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| Things That Are Annoying Me - Part II | Started by: Butt_Ox on Apr 29, '09 17:33 |
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Mr. Ox skips joyfully through the streets, kicking the occasional dead body here and there. The streets are full of bodies today, and Ox's joy is evident from the huge grin across his face. Seeing the mammoth carcass of the dead Brian Rourke laying in the middle of the road, Butt_Ox steps up on top of the mountain of a man so that he is elevated enough for all to hear his profound words... "Ok, so I am slightly less annoyed today than usual. It's hard to be in a foul mood when there are so many dead idiots decorating my streets. Even the smell does not bother me too much. However, there is still much work to be done. By my estimates, there are still around 400 idiots who should be shot. Progress is being made, however. I will lower my expectations while politely requesting that the warring parties pick up the pace and kill more cretins." "Even though today is a good day, the past few weeks have been typically bothersome. I meant to deliver this speech some time ago, but I was too busy brooding in my apartment overlooking Central Park. Therefore, I will delight you all today with the things that have been annoying me recently." Alfieri delivers a set of note cards to Butt Ox, who begins to read from them #5. The Dub Police Ok, I will admit, the name is not annoying me quite as much today, seeing as how the family is pretty much wiped out. Actually, that fact alleviates almost all of my annoyance, but this speech was meant for a couple of weeks ago, so fuck you. If their Boss, whose name I cannot even remember now, given his complete lack of having any impact on Cosa Nostra, was still alive today, perhaps this annoyance would be higher on the list. Where was I? Oh yes...The Dub Police. Just what in the fuck kind of mob family is this? Are they police? Are they mobsters? Are they mobster police? I am not so uptight that I would stone anyone who had a family name that deviated somewhat from mobster values, but fucking POLICE? That's the polar opposite of what we stand for. You know, one of the Sicilian traditions is that anyone admitted to Cosa Nostra cannot be a cop or have any blood relatives who are police. So how in the hell did we get a whole family of them? I'm going to chalk it up to stupidity, be glad that most of them are dead, and move on. #4. Strange Behavior at Funerals There have been plenty of those recently, and for this I am grateful. I don't mean to nitpick...I should just be glad that they are all dead...but c'mon folks! Why is it that I cannot attend a fucking funeral without seeing stupidity run rampant? The worst thing I have seen is someone saying "Let me know when you get back". What in the name of Aunt Martha's giant black dildo does this mean? Are we talking about fucking zombies here? I hate fucking zombies. When something is dead, it should STAY DEAD! shivers... Fucking zombies. They better not be coming back, or I swear to Buddah I will shoot them again! IF they can be killed, that is. What is it, a silver bullet through the head? A wooden stake through the heart? Werewolves, vampires, zombies...I get them all confused. If the fuckers would just stay dead, we wouldn't have to worry about it. I should just start shooting these people who encourage zombies by asking them to come back from the dead. What else have I seen...oh yes! Why do people feel the need to reprimand a corpse? "You paid the price for being a naughty muppet..." yadda yadda yadda. Listen, fucktards. That's why you are able to leave a whisper right before you blow their brains out - to tell the idiot why he is being killed. If you scold a corpse at a funeral, you end up looking like a bigger tit than the dead man. #3. It's not fair! Boo Fucking Hoo! Legend has it that right before the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, as the guns were pointed at Al Capone's enemies, the men were heard to make a final appeal to their would-be killers. They cried out "Hey, you can't do this! It's not fair!". Then they began to walk off with a sure feeling that they were safe, based on the International Law of Fairness....right before Al's men mowed them down with a hail of gunfire. Of course, I'm kidding. They were hard men and knew what was coming for them, because they were ruthless mobsters going up against other ruthless mobsters. What in the fuck is wrong with you cretins? Were you dropped on your heads as children? Wherever did you get the idea that a cold-blooded killer - a career criminal by occupation - a ruthless mobster who survives by killing anyone who opposes his power - gives a rat's ass about whether or not something is "fair"? The word has no meaning in the mafia lexicon. Even if such a word DID apply to our thing, just what would it define? Just what is "fair" in the mobster world? Rhetorical questions, ass clowns. If you thought up an answer to any of them, I hate you and I hate your friends, too. You should be shot. Take off your diaper, remove the pacifier from your mouth, quit being such a crying pussy, and welcome to the mafia. It is a tough life for tough people. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. #2. OMG! Witness Statement Wanted! This sort of goes along with the odd funeral conduct, but it is different enough to be given its own category of annoyance. I see the most unexpected people asking for eyewitnesses here and there, not just at funerals, either. I can understand it if a person's Boss goes looking for the killer of one of their family members, but this is often not the case. I see some of the most random yahoos from completely different families asking for witness information about someone's death. Excuse the fuck out of me? Just who in the fuck do you think you are, anyhow? And where in the fuck do you get off asking members of my family to send their confidential information to YOUR stupid ass? Look, jackass. There is this thing called Omerta. Maybe you've heard of it. It has several implications. One of them is that information in the family STAYS IN THE FAMILY! We are not all in one big circle jerk where we hold hands and make sure everyone else is feeling fine and dandy. In my case, I hope everyone outside my family has a miserable day. Fuck you all. No, really, I mean it. Every time one of you dies, my eyes light up and it is like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one. So why would I want to: A) Betray my family by breaching Omerta; B) Hinder the admirable efforts of someone who is trying to kill your lame family; C) Stick my nose where it does not belong; and D) Circumvent the family structure and hierarchical foundation of Cosa Nostra? Quite simply, I wouldn't, and neither would anyone else with a pinch of knowledge about how this thing of ours works. I guess there is the problem. Instead of teaching others these values, you go and do stupid shit like asking others to break Omerta, thereby teaching them the wrong way to do things and having them follow your example as they learn and grow. Yet another reason why you all suck and should be summarily executed. #1. Freedom of Speech Oh, man. I cannot even say this phrase in this context without a surge of emotions. It is a combination of bemusement that someone would be ignorant enough to invoke this concept, mixed with feelings of frustration that I am among those who are this stupid. Let's start at the beginning. What is "Freedom of Speech"? It is a right guaranteed under the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. The Right is not absolute. What it protects against is infringement on speech by the GOVERNMENT of the United States. To put that in drooling idiot terminology, it means that the government cannot attempt to control certain types of speech. Not all types of speech are equally protected. Political speech is given the highest protection. That means you can voice your opinion about political issues, candidates, and office holders without fear of repercussions. On the opposite end, you cannot yell "FIRE!" in a movie theater. It would create a panic and lead to people being hurt. That type of speech is NOT protected. What have we learned? Two important things that apply to our life in the mafia. One - that freedom of speech protects you only against infringement of your rights by the government, not against infringement of your speech by the mafia. Two - that the right is not absolute. Different types of speech are protected on different levels. Basically, anyone who invokes "Freedom of Speech" in the mafia is a fucking idiot. I would love to take you by the hand, lead you into a mafia Don's office, watch as you tell him that his vagina smells like rotten fish, and then watch as you claim your freedom of speech is going to protect you from having your brains spilled out all over the floor. Get it? I hope so...but I am certain that we will again hear some fucktard claim he can say anything he wants without fear of repercussion. Butt Ox steps down from the behemoth Rourke, slaps an elderly woman, and returns to his amazing penthouse suite to get it on with a couple of hookers |
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I love this example. Because it can be taken in multiple ways. If the "invoker" was someone of higher stature in a powerful family, that boss being disrespected would either "tell his leader" or blow it off. Because, even in disrespect, some leaders won't kill someone from another family, because it "may start a fight". Another instance, (which I truly despise), is when a son/daughter of someone who has passed on has come back with angry feelings towards his parent's assailant. No one can do anything about it for.. at least 24 hours. But I suppose that's something to take up with the gods. Zishla trots back to his not-so-amazing apartment to get it on with... bah, nevermind. |
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| Reply by: Zishla at Apr 29, '09 18:08 | |
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| All great points. People should read this and take some notes! | |
| Reply by: Shelton at Apr 29, '09 18:29 | |
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| I think the Dub Police is a record label or something. I mean its not like they're calling themselves actual police although yeah it does send the wrong signals. | |
| Reply by: NewBestFriend at Apr 29, '09 19:32 | |
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| It really, deeply disturbs me that you know what colour your aunt's dildo is. | |
| Reply by: Pickles at Apr 29, '09 19:50 | |
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Muller makes an attempt at a girly voice "But how is it fair if we don't have freedom of speach?" Too much? Personally, I think Freedom of Speech should be allowed, aslong as people are aware that the higher authorities have the Freedom to Shoot You In The Fucking Face. |
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| Reply by: Muller at Apr 29, '09 20:58 | |
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Freedom of SPEECH! Muller, if you think we should have it, maybe you should spell it right the first time. Just a thought. |
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| Reply by: William_Washtub at Apr 29, '09 22:14 | |
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| well he did the second time so don't be so pedantic. | |
| Reply by: NewBestFriend at Apr 29, '09 22:16 | |
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A tall gentleman sits down next to Butt_Ox and begins speaking Okay - Okay - Okay I just want to make sure I got all this straight, you want us to do the following as much as possible: 1)Make it a requirement that each new family has to assume the name "Dub Police V 1.0, V 1.1 etc" until eventually we will all be Dub Policites... (Not really sure what that is even but hey) 2)Continue to play with Oiji boards at Funerals, raising as many "zombies" as we can. In the hopes that one will fall in love with you and want to move in, sharing your marital bed. 3) We should all ask the person we are about to violate in some form if they feel it is fair and just. Then act accordingly, I mean after all "Can't we all just get along". 4) Start a street poster, asking everyone to post every WS they get to it. That way we all know what everyone is doing at all times. I firmly believe sharing is caring, don't you ? 5) You want us all to start a diary, writing down our inner most thoughts and place it in your cabinet at the end of class. You will only share the writings if we allow you too, oh wait that was Freedom Writers my BAD>.....
In all Seriousness mate, I agree with them all pretty much except one. It is your Number 1 hot spot. Freedom of speech, I come from the school of belief that speech is the single most important part of our world. I should have the right in to offer a differing view or opinion be it in a street convo, with my boss directly or in a family pow wow. It is all in the delivery and decorum you use upon relaying that opinion. We do not want to surround ourselves with all "Yes Men" that is how people tend to get themselves over their heads and into a shit storm of trouble. Take Mr. Pollitt for instance, I don't agree with everything he says or does (especially in public with Pickles and Pepper, that shit is scary). BUT when all is said and done, I will do what I am asked like it or not because that is my place. nods to Butt and smiles a thanks for the chair |
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| Reply by: Money-B at Apr 29, '09 23:59 | |
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I agree with your disagreement, to an extent. I believe that you can say just about anything, if you say it the right way. Here's two examples: "Your mother is quite young looking and attractive. If I met her on the street, I would stop to chat her up". "Yo dog, I would like to slam it to your mom in every way known to man." One might get you shot, whereas the other might be acceptable - even though you are trying to get across the same message in both instances. The same holds true in street speaking. Say whatever you want, just make sure to say it the right way. If you offend the wrong person, it's your ass. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 30, '09 01:16 | |
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inspiring statement about "Freedom of Speech", Personally, I think Freedom of Speech should be allowed, as long people are aware that the higher authorities have the Freedom to Shoot You In The Fucking Face - Muller Say whatever you want, just make sure to say it the right way. If you offend the wrong person, it's your ass - Butt_Ox |
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| Reply by: McLovin at Apr 30, '09 04:01 | |
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Bravo William_Washtub, I see you picked up on that. 5 Gold stars for being such a clever rabbit! "Say whatever you want, just make sure to say it the right way. If you offend the wrong person, it's your ass. " - Butt_Ox I can't put it any better than that, but would like to add that what Money-B said is true, we don't all want to become "Yes" men, but there is a way to approach a debate without getting shot in the face for it. I don't think anybody has a problem with opinions if they're well thought out, those higher than ourselves may choose to ignore them, but that's up to them. Shrugs Although I can't be sure, I think Butt_Ox was referring to those who curse and swear at Men of honour and then use the freedom of speech card to try and worm their way out of the situation as opposed to those who generally have something worthwhile to say on a particular topic. |
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| Reply by: Muller at Apr 30, '09 14:48 | |
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You Sir are a dick. Firstly i find it extremely sad that a RPG is even on one of your lists of things that annoys you, since as i will not hold this against you because to be honest the words you have squealed today have annoyed me. Secondly, you Sir I can imagine being rather dumb, to sit there and think that the only meaning of the word police is as in cops. Mmmm what about "police the streets" phrase ring any bells. Also i find it very hypocritical to sit there and moan about the Italian roots of the name Dub Police when yours is the combination of an arse and a farm yard animal. Thirdly why didnt you say this two weeks ago rather than crawling out of your hole and saying it now when the Dub Police are no more? I assume there is freedom of speech in this thing of ours so i would like any response. Good or Bad particularly from "Arse_Cow". For the rest of you i apologize for my profanities although its the only way to grab some attention. |
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| Reply by: garybaldy at Apr 30, '09 16:26 | |
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First, What the fuck is a RPG? Whatever it is, I did not mention it as a thing that annoys me. (I was speaking in character. Maybe you should try it, dumbfuck) Second, the phrase "police the streets" has the same derivative meaning as "police" - as in "cops". The term "police", for a "police officer", means an officer who POLICES the city. So, am I rather dumb? I think not, considering I just corrected your stupid ass after you failed miserably in trying to correct me. Criticize me all you want, but you are biting off more than you can chew if you wish to challenge my intelligence or breadth of knowledge. You are practically INVITING me to make you look like a fool. As far as my name, it is a nickname. My real name is Frank Pastorelli. Albert Anastasia was nicknamed "The Big Tuna". It is not uncommon for mobsters to have unusual monikers. Knowing this would require reading a book, so you are lucky to have me to assist you. Finally (your third point), I did not say this two weeks ago because I was both busy attending to other obligations, and just didn't feel like making a speech at that time when I was around these streets. Are you insinuating that I was afraid of the big bad Dub Police? You obviously don't know me that well. You also do not form logical thought very well. If you did, you would infer that someone who comes out here basically insulting the entire mafia establishment is not going to be afraid of some semi-retarded crew leader. The thought of it is laughable. Let me introduce myself to you. My name is Butt Ox. I come from a lineage of men who have taken down entire cities by themselves. I have never been, nor have any of my ancestors, been afraid of anyone. In fact, if you knew your history, you would know that around my house we hand out asskickings like candy on Halloween. Afraid of your daddy's lame crew? Yeah, sure buddy. He was the only mobster in the history of the world I have been afraid of. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. Crawl back in your hole. You are not mentally competent to address me. If you know someone who would like to speak on your behalf, who is a better thinker, by all means have him come out here and we can discuss your concerns. As far as you are concerned, I feel like I am correcting the naive statements of an eight-year-old. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 30, '09 16:59 | |
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Claps for gary Nicely done son. Way to come to the streets and flex your intelligence muscle! You surely put that "Arse_Cow" in his place. I'd be quite surprised if he had the guts to come back and try and match wits with a gentleman of your obvious intellect! I wouldn't advise holding your breath while waiting to see if he does tho, I dont think you can spare the brain cells. |
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| Reply by: Father_OMalley at Apr 30, '09 17:07 | |
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| Damnit, beat me to it :( | |
| Reply by: Father_OMalley at Apr 30, '09 17:08 | |
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Oh dear, how humorous, you honestly think to can come here and belittle me. Who do you honestly think you are? Surely someone with your "breadth of knowledge" has seen a dictionary. It took me 2 seconds to find a definition of the word police " the regulation and control of a community, esp. for the maintenance of public order, safety, health, morals, etc". Please oh so wise man enlighten me on to how this does not a apply to a mafioso family. Maybe put down your big book of Mobster names and read a history book on how the mafioso actually works. Lol reading your post just gets funnier and funnier. "around my house we hand out asskickings like candy on Halloween"... Do you though? Do you really? Do you honestly think your a big man because your not afraid of any crew? If that is the highlight of your life i feel sorry for you. Lastly done close with immature put downs like you are talking to an eight year old, it brings down the whole standard of the conversation. Please return soon and make me look like a "fool" again. |
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| Reply by: garybaldy at Apr 30, '09 17:24 | |
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I just love how you try to act condescending towards me. It's cute. Ok, if you insist, I will tell you how it does not apply to a mafia family. It should take me all of two seconds. Quite simply, a mafia family is not organized to provide for the MAINTENANCE OF PUBLIC ORDER. A mafia family typically DISRUPTS public order. The "police" restore it. A mafia family is not organized to maintain the SAFETY of a community. If anything, they are a danger to the safety of a community. A mafia family is not organized to maintain the HEALTH of a community. Our activities are actually hazardous to the public health. A mafia family is not organized to maintain the MORALS of a community. Most people consider the things we do to be IMMORAL. As I said in my original speech, "Police" are the polar opposite of what we stand for. As you have just helped me illustrate (thank you), my point was right on the money and valid. Got any more bright ideas? I'll be here all night. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 30, '09 17:36 | |
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Oh, damn, I almost forgot this tidbit: "If that is the highlight of your life i feel sorry for you." No, it's not the highlight of my life. Where did I indicate that it was? Answer: I didn't. YOU implied that it was. This is called a straw man argument. It is a typical logical fallacy. The idiot takes a statement and reads facts into it that are not supported by any evidence. Here, you took a statement that I made indicating something I like to do. You interpreted this to mean that I have absolutely nothing ELSE to do. This is an obviously foolish assumption made by a foolish person. If I said "I like to go fishing", does that mean I hate to go golfing, bike riding, or playing basketball? No, but that is essentially the type of argument you are making. One thing does not equal the other. As I stated, you are not mentally competent to address me. I generally do not like discussing things with people who are incapable of logical thought. Your argument here proves that you are not capable of logical thought. I may as well be arguing with an eight year old, a wall, or my own shadow, for all the sense you make. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 30, '09 17:43 | |
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Well this is just pointless now because you have been proven wrong but you wont admit it so its clear this wont go anywhere. Its interesting how you have simply taken the police tangent rather than address any of my other points. I assume your not used to confrontation so i wont mock the way you handle it. I can see your only knowledge of the Cosa Nostra is from Hollywood, go to your local library, check up origins of the mafia, the Dons in Italy. I can assure you it all began with protection (safety), they controlled the town and any public disobedience came from them but no others. And i cant believe you can sit there and say that this thing of ours is not based on morals. Please try and put more intelligence into your response it aggravates me to have discussions with a brick wall. |
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| Reply by: garybaldy at Apr 30, '09 17:46 | |
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