"When the skyscrapers were being built, I never imagined that they would block out the sun. But it towered over Chicago. They were monuments, acres of glass strung together with shiny steel. They reflected light as well as any other mirror and so incredibly the streets seemed brighter. Now when a tower graces the skyline it actually soothes me, I love to see progress in the city that I adore the most. I looked back at my desk, wondering when I'll be able to get those papers done but I love what I do, and I won't stop."

Chicago Press Syndicate

1^st  WEEKLY EDITION

Press Release From The Head Office

“Just a few weeks ago the American Print Industry announced an invitation-only, closed-door summit scheduled for December 5 with a few CEO-level executives from the newspaper industry to look at solid steps the organization can take to reverse its declines in revenue, profit and shareholder value at the newspaper stands. They took exceptional interest in the city of Chicago to provide for the masses with their enterprise journalism and print media."

We present to you, the Chicago Press Syndicate.
Seven Days. One Paper.

The city has a team of passionate writers, reporters and journalists with various talents and skills for the Chicago Press Syndicate. We simply do not believe that you need to have major experience in the print industry, we are just looking for that hype. That hype is the key to success here. If you do not love what you are doing and who you are doing it for, then why are you even doing it?

Letter From The Editorial Board

Hope you are all having a marvelous day! Just wanted to start off by saying the reason this paper is here today. We’ll make it short and sweet for you. To provide a weekly dosage for your asses other than cocaine! And all those other things you keep secret...

Aside from that we believe, Chicago and not just this city… But New York, Detroit, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Philadelphia all have so much potential in becoming a great nation and creating multiple entertainment and news hubs for the people.

We’re just here to embrace that!

If you, or anyone you know would like to contribute to anything we have here in the paper – let us know and we’ll add your pieces! (Anon or not). With that being said, enjoy the paper folks! We did this for you!

Local News

In Which We Speak of Our Harsh Mistress

A young vixen voiced her thoughts, and the responses were quite honestly a twist of fate. She held a discussion of sorts, talking about how she sees the current state and activity of our streets. Reporters say that she had also mentioned her line of ancestors in honor of their contribution to the streets, or was it for the purpose to compare how the streets were before to now?

“Our streets are dying.” Could this be something that needed to be said in the first place?

It was clearly a WTF! Moment for everyone, as we have seen that people from multiple divisions came to her to make it known that no one is stopping anyone from coming out to the streets and expressing their freedom of speech.

The last question this young vixen posed was, “Why do we not let her flourish?” Just before she had made an interesting metaphor..

“The streets is a harsh mistress. She has the ability to be something so great. She should be something so great.”

Jenbola first fires off with her response. “What fucking streets you looking at? This is the most active they’ve been in a while. Good lord, you’re nuts.”

Those who followed after made valid points that recognized how active our streets really are. We hear SisterMaryJane loud and clear when she says “The streets are buzzing with activity compared to many times gone by.”

READ FULL STORY

The young vixen passed away on the tenth of December, but we pay our final respects. MacKayla, you were laid down in the heart of that black casket, but your kin may find this to hear that you left this thing of ours with something that people will remember to acknowledge and that will always remain in our streets.

And that’s voice.

In Which We Get Hung Up on The Big Details

When you hear the words fear and paranoia, how do you respond? Is it a sensitive topic for you? Maybe you are not even affected? Do we need to justify our reasons for feeling this way?

Conn, a well-grounded capo from Space-pole's crew Scouse House in LV,  had asked a very interesting question. “Do you guys think we are too paranoid these days?”

We were all introduced to the world of crime in some way, and now that we have some experience and some knowledge of what goes and comes around – is there a reason for paranoia to take over our life?

Could it be a warning of urgency for us?

Whew, I don’t need a drink. I need a couple!

Here is just a snippet of what went down:

FitzChivalry: I will touch on the subject on paranoia though as I feel it is a word we see thrown around a lot. A friend of mine used to say:  "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."

BrotherHec: When one is paranoid he is out for the preservation of self. When one is protecting he is not worried about himself as much as he is worried about those he works for and with. Sure we can be victims to paranoia but I believe that every takedown that has ever occurred is first and foremost only meant for the protection of self and crew.

It is certainly not a topic that is often talked about, but Conn hit the nail on the head with this one. 

READ FULL STORY

Community Section

So here we go!

I'm Veronia, your guide into the inside of our very independent but successful city.. and I'm here to bet that after you get that last paycheck you're wondering what all the big shots as they are in this city is about and how our sections in the wonderful Windy City has come around!

With that I have my first honored sectional;

The Families of the Future

My first hit and run with a very busy and very business orientated, Don Bonkers of our North Side in Chicago!

He was first curious and then gladly let me ask a few questions here for our first shot into the community! First I ended up asking him a little about him. He smiled and straightened his tie and asked if i was ready for a crazy good story!  

"Born to a traditional Sicilian family I rebelled as a young boy, stole the family mule and went to live in the mountains from which I began raiding local villages to get by. The years of living alone slowly drove me insane, communicating only through mulish grunts. After years of scraping by I was finally caught when my mule kicked me in the balls halfway through a robbery causing me to scream. I was arrested and imprisoned. I escaped, dressed as a goat and made for the coast and eventually arranged myself passage to North Africa to start a new life, but instead I got on the wrong boat and ended up in America. Here Senza took me under her wing - and the rest is history!"

Being completely exhilarated at the wonderful story i wanted to know a bit more about what all happened after he was taken in and where that lead him from there! Don Bonkers adjusted his top hat and ended up lightly chuckling and then sighed.

"I've been known to drive the established families of Chicago Crazy and as a result I've ended up with my own district for the criminally insane!"

Upon talking further into his amazing family and lifestyle some of the more prominent points and future endeavors that he would like to see happen he again chuckled.

"You should expect a mobster from the Crazy House to do things like start a fire fight blindfolded, pick a policeman's pocket and leave a cookie in place of what we find or break into jail just to shout BOO! at a guard! As we've grown we've taken in lots of fresh blood. They've needed lots of time invested in them to ensure they get the most out of this way of life. I'm looking forward to the day that some of these associates progress to being full made members of the Bonkers family! In future I hope that people (Borkers) don't copy my name as it gets very confusing."

I again thank Don Bonkers for letting me have a wonderful chat with him about his family and what his plans are for the future!

***

Our second chat we had was with Don StripheGotti down in our South Side. I had the pleasure of meeting with him at the local bar.

We had a few drinks, and soon I asked, how did you start and where do you want to see Chicago in the not too distant future?

He ended up flashing a small wad of cash when he put a bit down for a drink. Then he turned and notioned to the sign that said "Casino" on the poster behind him. It all started with Gambling. 

" As a young thug I had many memories of how to succeed in this life by reading journals of my fathers and his friends. I gambled a lot on my way up, sometimes making millions or billions and sometimes losing both. One day I met Don Karen as I was leaving the casino and she offered me a home. Don Karen helped me learn the ropes of this world and how to control my gambling (ya right). One day during a war Don Karen was brutally murdered and I decided to take that leap and here we are."

I remember that sad day, as I can recall how busy of a day that was and all the drastic changes taking place. Don Gotti took a long drink and we continued on about what his crew was about and what does he want to do in Chicago. He adjusted his tie and continued on. 

"Thanks to some lucky throws of the dice and an accountant and loan shark I have enough money to fill a swimming pool with cash. I plan to use this money for the betterment of this family and this nation. I see us growing stronger and expanding our presence in both the streets and business districts. From gambling competitions to a newspaper we plan to show our family and what we have to offer this nation. We are built up of role players, gamblers and murderers and when you combine them all with the right amount of knowledge and effort anything can happen."

When asking about the one thing that Don Gotti wanted to see in the future, his very aim and goal was one that I think we all want to strive by, perhaps with your own name instead!

"It is my dream that Chicago becomes the greatest crime capital in the world and the name Gotti is stamped onto the concrete."

Yet again, StripheGotti strikes with this influential words that is undeniably significant for Chicago so that it says the finest of all time!

"Again Don StripheGotti I'm so glad that I could have a few words with you, and I wish you and your family all the luck in helping make Chicago great!"


If you would like to have your crew and where you started on the next issue, please reply to me by correspondence with "The Future" and I'll gladly set up an appointment for a chat! 

Also! If you have any other questions or comments, please let me know HERE!

Ask Cutie O. Patootie

Hello, Cutie O. Patootie is the name and advice is my game. It may be good, it may be horrid, but it is free!

Nice to meet you all.

I am so excited to be here working with the Chicago Press Syndicate. The executives sent me a wire asking me to come do this column for you folks. I guess they think some people need advice... One of the executives even mentioned that some more than others do, whatever that means.

So, here I am to answer those burning questions you have!

Need advice on how to dispose of a body?

Maybe that blood stain won’t come out of your favorite tie?

Is your girl a nag and how do you stop her from nagging?

Maybe you can't sleep till you find out what that funny looking doppelganger is hiding from you..

Well darling, simply Ask Cutie O. Patootie.

SUBMISSION PAGE

Gotti’s Gambling Corner

Do you like blackjack? Roulette? Dice? Well here in Chicago we love them all, especially around the holidays.

In Gotti’s Gambling Corner you will find everything from stories, to tips and tricks on how YOU can beat the house and walk away on top of the world.

Whether you are trying to win 1 credit or $100,000,000 dollars.. we want to see you do it!

As I was leaving the casino last time (about 20 seconds ago) I was able to catch up with some esteemed mobsters and ask them about their gambling habits… this is what they told me:

Don Olympia-: “NFL”

well we love sports as well, sports betting will not make you rich here. Stick to blowing millions on dice like the rest of us, Olympia.

Boss Whoreable: “dice .. I only do it three times and then stop”

4^th time is a charm throw down 20 million on a dice roll! Common dare ya!

Boss Daniella: “the only thing I gamble on is the harty and that’s rarely”

lets work on that gambling addiction this week ok? We need you addicted and so does your CL and city!!!

Consigliere BCP: “I dice now and then as you know”

he acts like I gamble... psssh I retired from that years ago! Trying to frame me!

Wise Guy JimmyPerello:  “my favorite game would be blackjack”

great game and how I got addicted. Count those cards and stick it to the house!

Next week - Tips and tricks on how you can hopefully make some money. From the best bets to the odds to when you should walk away.  We will have personal success & loss stories including stories of people losing and winning a LOT of $$$.

So throw caution to the wind and throw your money down as an old friend once told me “life is a gamble."

Classifieds

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
************
Want to advertise your business here?!?!
Know of a business or somebody we did not list?
Contact StripheGotti!
************
 

WOULD YOU LIKE FOR YOUR BUSINESS TO TRIPLE IN PROFIT?

SAY NO MORE!
 

NO SIGNUPS NEEDED! INSTANT CHANCE TO WIN!

The business world needs us to put our innovative minds to the test! We need your help! 
 

Create a business.
Attract investors and customers. 
The business owner with the most visits (replies) win.

RULES:
- multiple visits (replies) from one person will not be counted
- business must be newly registered
- must be over 30 replies

 

Replies will only be counted until the 23rd of December.

A winner will be announced in the next edition and be given 10-15 million in prize money! 

This contest is held district by district, and the one we have chosen for this week is.... 

 

LOS ANGELES BUSINESS DISTRICT 

So head on over there start setting up, and make a purchase or contact someone's services! 
Let your friends and family know!

Suit Makers 
Looking to spice up your suit? Bored with the ol' looks?
Well word on the streets says these people can help you..

KingGeorgeWashington
Amell
Cash
Linux

Credits 
Looking to get some dough quick? These two men are reputable and honest.
Are you able to invest in this world with extraordinary means?
Well word on the streets says these people can help you..

Negan
@Jeddy

Perks
Looking to purchase perks? Want the best thing that money can buy?
Well word on the streets says these people can help you..

Negan
StripheGotti

************
Want to advertise your business here?!?!
Know of a business or somebody we did not list?
Contact StripheGotti!
************

Entertainment

People, people… make your way over to this entertainment section where these young men despite the crispness of their suits and perfect tailoring, doesn’t mind to get down and dirty with ya’ll! Well let’s get to it, shall we?

Top Jokes of The Week

Hello everyone Carlos-Escobar here, and I want to test the waters with a few jokes. I like to bring a little humor to everyone’s life. Life is too short and filled with issues but if you can laugh for a few seconds life doesn't seem so bad.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

 

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework."

The robot slaps the son.

 

The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."

 

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

 

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."

The robot slaps the father.

 

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

BunBun and His Genie Bottle

Side Note: Never turn down an original RP by this man.

Coming here from the windy city, I have been searching for this man who contacted me about something of value that he has found. So I was sent down here to check it out for myself, wish I brought a better jacket. 

Okay I think we found him. "Hello Sir." The man stops scavenging through the trashcan and looks at me. "Are you Derrick?" He clears his throat very loudly. "Why yes, yes I am. Follow me quickly."

The cameraman and I follow as curiosity fills the both of us. We go through an small group of tents, to we get to his larger tent. We crawl in and sit down on an torn mattress. He sits down and starts to grab for something. He pulls out an sort of lamp, but it is very colorful with many different sets of colors. 

What is that? I ask the old man, who shakes it in his hands. "This sir is an genie bottle." I laugh out loud as the cameraman laughs along with me. "No I am serious sir, here try it."

I grab it from his fingers and look into the vast colors. "So what do I do then?" He looks into my eyes before speaking. "Take off the cap, but be careful genies are very powerful beings."

I twist the cap, and drop it softly to the ground beside me. A large amount of white smoke pours out of the bottle and I stand up. Then out comes an shirtless Indian man who has no feet? What is this thing and where did it come from? 

The being starts to speak with an growling tone to it. "I am your servant now Mr. BunBun, you have three wishes. These wishes can be anything ranging from anything to anything. Please ask away." I rub my hands together as I think of three wishes. "Okay for my first wish, I want to have an wallet that has unlimited one hundred dollar bills."

The genie stretches his hands out and puts them together putting his hands together loudly. An small black wallet falls onto my lap and I grab it from my lap. I look in awe and then start to think about my second wish. After a few minutes I think of the perfect one. A model as my lover. Her name is Jean Harlow the loveliest woman I have ever put my eyes on. She was on the latest Playboy magazine and she looked so fine.

"For my second wish, I want to have Jean Harlow as my girl and she will not ever say no to me." The genie gives out an small laugh and claps his hands together loudly and there drops Jean Harlow. I cant believe this, I can have Jean Harlow all to myself! This is the best day of my god damn life!

Now I need to make this third wish a good one. I begin to think, think, and think once again. I start to pace from side to side of the medium sized tent. But I then have an idea and I whisper to the genie my wish. I feel a tingly feeling go through my body and I smile as it worked.

I grab Jean’s hand and I run out of the tent before the genie can even get back in his bottle.

Shut the fucking camera off Carl, I have business to attend to. Carl jumps in as I start the engine of the car and speed off. WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Crossword Puzzle 

Now, I would say "beware of dogs bearing gifts" because what do you do when Rubix returns to your drafting table with a crossword puzzle for you guys? 

An evolving... and extremely intelligent pug I must say.

Mafia Returns Themed Word Search, send the list of words you found to Rubix.

First one to find them all or get more than anyone else, you'll get a prize! 🐾

views expressed in this paper are solely those of the respective contributors and do not reflect those of the publishers or its agents. reproduction in whole or in part of this publication is strictly prohibited without prior consent. any concerns or complaints are to be directed to any of the members of the editorial board for further discussion.

CLICK TO CONTACT EDITORIAL BOARD
https://mafiareturns.com/comm/thread/913510/tpass/7051ab4b490b580dac81746200830239#14349621

The Chicago Press Syndicate team appreciates every copy that is brought, reviewed and shared. We hope to see your comments and feel free to give us some feedback! We love you guys! 

And BunBun, what were you gonna sa-

... "Bunny Army and we out!"