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| The night before Christmas in all 7 cities | Started by: Gambino on Dec 06, '08 00:27 |
| OMG Zoey that Song is one of the best i have ever heard in my 15yrs of lifetime :) | |
| Reply by: Death-Knight at Dec 07, '08 16:25 | |
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| zoey that is soo good ^^ | |
| Reply by: dobby_the_house_elf at Dec 07, '08 17:41 | |
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"Am realy liking these i could stay here all day and listen." Lil_Wayne waits. |
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| Reply by: Lil_Wayne at Dec 08, '08 05:18 | |
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Marietta, listening in, smiles to herself once the crowd settles down. She approaches Gambino, holding a few pages of paper in her hand, and passes them over to the man. If you don't mind, she says with another small grin, I wrote this up the other day and would love to share it with everyone if you don't mind. Turning to the crowd she looks at all the gathered mobsters and clears her throats. Please, no one, be offended. It's all meant to be in jest. A parody, if you will. Much like the rest of you have written. Anyway, here we go, I suppose... The Day, Week, Month Year Before Christmas At last it approaches, that special time of year, Where people forget crime and focus on cheer. The guns and the holsters are all put away, In favor of trees, pretty lights and Santa's sleigh. Production is halted, and large gift sales are up No gun shots are heard, not even a "RUP". While Crime, USA prepares for for old jolly Saint Nick This narrator here noticed something that is quite sick. All of the seven mob cities, while united by crime Are different when it becomes Christmas time. Their celebrations differ, some bigger, some small So lets take a look at the cities, and spy on them all... In Chicago nothing is new, only dingy with a chill to the air Those lazy mother fucking leaders have yet to auth anyone there On a frozen pond sits a sad, broken rowboat Not a creature is stirring, unless you count hobos A young poor chap sits on the edge of Cav's grave Listening to Fabrizio's newest descendant rant and rave About the time that his Great-Grand daddy was Right Hand And how Striphe and the King ruled over the land The chap chuckled over Fabrizio's biggest blunder "Didn't your daddy get poor Corelli put six feet under?" (Burrrrnnnn...) Detroit was (as always) decorated in reds and greens The street lamps shone through mistletoe leaves Being the newest crime city, ready to prove they were tops: That Christmas in Motor City was was cream of the crop Away in their manger, except it was really a shady old hotel room Don Zoey and Caveman were ready for some "chick chick boom boom" Their clothes slowly started to fall piece by piece to the floor When alas! What's this?! A booming knock at the door! Zoey, half naked, decided to answer the call Right Hand Guardian rushed in, reeking of alcohol "You guys, you guys! Oh em gee I just saw Santa Claus!" The young man cried out foolishly, before taking pause. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked of the two "Cavey, man, I thought only *I* slept with you!" (OH SNAP!) Somewhere down the street in a lavish modern castle Godmother Marietta was acting like an utter asshole Her poor Right Hand Aurorarah cowered in fear As the powerful woman grabbed for another beer "Marietta," Aurorarahrah said, "It's only one gift," "I never meant for my wish list to cause us a rift." "My dear Aurora," Marietta cried, "A person is not a present." "I understand he's attractive, and can be quite pleasant." "I will buy you anything for Christmas- a ladle, a fork!" "But for the love of God, no more fucking Rourkes!" (AMEN!) Sin city loves Christmas more than crime, perhaps life itself And it's quite apparent with all the decorations on their shelves Las Vegas Las Vegas, where does your holiday begin? Aha, over there! Someone at the roulette wheel trying to win... Shagtastic grumbles as he wheels around, on a side walk, his Boss' chair And with a snort of distaste levels ImpureMind a rather grumpy glare "It's your turn," he hisses as he lets go of the bars with a shove And begins to fix on his hands a pair of white leather gloves The Right Hand and Left feel dread, watching in wide-eyed shock As their crippled boss rolls towards traffic- in afternoon gridlock! Shock, horror, gasp! random gathered bystanders begin to cry As they watch the mob Boss spring from his certain doom and start to fly With a large grin on his face HandiMan arches his arms in a flapping motion Calling to Shaggs and Impure, "You mother fuckers are getting a demotion!" (PWND!) In a neighboring grocery store, stocking up on candy and booze Gambino starts thinking of his Christmas Eve snooze "Boss is it true that Santa only brings coal to us mobsters and bad guys?" Mitch interrupted and asked, dumping into the shopping cart bags of rice. Archon waddled up, dumping more contents into the cart. "I hope that's not true, I asked for some fresh young tart." Gambino, so patient, merely straightened his suit. "Don't listen to rumors, I'll make sure you get loot." "I'm so glad that I have you two, that's all that I'm saying." With a grin he declared "I forgot my wallet, who's paying?" (Sneaky sneaky...) Los Angeles is an amazing city home to stars and starlets (And a few mobsters who have been diagnosed with tourettes) Among all of the glitter and among all of the glitz LA mob families surely know how to put on the Ritz While sitting at the fireplace dressed in nothing but a robe Right Hand Zoloft played with her brand new snow globe As FrankieFigs stood nearby, his eyes envious and green For Prozac had given him nothing but a washing machine Offended and upset, the man approached his Boss one evening fine: "Why is it that Zoloft gets presents that are better than mine?" Prozac with a wicked smile and a moderately evil laugh Merely clapped Figs on the shoulder, pinched his ass "Frankie, you're 'my man', 'the shit'," "But it's simple as this- Zoloft has tits!" (SQUEEE!) No Mardi Gras celebrations are to be found While the winter cold and seasons are abound Instead New Orleans settles for normal traditions No voodoo or witchcraft or other superstitions While practicing his caroling late Christmas Eve, Dante was interrupted by -Drexler- threatening to leave. Scarin walked in with a sigh, her face sour "Why does he do this every hour upon hour?" Dante, taking Drex, sat him upon his knee "My young lad, what is wrong staying with me?" Drexler, visibly sobbing at this point in our poem Wiped at his eyes, and sniffled "Leave me alone!" With a laugh Dante hugged the poor boy, gave him a toy "Drex, please stay, you know you're out favorite boy!" (Awwww.) Muqtada was tap dancing around Nicky, he nervous at least, That no one had RSVP'd to the Angel's Christmas feast Afraid there would be backlash from his lovely Boss Hayley, The man hatched a quick plan before crying out gaily "I have an idea, Muq! Since no one dared to reply Even though the evening's festivities are nigh- We shall eat this ourselves, and afterward yet We'll pretend to Hayley that everyone has already left!" Muqtada merely coughed and once more began to soft shoe "That would be great, Nick, but she's standing behind you." (Oh Nicky, you rascal.) New York is often called the city that never sleeps As can be shown by it's half-assed made wreaths Nevertheless the thugs, the civilians and all of man kind All come together to celebrate... eh, never mind. Speaking some unknown and horrible sounding tongue Azuela spun around the living room as he sung Christmas carols- some new and some old While Acute, that good boy, did as he was told He had trimmed the tree, and wrapped the presents (Azuela even made him do some things unpleasant) At last Pezz wandered in, handing over the last of the loot "Such a good man!" Azuela said, handing him a toy flute Acute, rather fed up with this act, threw the last gifts on the shelf "Merry Christmas!" he yelled as he left, "And go fuck yourselves!" (Tsk tsk tsk Azuela...) Over in our last location Philly, city of Brotherly Love Gangsters and thugs wore scarves, hats and gloves The lone chill in the air slowly began to smell of yule tide As the crimesters of this town began their yearly sleigh ride Mane dressed as Santa and Oasis, his elf and side kick Were trying to convince Max to be apart of this shtick As the man loudly and angrily denied his participation in this game Mane merely laughed, slipping a muzzle over the man to keep him tame "You'll be my fucking reindeer whether you like it or not," "It's part of the job, and really Max, I don't ask for a lot." Oasis, who barely could contain all his laughter and glee Busted his gut, falling off the sleigh and onto his knees. Max with a wicked grin merely shrugged, "Think you're smart?" "Keep laughing like that, my friend. Every year we switch parts." In a large, grand building just across the town from Mane Dru_Delray was writhing around on the floor in pain "Get up you pussy, I want this all done before noon," Don Jimmy said, "The rest of the crew will be here soon." "Jimmy I can't, the tree's too fucking heavy," Dru said As bigdaddy watched with larges eyes from his bed The Lion Heart pulled his cape up to his face with a swish. "You'll be six feet under on Christmas if you don't do as I wish." With a groan and a sob Dru finally got to his feet bigdaddy giggled to himself, "We're the strangest family you'll meet." (And how!) All ends well in the Seven Cities this holiday, or at least in this poem So now I shall take my leave, pass this story to others as I roam Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night- whether poor or rich, Watch your step as you leave, that last stair is a bitch. |
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| Reply by: Marietta at Dec 08, '08 17:29 | |
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It was early in the night before Christmas when I heard a knock on the delivery door at the HQ Club. I went to answer, but seeing no one through the peephole, I went back to the bar. A minute later, I heard another, more insistent, rap. This time I opened the door and looked out. I was about to shut the door again when I heard a loud "Yo! Hello! Hello!" and, looking down, saw a small man with pointed ears and a long green cap. Holy crap, an elf! "Are you accidentsniper?" the little man asked expectantly. He seemed about to burst with excitement. "Yes," I said, a bit uncertainly, not sure why there was an overly happy elf on my doorstep who knew my name. "Great!" he yelled, pushing me aside and going inside. He looked around with apparent awe as he seen the stage and bar. "Wow, this is the first time I've been out of the North Pole," he said, still looking around. "I'm here on a mission for Santa Claus," the little man said, puffing out his chest ever so slightly as he whipped out a notepad and climbed up to the bar. "His computer hard drive crashed and he lost his Naughty and Nice list." The elf seemed simply delighted by this tragedy. "So I'm here on a mission to determine whether you've been Naughty or Nice." "Well, while you're here would you like a drink?" I said "Why yes, I'd like an eggnog with a splash of baileys." The elf said. "Ok, heres your drink." I said. " What can I do for you?" "So what have you done this year to deserve to be on the Nice list?" he asked, his pen posed above the notepad expectantly. "I, uh, I'm not sure," I said, uncertain as to what deeds Santa would find worthy to be on his good list. The little man smiled broadly. "Well, just tell me about everything you did this year and I'll write it all down." He whipped out his pen and looked at me squinting with his good eye. "This is going to be so much fun!" he exclaimed. "Tell me everything!" "I did a couple hits on some bodygaurds, I wacked a few IA's, and pickpocketed a quite a few people" "Uh huh," the little elf said, scribbling in his pad. "Wow. By the way, this eggnog is killer. What else happened to you this year?" "Well, I robbed a couple 7-elevens, did a few jail breaks, and delivered tons of drugs." He was nodding his head and writing furiously. "Go on, go on," he said. "I think this is great. I'm so glad Santa's computer crashed. I never get to meet new people and find out about their lives like this. Tell me more." "I robbed some little old ladies purses, I ran some prostitution rings and even did a bunch of gambling." "Well accident, can I call you accident?" He said. "Well sure I guess so." I stated. "Thank you so much for your time!" he said. Then he closed the notepad and jumped off the couch. "Gotta split. I've got 500 more people to interview here in Vegas. This has been great. Well, we'll be in touch," he said, turning toward the back door and heading toward it. "But wait!" I said, jumping in front of him. "Which list am I on?" The elf smiled and looked at me as if I were daft. "Only Santa can decide that, silly," he said. "You just have to do your best and then see what happens." And with that, he pulled open the door, whistled loudly and jumped on the back of a lone cowboy-like reindeer that seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Try to be nice!" he yelled as he flew off into the dark winter sky, becoming a small speck as they lifted higher and then disappearing completely into the night. |
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| Reply by: accidentsniper at Dec 08, '08 18:59 | |
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OMFG! What did I tell ya? Huh? Did I not say that Marietta would come out here and own us all??? And she did! Wow! That magnificent parody puts mine to shame... But then of course, what should one expect from the Godmother except the grandest and the best?! eh? Gambino stumbles away in a daze, muttering to himself. The listeners can barely make out every other word as Awesome..babble babble..unbelievable...I need to take more lessons.. |
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| Reply by: Gambino at Dec 09, '08 06:18 | |
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Smiles to the crowd of astonished onlookers. All those nights, of cursing, spanking and wine tasting has finally paid off! I'm glad you stuck by my program with its strict rules and regulations, dear Marietta. You have come out and shown the potential that I have been incessantly whining to you about for days now. Takes a swig of his scotch. And this gift you got me has a splendid taste, makes me feel a little funny though. |
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| Reply by: MickeyRourke at Dec 09, '08 06:43 | |
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Marietta's mouth twitches briefly into a smile as she studies Mickey... the Rourke... wondering if the poison was yet coursing through his veins. Yes, she said softly as her eyes flickered over his face, searching for the tell tale signs of death. If he were to die then she would be one man closer to her goal of getting rid of all those Irish surname bearing assholes. Your regiment was strict but it has paid off indeed. Say, she said with a pause, her voice gaining an evil tone to it. Are you feeling quite well, Mickey? You look a little... 'worn for the wear'. |
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| Reply by: Marietta at Dec 09, '08 12:17 | |
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He rubs at his stomach and lets out a burp. It must have been those cookies laying on your desk, all wrapped up nicely with that cute little note from Aurora. He waited for her response. It said, "To my dearest Marietta, I have baked these especially for you! You have had a difficult week and I just thought it would be a nice gesture in helping you relax, by enjoying these cookies and forgetting about me trying to take your man...Love always, Aurora." Not my type of love letter, but the cookies were great all the same! What cookies? Marietta asked. I did not see any cookies! Exaclty, he smiled at her before making his exit. |
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| Reply by: MickeyRourke at Dec 09, '08 12:31 | |
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Marietta stares in horror, a sinking feeling in her stomach. The fucker ate HER cookies? HER cookies specially made by Aurorahrah? Who the hell did this man think he was?! Oh you bastard, was all she muttered sadly as she watched his retreating figure in the distance. |
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| Reply by: Marietta at Dec 09, '08 12:43 | |
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| Wow Marietta thats some thing man wow nicely composed :) | |
| Reply by: Death-Knight at Dec 09, '08 16:17 | |
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