The New Leader of the Streets

The curtain drops behind Kuku and a full band and orchestra begin to play upbeat music. Confetti drops from the sky, people appear out of nowhere and begin cheering, and an ostrich runs by wearing a crash helmet with a banner draped over its back with "LoTS" bedazzled on both sides. Just kidding, there is no ostrich. Animals are not used for human spectacle in Philadelphia, with the sole exception of parade-cleaning monkeys and EmperorSao, who is a squid...

"Hurray! Hurray! Congratulations on your recent ascent to nobility! I wish you the best of luck for however long you hold this position. Our streets are in good hands, thankfully. Hopefully there will be no more competition-related murders like that which struck poor Mr_Intimidating. I feel like our streets are already safer. There are several new faces peeking out of their HQ's, venturing into public and finding their voices for the very first time. It's a new day, a better day, and a more bountiful day."

It is time for the coronation...

The gathered crowd is divided into two rows facing a stage, where Kuku is seated in an ornate chair, front and center. The kettle drums roll and then a very large, shirtless man strikes a gong. With that, the Crown begins to be slowly lowered from above Kuku's head. Angels appear on each side of the stage and sing in perfect, beautiful harmony. As the crown finally reaches its destination, a blinding light bursts from the stage. When the gathered crowd regains its vision, the angels have disappeared and Kuku is standing larger than life in front of the stage, The LOTS crown atop his head, and a glow radiating all around him, from his very being...

"Thank you for attending, folks. There is fruit punch and finger sandwiches in the lobby. Souvenir t-shirts are on sale at the rear of the theater for $35".

Thank you, Willie_G_Skull, and thanks also to whoever it is that sent me the anonymous request for a daily Leader of the Streets update.  I'll get onto that.

Who decided that you are to be the Leader of The Streets? Why you of all people? Is it just so you can slap another achievement onto your record? Do we even need a "Leader of The Streets" to begin with?

Can the streets not lead themselves? I think anarchy is preferable to your drunken and misguided stewardship. Death and misfortune follows you wherever you go, and befalls all who associate with you.

Willie_G_Skull I suggest you lay off the shrooms for a while.

What are you talking about, MicroManlet? Didn't you see the angels?

They were singing, MicroManlet.

Singing.

It’s just a title by name, self given. If you have any alternatives or want to challenge said title be my guest. I don’t think anyone really involved cares too much who has what title, because if they’re the only one talking you can’t really make much of a fuss about it. If you have other opinions you’re free to lay them out or say something otherwise

Let dudes do what they want to do. No need to be a downer about it. Opinions are just opinions after all, not like anything is stopping anyone else from speaking up.

It's not just a title,.it's an achievement 

  It's a milestone, you have to work damn hard and maintain that level.

I agree with PlagueDoctor on this one. If he wants to be the leader of the streets, then let them cook!. Why would you turn down some potential good reads. Looking at people with a negative outlook only reflects on what you have going on in a personal level. 

Let them cook!

Rufus, I'm not sure you conceptually grasped what the good doctor said

Congratulations on your ascendancy to the title, Kuku. What kind of legislation can we expect to be delivered by the new LOTS? I regularly fear for the health and safety of verified non-entrants to writing competitions, could you speak on that? 

Rufus, instead of insulting him, why don't you try to do better? I understand that you do not have a firm grasp on the English language, and that's ok. My grasp of German is even worse. But, until such a time as you can speak more than two sentences, AND have people understand you, you probably shouldn't refer to other people's speeches as "idiotic".

Oh, is it truth telling time? I did not realize that, but I am happy to join in. I always considered myself sort of a truth teller, as well. Here's some truth for you to let sink in.

Just in my relatively short lifetime, your recent career highlights include:

- Praising the rogue that murdered the Godfather Chair of Philadelphia

- Accused the city of Philadelphia of hosting a fraudulent competition

- Repeatedly shit all over anything the top street speaker in the six cities, who is an associate of the Philadelphia mafia, brings forward to engage the masses.

Now, I'm not one to pass judgment...what am I saying? Yes I am. Since I am one to pass judgment, I would say that your recent career highlights are quite unimpressive. I'm not even sure how you manage to still be breathing, actually. Several in your city were rather fond of Shoresy, and you celebrated his death. What is next? It wouldn't surprise me if "we havent seen all it comes soon more idiotic things out as I think".

Rufus, instead of insulting him, why don't you try to do better?

 I, for one, support Willie_G_Skull's proposal to crown RufusWatchdog the next Leader of The Streets.

Anything to get rid of the third-rate clown that currently occupies the position.

Maybe with Rufus we'll actually get a writing competition with more than one entrant.

Knows.

Please explain exactly what Kuku has done which amounts to "so much bad things towards people". He has been nothing but a model member of Spike's family and has contributed more to the streets in the last two weeks than have you and all your ancestors combined, over several years.

Or are you talking about something one of his ancestors did several generations ago? That's not the way this thing of ours works. Fucking drop it already. That shit is unsustainable and will destroy our thing. Teyla, please come get your RHM and instruct him on proper conduct and etiquette.

Here's the thing. This man has generated an absurd amount of hysteria among the feeble-minded. It has come to the point where simply referring to himself as "Leader of the Streets" creates a passionate reaction. Do you ever ask yourself why that is? Would your reaction be the same if I, or anyone else, did the same thing?

It wouldn't. And here's why: His behavior is not really that objectionable. But, people like you see him as an easy target to pile on. You target him and harass him for things you would overlook if anyone else did them. It's a form of group think - a mass indoctrination, if you will, but only for insecure people. It's SOOOOOOO easy to pile on someone in order to be accepted by the group. It's much harder to retain your objectivity, look at each generation independently, and think for yourself. 

I'm sure this is crushing your spirit to hear the truth about yourself, but there it is. You are cowardly in that you seek acceptance from others by abusing an easy target. You also do not seem to understand how this thing of ours works. We do not target people for the sins of their Great-great-great (etc.) grandfather. We do not even target people for the sins of their father. Will Kuku eventually fuck up? Maybe. Hell, probably. But he gets the same chance to do that as everyone else does. You're not the fucking gatekeeper around here.

Rufus, Son, we live in a world that has streets, and those streets have to be led by men with words. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Willie_G_Skull? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Streets and you curse the Kuku's. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know; that Street Leading, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, *saves lives*. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me leading the streets. You need me leading the streets. We use words like Competitive, Son, and Leading. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent leading something. You misuse them AND punctuation . I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very leadership that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a script and give a speech. Either way, I don't give a *damn* what you think you are entitled to!