Hello and welcome friends. My name is Edward Harrington and I am Head of Marketing with the Competition Commission. I have come today to share with you a HUGE announcement from the Competition Commission. The Commission is happy to announce the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention! Mark your calendars; on July 1st the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention will be coming back to town and registration for the event is now OPEN. 

This gathering of brilliant minds, competition experts, and competition competitors is an amazing opportunity to come together, share knowledge, and shape the future of the Competitive Competition scene. We will deep dive into the pressing issues of competition policy and regulations. Expert panel discussions, interactive workshops, and enlightening case studies will guide you towards innovative solutions and best competition practices. 

This will be the 12th year in a row the Competition Commission Convention has been going on and they have some real excitement in store for you. Games, prizes, exclusive meet and greets, and MORE! Register today and reserve your spot at the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention. 

• I would also like to announce that our Keynote speaker for this year is none other than the Chief Editor in Chief of The Harold Printing Enterprises, EditorInChiefHarold! He has agreed to take over for his uncle after his timely passing. 

EditorInChiefHarold is an emerging powerhouse in the Newspaper industry and perhaps one of the most influential people on the Streets today. This young man is the future of the Competitive Competition scene and we are all very excited to add his name to the list of our list of illustrious speakers over the years. 

• EditorInChiefHarold - TBD 

• Harold (This year) - TBD

Workshops will focus on the teachings and belief systems of our past keynote speakers. These are detailed below so that you plan out your schedule before attending the event to give you a competitive advantage on other attendees. 

• JamesBaxter - ‘How to Loosen Up and Enjoy Competitions’

• Jerome - ‘Betrayal in Competition and How to Cope’

• HeadCoach - ‘Freedom of Choice and Power Lunches (Sponsored by the BBB)’

• Lincoln_Lawyer - ‘The Ethics and Ramifications of Competition Related Deaths’ 

• FMP - ‘Competition Conflict Resolution: Are Guns the Solution?’

• Honesty - ‘The Sticky Situation with Proper Payment Procedures’

• WhereWasI - ‘The Systemic Immolation of Thought’ 

It is truly a once in a lifetime event and I just can’t overstate the significance and importance of the Competition Commission and all their supporters. Without the generous donations from each and every one of you we would never be able to put on a convention of this size. Sign up today and reserve your spot! Registration will now officially OPEN!

The 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention 

Discover the Future of Competition!

Join us for a power-packed day of insight, networking, amazing prizes and giveaways, and most importantly Competitions!

Date: July 1st 
Time: All day 
Venue: TBD

Exciting Prizes and Giveaways!

Grand Prize: All-expenses-paid trip to the International Competition Commission Conference!

Free Registrations: Lucky winners will get their convention registration fee refunded and their future registration waived! 

Exclusive Merchandise: Limited edition merchandise will be available throughout the conference, including the ultra-exclusive Stiffler bobble-head. 

Networking Dinner Vouchers: Enjoy delightful dinners at top-rated restaurants with fellow conference attendees and honored guests. 

Gift Bags: Take home a specially curated gift bag packed with competition themed goodies for your enjoyment. 

Highlights of the Event!

Panel Discussions: Gain insights from competition experts as they explore pressing competition policy and regulation issues. Discuss issues with the experts!

Interactive Workshops: Participate in sessions and gain practical knowledge on competition practices and guidelines. Up your Competition hosting! 

Case Studies and Best Practices: Discover success stories and learn from real-world examples. Learn what works and what doesn’t in the competition world!

Networking Opportunities: Connect with other professional competition hosts and expand your own network within the Competitive Competition scene. 

Register now to secure your spot!

Regular Registration Deadline: June 26 
Registration Fee: 2 Million USD

Don't miss your chance to win amazing prizes, learn, and network with industry leaders at this premier event of the year!
 

“Registration guarantees entry to the Convention Center. Registration is non-refundable, non-transferable. Regulation J-K is a CC regulation that applies to new issuances under the 25 ACT and subsequent sale or transfer of regulation is strictly forbidden as outlined in Section 12B under ACT 35. All registrants are subject to the rules and regulations set forth in the Competition Commission handbook. All private inquiries may be made via mail, please include Forms C-1 and E-10 with any disclosure statements.”

SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

Are you or your business interested in becoming a Competition Commission Convention sponsor? The Competition Commission is always interested in working with local businesses and entrepreneurs. If you or your business would like to work with the Competition Commission we want to hear from you! We believe that partnerships are the cornerstone of success, and we invite you to join us. Let's create lasting connections, build a stronger community, and make a meaningful impact together.

I am nothing short of ELATED at being given the opportunity to be a keynote speaker at the ACCC. In fact, I am so frantic with EXCITEMENT and ADRENALINE that I've gone ahead and donated the entire savings account of The Harold Printing Enterprises to this event and the Competition Commission's marketing department.

I expect to be able to restock my newspaper's savings account soon since my latest issue is selling incredibly well.

The work on my keynote speech has already begun, though I'm keeping the title and subject a secret for now.

Everyone could and would benefit from attending the conference, this time only the non-entrants will be the real losers (contrary to how things sometimes proceed).

It certainly is a real pleasure to have you along for this EditorInChiefHarold! I can not wait to hear what you have in store for us during your speech! 

Spots are going quick, make sure you get your registrations done early to secure your spot for the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention! 

There really is something for everyone at the 12th ACCC. You can register HERE! Join us for the most important Competitive Competition Event of the year! 

"Thanks again for stepping in Harold. We weren't sure we would be able to pull this off with the tragic loss of your uncle. He was truly the cornerstone of the Newspaper industry, and would be proud to have such a capable person such as yourself to carry on his legacy. Now if you have any questions about your speech you're welcome to coordinate with our intern Georgette. She should be around here somewhere, lest she's off dreaming of castles and and skipping out on work, again." 

Georgette peeked her head up from behind a box where she had indeed been dreaming of a castle on a cloud. "Look, there was a man in a waistcoat and I had questions, such as "Such a lovely yellow, who is your tailor?" and "Have you heard of Taylor the latte boy?" Georgette waved her hand, to move the topic out of her head as if saying nevermind, nevermind. 

"Yes, I am here fully in support of this endeavor, and the The Competition Commission International Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Diplomatic Relations Chief Chancellor has practically pushed me out of his office insisting I lend a hand and answer any and all questions that may pertain to this competition but also any waistcoats I may see, yellow or otherwise."

Will D0m3n1c be automatically granted a seat at the top table? 

AndyGoram buy a ticket for the convention or leave you lemon. Let sleeping giants like D0m3n1c lie.

You Lemon boy. Citrus Creep. Sour Sod. Yellow Yokel.

I could keep going.

Sniffler approached the scene his cane clicking as he walked. Doffing his top hat to the gathered gentlemen. 

"Salutations gentlemen, I have acquired my ticket and I am waiting with great anticipation for EditorInChiefHarold to address the gathered masses at the conference. I hope that perhaps he might touch on the topic of interspecies competitions and the challenges that arise. Its a topic that is close to my heart"

Sniffler wrinkles his large snout and polishes his monocle. 

Is it that time again? It feels like the last conference was just yesterday. I'll be there as always, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I still cherish my memories of previous year's seminars such as BelleCorsica's Sociology of Pyramid-Building Extra-Terrestrials or Nipper's Anonymous Mails (And How Not To Send Them). 

It hardly feels like it's been a full year since our last Convention ClamTubularagula. So many last friendships and good memories are made every year. I still remember Grin swinging from the chandelier after last year's Hall of Fame induction, oh what a mess that turned out to be! Ned chuckled to himself. 

Great to have you here Sniffler we are VERY excited to hear what EditorInChiefHarold has in store for us. I'm certain it will go down in the history books as one of the best, not to stress him out, but following last year's speaker will be quite the herculean effort. 

Ned turned back to AndyGoram. 

While we have always supported legacy members of the Competition Commission the Competition Commission Convention is for paid registrants only. D0m3n1c's family contributions will always be noted in the Competition Commission histories, and we always welcome legacy members to sit on panels and lead workshops. 

Congratulations on the arrival of the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention Ned_Harrington!

The Stiffmeister is often too intoxicated, busy chasing tail, or talking filth to attend such celebratory, glamorous, and sophisticated events. However, the narcissist within him can’t help but notice there’s exclusive Stiffler bobble-heads up for grabs! And what better way for him to spend his days, than looking at himself!

I shall be in attendance, registration form will be completed and fee will be paid.

Thank you for the kind words Stiffler. We need friends more than ever these days. We are excited you decided to join us for the Competition Commission Convention this year. 

I also wanted to take the time here to say that the Competition Commission supports ALL journalism and the freedom of press. We appreciate everything you journalist do to keep us entertained and informed. 

The Competition Commission's War on monotony will continue and we will continue offering support to anyone who wants to join. Looking at the sheer number of registrants this is turning out to be one of the largest Competition Commission Conventions we've ever seen around here. 

ClamTubularagula who's panel are you most excited for this year? I heard a rumor Shoresy was going to be hosting a seminar on 'Proper Public Ball Tugging Procedures' that seems pretty comprehensive. I heard he's perfected the technique already and I can not wait to see him in action.  

Behold, a postman approaches and delivers an envelope containing the following message:

I would like to present my talk as a valuable option to be part of your event. I'm a specialist in matters that don't deserve attention and for many years I've worked with various organizations that are busy doing things that don't matter, helping them to achieve no goals and solve problems that don't exist.

In my lecture participants will have the opportunity to learn about the latest techniques and strategies that can be applied in practice in order not to achieve positive results.

Plus, the talk is structured to encourage audience participation, with interactive Q&A and strategies to ensure your guests have a truly mindless experience.

I believe my talk could be a great fit for your event and I am on hand to discuss further details and address any specific needs your event may have. I look forward to working closely with you and your team to provide an enriching, meaningless, and unimportant experience for all present and absent.

 

Yours sincerely,
 

Explosion

 

Ned_Harrington, I'm very curious for the keynote address by the Harold editor, given my position alongside my personal hero TheBeast that journalists should be executed en masse. My personal vision, of course, is to do what I can to guide the CC into a CIA-like role in mafia governance and tacit manipulation of a free press cannot be achieved with renegade truth-tellers like EIC Harold refusing my bribes. Though I'll refrain from bringing my gun to the event, I can't promise the speech won't end in a chokehold, let alone some sort of suplex. 

Besides that, I'm also hoping to catch at least part of the Jerome workshop, as it might help me process and work through the fallout from the latest disastrous unsanctioned competition down the street. 

Should a talk, or a seminar, be given on the fate of the late BuckyLasek? 

This has already been the LARGEST registration for any Competition Commission Convention in the entire history of the Competition Commission. I quickly wanted to apologize for my absence as many of you know I recently survived an assassination attempt on my life at the hands of Competition Commission detractors. and

During this time out beloved Keynote speaker EditorInChiefHarold was shot and killed. Current sources point towards an internal family issue between the members of Harold. This is ALMOST NO EVIDENCE to suggest that he was killed for talking about the Competition Commission Wars. This unfortunately leaves us here in a tough spot, as we now have another spot to fill.

Lucky for all our guests we have been in negotiations with none-other than TheHarold to take over the role as keynote speaker. The Competition Commission is committed to putting on the best possible convention and the 12th Annual Competition Commission Convention will not be bullied into submission. 

And now, onto other business. Explosion I think that seems like a wonderful addition to the agenda. It looks like we still have openings in Hall B and Hall Q. We can get your set up with the onboarding paperwork. Ned sighs. She's never around when I need her. Georgette should be around here somewhere to help you with the onboarding process. 

ClamTubularagula we take safety very seriously at the Competition Commission Convention. We have a strict security checkpoints at every entrance and you can expect a through pat-down. We do allow traditional Greco-Roman wrestling to settle debates. The outcome of these matches is legally binding, as is tradition.                                          

Ned_Harrington, you promised me $80m to pretend to be you to take "heat" off you.  When will you pay? 

For $80 million, the Stiffmeister will pretend to be anyone. Hell, for $80 million, the Stiffmeister will DO anyone and DO anything.

Stiffler, can I get you to negotiate a peace for me with the people (or perhaps a COMPETITION AFFILIATED ORGANISATION, not naming any names) which get me thrown out of families within an hour of joining them?

I, TheHarold, could pay the 80 million dollars in weekly 500k instalments. I've heard those kind of plans are historically wildly successful