Sniffler pulled up his goat cart on a street corner. He stepped down from it slowly. Keith jumped down from the back. Sniffler pulled out a soapbox from the back of the cart and stood upon it. He gave Keith a quick pat. Keith bleated enthusiastically. Sniffler cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Billys and Nannys, I am here to spread the good news and invite you to join. Many of you are wandering in the darkness and have not seen the light of the goat. Do not fear the goats, embrace them and you will feel more powerful. Keith is here to save you for your sins. Keith believes in all of you”.

Keith the goat nodded. The bell around his neck rang as he did so. Sniffler removed a book from his pocket and waved it in the air.

“The goat book tells us to embrace the madness and goatlyness awaits. The cult of goat will care for you, we will feed you, we will teach you the way of the goats. You don’t even need to leave your own family. You can join us as a symbolic gesture and help to make America goat again. We shall walk together hand in hand to goatness”.

Johnny_Hobo crawled out of a nearby bin.

“Look at Johnny here. He was down and out. Now look at him, he is a key advisor to the goats. He now walks in the light. Come and join us. Embrace the madness and feel free. In Keith we trust. Harvey_Specter is a Mouflon”.

Sniffler stood down from his soapbox to hand out leaflets and speak to some passers-by.

Collecting himself from the dumpster dive gone awry, Johnny was met by one of his many goat friends Guinevere. He promptly handed her a fresh bitten into apple from the bin. Guinevere enthusiastically bit into the apple.

"It's true, I once was a scourge upon society but the goats have guided me to salvation. Perhaps you've feasted on the flesh of goat and are apprehensive, fear not for you are forgiven. Join us as protectors of the goats and the goat prophet Keith, and find inner peace. We are forever indebted to these creatures for the wise teachings they bestow upon us. Let the goatlyness in people!"

Cults are good. You put a lot of people in them, get things going. Rent a community center or a bunker or something. Family. Brotherhood. Communal dinners. Put the food out. Don't be cheap. We're all trying to eat good. Take a couple plates. Load em up. Nobody said one plate at a time. Buncha round fold-up tables. Small chairs. That's disrespectful. I won't say nothing but that's disrespectful. This a small chair cult? Sitting my damn ass and my two plates on the floor because of your small ass chairs. Disrespectful. 

"Fear not for the goats provide enough seats for all that turn to them. The spoils are endless when you let the goats in."

Guinevere finishes the apple and bleats. Johnny smiles and begins petting the beauty. 

"Helps we have the bankrolling of the great Harvey as well"

Sniffler puts his arm around Johnny. 

"Brother goat I am so proud of you. Its an honour to stand side with you and preach the word of the goats"

Sniffler takes from the goat cart a tattered and goat chewed fedora. He raises it to the sky before presenting it to Keith. Keith bleats at the hat blessing it with his hysterical powers. Sniffler then places the fedora upon the head of Johnny_Hobo. 

"Take this goat relic brother and cherish it. It was once worn by a great man and Keith would like you to have it. It represents you goatish bond. May you forever outwit the troll that lives under the bridge". 

"Come forth you sinners, repent and receive the blessing of Keith"

Proudly wearing the new hat given to him, Johnny smiles and returns the arm over the shoulder.

"May the goats be with you brother. And to all that turn to them for guidance. Come one come all, the goat prophet awaits to bless you."

Nobody gonna mention how disrespectful it is seating me on the damn floor? It's dirty as all hell down here with y'all stomping around in your damn shoes and your animals walking themselves off around the house. Raised in a barn ass cult with your small chairs. I'm built for man chairs, not your little boy chairs and your goat chairs and your little stools and seats. I am trying to GET FED and I'm being robbed down here. I'm being harrassed.

You caught up with DeadlySin, beat them within an inch of their life, and took $1,008,120

Too bad. It's too bad. My man didn't know I was handing out lessons today, right here from my damn floor with my two plates. It's too bad. It's too damn bad. Small chair cult with your small-chair-fitting-ass pickpockets, it's too damn bad. 

Hey hey hey, what's with the public shaming over here BigPun? I wasn't even going for your money. I was reaching for something far juicier. I wanted your two plates. Mmm, juicy.

Now what's this about a goat? Is this one of them sacrificing cults or one where you love them a little bit too much? Because I'll be honest, I'll be in one of those kinds but only if I'm allowed to wear protection. It's a bitch to clean blood off your clothes so I'd need something to cover myself.

Anyway, where was I? No not WhereWasI, I'm just talking over here okay?

Keep my damn money, I woulda only lost it on dice anyway. Speaking of dice.

DeadlySin leaves to pursue great wealth, for the seven hundredth time this week.

DeadlySin returns, penniless and destitute.

Do you guys pay a wage or something?

Ginger approached the gathering group of individuals, surrounded by goats. He quickly tucked his most prized possession, a 1st Edition, signed and autographed copy of "Systematic Immolation of Thought" lest one of the goats gets the wrong idea. This copy of "Systematic Immolation of Thought" was his treat, not theirs; his nuggets of information, worth far, far more than delicious paper it was written on. 

Sniffler preaches about knowing the goat book, but what does he know of the true "good" book. His mind was pulled back into focus at the growing concern rippling through the crowd. Was this a cult? What do people really know about cults anyway. They aren't so bad, if you get in at the right time, get in at the wrong time and you get stuck on cleanup duty, and no the worst occasions doody cleanup. Unwilling to settle for the shit jobs again, Ginger decided it was time to make his move. He waited with expertise and precise timing to make the perfect move. He knew exactly what needed to be done and he was going to make the best possible first impression with these guys. 

With a deep conviction, he made his way to the forefront of the crowd. He moved with such grace and confidence that it was almost as if the crowd was parting for him and he moved through them. Ginger stepped out of the crowd and made himself know.

"So is like a sex thing?"

Nailed it. Ginger thought to himself. Now they know I'm serious. 

Deadlysin why did you name the ancient poet WhereWasI? Do you know how to summon him? I have many questions to ask him, most notably about his greatest contribution to society at large, his magnum opus, Systematic Immolation of Thought.

Ginger I see you are a man of taste for carrying a copy on-hand at all times, ready to cite a line if an opportunity presents itself. Where did you get this signed first edition? It is a highly valuable treasure, don't be too eager to flash it in public, it would be a shame if it somehow disappeared from your pockets.

"No this is not a sexing up the goats kinda organisation. There has been one or two times Johnny has slept in the same straw pile as Keith but he claims this was for warmth. Furthermore, we are not a terrorist group as has been suggested in private correspondence and our public relations team will deal with any outrageous accusations such as this. or tax reasons we may be classed as a religion at times. Harvey_Specter handles that area of things. We come bearing the good news of Keith and ask you to accept him into your life". 

Sniffler turned to BigPun. 

"I think you and Goatzilla may become friends. He likes to headbutt the children in the park"

Ginger nodded at Salami. Ginger had a knack for noticing individuals of immense enlightenment and this Salami was into the good stuff, much like himself. Patting the ancient time which he safely tucked away inside its concealed book carrier, that he kept loaded at all times. 

"I see you are a man of culture as well Salami. I was able to acquire this copy of the SioT during an estate sale for some fat guy who use to live in Detroit. It came at quite the deal, seems like his late wife was clearing out an old trophy room to make room for her live-in tennis coach. Real nice lady that one... realllll nice. I'm something of a collector myself.

How do you know so much about Systematic Immolation of Thought? There are so few copies left, I am always surprised to find individuals who are keen to study such material. Especially someone at a cult meeting. 

Ginger realizing now that Sniffler had answered him. Turned his attention back to him and the ever growing herd of goats. So the hobo is sleeping with the goats, but we aren't sleeping with the goats. I think I'm starting to understand and if I understand your code correctly, we are to head to the nearest playground and beat-up some children. 

I'm not sure what this cult is all about, but I'm into it. Ginger slides a pair of brass knuckles onto his hand. I'm ready to teach those little fucks a lesson they won't forget. 

Harvey sat in his Maserati A6GCS and shook his head. There were means and ways to deal with this situation, but all of them involved him stepping out of his car, and inhaling the disgusting animal smell of Johnny_Hobo and Sniffler, the goats didn't smell too good either. At least Johnny & Sniffler didn't try to eat his tailored suits. Truth be told, although Sniffler had him draw up the paperwork to become a registered religion, what he had was actually a cult, just like the followers of Systemic Immolation of Thought. After all a Cult, unlike mainstream religions, relied on secret or special knowledge revealed only to initiates by the cult's founder or his/her chosen representatives.

Still, the Tax breaks where valuable if nothing else. Harvey just had to make sure that the IRS kept on believing that Sniffler had a bona fide religion, otherwise he could end up going down for tax evasion just like big Al did back on 18th October 1931... Hmmm, only 2 more days until that particular anniversary.

Georgette had received a very interesting missive through her postbox that afternoon, that had her scratching her head. Taking the letter and making her way to the streets, Georgette was on a mission to find answers. Listening to the conversations on the bustling streets, the woman wandered until she stumbled upon the one she believed was relevant to her query. 

"Excuse me, but did one of you gentlemen have the following letter delivered to me?" Georgette asked, before reading the following out loud: 

I'm afraid that as the official legal counsel of New York GOATs, it falls upon me to inform you that we are all most certainly not Freaks, one or two of us are quite normal and do not in any way subscribe to this Goat Fetishist Club. Admittedly it is a small percentage, but it is significant none the less, and sufficient to win a Liable case should one be brought before the District Court. Have a good day Ms Georgette

Once concluded Georgette refolded the paper and tucked it away. Looking around the group, trying to figure out who had sent this she asked, "Why did you make it sexual? The word freak does not immediately denote something sexual." 

Georgette continued to speak, "If I thought it was of a sexual nature I'd probably have used the word pervert or say "Sexual Deviants"." 

Tapping her finger against her chin, she pondered the possibilities out loud, "Its quite interesting that you immediately felt the need to defend yourselves against something no one accused you of." Georgette said. 

Harvey sighed and got out of the Car. 

"Point of Order Ms Georgette, but there is nothing sexual about the contents of that letter. In Fact, fetish has two distinct meanings, the connotation you have derived from it, completely unfoundedly..."

Harvey glared at Ginger and dared him to open his mouth.

"And the second, more common meaning for the 1950's of an 'object worshipped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.' Which I believe both Keith and Peter fulfil, more so Peter given his ahhh... shall we say Taxidermical origins? It would appear that it is in fact the smut on your own mind that has led you down the very same path as you have accused my Client off."

Harvey_Specter thank God you are here to clear up this confusion. I thought I threw my hat in the ring with a bunch of animal-sniffing, fart-sucking perverts, glad to see I'm settled in with some normal upstanding cult members, mostly. 

Georgette I also had some concerns when I heard Johnny_Hobo was hanging around the pens a little too often, but I have believe them when they tell me he's working hard. I'm sure there is nothing weird going on.. Nothing at all, zero evidence, nope.. 

And just as Harvey said everyone knows that fetishes are... Ginger checks his notes from Harvey. "Things people worships for magic" Ginger winks at Harvey. Nailed it again. 

It's all on the up and up around her- Ginger's eyes narrow and his grip tightens around the brass knuckles still in his hand as a large yellow school bus passes by. 

There is business to be done. 

Guinevere bleats and hides behind Johnny, probably in fear of being sexed by one of these degenerates that came out to the streets. It was rumored Keith spoke to Johnny's father and warned him of this. The people would be led astray from the goatlyness by the constructs of their own minds. Truly sickening to see.

"Blasphemy I say! Look at you all, this is exactly why we must make America GOAT again. Even someone from the line of a former GOAT has turned down the wrong path. Repent Georgette, accept the wisdom of Keith or I fear your soul may be lost in the darkness. All this talk of bestiality is exactly what's wrong with the streets today. We have veered off course from goatlyness and are completely lost in our own sins."

Johnny pets Guinevere and try's to comfort her.

"May we all take a page out of Brother Ginger's book and try to help decipher the goat's wisdom by actions. Truly an inspiration to all."

DeadlySin strolls back on up to this gaff, wads of dollar bills in hand. Practically oozing cash money.

"YEAH DICE! How'd you like me now?"

He throws some money in the air, all caution to the wind. Not even scared of paper cuts.

"Now then. This cult. It's definitely NOT a sex thing? Good. Good good. Goooooooood. Any drugs? Asking for a friend of course. And if not, what is it that you actually do here? What exactly is the good news of Keith if it's not a front for moving and or the testing of new experimental drugs?"

Ah fuck, until DeadlySin confirmed this is definitely NOT a sex thing, I was all for it. 

Now I know that is firmly off the table, I think I am unfortunately unavailable. 
Although this Keith fella sounds interesting. I'd like to learn more please.