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| How to Avoid Being Shot | Started by: Brick_Pollitt on Apr 15, '09 15:04 |
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Brick walked out of his HQ, looked both ways and walked about six inches to his podium that he left standing since his last speech. It was a little worn, a little dusty, but he made his way to the top without injuring himself too badly, looked around again and cleared his throat. He dove to the ground when hearing what turned out to be a car backfiring, then got to his feet, chuckled to himself and looked around one more time. It has come to my attention that many of you, either through your words or your actions, are in danger of being shot by those much more important than I, so I thought I would come out here and try to teach yet another lesson and see if I can save your life. He took a sip of his Dr Pepper before continuing his lecture. Welcome to How to Avoid Being Shot 101, a lecture for Civilians and Dons alike. Little anecdote: This civilian came to me asking if he could be of service. He seemed polite enough, swore his loyalty, and asked nicely to be invited to join the crew. I said "why not?" and gave him a chance. One, I love those who are new to our shores. I will invite them in a second - assuming they can string two sentences together and tell me why I should invite them. I know, right? Why make them put in so much effort when some others won't? Bah, that's a story for another day. Anyway, I invited the kid. Then he decided to be disrespectful and scribble (in crayon) all over his ID badge, "fuck so and so, and fuck so and so." I shot him in the head. Come to find out, several of my comrades also shot members of that same family that same day. That civilian didn't take this class and couldn't avoid being shot. So, remember that. I just may save your life...AGAIN!!! Lesson #1: Okay. So, whether you're a civilian or a Don, here's the lesson you should learn. KNOW YOUR PLACE. What is so difficult about that? Do I think that because I'm a Don I've earned the right to go spout off to a Godmother(father) in a way that can be perceived as disrespectful? No. Fuck no. Let me try to explain this. I don't care if it is disrespectful or not, in your mind. It only matters if it's perceived as disrespectful to the Godmother or Godfather. Why? Because they've worked their asses off to get to the position they are in and deserve to walk around here free of being questioned. If they make a decision, then my suggestion is to abide by that decision. You may just save your life...and the lives of those who you purport to protect. As part of this first lesson - If a Godfather is walking these streets in the wee hours of the morning because you don't know the difference between lose and loose, you better learn fast. Just thought I would amend my lesson to include that little tid bit. So, that's your first lesson - Know your place. Lesson Number 2: Avoid Boredom. Bad shit happens when people get bored. So, if you're tired of running into convenience stores every few minutes and are considering doing something stupid because you are bored, take these few suggestions that just might save your life. - Try going to Detroit, without paying taxes, and shooting at IA's. Then run like hell. - Try pickpocketing somebody in Las Vegas. Then run like hell. - Try entering New Orleans (assuming you are Made or above.) Then run like hell. Okay, okay, you got me. None of these will help you avoid being shot, but it'll ensure that others aren's likely to be shot because your stupid ass is bored. So, it's a way for others to avoid being shot. If none of that works, and you are still bored, see lesson number one above and do everything I just told you not to do. Lesson #3: Holster your guns. There are too many wack happy gangsters, goombas, or whatever, that just can't hold their wad. They look for anything and everything to shoot, and don't care who or what they hit. Often times, they end up shooting somebody who turns blue at the funeral home. Aside from the fact that it has to mean that dead guy was radioactive, it means you committed a no no and are likely to die. So, holster that gun. Wait until you're a Made Man or above to start shooting stuff. And, you're right. I don't really care if that saves your life...it just makes it so there is less competition. But it might save your life...and that's what you're paying for when you take my classes. Lesson #4: The art of the appopriate reply. If you keep making your way to the streets, and the only thing you have to say is "Good Point" or "I agree" then there are probably about 10 people who are lining up to shoot you in the face. So, if you have the overwhelming urge to say "Good Point" I have a suggestion. I am providing this canned response for you to copy down and say everytime the urge hits you: "Good Point so and so. I appreciate your effort in coming out to the streets to waste some more of my valuable time. In the future, if you could warn me in advance, I can turn the other direction and avoid you like the plague. Again, thank you, and go away." And I strongly urge you to use so and so instead of the person's real name. This is 100% guaranteed to ensure that you won't get shot. And feel free to use my canned response in response to this particular speech. And that's all I have for today. Feel free to add any other comments that will assist the community in avoiding a gunshot wound to the head. Me? I'm bored now and feel as though it's time to losen my belt and cut it lose in front of TR's HQ. Why not? I have nothing to loose. |
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*buys one of the Self-Help books* *stands in line and waits to get his book signed* *looks over at the other mobsters* This book may help me make it through the week! Thanks Don Pollitt! I think I'll run to LV and pickpocket Don Frankie. |
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| Reply by: Kingston_Assassin at Apr 15, '09 15:41 | |
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very Good Post Sir, and i want to add a little thing that already made many people die. wear your family tag, it can give you protection in case your Crew Leader die. and don't kill any member from fallen Crew Leader unless your family order it. |
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| Reply by: McLovin at Apr 15, '09 15:59 | |
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Frankie glares at Kingston_Assassin ...It's alright sir, you can put your hands in my pockets, I'll keep my gun down..but beware, my pants will be down aswell. |
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| Reply by: Frankie_Gogolak at Apr 15, '09 15:59 | |
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Monty walks up with his copy of this book and a funny little grin "Wasn't a bad read at all mate, but you forgot one important piece, never forget, If you do find yourself in a bad situation where you may be shot, learn to duck." Monty grins again and slides his book out of his church robes asking for an autograph |
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| Reply by: Montiego at Apr 15, '09 16:46 | |
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Nice read, although personally I just jump out of the way of the bullets. Backflips away from the crowd |
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| Reply by: Scully at Apr 15, '09 16:52 | |
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| Thanks for the advice i just started this game and dont know alot about how to play | |
| Reply by: Henry_Hill at Apr 15, '09 22:17 | |
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| Pfffff! All that info is rubbish I tell ya! | |
| Reply by: Lokoz at Apr 15, '09 22:29 | |
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Hoagie holds a Dr. Pepper up. Cheers, Don Pollitt! This is a truly wonderful lecture delivered wonderfully by one of the most wonderful Crew Leaders I've ever known! |
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| Reply by: Hoagie at Apr 15, '09 22:42 | |
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Excellent work, Mr. Pollitt - excellent work and I'd say these four tie in with respect. Respecting the status of others and recongizing what is owed to them. Respecting yourself and not gettin bored Respecting life and killing only when necessary. Respecting time. |
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| Reply by: Sal_Giaquinto at Apr 15, '09 22:43 | |
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| It's not Lokoz, you are dead and that is the proof. | |
| Reply by: McLovin at Apr 15, '09 23:02 | |
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Having listened to the speech, Sayyid feels like he has really learned something about how to survive in the world, and decides to show his appreciation for the speech in the most creative way he can think of. Good Point so and so. I appreciate your effort in coming out to the streets to waste some more of my valuable time. In the future, if you could warn me in advance, I can turn the other direction and avoid you like the plague. Again, thank you, and go away. Sayyid apparently was not a very creative, or very bright, munchkin. |
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| Reply by: Sayyid at Apr 16, '09 00:01 | |
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I have two things to say to this, good point and I totally agree.... :) Great speech Don Brick. It was a great read. Waits in the book signing line for hours and hours. Finally gets to the front and hands Brick the book. He sets it on the table ... Then stops .... Look up at me with a confused look in his eye. It's a childens book! I could afford your book so I brought my favorite book from home. |
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| Reply by: Dementia at Apr 16, '09 02:54 | |
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Hustle applauds and smiles and with a glint in his eye he moves closer to Don pollitt "Good Point Brick_Pollitt. I appreciate your effort in coming out to the streets to waste some more of my valuable time. In the future, if you could warn me in advance, I can turn the other direction and avoid you like the plague. Again, thank you, and go away." Hustle laughs out loud "Sorry, it had to be done, very good read and very funny" Hustle looks around at the devastated faces and waits for a sense of humor. |
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| Reply by: Hustle at Apr 16, '09 03:44 | |
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Emoretti listens carefully to all things said and decides to make a little comment of his own. "Mr.Pollitt, Sir this little piece of yours is a definitive and well-rounded guide for all the people coming off the boats into This Thing Of Ours. It lays out guidelines for people to keep to quite brilliantly and even thought it is directed towards the younger members of our community, I for one have been taking notes and learnt a thing or two. Thank you for taking the time to teach us all." Emoretti heads off to see if he can make any money these days. |
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| Reply by: Emoretti at Apr 16, '09 06:40 | |
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Sewati stands munching some Salt and Vinegar Chips Hmmm, sounds good boss man... Actually it all seems to be rather common sense to be honest. I wish I had some witty retort or more to add, but the man said it all, plus my S&V Chips are hella yummy... Wipes his oily, chip covered hands on Bricks shoulder |
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| Reply by: Sewati at Apr 16, '09 11:59 | |
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| I am truly just amazed at how prophetic this speech turned out to be, and I feel sorry that the people who would need to take heed of these teachings the most, will be the ones to ignore it or feel that they already know all this. | |
| Reply by: Adrian at Apr 16, '09 22:37 | |
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Good writing Mr Brick_Pollitt. very important info for newbie like me to stay alive.. Thank you. |
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| Reply by: Pinaraci at Apr 18, '09 04:13 | |
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| Don't mess up other peoples forums with anything too random. I have, but I try to solve it before it gets out of hand. If you mess up peoples role play, they might get pissed off. | |
| Reply by: Ernie_the_Kidd at Apr 21, '09 11:42 | |
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| I am a young man, so this information probably saves my life. And I thank you, Sir Brick_Pollit. | |
| Reply by: JoeyTribiani at Apr 21, '09 22:45 | |
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