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| How Not to Get Promoted | Started by: Taskmaster on Sep 05, '08 09:20 |
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Most of you kids want to know how to get promoted, how to make your bones. Take it from me, the world's oldest wiseguy, promotions aren't all they're cracked up to be. You can carry more drugs, but drugs are heavy. Bodyguards want more money to stand beside you and your boss expects you to work. Let me tell you, those felonies can be exhausting. I've seen people pull bank jobs and damn, they look tired when they get home. If there's a war, high rankers are the first target. I say relax, take it easy, and try not to get promoted. Here's a few tips. 1. Every time you see your boss, say "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" 2. Keep asking the boss when he or she is going to make you the "Godfather of Soul." 3. During a war strategy meeting, keep asking, "is that what Jesus would do?" 4. Offer to teach the crew how to hide weapons in their body cavities. 5. Instead of "Godfather" call your boss "Fairy Godmother." 6. Wack someone, put the body in a paper bag, drop it on the HQ porch, light it on fire, knock on the door, and run. 7. Tape a "Wack me!" sign to your boss' back. 8. Replace the cement your crew uses to make cement overshoes with non-drying cement. 9. Have business cards printed for the entire crew that say "Mafia Members." 10. Constantly show off your "mafia member". 11. Let the boss catch you wacking yourself. 12. Ask the boss when her baby is due. 13. When driving the getaway car, stop at all stop signs and remember to signal before turning. Follow these tips and you, too, can avoid promotion! |
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Oh for fuck sake, Thats where ive been going wrong, Fairy Godmother Branston will never promote me after i asked whether Jesus would kill off the leaders of Chicago and New Orleans. Why didn't you tell me earlier? |
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| Reply by: YaYa at Sep 05, '08 09:37 | |
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*flashes mafiabadge* *14 remember your boss that you paid him a nice tribute .........twice per day |
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| Reply by: BigMike at Sep 05, '08 11:04 | |
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Marietta laughs at the speech that is delivered, a small tinkling of a giggle. Her eyes light up when Taskmaster is finished speaking and she raises her hand timidly, glancing around at the gathered mobsters. Can I add one small thing to your list? If I could please? With a shake of her head and another giggle she pauses for a moment before blurting: 'Get to know your Boss a bit before you slap her ass. Then, ask for permission.' Thanks, it is much appreciated. |
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| Reply by: Marietta at Sep 05, '08 12:08 | |
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A look of concern crosses her face as she hears what Marietta has to add.. Does this mean that I can't *sniffle* give you way to go pats on the ass anymore? I'm heartbroken and lost. As for what Taskmaster has said here, it's true. Trust me.. HE does know from personal experience... |
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| Reply by: Iris at Sep 05, '08 13:26 | |
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You can pat me on the ass, Ms. Iris, and tell Daera to promote me. Though it would break the run I'm trying to make for the 1935 Guinness World Records book for World's Oldest Made. |
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| Reply by: Vienna at Sep 05, '08 13:34 | |
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Not sure number 5 will work, Fairy Godmothers scare the crap out of me. shudders |
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| Reply by: Banshee at Sep 05, '08 16:14 | |
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Intrepid takes notes, thinking if this is how not to get promoted then he should do the opposite... 1. Never ask the boss if they are pleased to see me, just assume they are and bend over accordingly. 2. Never ask the boss about becoming the "Godfather of Soul.", just assume the identity to keep out of their way. 3. During war meeting, make sure you encourage the boss and say "that's exactly what Jesus would do". 4. Never offer to teach the crew how to hide weapons, show them!. 5. Instead of "Godfather" call your boss "God's Child", in hope of making them sound younger. 6. Never wack someone, put the body in a paper bag, drop it on the HQ porch, light it on fire, knock on the door, and run. Always put it in their car....you don't want to burn the house down. 7. Never Tape a "Wack me!" sign to your boss' back, always on his front, more people will see it then. 8. Replace the cement your crew uses to make cement overshoes with quick-drying cement, just make sure to tell them first. 9. When printing business cards never print "Mafia Members", as it could be mistaken for a gay cult. 10. Never show off your "mafia member", unless the women ask to see it first. 11. Never let the boss catch you "wacking" yourself, or anyone else for that matter. 12. Never ask the boss when her baby is due, just buy her baby toys instead. 13. When planning the getaway, never drive the getaway car, just nag them for going through stops signs and not idicating. |
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| Reply by: Intrepid at Sep 05, '08 18:35 | |
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Reads what Taskmaster has to say and laughs and says "Damm no wonder i did worng i kept signalin while tryin to turn a corner on a bank robbery dam damm damm" |
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| Reply by: Dimitri-Rascalov at Sep 05, '08 19:42 | |
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| Hey guys thanx for the info I am new here and appreciate the help. | |
| Reply by: IllFated at Sep 05, '08 20:33 | |
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| Ahhh the key to not getting promoted is simple, just take my dear old da Indigo. He spent a long time at wiseguy and had no sign of mademan. It wasn't because he didn't do his bit it's because he had no drive whatsoever. While you can make the money for your boss and such the key is just lazing around on your downtime. | |
| Reply by: Dante_Balboni at Sep 05, '08 20:56 | |
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Narnia listening intently and thinks to himself. Darn, I didn't know ass slapping the hot ladies was allowed. hmmmm He goes off into lala land where everyone is slapping each other in various ways. Narnia Narnia Narnia This is good ..... NARNIA! Hey man you ready to leave this place and go get a drink? Hyperbole tapping Narnia on the shoulder. Oh, yeah.. Lets go. Narnia tries desporately to get back into the day dream but it is gone.... Off to the local pub they go |
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| Reply by: Narnia at Sep 06, '08 11:01 | |
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gameownage stares at the first statement in amazment haha! the "let the boss catch you wacking yourself almosthad me on the ground laughing.....almost >.> |
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| Reply by: gameownage at Sep 06, '08 17:48 | |
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May i add another... 'Ask your boss if you could wack her, then laugh as you drink your beer bottle, and run off into a parked car.' Its fun as hell. Try it! |
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| Reply by: Mikey-McKnight at Sep 06, '08 18:55 | |
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| I am thinking that running around the hq naked screaming the FBI is coming would more than be enough to not get promoted :D | |
| Reply by: Adam_Wall at Sep 06, '08 19:08 | |
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| I think that would more than seal your demotion Adam :D | |
| Reply by: MrNiceGuy at Sep 07, '08 00:13 | |
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| I might try that... Though I'm sure I would be wacked on the spot... That or raped... I rather B than A, | |
| Reply by: Mikey-McKnight at Sep 07, '08 00:24 | |
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But A's more likely lets face it... Intriguing list...so thats where i've been gong wrong..it isn't the lazyness after all... |
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| Reply by: GhostlySilence at Sep 09, '08 09:11 | |
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| I WAS wondering why my boss always says "Success, dat bum is swishing wid da fairies." | |
| Reply by: Sulla at Sep 11, '08 18:01 | |
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ahh no wonder I can't seem to make earner... Throws away his Mafia Member card |
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| Reply by: Riley at Sep 11, '08 18:58 | |
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