| May 19 - 07:12:45 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 2 [ > - >>> ] |
| The Chronicle- Issue Six | Started by: Marietta on May 23, '09 02:30 |
|
THE CHRONICLE Your Underground Newspaper of Choice ~*~*~ After missing an issue and exhausting myself with a double issue, I decided to get a jump start on this week's edition. Funnily enough, I wasn't stressed nor did my ulcers flare up. Go figure! Anywhozits, per usual, the staff and I are hoping that you enjoy the same old segments, as well as the few new ones we've decided to add on to the paper. Happy Friday, Marietta Editor ~~~ A Rousing Game of Musical Chairs Chicago's Crew Leaders Fight for a Seat What a week it has been for Chicago! Just when a bit of normalcy had set in, the curse of the Windy City struck again, just to show why it is, and always has been, the bloodiest city in existence. In a move that surprised many as well as elated others, Godfather Nicky and Don Alessia decided to move long standing Captain, TM-Scarface of the Reservoir Dogs. Nicky's then Right Hand Adrian set up as a Captain in order to handle the overflow and amount of unsponsored mobsters. What happened next is a mystery to many, but it was seen that the very next evening Nicky made his intentions of retirement known to many in the community. To help with traffic he set up new Captains Prayer (The Unholy Union) and waylander (United Chicago Mafia), before shooting his Don Alessia. Later that evening the man died on his own terms, by the hands of his long time friend Godfather ThomasRourke of New York. Whether this was a decision made in good conscience or one made of guilt, many do not know, but it is a well known fact that Nicky was more than proud of his accomplishments in his life and was ready to have his time drawn to a close. From The Chronicle to the late man, we send you off to the afterlife with nothing but well wishes and warmest sentiments for the life you lived. Rest in peace. So what came next? Adrian wasted no time in challenging then Chicago Godfather and taking the reigns of the city. Just this very evening he has added another to the ranks of Chicago Crew Leader in the form of TDK (Unification). From stable conditions to a rousing game of musical chairs, the Windy City has certainly seen it's fair share of action this week. Whatever may come, we're sure they're destined to have a bright (if not blustery!) future. ~~~ New in the Eight Cities Bringing You Chatter from the Underworld Chicago: Chicago had quite the week, as was detailed above. After the death of TM, Adrian was set up as a Captain to run Los Bandoleros. Not too long after we saw the retirement of then Godfather Nicky, whom decided to take then Don Alessia (North Side Mob) with him. Left in shambles, Adrian attained the rank of Godfather, now in charge of the leaders there: Prayer (The Unholy Union), waylander (United Chicago Mafia) and TDK (Unification). Detroit: Are they perhaps in hiding? The most exciting thing we've seen come out of Detroit this week has been announcements about new businesses. Pick it up! Las Vegas: L.V. seems to be following in Detroit's footsteps. Nothing new was seen or heard. Los Angeles: Aphotic_Bulldog was granted his chance to run his Captaincy crew, Aphotic Factory, just several days before Vicodin became the new L.A. Godfather. Gravol became the man's successor. New Orleans: After being handed the reigns to the city, Brick_Pollitt challenged the current Godfather and ascended to a new position. He set up duke5078 (La Famiglia Degli Intoccabili) to lead in his stead. New York: New York saw, briefly, a new Captain in DorkRourke (The Relentless Resurrected). Days after announcing his new pickpocketing policy, this man was unfortunately struck down by a rogue. Rest in peace. Philly: Godfather Jimmy made a moving speech before handing over his second city, New Orleans, to long time pal and leader Brick_Pollitt. Many have thought this to be a good move. Saint Louis: Crime syndicates in STL were bribed into joining the connected underworld with cookies. Said bribe did not work. ~~~ Advice from Amy Questions? She Can Answer! Advice Column by Amy Annie Moose Q: Afternoon, Amy, I was just wondering, how do you hire bodyguards? Thanks, Needing Protection A: Dear N.P., This is actually the fifth time I've been asked this question within the last few days. Simple as this- do you know the docs down by the local boat locks? Yeah, the one where they do the cool fish market thing? Go there. You should find a bunch of scrubby, desperate men and women who are new to America and are looking for anyone to hire them or love them. In fact, if you pay them you could get a little bit of both. Either way, that is the best and first place to look when finding someone to sacrifice their lives to protect you. They'll be so grateful that you've even noticed them, I'm sure they wouldn't mind cleaning your apartment and watching your kids as well. Be nice to them immigrants, Amy If you would like to write to Amy, please send a letter to Advice from Amy, Care of Marietta ~~~ Keys to the City New Orleans Changes Hands In a surprising move late Wednesday night, Godfather JimmyTheLionHeart of Philly announced to the public at large that he was relinquishing his control on the city of New Orleans for it's crime trade. The business there would instead be managed by long standing Captain of his, Brick_Pollitt, who has worked out of New Orleans for quite some time. New Orleans first found it's way into Jimmy's hands back in February, when then leader Muqtada was warred by a faction of leaders from Chicago. Jimmy chose to retain the city and place a protective stance on the business there, saving it as a business acquisition. For a long time it remained under his control, being subjected to many leaders and many taxes. The city, it seems, has finally found the one man that is meant to rule over all. Brick_Pollitt, long standing captain and leader of the Elegido Corporation, decided to challenge then Godfather Chris_Moyles over the rightful claim to the city. Needless to say, the Brick laid his foundation. Horrible pun, apologies. Either way, it seems that the Elegido Corporation is there to stay. Congratulations to all involved in these exciting times! ~~~ Famous Mobster Sightings Who, What, When, Where and Why Curious about what the more famous of our world get up to during the week? Here's a look at what we here at the Chronicle were able to capture. Newest New York Captain DorkRourke, sitting on the sidewalk outside his headquarters, taping his glasses back together after a freak 'falling' accident. Detroit citizen Mystique, shopping for new drapes for her apartment in Detroit's business district. Dimethyltryptamine, Left Hand to Shoreside Hills Retirement Home, popping a bottle of pills and eating it as if it were candy. Right Hand to Godfather Adrian of Chicago, Brick, sitting in a wheat field and playing guitar. Was overheard writing a song about 'bunnies'. New York local, NewBestFriend, randomly interviewing people as they left a pasta restaurant. Was asking people if they "needed a new best friend". Khujo, Detroit homeboy, petting the window of an ice cream shop fondly as he watched a patron eat a sundae. From Philly, WilliamDeSantis, obsessively cleaning his Boss Odd's shiny new car. Within the City of Sin, Timmy-Two-Toes, attending an open casting call for one of the casino's shows. ~~~ Restaurant Review of the Week Under the Scope: New York's Adrian's Italian Grill Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a random (or suggested by readers like you!) restaurant in a random city and will share whether the place was dressed to impress or destined to flop. This week, while trapped in New York looking for some good food, we found a popular little place called "Adrian's Italian Grill". Yes, the Italian Grill is owned by that Adrian. Godfather of Chicago, the man opened his branch of restaurants in his younger years. Out of the way of the normal business district (but still within reasonable distance), Adrian's takes on a bit of serene quality. With several other locations (in Chicago and Philly), it is no wonder to us here at the Chronicle what makes these joints so damned popular. Environment: Elegant without being stuffy. The place was designed to be upscale but without losing such down-to-earth characteristics like comfort. Menu: The menu has to be longer than my entire body! The Italian Grill can account for just about every hand-selected ingredient they use in their dishes, and they are most generous with their portions as well. This is a place where you can eat until you are full, and not pay an arm and a leg for it! Service: Pleasant, speedy (without being rushed) and efficient. This waitstaff and kitchen staff have obviously been trained to be the best. Adrian himself can be seen in the place from time to time! Clientele: This was by far the most popular and, from what we heard, well-liked place in the City that Never Sleeps. Well-known mobsters inhabit this place more than their own HQ! And with it's amazing atmosphere making people want more, who would dare think otherwise? Our rating: Five out of five stars- and we're not handing these out like peanuts! The environment is relaxing, the patrons and staff are easy going, and we've never seen a more comprehensive menu or 'fun fact' sheet. Congratulations to Godfather Adrian and Adrian's Italian Grill. If you too want to be one of the establishments reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! ~~~ Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue of The Chronicle! ~~~ Interview with a Leader This Week: Philadelphia's Godfather, JimmyTheLionHeart Interview by Reporter Miss R. Each week the Chronicle will be interviewing leaders they find interesting or that have done something to impact the Underworld in some way. These leaders will be asked several questions about their career, personal life, as well as their plans for the future. Below is the transcript of the interview with Godfather LionHeart. Hope you enjoy! Miss R: Good afternoon, Godfather Lionheart! JimmyTheLionHeart: Good afternoon ma'am. MR: Well lets get things started, shall we? My first question has to be: Why are you called "The Lion Heart"? What's your real last name? For the full transcript of this interview, please turn to Section A-5. ~~~ Classifieds Job Listings WANTED- Experienced artist who can help redecorate my headquarters (read: crew banner). Current state is nice, but I'm looking for a change. Willing to pay two-hundred thousand dollars (200K) for a visionary that can 'wow' me. Please contact Godfather Marietta, Detroit, MI for more information. ~~~ Have an odd job laying around that you need to get done, but simply don't have the time? Too busy to get that project off the ground, and need a helping hand? Contact Editor Marietta Rossi for free job advertising in The Chronicle. ~~~ This Week in LCN History Mobster Events of the Past Ever wonder what the Mafiosi of yester-year were up to? Well damn it, we'll show ya! Check out this blast from the past, chronicling May 15th through the 21st. May 15th: Then leader bighead (The Shining Lights) announces country-wide University run by his associate Nadia. May 16th: Then leader Numbers4Glory (Sindacato dei Numeri) tries to spark a debate to define the boundaries and differences between our world and the ever popular coffee shops. May 19th: Then Mobster Sal_Giaquinto serenades in a bar and begins his love hunt for then Philly Captain Eyzlee (Sindacato dei Numeri). May 20th: The comedy roast of then Chicago leader Mr_47 (47 Enterprises) commences. May 21st: Then Philly Captain Eyzlee creates an upstart by ascending to the rank of Don before her own leader, Numbers4Glory (Sindacato dei Numeri). ~~~ The Chronicle presents... Real Mobsters of Genius (Real mobsters of geeeeniiiuuuuuus!) Today we salute you, Mr. Wealthy Nobody Thug Guy. (Mr. Wealthy Nobody Thug Guy!) Daddy or mommy has died, but that doesn't upset you one bit. Your trust fund is more than enough to sop up those tears. (I have so much money!) Associates? Who cares? You have enough cash to buy yourself the friends and bodyguards you need. (Hey guy, I don't know your naaame!) Family? Who needs that? You're above the law with that much money. You're better suited for puttin' on the ritz. (God I'm so RIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH!) So have yourself a nice, hot mug of coffee, Daddy Warbucks. As long as you keep buying yourself bodyguards, the rest of us will have more targets to kill. (Mr. Wealthy Nobody Thug Guuuuuyyyyyyy!) ~~~ Weather What Your Local Forecast is Saying Is it Summer time yet? Chicago: Rain rain, go away. Come again next weekend, and don't ruin this one! Detroit: Though this weekend will be partly cloudy, it will definitely be warm out, Motor City! Las Vegas: Though Friday is mostly cloudy, that begins to break up around Saturday, roping in a sunny beginning to next week! Los Angeles: Partly cloudy? How shocking! This will break up around Sunday, where you'll get all the warmth and sunshine you need. New Orleans: This weekend's forecast? Thunderstorms all weekend, with a slight chance of Pickles getting kidnapped. New York: Don't let the sunny Friday trick you. That will quickly fade into clouds and by Sunday you'll be experiencing rain. Bummer. Philly: A sunny weekend, all weekend! We can hardly believe it! Saint Louis: A mostly sunny weekend, only pausing for a partly cloudy Saturday afternoon. ~~~ Topic of the Week What's on Everyone's Mind? Every week we will ask seven people, one from every heavily populated crime city, to fill out a questionnaire, asking for their opinions on the subject at hand. They will be asked three questions each, and we at the Chronicle expect to receive a variety of responses! The subject of the week: Inspired by the various street debates we witnessed this week, we're left with many questions. Consider this our "potpourri" edition! (Answers were posted in the order they were received.) So do you believe a mobster can be successful without having to ever use their gun? Dr_Jekyll, Philly: ... For the rest of this article, please turn to Section B-3. ~~~ Taxes Shmaxes A Tribute to You Opinion Editorial by Aurora A portion of our drug runs and crimes have always been kicked back up to our bosses, so why is it now that we're hearing people complain about it? Is it because now you get to see exactly how much is being taken from your pockets? Everyone needs to stop the whining and remember that without a crew leader to protect you, you'd just be a sitting duck. Everyone knows how well that works out. Without them, you'd be dead quicker than you can do your next crime. Your leader gives you more than you could imagine, puts countless effort into their members and supplies a safe haven for you to live another day. You should be glad to kick up that extra hundred dollars to them as well as any excess money you have to supply. I'm not saying that you should give them every last dollar you have, but for the love of God stop complaining that a small cut from your crimes is going back to your boss. You work for them, you chose that particular leader for whatever reason, you chose this life of crime. Yes, your leader decides just how much taxes are being supplied back to them. Think back to how many times has your boss turned them off for a "Tax Free day" or even a "Tax Free Week"? You should be thankful if and when they do this for you because it's coming out of their own pocket. Do you realize that when they do this that nothing is going back to them for the duration of the tax free time? To you folks out there who are crying about this, stop it right now. We are mobsters, we live a life of crime. Most of the profit from these drug runs and crimes are going straight into your own pockets, so why do you feel the need to moan that a small percentage is going back up to your boss? If you are one of these people, I advise you to stop that right now. If you're going to continue to live like this, you should probably pursue another line of work. That is, if you make it out alive. ~~~ Our World a Year Ago How Far We've Come As a reporter it is my job to come up with fresh material. To research for facts, to double check the information I'm presented with. In one of my travels through the underworld archives of street speech transcriptions, I came across one that caught my fancy. I would like to highlight that for you here, now, below:
It is not the speech itself I wanted to draw attention to, rather the numbers of crewed members. On May 17th, only but a year ago, our underworld was home to two-hundred and sixty-four people. Only two-hundred and sixty-four people. To me, it is amazing that I was able to say "only". Within the past year our world has grown so much it is unrecognizable. In a good way! Now a days, our crew roster is looking a little bit like this:
Not only do we have more than double the amount of crewed members (five-hundred and seventy-two), we have twice as many crews, twice as many Captains, and a few Godfathers in the mix. If within one year our organizations can grow that much, I for one am looking forward to see what the next year brings. As long as the crime rate keeps going up, we mobsters can live find ourselves with jobs until the end of ours days. Well done to everyone out there. Keep this world growing! ~~~ An Episode of Gossip Girls But We're The Mob Opinion Editorial by Marietta Nothing grates my nerves more than gossip. As the title says, "we're the Mob". Since when this place become a full scale shopping trip for ladies? What gives us the right to be so nosy and pushy? This past week it was remarkable how many people contacted me in private about matters that, honestly, don't concern me or my city. One kid asked me to assist him in his suicide. Another poured his grievances about his Boss into my ears. Someone else wanted me to help kill a "bad member" from their crew because their Boss wasn't around yet. There was another person who tattled on me about some misdoings in another city that really weren't my problem. What frightened me is that all reactions were the same. "Do this, do that, kill kill kill, blab blab blab." Helloooooo... Omerta? Have we become so concerned with what our neighbors are doing that we simply cannot focus on our own businesses? Have our neighbors become so blase about their family matters that they are willing to share it with whomever walks by, even the freaking mail man? I cannot tell the difference between us and the judgmental old ladies that sit in the local sewing shop, bitching about little miss new boobs next door and how she doesn't properly care for her children. Simply put, there needs to be a dividing line. If it doesn't concern you or your city, butt out. If it becomes your problem your leader will tell you when it's become your problem. And for the love of God, what happens in your city stays in your city. Don't go rushing around telling anyone who will listen! And furthermore, don't judge people either, for fuck's sake. Let he (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone. ~~~ Obituaries and Retirements Rest In Peace A section where we respectfully honor and highlight the lives lost of those Made Rank and up. With over fifty deaths this week, we will only be specifically writing eulogies for those who were Consigliere rank and above, or a Crew Leader. Everyone else will be listed in a separate memorial. TM-Scarface Don to former Godfather Nicky, and head of The Reservoir Dogs, TM's career began back in February. He was killed May 16th, causing many rumors to circulate the underworld. Rest in peace, TM. For the rest of the obituaries, please turn to Section C-5. ~~~ Money Money Money Money Give Away! The Editor has too much money. More than she knows what to do with sometimes. What better way than to reward readers of The Chronicle? Everyone who purchased a copy of the paper last edition had their personal information taken down by one of our salesmen. Their names were put into a hat, and three names were drawn. These three people will all become winners of 100K each! And this week's winners were... _Ace_, gizaro and BigAl! Congratulations! The money has been wired to your bank accounts. Enjoy! Remember to buy your copy of The Chronicle. You never know- next week you would be a winner! ~~~ Nice Recipes for Hardcore Mobsters Because We Can Enjoy Good Good Too Had a rough day at work? Why not kick back, relax, and make yourself some of our Editor's favorite cookies- Snickerdoodles? What you'll need: 1/2 cup butter, softened 1 cup sugar 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar 1 large egg 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour 4 Tablespoons granulated sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a mixing bowl, beat the butter on medium speed for 30 seconds. Add the 1 cup sugar, baking soda, and cream of tartar. Beat until combined, scraping sides of bowl occasionally. Beat in the egg and vanilla until well blended. Beat in as much flour as you can with the mixer, and stir in remaining flour. Cover with plastic wrap and chill for 1 hour. Combine the 4 tablespoons sugar and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Shape the dough into 1 inch balls and roll in cinnamon sugar mixture to coat. Place balls of dough 2 inches apart on an un-greased cookie sheet. Bake for 10 to 11 minutes or until edges are beautifully golden. Transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool. ~~~ Horoscopes Since They're So Friggin Popular Want to know what the week holds? Well we can't tell you that. Get a glimpse about how it might turn out, though: Aries (March 21st through April 19th): Everything feels so relaxed and laid back this week, Aries. Welcome the new ideas and plans you have with open arms. They will definitely add a bit of spice to your life in the upcoming days! Your best day should be the 22nd. To find your horoscope, please turn to Section D-7! ~~~ Thank you for reading the sixth edition of The Chronicle! Our staff really hopes you enjoyed it! We are always available to answer your questions at any time. Please contact the editor, Marietta, with any concerns you may have. Editor: Marietta Staff Reporter: Aurora If you would like to write for the Chronicle, please contact Marietta for more information and to set up an interview asap! Visit us in the coffee shops in #detchron |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
| Excellent read as always. Looking forward to the next issue! | |
| Reply by: TM at May 23, '09 02:37 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| There was something about this issue that I liked better than aallll the other issues put together. Can't quite put my finger on it, but all in all, Great Read! | |
| Reply by: Father_OMalley at May 23, '09 02:47 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Great issues. The Chronicle are the best. | |
| Reply by: rembrandt at May 23, '09 03:14 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| An exciting and well put together paper as always. | |
| Reply by: ApolloJustice at May 23, '09 03:35 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Very good read as usual, can't way to see the next Issue. | |
| Reply by: CrazyRoss at May 23, '09 04:16 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Another fantastic edition. Great job GodMother Marietta and Don Aurora and all others involved. | |
| Reply by: Paul_Walker at May 23, '09 04:25 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Very well done. | |
| Reply by: Vic_Vaselino at May 23, '09 04:27 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
Pickles sits back with a huge cup of coffee (her 7864269327837429th of the week) and a copy of the Chronicle. After morbidly reading the obits first, she reads Advice from Amy, Aurora's insightful opinion piece on taxes and Famous Mobster Sightings. It takes her three more cups of coffee and two trips to the ladies room but finally, Pickles flips to her least favorite part of the Chronicle, the Weather. Her eyes widen in disbelief and more than a little trepidation as she reads
Well. That was a pretty specific prediction. She slips the paper boy an extra crisp bill and hails a taxi. Hopefully the weatherman was wrong. She shakes her head and mutters to her self "H-he's got to be wrong. I mean, weathermen are ALWAYS wrong. Right?" |
|
| Reply by: Pickles at May 23, '09 04:32 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Again another excellent edition, this paper clears up so many members questions and keeps everyone updated with the current on-goings. Nice work. |
|
| Reply by: Cruel at May 23, '09 04:41 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Brilliant I always look forward to reading the paper every week. | |
| Reply by: Lil_Wayne at May 23, '09 06:32 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Great read as usual! Oh, and thanks for the Snickerdoodles recipe... |
|
| Reply by: Nickje at May 23, '09 08:03 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
My father used to bring The Chronicle all the time. I love it, great job Godmother ! |
|
| Reply by: JohnAlviano at May 23, '09 08:08 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Another excellent edition as always. Just love to wake up in the morning and see the chronicles there waiting for me to read. | |
| Reply by: Preston_Franks at May 23, '09 08:10 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Ruaidhri_M runs around franticaly looking for the materials. "i want mobster cookies." |
|
| Reply by: Ruaidhri_M at May 23, '09 08:19 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Superb read, as always. There's nothing like rounding off a trip to motor city *Throws up a few of the now infamous Detroit gang signs* than picking up The Chronicle and catching up on recent events. Kudos to the entire team. Keep up the great work. |
|
| Reply by: Deimne at May 23, '09 08:21 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Great issue as always ladies keep up the good work. I enjoyed this issue. I cannot wait for the next one! |
|
| Reply by: JimmyTheLionHeart at May 23, '09 09:04 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Definitely an enjoyable read. Went well with my coffee this mornin'. And that Father O'Malley was onto somethin' about this being a particularly good edition. Looking forward to next week. |
|
| Reply by: Decker_White at May 23, '09 09:20 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I enjoyed this edition of the Chronicle. Nice work. | |
| Reply by: Doc_Santoro at May 23, '09 11:10 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Nothing like a good coffee, cigarette and paper to relax with. | |
| Reply by: Jonizzel at May 23, '09 11:13 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 2 [ > - >>> ] |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
