Everywhere kitteh went, the backdrop was a constant refrain. Though the requests came in different words, it was always the same idea: Can I please have a cheeseburger? Although kitteh was hardly a businesscat, eventually even the furriest brained of kittens would realize that there was potential for profit. So with that in mind, kitteh set out on a quest to establish the first lolcat- and human-friendly cheeseburger eatery.

Of course, there was a bit of a hangup from the start. lolcat, like the rest of his species, actually had no idea how to make a cheeseburger. It had relied for years upon the services of kindhearted humans to perform the task. No matter. That would sort itself out in due time, as surely it was simply a matter of finding the right equipment to place in the kitchen of the diner. Far more important was choosing the right location for the establishment.

After surveying the eight cities for potential clientèle and availability of buildings for purchase, lolcat decided upon Detroit as the most apt location to found his new restaurant. In particular, kitteh was disturbed at the city's current lack of cheeseburger eateries. Not a single place of business there even indicated cheeseburgers were on the menu! This was unacceptable. Detroit would be getting a good dose of home cooked cheeseburgers posthaste. Indeed, kitteh was a forward-thinking cat, who thought that it was important that everyone have access to cheeseburgers provided they were capable of paying for one.

So our furry feline friend began construction of his new restaurant in Detroit. After looking at a few small bars, and even a place that was just a kitchen with a take out window, kitteh decided that they simply would not do. People needed ample room to sit down and enjoy their cheeseburgers after purchase. But having looked at several classy establishments, the distinct lack of bar seating became apparent. At least some of the visitors would want to enjoy their food on a counter top instead of a table; cats, after all, need space to stand while eating from a plate. So lolcat found a little diner downtown amidst the bustle of shoppers and businessmen working at the headquarters of motor city's various car companies. The inside had a variety of seating available for all potential customers, and they would be able to watch the chef make the cheeseburgers in front of them if they wished.

After securing the venue, kitteh moved on to more important matters. He was a smart cat, and knew that he would need a menu or people might try to order something he had no idea how to prepare. So he sharpened his claws and scratched one out onto a piece of wood and hung it over the kitchen for all to see:

Menyoo
cheezburger - 1 muniez
cheezburger wif invisible cheez - 1 muniez
cookie - 1 muniez
milk - 1 muniez
xtra cheezes - 1 muniez
valu meel (pik any 3) - 2 muniez

Purrfect.

Seriously, did you just do that lame pun? What the heck is wrong with you, slanty narrator?

Shut up bold narrator, no one invited you to speak in the first place, STFU! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, final preparations. After writing up the menu, lolcat hung an inspirational portrait of its hero so that everyone working at the restaurant would always try their hardest to make the cheeseburger joint a success. Then kitteh decided upon a name and put up a flashing neon sign above the door so everyone would know what they could find within:

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER

Our feline friend was almost ready for the grand opening. He renovated the grill in the kitchen of the diner so that it would be specially tuned to making cheeseburgers and only provide the most delicious food to customers. Then he hired a human to operate it, since kitteh still had no clue how exactly the mysterious machine worked. After that, everything was ready. It was grand opening time! lolcat wasn't one for drama, so it just unceremoniously threw open the doors and turned on the "open" sign and waited for customers. Finally, after almost two minutes, the first one came in - a smelly rofldog.

ohai plz to have hot dog? it asked, clearly unable to read the blatantly obvious writing on the sign which did not list hot dogs among the foods offered.

NO! no kin haz hotdog! can has cheezburger heer replied lolcat, diplomatic as always with the mutt.

kin haz direkshuns 2 hot dog stand? Said the dog.

is cheezburger or GTFO rofldog! kitteh was not in the mood for a jokester like that dog, and made it known. This establishment was for paying customers only, and with a name like i can has cheezburger, potential customers knew what they were in for. Dogs are always nothing but trouble, it seems. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity (but was actually more like five minutes) another customer appeared.

plz 2 insert cheezburger in mouf? This cat clearly knew the routine far better than the slobbery dog. kitteh was happy to serve him. The chef prepared a fresh cheeseburger and put it on a plate so that lolcat could scoot it over to the customer and collect the money. Having received his money, our feline friend took great pleasure in watching his first customer enjoy the succulent dish.

After what seemed like a thousand years (three minutes) another customer appeared searching for food, but with questions about the quality of this fair dining establishment. ohai i wuz wundrin how cheezy is ur cheezburger plz?

dey is as cheezy as u wants dem hungry cat! moar den 2 cheezes wil cost u a muniez tho. Our protagonist responded. He knew that customers often would have special requests for their cheeseburgers and was happy to oblige them. As long as they were looking for a cheeseburger, anyway. He would even make an exception to the cheeseburger-only rule for customers who wanted a hamburger instead, as long as they ordered it as a "cheeseburger with invisible cheese" for themselves. Business was about making customers happy, after all.

i can has 1 wif xtra cheez den plz Replied the eager cat upon hearing the news that his special request would be honored.

And so, after all that work, our friendly lolcat was happy to have established Detroit's only cheeseburger establishment and was eager to please more customers. Hopefully they would soon rush the doors...

Armorist walks into I Can Has Cheezburger and can practically feel the E-Coli contaminating his system. Still, such a feeling in the past had never deterred him from his ultimate goal, and he proceeds up to the register at ease. He flicks his eyes across the scant menu and quickly comes to a decision. Patting the lolcat at the till on the head, he wipes his hand on his trousers and smiles politely.

Hello there, chap. I think I'm good for a Valu Meel. Cheezburger, milk and cookie, if you could be so kind.

He eyes the cat warily and as he walks back to take a seat at a window booth sees the devious look the lolcat is throwing his way. He quickly turns and shouts...

Oi! And no hairballs! I'm watching you.

Figuring the staff at I Can Has Cheezburger know he means business, Armorist takes a seat near the window and relaxes some. He breaths in the smell of lemon kitchen cleaner and the faint trace of catnip in the air. He smirks and murmurs to himself, "So strange... what the hell are you doing here mate?" Finding no answer in the inner, mostly empty, reaches of his brain, he shrugs to himself and waits for his meal.

Armorist sits in front of kitteh, slandering the restaurant's good name and implying that kitteh is going to mess with his food. That is simply not the case, and is something that must be corrected straight away.

deer frend armrist if ders a harebal comin it r goin in ur face not on ur food cuz ur bein meen!

Much better. Even if the customer was "always right" there were certain things that kitteh just could not abide. Accusations that he would tamper with the food quality were one of them. The cheeseburgers served in this establishment were made from only the finest ingredients including top quality ground beef, and were nothing to be scoffed at. But lolcat also knew that all it would take was one taste of the delicious gooey, cheesy, specialty cheeseburgers at the restaurant in to forever make a loyal customer out of Armorist, so it went straight to work filling out the order.

u haz ur cheeseburger in one moment sur

After quickly putting together a cheeseburger fresh from the grill, lolcat had the human pour a glass of milk and put a cookie on the side of the plate. The value meal was prepared, and lolcat was thrilled to be serving a soon-to-be satisfied customer.

heers ur food n stuf n also jus so u no i wuz kidn abawt teh hareballs i r good kitteh n coff into mah paw

Having given Armorist his food, lolcat returned to the bar area to wait for the next request. Hopefully the meal was as good as it smelled.

Scream couldn't remember the last time she ate. Her stomach was growling like a bear after a long winter. She hoped all this ruckus wouldn't scare the dear lolcat who she just had to stop into visit. He had sent word that he had opened a business over in Detroit and she just couldn't wait to try it out.

She entered the new shop and looked over the menu. She was in disbelief, would she actually get a cookie from this kitty for once? He always seemed to eat them before reaching her or had some horrific accident that prevented the cookie from making it to her. Well she'd have to find out.

Yes sir I will have a value meal please. Milk, cookie and cheeseburger with invisible cheese please.

Scream paid her money and waited to see if a cookie would indeed appear for her to eat.

Hearing its newest customer's tummy rumbling as she walked in, lolcat's super sensitive feline ears perked up. Hungry customers were always the easiest to please; a hearty appetite is the best spice any chef can hope to have on his side. The best part about serving hungry guests was that sometimes they would even come back for more after you gave them their first round of cheeseburgers, and in any case they were always satisfied after their meal. As she approached the counter to order her food kitteh greeted her.

i has a happeh bcuz u chose mah restrant n stuf screem

After Scream ordered her food, lolcat dutifully prepared a tray with her precise order. He poured a nice glass of cold milk, put a top quality chocolate chip cookie on the side, and had the chef make one of the signature "i can has cheezburger Invisible Cheese Cheeseburgers" fresh. After our favorite furball fixed up the glorified hamburger he scooted the tray over to Scream, kitteh smiled to itself.

i gots u ur foods n even bringed u a big cookie n stuf!

Kilroy walks into the fine establishment known as I can haz cheezburger excited to try what he assumes will be the house specialty. As he walks in he sees Scream eating in a booth.

Hello Scream. Nice to see you made it into Detroit to check this place out. How is the food?

Nom nom The food is great. nom nom Good to see you too. nom nom Scream replied.

As Kilroy continued toward that counter he sees Armorist sitting near the window. Kilroy waves to him while wondering how he could be in such a bad mood in this fantastic eatery. Finally Kilroy reaches the counter. He looks up at the scratched out menu.


Kilroy's jaw drops in disbelief.


He turns to lolcat with an obvious look of disappointment on his face.

Kitteh! No pancakes on the menu? I thought for sure that would be a house specialty.

Kilroy scratches his pancakeless head as he tries to decide on what could fill the gaping void left by the lack of pancake headwear he had so hoped to enjoy.

Armorist watches the kitteh slink away and quietly, covertly, sniffs his food. It SMELLS okay, but that could just be a ploy... he knows there is only one way to tell. He slowly bites into the cheezburger and savors the gooey cheese slightly dripping down his chin. Oooooooh.

Kilroy, an old friend of kitteh, stood at the counter inquiring about the menu options at the restaurant. This confused our friend lolcat, as he thought he had crafted the most desirable menu possible. Who doesn't want a cheeseburger? Who needs anything but milk to drink? Surely not this cat. That Kilroy was asking about pancakes confused our feline friend even more. Pancakes are a wonderful method of mockery, and a tool of instruction for those who need to learn the ways of the world. Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to such a fiendish fate as having a pancake placed upon their head? The question itself practically deserved a pancake upon the head. Hopefully it would not come to that, as lolcat had no desire whatsoever to humiliate his good friend in its restaurant.

i dun no wat u talkn about bcuz we has cheezburger heer n dats da best food evar n u shud noms dem

Hopefully a gentle chiding was all that was necessary under these circumstances. Kilroy would surely end up with a pancake on his head if he continued inquiring about the lack of certain menu items. The food here was perfect, and lolcat wasn't about to allow someone to correct the selections.

Turning its attention to the window booth, kitteh notices the look of pure bliss upon Armorist's face. Apparently he had just bitten into his cheeseburger for the first time and was in awe of the skills the chef had displayed. In retrospect, it should hardly have been surprising. If you were a chef tasked with making the same meal over and over again all day every day, you would get pretty dang good at it too. But the spectacle of one more satisfied customer never ceased to bring joy to lolcat's heart. As he strolled over to Armorist he was glowing.

ohai agin Armurzt u looks liek happee cat n stuf does yu liek teh foods heer?

Although kitteh was near certain he knew the answer before asking, it never hurt to ask the question. If something was wrong, lolcat would fix it immediately, but if all was as it suspected, the answer would be even further ego boost and cause to smile.

Henry enters the establishment and looks around, once he has a waitress's attention he orders a Cheeseburger "and can i get fries with that too?" Henry sits and enjoys his furr free delight "Bro that was delisous if i do say so myself, thank you" Henry then heads back to his hotel...

JesTer hobbles in, to have something for his empty stomach.

"Hey, can I get a Cheez Burger with some extra cheez? 

JesTer walks over and puts some dollars on the counter.

Angelo slips past the door and finds a seat. A smile curled at the corners of his lips as he eyed the menu and his stomach growled at the thought of such delicious meals ready to be made and served! He'd only be able to spend another moment glancing at the menu before lifting his gaze to find this lolcat that people spoke of, the one who made quite the appearance in The Street.  

I'll make a value meal! Two cookies and extra cheese, please!

Just as Henry Vidi was walking out the door lolcat looks up and notices him. He had hardly spent more than a minute in the restaurant and was already leaving back to wherever it was he came from; he didn't even give kitteh a chance to serve him! It was most odd. But there were other customers here to serve, so our fuzzy friend didn't much mind the strange event.

wel i gess henreh wuz nomins teh invisible dinners in my stoar n i haz a happee he liekd dem

Having commented on the situation, lolcat turned to its next customer, JesTer. If he was looking for cheeseburgers he was definitely in the right spot.

ohai jeztur ur muniez pleezes meh n ile get u ur cheezburger naow n stuf

Knowing that there was another customer waiting, our busy feline waiter quickly instructed the chef to produce and deliver a cheeseburger with extra cheese to the client. Then kitteh turned its attention to Angelo, who was also waiting to be served. He seemed to want some cheese cookies or something. Though our feline friend knew of many strange foods, cookies with extra cheese were certainly not one of them. lolcat decided the situation merited further investigation so that the order would not be botched, and inquired with all the tact we've come to expect from a kitten.

uhhh Angelo u wantz ur cookiez wif cheez on dem? i fink ur doin cheez rong. if u rilly wantz dem i maeks dem tho

While waiting for a response, kitteh noticed a bit of grease had dripped onto his fur coat. Poor hygiene in a restaurant was utterly unacceptable, so our furry friend cleaned it off the only way any proper cat would: with his tongue.

New Yorks fattest crew leader was hungry, and, obviously, he was in Detroit. Despite it being crewless, there was still buisness to conduct here and there. His first stop had been a disapointment. The burned down shell that was The Seven Deadly Sins didnt even have any straggling hookers standing around anymore. Detroit 1, Falcon 0. His next stop, a run down casino on the boarder, but that too, was burned to the ground. Someone really enjoyed burning down buildings Detroit. Hungry and annoyed, Falcon waved down a cab and demanded to be taking somewhere that could satisfiy hunger. The dimwitted cabbie proclaimed he had just the place, off they went, as quickly as a broken down cab could go with a massive fatass in teh back seat.

The cabbie gave him a toothless grin as Falcon paid the tab and turned to face this suggested place. i can has cheezburger what a funny name thought the fat man as he walked inside. Much to his suprise, the food smelled good. Well, he hoped it was the food. Taking a seat at the table nearest to the door, he thumbed the menu a time or two before ripping a loud fart.

Four Burgers, Two Fries, and a drink.

As he spoke to no one in particular, he noticed a cat staring at him

Chade stumbles through the door and into a chair, while looking for his good friend Lolcat. Seeing him he waves and picks up a menu and quickly glances through it.

How are you? havent seen you in a while, nice looking place you have here. Hmm, the food smells good, can i please grab a cheeseburger and a beer.

Looking around at the other patrons, chade settles into his chair while he waits for his food.

After seeing lolcat toss a pancake on AddictedToDeath's head Serotonin got hungry. He thought about the fluffy pancake lolcat threw onto ATD's head and figured he would check out 'i can has cheezburger' while he was in Detroit. He had the driver park the car around the corner while he got out and headed up the block around the corner and into the restaurant. He walked in and waited in line a few minutes went by and Sero was at the counter ready to order.

"I will take cheezburger with extra cheese." He said and looked at his watch as it struck 4 PM. He than turned and looked back to say "Can you throw them in a bag for me I have a meeting I have to get too."

Detroit's finest restauranteur ambled over to Falcon, who was sitting at a corner table near the door, away from the other customers. He was a large, commanding man who looked to have nothing but his next meal on his mind. As he ordered, kitteh tilted his head in confusion.

wtf i dun no wat fwais aer or nuffin alls we gots heer iz cheezburger n cookiez n melk

Seeing the look on Falcon's face, kitteh took leave of the table to tend to the other customers, giving him a chance to rethink his order and if he perhaps would rather have cookies than fries. Having shot down one customer, kitteh scooted over to Chade's table to hear what gibberish he was speaking.

wat? yu no kin haz teh beerz heer so meh gets yu cheezburger n melk kthxbai

It was certainly a busy day for lolcat, who had yet another customer. At least this one had read the menu, though. As kitteh slipped over towards Serotonin, the esteemed Godfather of Saint Louis, kitteh knew he had made it big. Such an individual visiting your restaurant was an honor indeed. Hearing his request for an extra cheesy cheeseburger in a to-go bag, kitteh sprang into action.

ya i gets u yur foodz rite naow ser

Our favorite proprietor turned towards the kitchen and yelled at the top of its little lungs towards the chef inside.

bring dis man cheezy cheezburger naow shef!

Looking around the store, lolcat saw that things were once again runnnig smoothly and lazily lapped at some milk in his bowl. Life was good at the i can has cheezburger.

He pounded his fist on the table, much like a spoiled child throwing a fit. Who the hell cooked burgers but didnt offer fries. This question confused Falcon, he didnt like being confused. Cursing to himself, he gave into the talking cat. Wait, what? A talking cat???/

Fine, give me some cookies, and two glasses of milk.

He looked confused as he spoke, a talking cat was blowing his mind at the moment.

While taking a stroll down the Detroit business district, Lolita came across lolcat's eatery. Slighty confused, she decided to enter in hopes to find a treat to take back to Chicago for her cat Purrty. To her surprise, this turned out to be an actual cheeseburger joint and deciding she was hungry, she approached the counter to place an order

Say, those cheeseburgers are not made from Tuna, right? I'm not a big fan of that. Hmm, I think I'll play it safe and just have cookies and milk

She smiled nonchalantly trying not to look confused by the fact that she was being served by an actual cat.

Chade takes his cheeseburger and looks at the glass of milk that lolcat was offering to him.

Its ok, i have my own flask, i was just going to save it for the plane. Milk isnt really the drink you want with a big juicy hamburger. Ill organise to get some sent over to you, i know this guy who knows a guy that got some beer that feel off theb akc of a truck.

Chade takes a big bite of his cheeseburger and chews slowly savouring the taste. He takes a swig of his flask while looking around at the other patrons.

Seems like this palce is keeping you busy, bet this place is a good way to wash your money, i may look at picking up a building of my own in Detroit and setting something small up. Might keep me occupied while im in town on my business trips.

Taking another bite, Chade leans back and gets comfy

This is one good cheeseburger.