Squishy you're mushy like mid-winter soup,

Certainly a quick one to catch us on dupes,

Possibly kill us, maybe a ban,

You've still got to know I'm your number one fan

Reply by: SirSammyRourke at May 15, '09 16:24

The other day, Belle and I made plans to have lunch together. I had been saving money for the past few weeks and I was ready to have her come so I could give her a very special present. I stopped off at the jewelry store in order to pick up my pre-order, but when I got there I noticed the salesgirl was already servicing another customer. I waited a few minutes, paid for my gift, and departed.


We got to the restaurant and it was fairly crowded. Belle was already seated and looked beautiful in her red dress. Since I had been working on the roof earlier, I pulled my caulk out of my pocket and placed it on the table. After feeling around for a few minutes, I finally found Belle's box. I reached deep into my pocket and handed it to her. Belle unwrapped my package and exclaimed with glee, "Rourkey, thank you! It's so big!!! I have always wanted one of these!!! Will you help me put it on?" I was more than happy to oblige her so I slung the pearl necklace she always wanted right around her neck.


Fin

Reply by: RourkeyRourke at May 15, '09 16:35

Camazotz. A name now synonymous with infamy. Did anyone know that Camazotz used to work a few odd jobs before he became an assistant? Here are just a few:


Plumber - Cam was an expert at laying pipe


Animal Trainer - His specialty was the donkey punch


Dance Instructor - Quite good at the horizontal mambo


Interior Decorator - Made sure the carpet matched the curtains


Music Teacher - Played the rusty trombone


Mexican Wrestler - His stage name was Dirty Sanchez


Construction Worker to the Rich and Famous - Notoriously famous for installing golden showers


Butcher - Always offered to beat your meat so you wouldn't have to


Door to Door Carpet Cleaner - He always used the Cleveland Steamer (patent pending)


I'm proud of you, Cam. Your resume is extensive.

Reply by: RourkeyRourke at May 15, '09 16:53

Squishy and I were sitting around our apartment one day when both of us realized we hadn't eaten all day. I turned to my friend and said, "I'm hungry and thinking about eating a taco or two. Want to go get some?" Squishy said, "No thanks....I don't really like tacos. I definitely prefer hot dogs." I was outraged and exclaimed, "What do you mean you don't like tacos?" Squishy replied, "Well, I just really love to eat meat. Let's be honest here....I absolutely CANNOT get enough meat. Let me put this in perspective for you."


Squishy gestured to his pets in the backyard. He owned a veritable zoo of all types of animals back there. He started pointing to several for emphasis and started saying, "I would choke my chicken if it meant I could inhale meat quicker. I would spank my monkey just to eat meat all day. You see that dolphin in the tank? I would flog my dolphin just to fill my mouth with meat. I would charm the snake if he would help point me in the meat direction. I would even wrestle the eel for a sweet bit of meat." Squishy finished talking about his animals and pointed to his next door neighbor. "I would even play peekaboo with Mr. Johnson over there if he would let me have some of his meat."


After hearing his rant, I threw a few dogs on the grill for Squishy. I then turned to him and asked, "You want a little mayonnaise on your meat?" Squishy nodded feverishly and crammed all the meat he could fit into his mouth. Of course, Squishy was a good boy and always swallowed when meat was in his mouth.


Fin

Reply by: RourkeyRourke at May 15, '09 17:18

There was was admin named Arao

Oddly enough it rhymes with cow

He stole lots of cash

Disappeared with a flash

Last lines of limericks are hard

Reply by: RourkeyRourke at May 15, '09 17:42

Times must be awfully fucking grim,

When climbing from a chair destroys a limb,

What a disaster,

Leg in plaster,

Assistant Sprozza I'm surly better than him.

Reply by: SeanMackey at May 16, '09 12:08

Sprozza opened his apartment door, pushed it aside and let his date walk through. Holding his jacket in one hand and her purse in the other, he closed the door with his hip, careful not to disturb his gun, a Magnum he kept in his pants. "Take a seat, I'll be right there." He said, walking through the living room into the kitchen. Sprozza had been waiting for some time to date Jenny and at last, she'd said yes. "Do you want a drink?" he shouted whilst reaching for two glasses.


"Sure, something hard please." Jenny shouted back. Sprozza nearly dropped the glasses, this was the moment he'd been waiting for! Pouring them both a whiskey, he walked in, hands shaking with excitement. He handed a glass to Jenny, who took it, put it to her lips and downed the contents and smiled."Lets see your gun big boy!"


Sprozza's head nearly exploded! He reached into his pants and pulled his gun out. Jenny smiled and touched the tip, staring Sprozza in the eye.


"Can I make it shoot?" She asked.


"You can indeed! Most of the time I'm just playing with it by myself to practice but I'm sure it'll shoot for you too, you just need to squeeze it here." he said, holding her hand and placing it on the shaft. Jenny squeezed but nothing happened, she squeezed again and again! Disappointed, she looked at Sprozza who nodded at the gun with a slightly nervous smile, Jenny squeezed again and began to shake the gun but still nothing happened. She looked up at Sprozza,


"It's not working, perhaps I should go." Disheartened, Sprozza took a hold of his gun. "It works, I swear." Fumbling, Sprozza couldn't get the gun to shoot it's load.


"Thanks for a lovely evening Sprozza but it's getting late, I should go." And with that, Jenny left.


"Stupid gun!" Feeling sorry for himself, Sprozza turned to TV on with his left hand, continuing to play with his gun in his right. Flicking through the channels, trying to find something interesting to watch, he turned over to see David Hasselhoff running along a beach.


"BANG!"

Reply by: Rhuarc at May 16, '09 19:21

One day Squishy was sitting on his chair.

What happend today was something very rare.

Squishy was thinking long and hard about his sin.

And this actually gave him some growth within.


Now he was in trouble with the lovely secretary Linda.

See the two of them got stuck, well kinda.

He knew that it would not be easy to pull out.

It seemed so easy when Linda opened her mouth.


They needed to handle this situation right now.

Linda, Squishy begged, start working on a solution some how.

Quickly Linda realised the solution was right infront of her nose.

Maybe she needed to suck up a bit more to Squishy, see how that goes.


Gently she approached, she noticed him getting stronger.

And within a few minutes the problem was there no longer.

Reply by: Scipita at May 15, '09 18:51