had just read, the worm quickly forced himself back deep down under the soil where he belonged, no more reading complex dissertations for him. Ahh, the dirt, where no one talks about toasters or confusing subject matters, it was perfect down here.

Kenny was passing by JubTheNub while he was making his speech. He stopped and leaned against a post in the street, lit a cigarette and listened, trying to pay attention.

After fourteen seconds Kenny's brain stopped working and he passed out on the street. You could smell smoke coming out from his ears.

He did not survive.

What is know about the late, great WhereWasI?