New York, oh fucking New fucking York. It's kind of amazing how many times you can fit that word everywhere you want, just like that time I tried to fit my, uhmm, manly toy inside a bottle. I'd really like to stay and chat about those simpler, much better times but I'm afraid we can't really... ah fuck it. It involves a chair, handcuffs and two ...

"What the hell are you writing? Are you seriously going to post that?" was heard from none other than our very own, brand new Godfather Petah. But let's get to that part later. For now we'll give you a quick tour around this thing of ours and the latest happenings When I say we, it's pretty much just me and the others here will just stare at you with that awkward look in their eyes. The trick is to stare at them back and shout outloud the secret word, Pepperoni. 

Either way folks, let's get this party started huh? There's a brand new shitty paper in town and it sucks balls. But guess what? You're going to read it either way because it's fun and the new black. Except it's red but who cares.

After many years of research we came to the conclusion that this would be the best name, or the worst one, take your pick. Our professional top notch designers(me) came to the conclusion that the colors would only be fitting were they are. 

 

Apple

The round thingie

 

@Valencia says we got the rights reserved!

Alright, party peeps, here we like to give the facts straight away without beating around the Bush(pun intended) to much, so let me tell you that Garou did nine el.... Ah sorry, I don't know what got into me but let's hop back on the topic.

We're opening up a paper company because we're broke and Petah hasn't paid my taxes in a while so, to every anonymous donator out there, show me some love! *cough* a61e5370b73d40815e62a893cfa4987f *cough*

But yeah, didn't really had much shit to do on a thursday night so here I am trying to fill some of the void on your dark souls as little as possible. 

With that said and done, we've had fun weeks in here with party A shooting party B, than party C joining party D to shoot party A just to be shot by party B and that makes no sense at all but what does in this life. But let's save the killings for another page and skip to the part where life shines and everybody holds hands.

To infinity and LA

(again pun intended)

A bit over a month ago, the late Godfather Video of Seattle, came to the hood and held a speech regarding The city of Angels and guess fucking what. Everyone was thrilled about the project. In fact they were so thrilled that they couldn't help but share their feelings about it.

Comment numero uno. This one actually made me emotional

This whole thing fucking stinks.

Comment dos. You got to love the enthusiasm some people have!

This is the mot recycled dumb idea MR has ever had

The third one is the best!

A long ass comment that I didn't even bother to get in here because I'm lazy. Don't judge!

But you kind of get the point. These guys LOVED it. You can't help but feel yourself drawn towards them. They got that yellow heavenly glow that makes you want to befriend them, but oh the salt. Gotta watch out for those seas man.

Anyway, a few brave young adventurers decided to try their luck and prove their worth to the system. One of them was taken from us too soon and we have no clue why. We really don't know what happened and if someone says they do they're full of shit. You trust us, we have all the answers to life! 

But ever since, from a competition city, LA has grown, and has managed to earn themselves the right to be called an equal in our midst. They also seem to have formed quiet a good group with Ackbar, Force and Sam. Good shit guys, here's a high5!

Chicago to the pen

Remember back in school when top essays would be mentioned and glorified for years, and than the professor would come and give you the opportunity of a lifetime to let you run your little crew? No? What kind of school did you go to dude. Join the cool kids club already, the one Wayne talks about here. 

Kind of sucks though, we didn't really had much involvement during this time with heartfelt comments. Maybe school is a turnoff, maybe not but wish there were more. Who are we going to mention now in our hall of fame? Was really hoping for something, throw us some fucking bone, or a million bucks. Whatever floats your boat, we won't complain, or we will!

But yeah, just like in AngelTown, ChiTown also got a bunch of people who earned their place there by coming out on the streets and holding a speech over why they should get a shot. And just like LA, one of the best rising stars in this thing of ours was taken out too soon. And this time we have no idea why. Really.

So, we here at The Apple wish you Aristocrat, Levey and Emily best of luck over there.

It's gonna be good to have a city now who has to throw interesting threads every week for a big bunch of people to participate in! No pressure guys, take your time, but not too much time.

War, huh

And that should cover up the holding hands part, now it's time to get to the part where everyone compares balls. (not to be mistaken with the store where they compare dicks. this is a totally different one)

Over the past few weeks we've witnessed the fall of many cities, well, I mean you have, I didn't see shit. But it's been a while and in order not to open up old wounds, we're just gonna throw some salt on the new ones. They're fresh so I gotta shoot my shot man. 

Let me start by the latest one. 

Seattle has fallen.

Here I was last night, having a beer with some asswits who owned me money, and these guys had the decency to go and shoot a city. Now, as my sources say, not because we all actually saw Wayne hold a meeting in the streets over the latest event giving everyone the reason, I'm just going to go ahead and expose that. 

It was all Godfather Luis_Patangeli fault. He's the real culprit and villain hidden in the shadows after this and every other bad thing that might happen in your life. Lost some cash? His fault. Car broke down? His fault. Your love of your life left you? Probably his fault with those god damn good looks. Guys, a god, a myth, a legend. But don't you dare to let that fool you from the actual facts.

His power hunger knows no limits, so everyone against him, come forward and we'll build a dream team and kick his ass!

Finally got that out of the way, now let's jump to the other matter. Seattle was a great city, with great people on them, who happened to be left alone in the world. May their souls rest in peace and their next of kin find a better ending.

Detroit

The motor city had been keeping its engine running quite nicely until recently, Aladdin decided to try so cool ass tricks with his magic lamp. We have no clue where he actually learned them, but apparently theres some other mysteries with the Genie other than the 3 wishes. Some witness close to him managed to actually hear his last words

Yo guys, check this shit out, this lamp actually doe...

And that's pretty much it. Next thing we know is his body vanished. Did he really hate us that much to leave us. 

I mean, sure, we'd make fun of him on a daily basis, joke about his weird fashion style, but that's a bit too much. Come back to us Aladdin, we're your nr.1 fan. 

Other than that, things have been going good, Iretipill still rocking the arctic suit, Eve doing Eve while Marlowe is probably somewhere citing dramas. Archy still kicking it at gambling and Jimmy, you're making the lions extinct man! Keep that shit up, much love!

Las Vegas

Ah Vegas, one of the coolest cities out there. Miss the memories I have there, like that time I, uhmm, or that other time when. Ah shit, can't remember a single thing. So yeah, other than Vegas kicking ass as a city, the crews in there have been doing quite well too. 

I'd talk about Wayne and how handsome, completed he is but we've mentioned him enough this paper. You'll get your shot next time, pinky swear! Besides him, theres a good number of other leaders as well, and one of them has asked the biggest, most awesome question to ever be asked. Why is Gamora? You guessed it! It's Brutus. That guy is awesome Literally my idol. Than theres some dude named Drax who holds some knifes and I gotta admit, he's got a terribly good pace stabbing 24/7, just like yours truly bashing heads 24/7.
And than theres Aegor, which I honestly got nothing to say. You should see him under the mask though, Heck of a guy!

NEW FUCKING YORK

Going to try to be as modest as I can here where I'll say we da best. You should've seen the way Petah blasted the ex Godfather brains out to take his spot. It was magical. Blood everywhere, brains not everywhere, and me at home cooking a meal for myself. Probably should've been there but he got it. So congrats to the newest, shiniest Godfather Chairman in Town. Good shit Petah!

Guess, who's next in line in this paper!!! The greatest man to ever walk this earth, god among gods, but not among the actual gods, second of his name, the grey crow, defender of the fridge. Give it up for the most inactive fuck, Rampage! And that's about it, go to your fucking corner you loser.

You're a god among mortals at the moment ;)

See, that's an actual comment he got lately. Definitely true!

Do you guys know how New York got its name for the City that never sleeps? Let me give you a hint, starts with a G, has 5 letters, ends with U and runs Manhattan. Guy's crew name says that he's awake 24/7 and lives to worship me, mhm. That's true and not made up.

And than there's Anne, we're racing to whoever grows stronger to carry 60 kilos of drugs but little does she know that I quit gym weeks ago! You got this Anne, I believe in you!

PHILLY

Last but not least, the pie over the cherry, our very own sister/brother Philly! Even though I can never stop talking about Luis we're not going to do it and go straight to our favorite sin, Lust. She's pretty cool, runs a umm respectful business where I go to from time to time. It's a very very respectful time, we shake hands and everything. Really shake hands, mhmm.

Next we got Pyro.... and Cece. I may have nothing on Cece because I might appreciate my life right now but on a pile of rocks! Hah it's a pile of rocks, throw them at a lake or something. I've been told he likes it!

Know about those epic journeys, well, Legolas keeps turning me down. You should see the spam I've sent him, literally 0 fucking mails man. And he has the decency not to reply. Not cool man, not cool!

Finally, we have Valencia. She's gone through quite a few things in this life. Most of them during awesome journeys with Legolas and Petah while leaving me out. Jerk.

End credits

..they lived happily ever after.

That's pretty much it for my 2 hour motivation, maybe it'll happen again, but yeah. 

If anyone got something they want to share with the world, feel free to hit me up. There's probably gonna be some sweet prizes to those who actually give two shits to do a decent writing, unlike me. 

Cheers folks, and don't shoot me!