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| Lost and Found | Started by: _Rhuarc_ on May 19, '08 06:57 |
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Driving my rusty green truck, leaning out the window as I reverse to contemplate for the missing mirrors, my foot barely reaching the pedal, I swerve just in time to miss a stationary car. Checking my positioning, rear of the truck facing out on to the square, I remove the keys, climb out the door and head to the back. The truck has a pull up door, which I hoist to the top to reveal the booty inside, a collection of assorted junk which, after sending my minions on a scavenge of the various cities, I'd collected over the weekend. I climb into the truck, moving aside an old, slightly damp, pink flowered sofa and start looking through the collection. They'd done well, really well, the truck was full to the brim of junk! I find what I'm looking for, a large trumpet, slightly bent and colour was off black rather than brass but it'd do. I move back to the door, hold the trumpet up and: Du du du da du da da du da da du da der. Du du du da du da da der da der. "Hello All, I come to you today, to return what you thought lost, there is no charge for this service, unless of course I decide I want the item in question, then you will either have to pay, or you'll never know I have it. So without much further ado, here is the first batch of lost and found: 1. A Football, punctured by my, sorry, a knife. 2. Half bitten slice of mouldy cheese, teeth marks indicate previous owner had a large mouth and fangs. 3. A single heart, still beating. 4. One movie script, written by TSL Studios, starring "Big Boy". 5. One midget gimp suit, the name tag has been scribbled out but I think it's a size 47. 6. A pair of chequered pants, designed by House of Pants. 7. One go-cart. 8. Makeup bag containing white face paint and green hairspray. 9. A bible. 10. One teapot, complete with wings. "If any of this belongs to you, please provide proof of ownership and I will happily return the goods." I line up the items to be displayed and head back into the truck in search of more. |
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I was wondering where those pants had disappeared to. BUT...I know I didn't lose them. Someone STOLE THEM! I think me and you gotta have some words. |
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| Reply by: Pantuseus at May 19, '08 07:01 | |
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I look at my midgets, no, minions, who start laughing! One signals me over and tells me, in a surprisingly deep voice: "Pantuseus was showering at the time, dopey and I got, I mean, found his pants on the bench outside." I turn the the Pantuseus with an apologetic smile. "Yes, I believe my assistant retrieved these off a . . . . of a thief! Yes, heroically they challenged him and retrieved your pants! But do not worry, we got them back for you, almost as good as new, here you are." I hand Pantuseus his pants and scurry back into the truck. |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 19, '08 07:09 | |
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Walks up holding his sons hand who is fighting back the tears Hey _Rhuarc_ looks like some punk decided to take something of my lil boys speak up boy! "Excuse me sir have you got a Go Cart here? It is a yellow one? and has stars on the steering wheel?" Thanks _Rhuarc_ if you have his would great or someone might be in trouble |
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| Reply by: RobinBanks at May 19, '08 07:20 | |
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A man wearing a purple suit with a bright pink tie and green socks walks into the open forum and decides that enough is enough. He thinks to himself that the police must get involved soon Makeup bag containing white face paint and green hairspray. I think I might have seen this somewhere, however, no where decent enough to say. All I can tell you is that the owner of this bag is CommodumPerfectus. I will not tell you what he might use this bag for, nor will I tell you what dirty tricks and hidden secrets are concealed within the bag. Although what I will say, if the secrets get out, lives could be ruined. The man walks out but oh his way out he sees a little minion and steals what is in his hand; a golden thongs. "That's mine your little twit" he says. |
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| Reply by: Pokoria at May 19, '08 07:20 | |
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| By any chance is that knife a lost and found item because i have lost my sexy Swiss Seagal Knife. | |
| Reply by: StevenSeagal at May 19, '08 07:26 | |
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I take a look at item 7 and indeed, it is a yellow Go Cart with stars on the steering wheel. "Here you go RobinPostoffices, is that the kids name? Start him small and work up to banks?" I look at item 8. "CommodumPerfectus' uses it for dirty tricks heh? Not sure I'll be giving it back then." I look to make sure he didn't hear and see what of the midgets, damn, not midgets, minions! lose the golden thong he had in hand. "Don't worry mate, I'll get you another, AlfonsiTimello has loads." |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 19, '08 07:31 | |
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"Hello Steve, can I call you Steve? Anyway, that knife isn't part of the lost and found, it's my very own, used to enforce law around the HQ, great for popping footballs and also for eating apples, not sure why, the shape I think. "I shall keep an eye out for you sexy Swiss Seagal Knife though, is it worth much? And does it have any distinguishing features?" |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 19, '08 07:34 | |
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Seagal looks at Rhuarc with no emotions That Knife is worth ALOT to me, It has helped me penetrate masses of men ( and women ) it has my initials on the handle of the Knife ' S.S ' and it also has a few blood stains on it. If you find it let me know |
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| Reply by: StevenSeagal at May 19, '08 08:00 | |
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A sexy man walks in with a perfectly presented exterior, and no underpants. He places a letter on the floor and clammily walks away while adjusting his pants from the ever present butt crack indentation made on his pants The Letter Reads: _Rhuarc_! This has got to stop! your little workers/goons/minions continuously come into my house and steal my damn undies! Do they have no dignity! What is a man to do without his clean undies!? If this does not stop, I will have to send my little pink fairies out to gather all your bra's and have them brought to my house as blackmail. I am sorry but this has just gone too far. regards, Pokoria |
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| Reply by: Pokoria at May 19, '08 08:32 | |
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As I read the letter, I can hear giggles from behind me. When I finished, I look back at my team and they all have several pairs of underwear, juggling in the air. I see the stripy pink ones belonging to Pokoria floating through the truck towards the butt naked messenger, landing firmly on his head. "Stop with the pants! Enough already! Go and salvage goods, not steal pants!!" |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 19, '08 09:21 | |
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So, our first batch is as follows: 1. A Football, punctured by my, sorry, a knife - Suspected owner: Thierry_Henry 2. Half bitten slice of mouldy cheese, teeth marks indicate previous owner had a large mouth and fang - As yet unclaimed 3. A single heart, still beating - Suspected owner: Tinman 4. One movie script, written by TSL Studios, starring "Big Boy" - Suspected owner: Templar 5. One midget gimp suit, the name tag has been scribbled out but I think it's a size 47 - Suspected owner: Mr_47 or Deviant, hard to say. 6. A pair of chequered pants, designed by House of Pants - Claimed by Pantuseus 7. One go-cart - Claimed by RobinBank 8. Makeup bag containing white face paint and green hairspray - Tentative claim on behalf of CommodumPerfectus 9. A bible - As yet unclaimed 10. One teapot, complete with wings - As yet unclaimed I produce another table, filled with yet more goods. 11. I bad, with the writing: "I Я KEEL U" 12. A turn table, complete with psychedelic slip mat 13. A hand tailored dress, simple yet elegant. 14. A Fulham FC football top 15. One large sewing needle with black thread "Any takers?" |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 20, '08 06:02 | |
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man walks in with a odd look on his face and a slight hint of disgust Well, I don't know who the Fulham Fc football top is, but it might be for the best that they lost it. I would be might surprised is anyone is going to claim it. Might as well give it to your minions as a token of good gesture. by the way, I seem to have misplaced my latex gloves. I was wondering if anyone of your workers may have stumbled across them, or just stole them? The man runs away in fear that they will soon as him what the gloves are for |
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| Reply by: Pokoria at May 20, '08 06:06 | |
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| I think the Fulham top belongs to Nickje? lol | |
| Reply by: Grima_WormTongue at May 20, '08 06:07 | |
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*Well, I don't know who the Fulham Fc football top is, but it might be for the best that they lost it. I would be might surprised is anyone is going to claim it. Might as well give it to your minions as a token of good gesture.* I want to claim it! I wasn't even aware of the fact that I lost it... |
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| Reply by: Nickje at May 20, '08 06:19 | |
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12. A turn table, complete with psychedelic slip mat Oooo I recognise that. I don't have proof of ownership though sir, I wonder if you could take my name and my word that it is indeed mine ;) |
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| Reply by: DJ_Spinster at May 20, '08 06:24 | |
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Wacktard turns a corner & to see Rhuarc and some midgets seemingly trying to hock some old tat. But then notices something that looks familiar to him Hey Rhuarc, that item number 11 looks just like mine. Here take a look at mine.. Wacktard searches his pockets, getting more aggravatied each pocket he checks Hey that is mine, whats the deal here! Wacktard gives Rhuarc & his midgets a murderous look. |
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| Reply by: Wacktard at May 20, '08 06:25 | |
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As I was walking down the street I notice a crowd huddled around a green van, walking over a see lots of junk scattered about, until I notice something familiar, Reaching into my suit pocket and bringing out a pad of paper and a pen and scribble down..
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| Reply by: Silence at May 20, '08 06:30 | |
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Nickje approaches with a grin on his face and no top on. I pass the Fulham FC football top down to him. "That's 14. A Fulham FC football top claimed!" As I hand the top down, I see DJ_Spinster eyeing up number 12. "Hello DJ, no proof of ownership? I guess that's OK, clearly this belongs to you, I hand over number 12. A turn table, complete with psychedelic slip mat." Then a gentleman approaches, at first looking slightly confused but that soon turns to rage when he realises his badge (or bad?) is gone. "No sir, not stolen, found, here you are, heres number 11. a badge, with the writing: "I Я KEEL U", glad we could help." I look back and the midgets are laughing! Stressed, I climb onto the truck to teach them a lesson when I hear a mumbling from behind, when I look around, I see someone with their mouth sewn shut pointing at number 15. "Take it, you can have it back, sorry for the inconvenience." I hand over number 15. One large sewing needle with black thread and stare Silence with their sewn up mouth. |
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| Reply by: _Rhuarc_ at May 20, '08 06:36 | |
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Wacktard look confused then he rembers that last guy he shot had grabbed at him as he was dying & may have pulled off his badge, then begins to look worried. Sorry Rhuarc, I think I know how I missplaced it now. Your little fella's didn't say where they found it did they? |
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| Reply by: Wacktard at May 20, '08 06:46 | |
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