I'm as bored listening to speeches denouncing purging as I am being one quarter of the mourners at a funeral.  I'm fed up bearing witness to the non-stop pressure being put on CLs for murdering their own members. 

Instead of the monotonous fools who think that moaning about "purging" will do anything about it, I'm taking a different approach.  I'm offering a unique service that will GET RID OF PURGING and also GET RID OF MOANING ABOUT PURGING, and all of this whilst still allowing CLs their ability to kill just as many people as they do today and for the same reasons.

I know what you're all thinking: how does it work?

HOW DOES IT WORK

First of all, this is a business, and there will be a charge, but it works like this.  My client, say a CL or a group of CLs, will approach me and say "I would like to kill such and such a person, but it can't appear to be a purge killing."  I'll say, great, thanks.  Well give me $Xm and I'll get to work.

What I will then do is look at the target, and build up a profile of them, and make sure there are a number of absolutely solid gold, valid reasons for killing him (or her, or them).  Let's take an example.

If a group of CLs were to decide, for whatever reasons (for example, he's a total fucking embarrassment) to kill Brent, and they come to me, then I'd contact Brent, or people close to him, and start a discussion about what he wants to do with his life, his career, and perhaps about the fact that he is a vampire.  I might suggest to him that, given he's literally not a living person and that, traditionally, his kind drink the blood of the living, perhaps he should consider attacking those you might attack him.  I'd record evidence of him saying that he might just do that, and then I'd give my clients a dossier of information.  They could then kill him, and provide the evidence when the whining cretins start flooding the Streets with their salty tears.

WHO AM I?

Well, I still aim to lead the Streets, but for now, I'm going to name my organisation after a long-gone lineage who, more than anyone else, was both purged and, if we only count Goombas, purged more people that anyone else in the world, ever.  So, my organisation will be called the National (we operate across the nation) Kuku (see previous sentence for information as to why we are naming ourselves after this legend) Victims (we are of course all about providing credible intelligence and information about the supposed "victims") Database (we provide, and store, intelligence cand evidence on supposed "victims" to our clients).

The NKVD.

For the right price, we can eliminate purging, and the relentless whining about purging.  

I'm also recruiting.  Get in touch if you think you can help me.

This is one of the more innovative ideas we've seen on The Streets for a long time. Just recently Curious stormed into an episode of my true-crime radio broadcast The Burgerhouse Files, screaming me, me, me, and speaking about purges in a crude way that revealed nothing and interested nobody. If you could put an end to purges (and more importantly, whining about purges) once and for all by creating demonstratively valid reasons for killing the various rubes getting double-bounced off the trampoline, I should be able to get through future episodes without hysterical outbursts interrupting my recordings. 

Say, as a purely hypothetical example, someone like RedFisher were planning to raze my village to the ground with liquid napalm because of a chickenpox outbreak but I had no evidence of the matter to present to my uppers in order to get him purged. What kind of price would you quote me and what would your process look like? 

How do you dictate the level of danger that a member brings to you Mr Leader? What is the amount of days that you provide somebody to be able to determine if they can be trusted or not? Assuming that purging is indeed real and not just salt or an excuse people use when they die for the various of reasons we know people die for I would assume that many of them who bought bodyguards and put notches on their belt have spent quite a bit of money to get to where they were at. My guess is your price may be quite a bit steep given this.

I also saw a lot of talk when reading the papers about how the prior Chicago did something similar where they did not allow this supposed purging, do you feel like that was contribution to the death of the city or were those remarks from the dead just another excuse for why they are no longer alive?