Come one, come all, it’s the blessed union of TylerDurden and RobertPaulson. This will be a wedding for the ages, by far the biggest wedding our mafia has ever seen. All are welcome to attend, no RSVP necessary, however if you want a shot at winning $2,000,000, wedding gifts are required

This wedding was officially announced some time by my brent master in a charming little chapel in the Chicago Business District called the Eden Reborn Wedding Chapel.

In my own brent master himself’s words…

Tyler Durden and Robert Paulson have expressed their dying love for each other and asked me and my crew to plan their wedding to happen on new year's eve

After some consideration (and repeated Durden mob wars causing them to need to reschedule) I thought an event of this magnitude needed to be held in a space more suitable for the sizable invitation list, which included hundreds of people traveling from Delaware City to see Tyler and the soon-to-be RobertDurden tie the knot, and of course all of the mobsters from all of our fine cities across the country, both vampire and mortal alike. I determined after reaching out to brent master that we relocate to the historic Chicago Stadium located in the heart of the Windy City. 

There will be 3 prizes, 1st 2nd and 3rd for Best Wedding Gift. These gifts will be judged on creatiivity, presentation, and practicality. I have reached out to brent master for assistance, but received no answer as he is busy tending to his city and  gluttonous drinking the blood of his enemies. That being said, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to make your presentation vampire-oriented if you want to increase your chances of winning. This is a blessed union, but we are vampires here in Chicago so it will be a blessed and UNHOLY wedding 

First place will be $2,000,000. 2nd and 3rd prizes to be determined. The rules are as follows:

* The presentation of the gifts MUST be delivered at the wedding reception which will take place immediately after the ceremony. I will make an announcement on this corner once the ceremony has concluded. Deadline is Friday of this week at 00:00. Even if you are not participating in the wedding gift contest, feel free to stop by and throw rice at the newlyweds

* Presentation of gifts MUST be delivered at the location of the after party/reception, The Chicago Stadium, located in the Chicago Business District. 

*Disrespect will simply be ignored.

*And lastly, HAVE FUN! After all, it’s a wedding!

Hope to see you all there for a night of dancing and celebrating and winning prizes!

Kuku arrives hurling bucket after bucket of rice at the happy celebrants!  Then, with an evil grin on his face, he grabs another bucket, with the words HUMAN BLOOD written on the side.  He then throws it over one of the guests, knowing that this gesture, like so many telegrams, will go unanswered...

Firstly BillCorsica, let me thank you for arranging such an incredible get together.  It's good to see so many people come together to attend the wedding happening in Chicago.  I know that the contest rules clearly state several times that all wedding gifts must be presented at the historic CHICAGO STADIUM but I was wondering if some latitude could be granted to the Leader of the Streets, who finds himself here, there and everywhere as he goes about his Leadership duties.

I'm thinking of giving one of two different wedding gifts.  And please note that I am THINKING, there's no actual DOING here, I am just THINKING, and hope to get feedback from the competition manager(s) as to whether this would be acceptable.

I'm firstly considering whether gifting FrankCastiglia would be a good idea?  Clearly, I don't own him, so that's the first hurdle, but I wonder if I commissioned a very realistic oil painting if that might do?

I'm also thinking, but not doing, of gifting the hot-dog stand outside the wedding venue itself.  Again, I don't own it, so I'm just asking.

While Tyler Durden and Robert Paulson may be human lovers and soon-to-be spouses, given that this event is being organized by a vampire family can we receive any assurances for our safety during the wedding? I'd rather not end up as brent-food just for wanting to watch my favorite same-sex couple tie the knot and live happily ever after. 

Any other questions, all are free to ask but the contest is pteosinple and uncomplicated.
 

Pardon my hiccup. What I meant to say was “Any other questions, all are free to ask but the contest is pretty simple and uncomplicated.”

Ahh, the Chicago Stadium. A truly historic place. I was impressed by what you've done with it, BillCorsica. I can't say it was a spot that was ever on my radar prior to the wedding but having dropped off my gift for the happy couple, I have to thank you and brent for putting on such an extravagant party. I didn't see a frowning face in the crowd. I haven't seen that kind of delight since I spotted PlagueDoctor moseying into a library bathroom. And no one's even been Burgerhoused yet. Bravo. 

BillCorsica steps back out onto the street. He is out of breath from tearing up the dance floor at the wedding.
 

PHEW! Man I haven’t danced like that in many centuries. Even vampires get winded sometimes. Anyway I just stepped outside to get some fresh air and catch my breath. Anyone who is not attending this wedding is really missing out. Not only missing out on a great time and a historic marriage, but missing out on a chance to win BIG prizes. This party unfortunately isn’t going to go on eternally (like a vampire’s lifespan) so if you haven’t made your way to the Chicago Stadium in the CHI business district you should get yourself a wedding gift for our favorite Delaware City lovebirds and enter the contest! Doesn’t cost you anything, only a chance to win money and cut a rug with the Durdens.

So? What are you waiting for? 
 

BillCorsica heads back into the stadium to resume the festivities just in time for the Macarena 

Another tragic tale coming out of Chicago, especially in a time of otherwise great happiness as the wedding bells chimed throughout the Chicago Stadium. A Burgerhoused wedding planner. Looks like RobberBaron spoke too soon.