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Message from the Editor
We're from Vegas. This is a Newspaper. Read.
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Nation's Top Stories
Teh Newz. That's what you wanted, right?
Prominence of Women in the Mafia
Look at them. They're everywhere, infesting every city, on all levels of power. Blacklisted bloodlines bent on destruction? No, my friend, much worse. Women. Everyday I check the "posted list" of crews, and everyday I see their big, bold names, as if they were proud of it. AlabamaWorley, Jade, Kimble; GODFATHERS... in modern times, setting a new pace for women in our world of crime and anarchy. Maybe in Roman's gargantuan shadow we missed the uprising? It sure was a quiet one, stealthy, painless; as if there wasn't even a conflict at all. But now where do we stand? Gentlemen! Reach down your pants and verify that you do, in fact, possess a pair. Now check the man to your left, then to his left, then- Nevermind!
Point is, these women have not only set a new status quo for the world around us, but they've done it in such a way that we've come to expect a female presence whenever the Bold 'uns gather around. I'd go so far as to say, these women, since Marietta's day, have been inching closer and closer to knocking men off the ladder entirely. Want to know the real reason Roman couldn't retire? He *knew* the balance would shift in the women's favor as soon as he left, and that's something he couldn't accept being responsible for. You may not believe us yet, but give it time. Slowly, women will gain more and more ground, and we may lose (not loose) our foothold on the modern world.
You've been warned (and slightly aroused).
Anything to do in this town?
I get bored easily. The post offices all start to fade together, and the prostitutes just don't make it happen like they used to. What the problem? No, not male enhancement. I want somewhere to go, something to do. While I'm sitting in a god forsaken airport for two hours on a layover to my beloved Las Vegas, I want somewhere to spend my money. So that's the offer I'm making to each of you business owners.
Build yourself a business, whether it's a restaurant, gun shop, circus, or a therapists' office; build it. Put in the effort on your construction, get the interior decorated nicely (I hear Chuckle is one of the best), and open it up. Once open, send me the address and city to find it, and I'll swing by next time I'm in town. I'll do an evaluation of the place and give it a rating (I grade harshly). That rating will be published in each issue of the Vegas Syndicate as a form of mockery and advertising. Plus, I will pay the shop owner for his efforts in renovating the ghost-town business districts, since the stock exchange is out of commission.
For all I know, this probably isn't enough to get you off your ass and start a business, but I want it to happen. I'm not going to allow anyone to have an excuse not to put forth effort to put their town on the map as "THE PLACE TO BE". When I choose between one of those cities between Philly and Las Vegas, and I do take two two-hour flights instead of the three-hour flight, make me want to choose your city. The risk? You fall flat on your face, but you can say you tried. The reward? Money, fame, the rights to say "I brought business back to this hell hole", and the knowledge that you've done your city a favor (which doesn't go unnoticed).
Get to eet.
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Around the Block
Fictional Tabloid Garbage - Err, official reports by our men in the field
- -Williamseefried - Reportedly seen "just fucking standing there".
- RuthlessPig - Photos have been turned in showing Mr. Pig riding a child's carousel in downtown Los Angeles, in the nude. Police report confirms alcohol was involved.
- Canucklehead - Seen at a hockey game in Las Vegas, where, despite her best efforts, can't find a way to keep the ice frozen long enough to play.
- -R_Kuklinski - Has set Philly record for eating 70 cheese steaks in one sitting, before running into the Streets and vomiting it all. The event was later titled "Wiping the Slate Clean".
- SexyBeast - We actually haven't been able to capture this man on film yet, as he is simply "far too sexy" for our cameras. Though, we have confirmed reports of him being chased by 3,200 topless women across Chicago. Raptor and Chuckle have also been confirmed to have participated in chasing Mr. Beast, in what Chicagoans call "Livin' the Dream".
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TL;DR
Didn't feel like listening? We thought so.
Mob News Annoucement.agian - God damn that looks ugly. I appreciate putting the printing press to paper, but you gotta take some time to iron out the kinks before throwing something like this out to the wolves. Though, despite the aesthetically unpleasing nature of the way Sweeney- introduced his paper, it has been received very well. I guess they know something I don't...
As the dust settles. - I'm not going to shorten this for you. Listen to what Kimble has to say, as it affects each and every one of us.
How does this story end? - Apparently it doesn't. JoeyBagadoNuts has offered us all a piece in his latest masterpiece. Your input affects the world he has created, and the audience shapes it. Kudos for originality.
The Crafting of a Request - A potentially beaten dead horse, Pepper revives the idea of what goes through the mind of a newbie as they arrive. In most cases those thoughts aren't publically broadcasted, but at least now we can see how ONE person feels about the situation. For those responsible for bringing in new blood, I recommend having a listen.
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Discussion
You know that "opinion" muscle you've been working out? Flex it.
Auth Speech? Hahahahahaha.... No.
For those of us with some history in our bloodlines, we see value in the Auth thread. It may appear to be a useless ritual that only seems to over-broadcast something that everyone already understands, but it has its purposes. Late one evening, a young man by the name of The_JesTer apparently proclaimed himself to be the leader of a crew which is yet to be named. The alarm that comes with such a proclamation, is that anyone could "say" they're a bonified leader in whatever city they want. But it takes the word of the Godfather (or city head) to implement it. That being said, let's sum it up a bit:
1. Do you think Auth threads are important? If so, please elaborate on what appears to be a useless gesture. If not, what should be the proper method of broadcasting that the new bold-faced terd isn't a rogue?
2. What is the proper inter-city response to an un-authed boldy? If the city head of the city in question isn't even available to ask, how can we be certain he isn't ill-willed? How can we properly protect the members of OUR city if we have a potential rogue on the loose?
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What? You want more? Tell us how we did and MAYBE we'll make our way to a second issue. Money and sexual favors are also appreciated (and non-refundable). Please direct cash to Copper and sexual favors to Kassien (he's shy, but he'll warm up to you).
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