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| The Detroit Times - Edition One | Started by: WildTurkey on Mar 21, '09 14:24 |
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Attached Leaflet Photo of Rourkey Case closed. - Angela If you would like to write to Angela, please send a letter to Ask Angela, Care of WildTurkey ### Freakishly Large Bear Sighting In Detroit Hot Damn, a Burr! Adventure Chronicle by Sao Local reporter Sao here with you tonight. I have been called here to investigate a freakishly large bear that has been reported to be roaming around downtown Detroit lately. We have an eye witness statement from a fellow Mafioso, Ares. When I went on a stakeout to find this bear this is what I found:
So there you have it. Mystery is solved. No need to be alarmed about this freakishly large bear. It's been a pleasure, as always, and on this note I'm out. Have a good evening world! ### Wanted: Reasons For War Enquire Within Opinion Article by Godfather Marietta Rossi (Detroit) March 11th, in the dark, late night hours, my outstanding city of Detroit, with the help of many other underworld cities across the United States, helped to take down the crime empires in Las Vegas and Chicago. I haven't said a word on the matter since, except to my own city and closest associates. Los Angeles, Philly and New Orleans all had their own, numerous reasons for joining in the fray. Their reasons are their own and are not my place to disclose. What I can share is the Motor City's story to participating and spear-heading the brigade. Originally, I fully intended to make a speech about my reasoning and intentions behind the entire war. It had been a long night and morning, mentally and physically exhausting. This world lost many a good mobster throughout, from both sides. Unfortunately I'm not exactly the most available or prompt woman in the world when it comes to public appearances, so I kept setting it back further and further. "I'll do it tomorrow," I kept telling myself, pushing the release date back until the following evening. In the meantime, however, I saw what was possibly the worst case of impatience on part of, well, just about everyone who talked to me: "When are we going to see this speech?" "I'll be surprised if we even see a speech to be honest." "You are a horrible bitch." Through all of the verbal accusations and chastising I realized that everyone has always been that way with me. Demanding, almost to the point of disrespecting me, just to know the reasons why. My entire career has been paved with decisions that go against the status quo for this world, and every single step of the way I have been challenged by a small group of dissenting voices, their opinions loud and forceful. When I set up a temporary shelter after a massive US-wide crime war people demanded to know why I cared so much. Throughout my long campaign in support of the under 48 hour rule citizens have demanded to know why I would rather save the lives of thugs and gangsters than preserve a large and powerful hit squad. For every auth I've made, for every speech I've given, for every war I've started or finished I have been at the core of criticism at the same time as becoming the cornerstone for all the answers. And I have always complied. I have always done my best to supply the answers and inform the masses. This war has been no different than any other situation I found myself in. Except this time... this time I don't feel like explaining the 'ifs', 'ands', 'buts' and all the reasons why. When someone shoots at me or starts a war with me I don't demand a reason to justify the means. When someone does something with their own city, or implements a new policy I don't harass them until they explain their thought process. In the past when some of my closest alliances and associates have betrayed my trust and my faith in them I didn't become sour and scour the Earth for the elusive "why". Well folks, sometimes "because" just has to suffice. ### Cooking With Rourkey! Recipe by Chef Rourkey Hello everyone, today we are publishing one of Rourkey's favourite recipes. This time it is for "BrianRourke Cake." It produces the darkest chocolate around! INGREDIENTS (Nutrition) 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups white sugar 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 2 eggs 1 cup strong brewed coffee 1 cup buttermilk 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour two 9 inch round cake pans or one 9x13 inch pan. 2. In large bowl combine flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Make a well in the center. 3. Add eggs, coffee, buttermilk, oil and vanilla. Beat for 2 minutes on medium speed. Batter will be thin. Pour into prepared pans. 4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 to 40 minutes, or until toothpick inserted into center of cake comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes, then remove from pans and finish cooling on a wire rack. Fill and frost as desired. There you have it, folks! A cake that is darker than night and right up BrianRourke's alley! Be careful to not let your nan get a serving! ### Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue o the Detroit Times! ### Interview With a Leader This Week: Philly's FridgeRevenge Interview by Paradox In a brief meeting with FridgeRevenge, a Boss in Philadelphia's Crime Syndicate, we touched up on a few important items that everyone has been waiting to know! After a sit down with the man, here is what he had to say to some of my questions: Paradox: Hello Mr. FridgeRevenge, How are you this morning? FridgeRevenge: I am very well, and yourself? P: Very Good, Very Good. First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to meet with me. F: Well it's my pleasure good sir. P: Alright, lets get down to business. What is it like being a captain to Godfather JimmyTheLionHeart? F: My bloodlines have worked closely with Jimmy back when my great grandfather was serving with him under Don Doyle. For him to deem me worthy to lead a family under him, especially at the rank of MadeMan, was an enormous honor, and I am loving every moment that I work alongside him. P: Very well now. What is your relation to JimmyTheLionHeart? F: Laughs I get this question a lot. I have been called the fake Fridge and the tribute to Fridge. Now to clear this up once and for all, there is no relation...he just wants to get into my pants... P: Well... that is a very interesting friendship you have! Moving on, are you currently contributing to the Philly business districts? F: Yes I am. P: How have you helped contribute? F: Right now I am working with my family, and Rusko's family to try to bring back life to the streets and business districts of Philly. P: Very well sir. Next question. How have you helped to ensure safety to all within Philly? F: There hasn't been much need to ensure the safety of Philly since I have become a family head, but when the time does arise, I will fight til the bitter end to protect this city. P: What a brave Family Head you are! Lets talk about taxes. Are you also assisting in the implementation of the Made Man rank and up Tax? F: Yes sir I am. P: Will you attempt in putting some of your own rules/taxes into play? (With JimmyTheLionHeart's authorization of course.) F: I have not personally sat down with JTLH to discuss any of my plans as of yet for he is a very busy man. TO answer your question though, yes there are a few things I am going to run by the GF to see what he thinks. P: Do you see yourself eventually dawning the Don suit? (No pun intended!) F: I see myself working hard to make this city, and our world a better place. If that includes becoming a Don then so be it. P: Do you feel you are you seen on the streets a lot? F: No (I am not), and there is a reason for that. The streets have become a place where meaningless, repetitive talk takes place, and as of the moment I do not have any new ideas to share with the cities. Soon though I am going to try to bring life back to the masses because that is what our way of life is about. P: What qualities do you possess that makes you think you are a good leader? F: I respect those above me, and I strive to make Philly a stronger and safer place for members of my family and those of the other 7 cities. P: Do you believe others think of you as a good leader? F: I don't know, I would hope so, but I do not go around mailing all the leaders asking if they think I am good or not. P: Well thank you for your time Mr. Revenge, I really do appreciate it. I hope you all the best in the world! ### Obituaries GRYS DiggerRourke Born December 13th, DiggerRourke managed to make his way to a Captain of Hypno's family, Reckless. Digger lost his life fighting for his home city in the early hours of March 12th. _StormVind_ _StormVind ran the Titans our of Philadelphia at the ripe old age of Don. Born on December 3rd, he lost his life in the war on March 12th. Obizzle Mister Obizzle was born on December 31st. The Don Captain who ran the Restless in Detroit lost his life in the country wide war on March 12th. Rest in peace. KingOfOnePercent Don from Las Vegas, KOOP worked underneath Godfather Acute running The Kingdom of Mafie. He died in the war on March 12th. GRHS. OtisDriftWood Otis was another victim of the March war. The Boss from Philly who ran the Brotherhood of Steel will be sorely missed. El_Nino The Outhere Brothers leader was killed during the March Madness war. Nino was a Don that worked for Guardian in Chicago. Sleep sweet. Guardian Godfather Guardian of Chicago had a long illustrious career that began with Detroit back in October. After becoming a family head he eventually branched out to his own city with the Chasseurs to become Godfather. He died in the March war. Rest in peace. Acute Acute was the Godfather in the Las Vegas crime syndicate. Leader of the Chamber of Cuteness, he was long celebrated for his one liner policy and his affinity for the gambling life- mostly poker. His death in March has left many a mobster mourning. GRHS. ### Weather Weekend Conditions at a Glance Spring is moving into America this week, folks. Be mindful of the weather in your city of residence and plan your springtime gardening appropriately! Chicago: The Windy City will be surprisingly sunny the entire weekend, with a trace amount of clouds showing Sunday afternoon. Detroit: Partially cloudy will be the norm the entire weekend for the Motor City. Las Vegas: Las Vegas will be mostly sunny throughout the entire weekend, except for late Sunday when isolated thunderstorms and wind gusts will move into town. Los Angeles: Friday and Saturday will prove to be mostly cloudy, turning into rain and high speed winds on Sunday. New Orleans: Hoorah! Mostly sunny throughout the entire weekend. Enjoy, Nawlins! New York: Surprise surprise; New Yorkers will be experiencing partially cloudy weather all weekend. Philadelphia: While the weekend starts mostly cloudy, the sun breaks through Sunday morning leading to a warm beginning of next week. ### Death Tolls on the Rise But They All Seem to Be Sponsored Death is a big part of our business. Every hour at least one body hits the floor, and blood trickles into the Streets of the Seven Crime Cities. Yet lately it seems as if the homeless bums that crawl our streets aren't the only ones to be dying. In fact, it has been reported that many of the bodies found in morgues lately have been actual, verified mobsters that work from many cities across the country. There have been roughly one-hundred and sixty six deaths that have been reported and listed in the newspapers the past few days. While that in itself does not seem like a lot, the dates of the deaths spanning back to the 18th, when you consider that nearly thirty of these deaths were reputed Mafiosi and that there hasn't been a war in the past two days the numbers can be quite damning. Is there simply a rise in the risk it costs to crime in America? Or is there simply a rise in stupidity? We here at the Detroit Times will certainly monitor the situation over the coming weeks and will give you the news as the death tolls will undoubtedly keep rising. ### Horoscopes For Me and You! Take a look at what the week holds for you, Mafiosi. Best be well informed and leave nothing to the fates! Aries (March 21st through April 19th): You are certainly not in a short supply for things to do lately, Aries Mobsters. The only problem is, how are you going to get it all done? Sit down and prioritize before your biggest worry becomes not your work, but rather when your Boss is going to chew you out. Taurus (April 20th through May 20th): Someone owes you money, Taurus. Well don't just sit there! Ask around! A rich man isn't made rich by allowing his assets to slip through his fingers. Make sure you pay careful attention to travel this week, Taurus. Giving an extra moment's thought will prove to be a big pay off in the end. Gemini (May 21st through June 21st): Stop being so secretive, Gemini. You're starting to worry your associates, and they'll eventually tip off your Boss. Last thing you want is a bullet to the head! Whatever the weirdness in your head is, deal with it on your own time. Don't eat up the time you're spending on business acquisitions. Cancer (June 22nd through July 22nd): Be yourself. There is no one you need to be imitating, because being just you is good enough in this instance, Cancer. Make sure you are actually listening when people are speaking to you. You may end up missing some important information that you'll need for a later date. Leo (July 23rd through August 22nd): Today is your day, lion-hearted Mafiosi. Dress up to your smartest, because everyone you meet you will leave a lasting impression upon. Just remember to be on your best behavior, lest that impression you make is a bad one with a new associate. Virgo (August 23rd through September 22nd): Virgo: Quickie Going fast doesn't always prove to be the best solution, Virgo. Make sure you go slow and double check all of your work. Doing so will get you noticed by not only your Don, but by another associate as well. Things could possibly heat up between you two if you play your cards right! Libra (September 23rd through October 23rd): Step up and take charge. Damn it Libra, you're a natural born leader and it's time to prove to your Boss and Right Hand that you can do something for a change. Dive hands first into a project, but make sure that you're not taking all the lime light from others who have assisted you. Scorpio (October 24th through November 21st): Work work work. That's all that is on your mind lately Scorpio. How utterly mundane! Focus on the small details and you'll see that paperwork flying off your desk faster than if you are too busy worrying about the bigger picture. Then you'll have all the free time for the speakeasies that you've wanted for ages! Sagittarius (November 22nd through December 21st): Life is rough being a highly religious mobster, Sag. This week work on not crossing your worlds together. Whether or not this proves to be hard is not the question, but rather whether you'll be able to kill another man without feeling horribly guilty afterward. Capricorn (December 22nd through January 19th): Great job, Capricorn. All these months of toiling are finally going to hit the pay off. Take a moment to reflect on the road it took you to travel where you are today. Don't be afraid to give yourself a huge pat on the back, either. You deserve it! This week is grand for figuring out your future. Aquarius (January 20th through February 19th): Stop worrying about what you think is holding you back, and rather start thinking about what you do to make it let you go. Driving forward towards the future seems to be your key thoughts this week, Aquarius. You won't understand why people around you are arguing and fighting; just make sure you do understand what the fight is about before getting involved. Pisces (February 20th through March 20th): You seem to be the pillar of all things advice lately, Pisces! Make sure you choose your words carefully, because people are counting on you to help them through their rough patches. It's hard being the 'go-to' guy or gal, but if you just put your head down and work through you'll come out of the tunnel a local hero. ### Springtime Means Sunshine It Also Apparently Means Prom Talk about Spring Fever! Across the United States it hasn't been bootlegging and drug running operations that has been on everyone's mind, but rather Prom. This old tradition, usually reserved for students of a high school age, has swept the Underworld and is causing everyone to want to get in on the fun. People have been reported as dropping upwards of $10,000 on their attire, not to mention transportation and dining. So what about the prom has everyone so riled up? Sex. It seems that it is not dancing but the sex that is on everyone's brain. Detroit Don LessThan stated: "The gettins' good at the after parties!". And it seems he was not the only one to think along those exact same lines. When asked why he would attend the prom, Detroit Times Chief Editor Wild Turkey gobbled gleefully "To get women! Get my junk swinging on the dance floor and then use it later!" Needless to say, I felt slightly sick after that response and discontinued my search for answers. Whatever those answers may be, ladies and gentlemen, one thing is for sure: it's time to get on that dance floor and jump n' jive! ### We hope you enjoyed the first edition of the Detroit Times! Our staff is pleased to accept any questions and concerns regarding the paper at any time. Please contact the following people for the information you need: Chief Editor: WildTurkey Junior Editor: Marietta Staff Reporter (Current Events): Death-Knight Staff Reporter (Miscellaneous): Sao Staff Reporter (Interviews): Paradox Staff Reporter (Cuisine): RourkeyRourke Staff Reporter (Lifestyle): LessThan (RIP) |
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| I am here to verify that the "Freakishly Large Bear" is, in fact, Aurora's nan. We have video, pictures, and urine samples to prove it. | |
| Reply by: Ares at Mar 21, '09 14:31 | |
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Aurora...I believe either you or yer nan owe me some compensation money... When I first saw her I pee'd my pants...and now they're stained...please reimburse? |
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| Reply by: Sao at Mar 21, '09 14:34 | |
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| Nice! i love it alot! | |
| Reply by: LuckyLuciano at Mar 21, '09 14:45 | |
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Wipes his forehead. Wow a read. Great to see this kind of news on our street. Thanks Detriot. |
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| Reply by: Mikey_Palmero at Mar 21, '09 16:46 | |
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| Great work, I enjoyed it. | |
| Reply by: TinchyStryder at Mar 21, '09 17:32 | |
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| I agree, I think we all appreciate the time and effort put in by you guys for this. Good work! | |
| Reply by: Dah_Kurlzz at Mar 21, '09 17:34 | |
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| wooooohoooooo Yay i cant belive its up very nicley done everyone i think it is presented very well cant wait for the next one :) | |
| Reply by: Death-Knight at Mar 21, '09 18:54 | |
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Nicely written Death-Knight, get working on issue 2 articles! Cracks the whip |
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| Reply by: WildTurkey at Mar 21, '09 22:19 | |
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| awesome job cant wait to read the next one | |
| Reply by: Eclipse at Mar 22, '09 00:12 | |
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| Excellent work. I'm delighted that periodicals can once again grace our streets. Exceptional job Signore Turkey. Exceptional. | |
| Reply by: Ares at Mar 22, '09 00:20 | |
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| Very good paper sir! The_Person claps? | |
| Reply by: The_Person1 at Mar 22, '09 00:47 | |
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Folds up his issue of the paper and smiles while drinking his early morning coffee Execellent read, its nice to see what is going on in this world and not have to wait for a mobboss to come out here and tell us, as we know this does not often happen and leaves all us small time mobsters wonder what is happening.. It appears a few papers have sprung up around our cities lately, and I have faith this paper will outlast the others while giving us the best information possible in our criminal world. Great edition sir and keep up the good work to the staff and all of those involved. |
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| Reply by: StripheVenzetti at Mar 22, '09 02:47 | |
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Sao, it's not my fault that you are scared of teddy bears. No reimbursement for you. Aurora hands Sao a night light Consider that my reimbursement. |
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| Reply by: Aurora at Mar 22, '09 03:17 | |
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| I wonder why that drug deal I made wasnt in there...Cmon!There were like atleast 100 Russians,Columbians,and Irish there!Damnit,I got shot,in the leg and have my two peice split for that shit...Lordy,I guess the news cant appreciate good massacres... | |
| Reply by: PaTony at Mar 22, '09 04:08 | |
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| Thank you all for your kind words. Be sure to pick up the paper next week, same time! | |
| Reply by: WildTurkey at Mar 22, '09 17:11 | |
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If that was a teddy bear...then there is definitely a reason to be scared of teddy bears...so thank you for the night light. I've been meaning to get one...but haven't had the time to go purchase one. Thank you very much m'lady. |
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| Reply by: Sao at Mar 22, '09 18:56 | |
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| I like the other newspaper better. | |
| Reply by: Hickey at Mar 22, '09 18:57 | |
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Well, Hickey, if you like it better put down your issue of this paper and keep your comments to yourself? Sounds like a plan. |
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| Reply by: Sao at Mar 22, '09 19:02 | |
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You my friend, just don't understand professionalism. WildTurkey nails a piece of paper next to the news stand selling papers. Disclaimer: This is for intelligent, well read people. If you do not meet these standards, please put this paper down and go on your merry way. WT |
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| Reply by: WildTurkey at Mar 22, '09 19:25 | |
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