Are you one of those hesitant types, someone who has always thought about setting up a business but never really felt the time was right? Have you lost your entrepreneurial mojo? Perhaps it's time you felt around down there and tried to find it...

Hi. The name's Gun...GoldenGun. You may remember me from such films as The Man With The Golden Gun, Octopussy and Goldfinger. So, business. Bada-bing, bada-boom, money. What do you think? ''Dr No!'', I hear you cry; well, you're wrong. Try Doctor Yes (no reference intended to Dr Pickles, one of the finest lego-assed physicians I know). I'm here to tell you that the time, my friends, is NOW. It's time to say YES to business and come visit us here in Chicago. Being a new city, we have some prime business premises ready and waiting for you to put your key right in their keyholes. And, being the particularly generous bunch that we are, we've decided to open up our Business Precinct to a city-wide competition.

We're calling it Merchants of Menace, because we're not just about looking and smelling good (Sex Panther, anyone?) - we're about sounding good, too.

Feast your eyes on this....

Merchants of Menace Business Competition

Start Date: Monday Nov 12th 2012 @ 00:00 gametime
End Date: Saturday Nov 17th 2012 @ 00:00 gametime

Runs for five full business days.

Main Event: Mobsters are to set up shop in Chicago in order to compete for the top prize of Best Business Venture. The prize will be awarded by a panel of judges to the contestant who succeeds in creating the most vivid, user-friendly and interactive business. Entrants must pay a fee, which then qualifies them to compete for all categories as well as the main prize. Second and third place prizes will also be awarded.

Main Event Prizes:

1st: $5,000,000
2nd: $2,000,000
3rd: $1,000,000

Fee for Main event: $500k

Sub-Events: Mobsters who enter the Best Business Venture contest will automatically qualify for the sub-events listed. Mobsters who do not wish to set up a business, but wish to participate in the game's sub-events will pay a small fee for each category entered - with the exception of one category, 'The Sucker', which is free. All mobsters are welcome to join in, but only those who have paid their entrance fee will be eligible for prizes (again, with the exception of 'The Sucker').


Fees for Side Events: $100k

The sub-events are as follows:


Best Dressed - Male & Female - One prize per category

A prize will be awarded to the individual who shows their feathers better than a peacock in mating season; by this, we mean verbal description, NOT profile pictures.

Side Event Prizes:
Male Winner : 2 credits
Female Winner : 2 credits

Most Entertaining Customer - One prize

This prize will be awarded to the customer who displays the greatest wit, charisma and general LOL-ability.

Side Event Prize:
1st: 2 credits


Most Awkward Customer - One prize

This is one for the grumpy old feckers out there. Be as awkward as you possibly can; throw a tantrum, be completely unreasonable and, of course, insist that the customer is always right. In return, we'll give you a nice shiny badge and first prize (please note this is not as easy as it sounds; city rules must be adhered to and offensive behaviour will result in automatic disqualification).

Side Event Prize:
1st: 2 credits


The Sucker (The mobster who should avoid gambling - biggest loser) - One prize

Easy peasy and super-special - this category has no entry fee and everyone is eligible to win. Simply gamble away as much as you like in The Golden Squid during the competition, and if you lose the most, you'll receive all of your losses right back.

Side Event Prize:
The biggest Loser will recieve all their money back. Plus I'll throw in an extra 250k


PickPocket Frenzy - First, Second and Third Prize

Couldn't be more simple...but there is a twist. While in Chicago, there will be a specific list of mobsters from Chicago that you have to pickpocket - the pickpocketing MUST be done in Chicago. As per city rules, the money must be returned - and be sure to keep your personals, because you'll need to mail those to one of the judges. The first person to pickpocket everyone on the list before the end of the competition will win first prize, followed by the second and third.

Pickpocket Event Prizes:
1st: 3 credits
2nd: 2 credits
3rd: 1 credit

The list of Judges will be announced soon.


The list of people that you will need to pickpocket will be announced soon.


If you wish to take part, please post below detailing the category/ies you wish to enter and one of the organisers will be in touch to collect your fee.

For the Best Business Venture contest, all business plans must be submitted to LilacDelaney before opening; the final deadline for business plans will be Weds Nov 14th at 18:00 gametime.

Any questions forward them to GoldenGun.

Well, GoldenGun, I've certainly taken a great interest in what you've said here today. Perhaps it's the topic matter, or perhaps it's because you've said it all in a very loud voice but one thing's for sure, I've been listening with an arched eyebrow throughout!

I'll be in Chicago soon with my blueprints and $500k, which hopefully should grease enough palms to get my business up and running. Tell me though. If I enter into the main category and this enters me into all the sub categories for free; will I still need to inform the organisers of a time and a place when I am specifically competing for a sub category, although without the $100k charges?

Hi Modfather.

I've been working alongside GoldenGun on this, and I can answer your question (in a much more quiet and ladylike voice).

Simply put: aside from signing up and paying the set fee, you don't need to do anything else (well...obviously you need to compete). Your name will be listed as eligible for all prizes; the time and place in which you choose to compete for a sub-category is completely flexible - provided it is within the competition timeframe - and we don't need to be informed. The judges will take note from your participation alone; entrants aiming for a sub-event prize should be pretty obvious, given the specific titles.

I must add that the first person I thought of when we decided to offer a prize for best dressed was your good self. Sadly, I'm not a judge!

I am excited to display my abilities as a grumpy old fecker.

I always like groping people and there seems to be alot of cuties in chicago hopefully they will be on the list

Fydora giggles and twirls right on to the next person screaming randomly at strangers in the streets

After getting a mail from the GodFather of Windy City she hurriedly go to the street and read the evernt. Her smile widen when she read about pickpocketing.

Dear sir , I am entering the pickpocket contest :)

Well done GoldenGun! I'm looking forward to seeing this event pop off nicely. I'm sure this will help increase our buisness around these parts, I will be participating in a few events myself, so count me in!

Grins as he slowly rubs his hands together plotting and planning what will be his main event.

GoldenGun walks forward to see people standing around in a huddle talking about Merchants of Menace...

Updated list of contestants! We want more!

GoldenGuns starts scribbling down little notes

Best Business Venture:
-ModFather
-SpaceCowboy

Best Dressed - Male & Female
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+

Most Entertaining Customer
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+

Most Awkward Customer
-Ember
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+

PickPocket Frenzy
-Fydora
-Rhaziel
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+

I've just marked down the plus+ to let me know that you will be taking part in all events and you will be opening a business in Chicago.

I hope that more people will come forward to take part and give us a real competition. Tell your friends!Tell your loved ones! It's a family event and their valuable's will be safe while walking chicago streets, plus there will be candy corn; candy floss; and rice crispy buns who doesnt love those...

BlackSuperman touches down in the Windy City. He is showered with roses upon landing.

Mr. GoldenGun, please consider this hero for the Main Event and, of course, the Best Dressed sub-event. Looking forward to participating. Thank you for hosting this contest.

BlackSuperman performs a series of fantastic karate chops and Kung-fu kicks in the air before flying off again

Great to see so much interest in this - keep it coming and good luck to everyone participating.

For those who may be interested in trying the main event, please don't let the need for a business plan put you off. This merely means submitting a few brief lines describing what your business is; it's certainly not a blow-by-blow rundown of projections and methodology.

Also, just to clarify, new businesses being launched as a main event entry should only be opened once the competition begins. Use the time in between to sort your plan and send it over to me for confirmation.

Many thanks - and lots of luck to everyone taking part :)

Upon hearing that her daughter will participate on the Main event she grins evilly and plots .

Dear sir Goldengun, I am going to participate on the Awkward Customer

Dizzy from all the twirling Fydora has done lately Fydora causally walks in and states

"I would also like to be considered one of the best dressed as well as the groping fest"

This is going to be a good event. Good Luck everyone!

Time is running out for everyone else if you want to get a good start on the competition.

GoldenGuns starts scribbling down even more little notes again...

Best Business Venture:
-ModFather
-SpaceCowboy
-BlackSuperman
-HannahBannana
-Rhaziel

Best Dressed - Male & Female
-Fydora
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBannana+
-Rhaziel+

Most Entertaining Customer
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBannana+
-Rhaziel+

Most Awkward Customer
-Ember
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBannana+
-Rhaziel+

PickPocket Frenzy
-Fydora
-Rhaziel
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBannana+
-Rhaziel+

I will look forward to strolling by Chicago's Business District just to watch how this contest progresses although I won't be participating in any of them. Should be a lot of fun.

I'll be taking part in the main part of the competition. I hope to see a good turnout.

I made a few mistakes before let me fix those...

GoldenGun turns his pencil around a corrects his mistakes...


Best Business Venture:
-ModFather
-SpaceCowboy
-BlackSuperman
-HannahBanana
-Toby

Best Dressed - Male & Female
-Fydora
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBanana+
-Toby+

Most Entertaining Customer
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBanana+
-Toby+

Most Awkward Customer
-Ember
-Rhaziel
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBanana+
-Toby+

PickPocket Frenzy
-Fydora
-ModFather+
-SpaceCowboy+
-BlackSuperman+
-HannahBanana+
-Toby+

This is a very good turn out indeed, the competition should be a good one. Best of luck to all those particapating. It's not to late to enter!

Late as usual, Mercury steps forward after reading the competition over her morning coffee.

I didn't think I'd have the time for this but it turns out that I will.

Mercury sends in the fee for the main event and looks around for a crayon.

Can I just remind those applying for the main event to sign the Chicago Business District Guidelines to note that you have read and understood them - this can be done in our business district. Thanks!

The Merchant of Menace Judges are...(Drum roll...)

SquidMaster from Chicago
Cory_Chase from Los Angeles
Vaticus from New Orleans
SammyGarcini from New York
Bunny from Philadelphia

I would like to thank them all for agreeing to take part in judging our business competition. (Round of applause)

Lets make this a good turnout and a great competition!

Alright Pickpocket frenzy contestants. Here is the first half of the list of people that you will have to pickpocket. The other half will follow soon.


Moff_Tarkin
LilacDelaney
Renekton
Rayden
BigDaddy
Astronomy

Remember these people have to be pocketed in Chicago and the money has to be returned to them for it to count. Happy hunting.

When you pickpocket them please send the statement to me directly asap. Thankyou!