Roley the Rat, Severe the Snitch, whatever you want to call him, did a bad thing. Though this marks the second time in a row the Simon family has been bested by a man of 'limited means', so to speak, it also presents the second opportunity we have been afforded to rebuild ourselves in the vision of a brighter future.

The failure of our first attempt is easy to see. LittleSi was a good replacement for SimonTheSwanHunter but where Simon was cruel and acid-tongued, LittleSi was also extremely mean and nobody liked him. And I didn't like him either. I loved him. He was my illegitimate son. And as a father, having outlived my child, it now falls to me to pick up the pieces.

That is why I am announcing a new nationwide venture to stop this violence. I am sick and tired of it. I'm bored of it. That is why I am forming the Board of Peace. 

Our charter reads as follows:

The Board of Peace shall undertake peace-building functions in accordance with international mafia law and as may be approved in accordance with this Charter, including the development and dissemination of best practices capable of being applied by all families and, more importantly, mafia cliques seeking peace.

Membership in the Board of Peace is limited to individuals invited to participate by the Chairman (TextBasedMafiaRPGMan), and founding members include: 

1. beluga, envoy of Driezazuela, who we are desperate to invade and pillage of their precious natural mafia resources.

2. Interlude, Godfather-Chairman of Detroit, la ciudad numero undo del mundo, future owner of all of Driezazuela's sweet (whale) oil.

3. Shane_Stetson, murderer of UglyInbredGeorge and token villain of the legislative assembly.

4. big_jason, owner of big_jason's bar. 

5. TonyTheTailor, everyone likes him, big counterbalance to Simon's energy.

AGENDA ITEM #1:  The sponsorship of AlGreen(land), a currently homeless Wise Guy of vast untapped mineral wealth and geostrategic value. 

As Chairman of the Board of Peace, my opinion on the matter is that Detroit should own AlGreen(land) and anyone who says otherwise should be killed.

I am now opening the floor to further, but unecessary, discussion.

Thank you to the Chairman and to the Board, TextBasedMafiaRPGMan.

Tremendous honour. Really tremendous. People have been saying for a long time that if there was ever going to be a Board of Peace it would obviously need someone like me on it. Many people. Very smart people.

As a recent recipient of the 2025 Players’ Player award, which by the way was a beautiful ceremony, one of the best ceremonies, I think it really shows that the community know. They get it. They see leadership. They see stability. They see tremendous hands.

I want peace. Everyone wants peace. Nobody wants peace more than me. But sometimes to get peace you have to be strong. Very strong. Strength like nobody has ever seen before. That’s just a fact.

AlGreen(land) is very interesting. Very strategic. People laughed at first and then they stopped laughing. Happens all the time. We look at things other people don’t understand yet. Vision.

And I want to be very clear on something because it’s important. I love China. I love China. Great country. Tremendous people. I have a great relationship with China. Some say the best relationship. That doesn’t mean we don’t negotiate hard. It means we negotiate smart.

This Board of Peace is going to be incredible. Historic. People will talk about it for years. Maybe decades. And if anyone disagrees that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if it’s a wrong opinion.

Thank you. God bless the Board. God bless peace.

Delegate RocknRollStaaaaar, of Brooklyn, sometimes it is hard, as a man with so much history, to look back and remember it all. I look fondly on the 4 seperate outbursts of steroid-induced genocide I have had to prevent Eala from committing. I think back to 1901, when I scratched 'Workers of the world, unite!' into a toilet stall at the Kremlin while visiting for the purposes of sex tourism. I think about the months of negotiation that nearly encouraged zero-VIP Las Vegas to come out of exile and rejoin the civilized world. And I think about how hard I bulled my college roommate Woodrow for being too soft on the Germans at Versailles. 

What wars have I prevented? I can't count the number. But this one is easier: how many worlds have I saved? At least one. There is one thing I know for sure: in 70 years, I intend to eat a bat at a market in Wuhan. I can't explain why. I think it is a mission from God. 

I am just a fresh-faced Thug who was both recently beaten to a pulp and told to make his way in the world, and also managed to become the RHM of whatever it is Gneiss has called the mugs and molls working for him, all before lunch. So I am unfamiliar with this "LittleSi" character although he has a very strong name and from what I hear he was very handsome. Based on what I can see before me today at least, his mother's genes overpowered the horseface DNA that define the TextBasedMafiaRPGMan line, which can only have been a positive.

I was going to cast derision on this Board of Peace but your first agenda item has been promptly cleared leaving me with no option but to congratulate you. AlGreen has picked up sponsorship and I therefore assume your business is concluded?

@TextBasedMafiaRPGMan, this a grand idea! This has the potential to be a revolutionary concept. It signifies a bold vision.  This is exactly the type of action that would have LittleSi proud. RIP LittleSi

I am going to dig deep and make a one million dollar donation on my way out. 

We in New York are strong and yet willing to negotiate. The resources are rightfully ours and wars are okay, as long as we are doing it and not anyone else.

Fortunately AlGreen(land) is now sponsored and the valuable resourcefulness of his life is now in the hands of Detroit again. Perhaps Detroit is willing to share this? Perhaps some rights? New York gets AlGreen(land) for some time and then back to Detroit?

As for discussing this, I agree it is a bit unneeded, since AlGreen is needed for New Yorks continual survival and we must have him.

I'd say the ball is in your court TextBasedMafiaRPGMan but I doubt you can even dribble, only drool.

TextBasedMafiaRPGMan, first of all, congratulations on this fine initiative.  And not before time!  You see, I've had a hit placed on me, for a cool $3.5m - money I simply can't afford.

Could the Board identify who placed the hit, why, and perhaps ask them to stop?

Could I so suggest a new way of formulating policy?  Via a (policy) writing competition.  For example, we take an issue, like mugging or placing hits, and invite would be diplomats to wite a policy.  Winner takes all.

What do yiunthink?

beluga, I was born with a basketball in my hands. I carry one with me wherever I go. Sometimes I'll paint my head like a basketball. More than that, I'll wear a dress, and stick two basketballs in my bra. That's how good I am at basketball. Your lack of judgment in that matter only speaks to how serious I should take your AlGreen(land) demands. His immense reserves of oil and natural gas are ours and ours alone, and we will be fortifying AlGreen(land) with bodyguards flown in directly from the Scandinavian Bodyguard Academy. I have half a mind to remove you from your honorable position in the Board of Peace and replace you with a more agreeable ambassador, like EIkmilk. I won't, but half my mind feels very strongly about it, and that's basically one whole average mind. 

Vasily, thank you for reaching out, your case falls very naturally within the Board of Peace mandate. 

Let it be known: whoever is placing these hits on Vasily, stop!

As for your policy writing competition, it does sound like a rather good idea. I hold a lot of contempt for the common folk but not beyond taking their work and branding it as my own for the historical record. This could be very good for me, and therefore The Board, and therefore the community at large. Do you have financial backing? I won the lottery recently against tremendous odds but invested my winnings in LittleSi, who recently took a priority delivery straight to the brainbox. 

I forgot to address two more delegates: DetroitSimon, thank you for pointing out how quickly the Board operated to secure an agreeable resolution for AlGreen(land). Detroit is more powerful for it, and everyone is very happy, including beluga. Completing one action does not mean, however, that the Board must disband. We are an instrument of peace for all, forever, moving forward. I feel confident in telling you that there will likely never be another rogue, another war, and frankly, probably not even another murder, ever again. 

TheGarbageTruck, thank you for your money, I really need it. 

UPDATE FROM THE BOARD OF PEACE.

After very productive discussions with the Board and following my own remarks which many are calling strong, fair, and frankly very calming, a decision has been made regarding Canada and those with Canadian heritage.

Canada will no longer be joining the Board of Peace. This was not an easy decision but it was the right decision. Some people disagreed at first and then they didn’t. That happens. We like Canada. We really do. Nice people. Polite. Very polite. But peace requires commitment and frankly we just were not seeing that.

Those with Canadian heritage are also uninvited at this time. DarwinRoss, JohnnyTwinkleToes. 

This decision was made after I spoke to the Board and explained the situation very clearly. Everyone understood immediately. There were nods. Serious nods.

I also want to once again be very clear because people keep asking. I love China. I love China. Tremendous country. Tremendous history. Very strong. I have always said this. Having a strong position does not mean you do not love China.

The Board of Peace remains strong. Stronger than ever. Some might even say the strongest Board of Peace in history.

Thank you. Peace.

I think Scandinavia was a mistake and needs guidance under our system.

Perhaps we will use the iron ore of Sweden and Norways vast oil reserves?

I think the board of peace will clearly agree to these good terms. Drieza and minions protect them and we uhh... Collect your vast resources.

Anyways, I think I've done a great job and would be happy to nominate TheNewGuy for a position as a delegate, sometimes I forget he's a person but then I remember he is one of those guys that sounds very funny, so I think he's more than qualified among the other extremely qualified delegates.

Fellow board members, while I'm glad to hear the matter of Algreen(land) has reached yet another peaceful resolution, I fear the board is currently neglecting it's most important duty. The duty of deciding who will be awarded the coveted Nobel Board of Peace Prize, or Most Valuable Peacer.

I would like to submit, in the most non confrontational way possible, that the selection process for this award be put somewhere on the boards agenda. I will of course peacefully leave this decision to my fellow board members and board-Chairman.

I have several key points to address here:

1. TheNewGuy has been appointed Under-Secretary-General of Peacetime Apathy. I feel very strongly about his ability to make sure everybody keeps it pretty chill and doesn't make a big fuss about anything. This is very important, because we all know how hysterical you people can get. One little thing and it's all "my kin, on these shores, saw Jimmy kissing Janie under the bleachers". Snooze. Welcome aboard, TheNewGuy. You have mine and beluga's complete trust. 

2. TonyTheTailor has pointed out a very important detail: China is a tremendous country. They're coming for our lunch. You know, I know it, we all know it. That is why I'm making Mandarin lessons mandatory for all BOP delegates and executive members. Mandarin is a beautiful language, with the unique ability to express profound wisdom and insight. For example:

DetroitSimon 有一张胖乎乎的小脸，上面沾满了巧克力.

3. Interlude has brought up a very interesting subject: the awarding of a Board Of Peace Peace Prize (aka Most Valuable Peacer). I feel this is something that requires our immediate attention, and I will be happy for DetroitSimon to donate the 60 million dollars of my money that his father lost, to the proceedings. We will, of course, need a committee to chair the MVP award. Any suggestions on how we may put that together, Interlude?

IMPORTANT BOARD OF PEACE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Influential and widely beloved Detroit Wise Guy BillyNoMates currently remains unsponsored following LittleSi's demise at the hands of the notorious snitch Roley. 

The Board of Peace is placing an INDEFINITE protection order on the health & safety of BillyNoMates. 

In the name of peace, leave Billy alone.

除非你想“像 LittleSi 那样”，否则别碰 BillyNoMates。

Thank you for the alert sir - I have received the message and tossed it into my trashcan as per any kind of mail I would have received otherwise.

I hope BillyNoMates can find peace during these trying times and doesn't succumb to the cold or frostbite, or perhaps a bullet from some deranged maniac looking for an easy notch to add to ones belt, or board, I don't honestly know how people count anything anymore.

All three of my members who are alive and well have been informed to probably not shoot Billy.

I too have decided to put a board up in Billy's honor.

大额头力量 BillyNoMates

I am deeply disappointed that not only has the BOP mandate on the health and safety of BillyNoMates been violated, but the honorable mafia code of a 7-day grace period for tagged members of a fallen leader (see: the assassination of LittleSi by notorious snitch Roley) has also been egregiously disobeyed. Where is the justice? What kind of world are we living in? Who is to blame? We should kill whoever did this, in the name of peace. 

Shane_Stetson, please send out a BOLO. Plaguey, search the library. TonyTheTailor, prepare the hitsquad. Oblivion, shoot someone to send a message. 

TextBasedMafiaRPGMan, it's even worse. There's not even any erotic fanfiction left in the library. Terrible times are upon us...