God damnit Harry, you degenerate pothead. We've had it with you dirty hippies trying to come in here and fuck OUR goats. It's bad enough we had to let you into our city, but now you want to fuck our goats too? You disgust me. Absolutely revolting. Ginger scoffs at the thought of it. 

Haven't you even been listening to what has been going on? Of course, you haven't. Smoked so much of that damn dope you rotted your brain from the inside out. Ginger reflexively put his arm over his mouth to avoid a contact high. 

Go on! Get out of here! We don't want none of what you're pushing. And don't you even think about try pushing your drugs and your rock n' roll to the local middle school. That's our territory, once we finish running those kids off for good. 

Oh Brother DeadlySin, welcome. I'm glad to see you're taking an interest. Drugs are bad. You shouldn't be friends with that person. 

Georgette had stopped paying attention. The woman had let her mind drift back to her home of England and ponder if perhaps these people were related in some way to the Welsh, who she knew were renowned for their gentle and loving care of their sheep. Some of the finest lambs came from wales, and some suspected it was because the Welsh came in the sheep. 

Snapping back to reality, not sure what was going on, but without being able to stop herself Georgette yelled, "Sheep Shagger!" 

Realizing her mistake she coughed quickly, eyes darting and then said, "So we gonna go beat up some kids or nah?" 

Grab your goats and let's kick some throats. I'm in Georgette. I'm been studying Sun Tzu's Art of War in-between readings of "Systematic Immolation of Thought" and I've been considering our options. 

Diplomacy is out. You can't reason with these little shits, they are emotional terrorists and will not cease until they win or are thoroughly defeated. This leaves us with one option; superior tactics and strategy. Ginger unfurls a hastily drawn map of the school and the surround playground. 

As you can see I've already begun recon. The bigger and faster kids seem to sit on top of the monkey bars. They need to be neutralized quickly and before they can rally the younger, stupider children to battle. If we remove them, the rest of the kids will crumble like cookies. I've sectioned off the playground into 5 zones. We will enter from the Southeast, the sun will be high in the sky obscuring our approach. 

When we make contact Johnny_Hobo and BigPun will secure the slide and swing set. We are expecting heavy resistance, but air support will be available if necessary. Now, for the finishing blow. 

Sniffler, I need you and Keith to herd the other goats around the perimeter of the playground. There must not be any escape. Harvey_Specter we need you to run interference during the operation and keep the heat off of us. 

Any questions? 

Listening to the plan intently, Johnny whipped out a joint. Guinevere had calmed down but still hid behind him. Johnny lit the spliff as he nodded, Ginger really knew his shit. Johnny was proud of the young man and his plans to help out the great Goatzilla. Knowing what must be done Johnny was ready to sacrifice his body for the goats. 

"I'm in, for Goatzilla"

Sniffler smiled. He was glad the whole sex question had been cleared up. He was also happy to have people enquiring about Keith and his goatlyness. It was an honour to preach the word of the goats. Sniffler stepped forward clutching the goat book. Closing his eyes, he began to recite the ancient creed passed down through generations of goats.

“He's the leader of the herd

He's the goat in every word

Keith puts the goat in goatness

 

Born beneath a blood moon's light

A rambunctious goat, shining bright

Embrace the madness, his decree

He's Godly, the one we see

 

I'm the shepherd of the cult

With the wisdom to consult

Keith puts the goat in goatness

 

He's the magic, born so free

Guiding all with mystery

Embrace the madness, let it flow

In Keith, we find the way to go

 

With cloven hooves and beard so fine

In Keith, we find the grand design

He's the head of all we stand for

The goatly leader we adore

 

I'm the rambunctious preacher, true

With a bleat that's strong and new

I put the goat in goatness

 

Born beneath a blood moon's grace

Keith's teachings light our inner space

Embrace the madness, heed the call

For in Keith, we find it all

 

He's the guru of the goats

On mountaintops, he proudly floats

Keith puts the goat in goatness

 

We follow his hoofprints, divine

Embrace the madness, and we'll shine

In Keith, we find our sacred way

As goats, we worship, night and day”

Sniffler opened his eyes and nodded to Johnny. The tale of Keith was a long and twisting tale which required far more time to tell. However, Sniffler felt the ancient creed would give the gathered masses a sense of Keith. Sniffler turned to Ginger you want us to not even save the Ginger kids? Thats hardcore but I think Keith would be pleased. 

It had been a long road, getting from there to here, Harvey thought to himself... hmm, they could make half decent song lyrics. There was a lot of confusion regarding the New York Goats, so in the interests in maintaining their Tax free status, and to avoid any potential lawsuits, Harvey had decided to draw up a waiver, to absolve Sniffler, and more importantly, himself, of any legal ramifications.

Contract & Waiver of Liability

This Contract & waiver of Liability (this "AGREEMENT") dated this ________ day of __________,195_.

BETWEEN:

___________________________ of _____________________________________

(the "PARTICIPANT")

OF THE FIRST PART

AND

The New York Goats, Bronx Street, Bronx, New York 10460

(the "PROVIDER")

OF THE SECOND PART

IN CONSIDERATION OF the covenants and agreements contained in this Agreement and other good and valuable consideration, the receipt of which is hereby acknowledged, the parties to this Agreement agree as follows:

   CONSIDERATION

1. Being of lawful age and in consideration of being permitted to participate in the activity described below, the Participant releases and forever discharges the Provider, the Provider's spouse, heirs, executors, administrators, legal representatives and assigns from all manner of actions, causes of action, debts, accounts, bonds, contracts, claims and demands for or by reason of any injury to person or property, including injury resulting in the death of the Participant, which has been or may be sustained as a consequence of the Participant's participation in the activity described below, and not withstanding that such damage, loss or injury may have been caused solely or partly by the negligence of the Activity Provider.
2. The Participant understands that the Participant would not be permitted to participate in the activity described below unless the Participant signed this Agreement.

   DETAILS OF ACTIVITY

1. The Participant will participate in the following activity: Membership of the New York Goats

   CONCURRENT RELEASE

1. The Participant acknowledges that this Agreement is given with the express intention of effecting the extinguishment of certain obligations owed to the Participant and with the intention of binding the Participant's spouse, heirs, executors, administrators, legal representatives and assigns.
2. The Participant acknowledges that a waiver by the New York GOATS of breach of any provision of this Agreement shall not operate or be construed as a waiver of any other provision of this Agreement or of any subsequent breach by the Participant or any other participant.
3. PROVIDER and all endorsers and guarantors of, and sureties for, this Note waive presentment for payment, demand, notice of dishonour, protest, and notice of protest with regard to the Note, all errors, defects and imperfections in any proceedings instituted by Payee under the terms of this Note, and all benefits that might accrue to Maker by virtue of any present or future laws exempting any property, real or personal, or any part of the proceeds arising from any sale of any such property, from attachment, levy or sale under execution, or providing for any stay of execution, exemption from civil process, or extension of time for payment; and Maker agrees that any real estate that may be levied upon pursuant to a judgment obtained by virtue hereof, on any writ of execution issued hereon, may be sold upon any such writ in whole or in part in any order desired by Payee. Unconditional Liability. PROVIDER hereby waives all notices in connection with the delivery, acceptance, performance, default, or enforcement of the payment of this Note, and agrees that its liability shall be unconditional, without regard to the liability of any other party, and shall not be affected in any manner by any indulgence, extension of time, renewal, waiver or modification granted or consented to by Payee, and consents to any and all extensions of time, renewals, waivers, or modifications that may be granted by Payee with respect to the payment or other provisions of this Note, and agree that additional makers, endorsers, guarantors, or sureties may become parties hereto without notice to them or affecting their liability hereunder.

   FITNESS TO PARTICIPATE

1. The Participant acknowledges that the Participant does not have any physical limitations, medical ailments, physical or mental disabilities that would limit or prevent the Participant from participating in the above mentioned activity. If required, the Participant will obtain a medical examination and clearance. Furthermore, the Participant acknowledges that they will not in any way 'interfere' with any and all Goats, whether they be seen as Disciples, Prophets, Members, Guides, Spirit animals, Emotional Welfare Animals, Mouflons, Curry or anything else. For the purposes of this agreement, Interfere covers any and all actions covered by law in all 48 State of the Continental United States of America, and includes but is not limited too acts of Sodomy, bestiality, inappropriate touching (of yourself, The Goats or Other Participants) or any other Act considered to be Outraging Moral Decency.

Of course, the document itself ran on for another 147 pages, a number sufficient to hide a plethora of clauses and indemnities to the point that Sniffler could literally drop a house on your house and as long as you had signed this contract, you would have to pay him compensation for the damage your property had caused to the property he had dropped upon yours, minus a healthy 83.75% fee for his legal services of course. Now of course, he just had to get Ginger, Allie, Johnny_Hobo, Substance, @Barloa, @BigPun and Tully to sign it, but then, that would be Sniffler's domain. Some folks simply carried a big stick, whilst other's knew how to use it to persuade those with other ideas. Now all he had to do was get back to the office and have his paralegal run off about 50 copies on the Ox Box.

Ginger looked at the lengthy document that Harvey_Specter, Sniffler’s ever vigilant attorney, had drafted. At nearly 150 pages, it was only a fraction of the size of the opus  "Systematic Immolation of Thought” but still no less daunting. The document had been brought to him at an auspicious time. This was the eve of the great grade-school battle and Ginger couldn’t handle any more distractions, not when the plan had so many moving pieces. It required immense focus and all of his available mental acuity to make sure these the children don't overrun and out-maneuver. 

Ginger’s personal assistant and family attorney, Terry (the goat), shuffled nervously, his tufts of white hair swayed as he bleated. “Yes, yes Terry. I know, I know. TERRY! I know. I won’t sign anything until you’ve reviewed it yourself.” 

Ginger held out the documents for Terry to take back to his office and review. Ginger knew better to sign anything without Terry giving it his bite of approval first; a tactic of dubious legal standing, but upheld by the United States Court of Appeals 2nd Circuit in New York, much to the chagrin of the State's Attorney, George B. DeLuca, that bald fuck. 

“You had better give this a full examination, Terry. I don’t want to end up holding the short end up the stick. These cult guys aren’t normal... Not like us at least.”

Deadly rolls back up to the group. He was balling again, after falling to financial ruin for a very brief but painful time. He shuddered as he remembered have to make his own coffee at home instead of just paying a servant to bring him some from a shop. Terrible times, hopefully never to return.

He sees the lawyer Harvey_Specter pull out a legal document and immediately recoils.

"Well now I'm sorry gentlemen, I was under the impression this was a 'no holds barred' kinda deal with no legal records of anyone's participation and or involvement in any way, shape or form. I'm afraid that due to this revelation I will have to withdraw any and all interest, and find a more private party where records definitely aren't kept."

Deadly passes some money into Harvey's hands.

"Please accept this cash donation in place of my attendance, as a firm but distant supporter of this and wanting in no way, shape or form to be associated with it on paper. Good day, gentlemen!"