As Humuhumunukunukuapua'a heard the news of his fellow non-human friend being eliminated he was sad. Obviously he had be dreading to meet the formidable opponent that could make anyone's knees or fins weaken by the stench warfare he was famous for. But when it came to humans vs animals he would always coz his furry friend's side. As he looked up at the winner he winked and loudly proclaimed

Hear, hear, i'm ready to be the last animal in this competition and avenge Elodin's demise at the hand of this landlubber!!! victory shall be mine!!!

Chuck put some bunting around the arena now he was down to the Final Four.  It was a catchy name, he could maybe trademark it.  The first two contestants were humuhumunukunukuapua and Zahara.  She looked resplendent in the fancy crown that MezzaninE had made for her but Chuckster wondered whether she had been a little premature in wearing it.  She had bullied Elodin in the quarter-finals and was now up against another smaller competitor.

The Detroit crowd waved their little fishy mascots while the Seattle crowd followed West’s lead and sat impassively, willing the headscarf wearing basketbot on.

Good morning everyone, here we go with the first of our semi-finals.  Seattle versus Detroit…battle of the glamourous West coast femme fatale against the gritty Detroit coral loving fishy.  Settle back and enjoy what will be a fantastic contest!

Chuck threw the ball in the air.  Humuhumu squirted out a little jet of water beneath Zahara’s feet and she slipped as she went to jump.  This meant humuhumu came away with the ball but like Elodin, struggled to get the ball under control with just his little fins.  Zahara took advantage of this and stole the ball from him.

Rather than attempting one of her trademark glamour layups, she lazily went for a jump shot but it was a pretty poor attempt…missing the hoop completely.

Humuhumu zoomed over and tried to get control again but Zahara the bully came across and pulled the ball out of his fins again!

This time, she made no mistake with the layup.

Zahara 1

Humuhumu 0

humuhumunukunukuapua “swam” his way back to where Chuck had left the ball.  Zahara was not the type to let cuteness or physical form interfere with her programmed aims to win the entire contest.  Despite all protestations to the contrary, she did have a very robotic nature with the manner she approached this.  Probably a condition developed after hours and hours of netball practice.

Humuhumu gathered up the ball and started making his way towards Zahara but the imposing figure loomed her shadow over and she just picked the ball out of his fins like a greedy child taking candy from a baby.  The Detroit crowd cried out in anguish at these tactics.

Zahara was unphased and the Seattle mob, led by Right, screamed in delight as she leapt for a layup.  The little trigger fish was having none of it and managed to get a block in, just in the nick of time.  Humuhumu tried to get the ball again but Zahara was closest.

Pushing the fish out of the way, she made another easy layup.  Chuck didn’t normally have an issue with bully-boy girl tactics but the poor little fishy was having a torrid time!  He had a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it!

Zahara 2

Humuhumu 0

Mezz was deeply engrossed in what he saw unfolding in-front of him.

Zahara dribbled left, she dribbled right whilst @Mezz just dribbled in awe!

Despite the ever increasing signs that he may have to write yet another ode too her, Mezz had decided it was time he got behind his fellow crew member and actually supported her! Quickly painting a banner in her name, Mezz started chanting: 

"That's the way Zaha Zaha, I like it, Zaha Zaha"

Right loved humuhumunukunukuapua. In fact, it was the house speciality at Zahara's secret restaurant.

Seeing Zahara swiping the court in her match against humuhumunukunukuapua, he felt the nose of the fish never was aware of that fact..

Right smiled as he saw MezzaninE go crazy Right on his Right Hand side.

You aren't there yet, Dezert! Keep going! The humuhumunukunukuapua is not only known for it's taste, but also it's amazing fitness and physique!

Chuckster took a minute to finish having a quick bite to eat for lunch.  It had been a long morning but not as long as it had been for humuhumunukunukuapua.  Zahara had been effective with her assault and battery of the fish.  Any slip ups for humuhumu now it and would be chips for his hopes of showing that being a fish was no impediment to success in basketball.  His presence in the finals, along with that of Elodin, was enough of a story when the likes of Zapata in his fancy dan footwear were left by the wayside.  This competition would be a benchmark and turning point in how fish and raccoons could be treated.

Humuhumu took himself back to the ball and looked hopefully into the big, dark, emotionless sunglasses of the basketbot.  He started to dribble but his lack of legs made manoeuvring the ball from side to side to shield it quite difficult…a situation Zahara was keen to exploit again like a shark picking on its prey.

Having been quite restrained in the two rounds so far, she turned to face the hapless humuhumu then giving him the eyes she went right then left then right again.  Leaving the fish floundering, she cod hardly believe her luck as humuhumu was unable to get a fin near the ball.  She leapt like a salmon to put her final layup in and put poor humuhumu to the sword (fish).  What a travesty, Zahara pops humuhumu onto a bagel and eats him for dinner.

Zahara 3

Humuhumu 0

Zahara progresses to the final while humuhumu has to pick himself up for the 3rd/4th place playoff with the loser of PureBloodedTexan and@JimmyTheWeed.

Humu stared blankly at the scoreboard, somehow he knew his performance could not be this bad, but alas!! He let down the entire city of Detroit and he knew he'd probably have a very, very long and lonesome swim back home to his coral reef to lick his wounds

Well ms Zahara, now i see how the raccoon had 0 chance against you, i bet everyone can now see that your cybergenetic build leaves no room for error or mistakes. I believe you are the favorite for the final now

The head of the organising committee shuffled out to Chuck.  There was new which had affected the course of the tournament…JimmyTheWeed had retired.  Retiral was usually on reaching the top with nothing else to achieve but here Jimmy was still in with a chance of winning the entire competition…surely the pinnacle of everyone’s achievements.  Maybe it was the prospect of taking on PureBloodedTexan and then potentially Zahara the basketbot that was too much for him.  Even had he not made it to the final, tiny little humuhumunukunukuapua was beatable but here it was.  One semi-finalist chickening out before the big occasion.

The committee member brought out his rulebook and the pair flicked through it

Section 35 Competitor Availability – National Finals

• Should any participant be unable to complete his/her/their allotted match in a reasonable timeframe then they shall forfeit the tie and the opponent shall be presumed to have won 3-0. 
• For a lack of availability in the final, the opponent shall be awarded the win and associated prize money.  The missing party shall be awarded second place but receive no prize money.
•  For a lack of availability in the 3^rd/4^th place playoff, the opponent shall be awarded the win and associated prize money.  The missing party shall be awarded fourth place but receive no prize money.

Chuck took note and made his way to the centre where he could boom out loudest.

Ladies, gentlemen and others.  Due to the unexpected retirement of JimmyTheWeed, the following outcome has been determined according to Section 35 of the NBA Big Book of Rules.  PureBloodedTexan shall move from the semi final into the final where he will meet Zahara.  humuhumunukunukuapua shall take third place in the competition.

The next match to take place will be the grand final between the pride of Texas and of Philly…the one, the only PureBloodedTexan and the glamourous Zahara, basketbot and wearer of exclusive headscarves and sunglasses. 

Join me for the final of finals when we return.

Chuck got one of his minions to switch the lights off in the arena, he had not given thought to putting in a dimmer switch to make it more moody rather than pitch black but that were his options.  Sparky his electrician had not even presented it as an option so he made a mental note to test Sparky’s conductive properties next time Chuck saw him.  Nevertheless, the scene was set.  Here, finally after much toing and froing the final game of the first annual NBA Championships was about to take place, so he buttoned up his tuxedo, adjusted his bow tie and headed out into the arena.

Three torches shone on him as he was about to deliver his speech did not change the low-rent spectacle he seemed determined to put on.

Welcome one and all to this, the grand final of the NBA Championships.  As with each round so far, it is a best of five/first to three points contest.  Your two finalists today have shown great tactical prowess, amazing acceptable shot making and a considerable amount of luck to get here.  So without further ado, I’d like to bring forward your two amazing finalists…

The crowd whooped, hollered, screamed and cheered as the minions shone a torch each on both of the finalists…

Firstly, from my great city of Seattle, she is the headscarf and sunglass wearing, femme fatale of the fadeaway jumper…the original basketbot…the one…the only…Zahara……

Right led the Seattle crowd in a little Mexican wave but Zapata looked on in indignation at the appropriation of his ancestor’s rituals.  MezzaninE waved a gaudy crown.

And her opponent today, qualified out of Detroit but is now representing the fine city of Philadelphia.  He is the rootin’ tootin’ pin-up of the cow-gals…he drives to the hoop as well as he can drive his cattle…he puts the ra-ra-ra into ranch…PureBloodedTexan!!

Revered-ish in Detroit and his new city the Detroit and Philly sections erupt.  Hoping for a Sisyphus win, they still had a finger in the basketball pie and waved Liberty Bells and Stetsons in the air.

Chuck nodded and the lights came back on in the arena.  The minions cleared out of the arena and Chuck stood with the ball.  He briefly reminded the two of the rules, or lack of rules and got ready to start.

Chuck threw the ball into the air.  Zahara had left one end of her headscarf trailing and PBT stood on it as she went to jump.  When she couldn’t get off the ground he leapt and grabbed the ball.  Chuck smiled at the sneakiness but basketbot Zahara showed no emotion.

PBT dribbled the ball from side to side looking for an opening to get to the hoop but Zahara covered all his options and when he went to move she kept trying to grab the ball from his hand like she had done with Elodin and @humuhumunukunukuapuaa but dealing with a human was harder.  It wasn’t working but kept PBT on the back foot. 

PBT feinted right and Zahara stood still as if expecting the move.  PBT dribbled back to the left hand side of the arena.  He feinted right again but Zahara put a hand out as if to stop him if he did go.  As soon as her hand returned to her side he was off.  No feinting just running but it was from quite far out and Zahara had quite the turn of speed on her when she tried.  As he went up for the layup, she nipped back and got a block in before he could let the ball go.

The ball bounced down but PBT got to the ball first.  Zahara made a grab for it as well but PBT’s previously discussed iron like grip was pretty unbreakable, even for a basketbot.

He tried another layup but was blocked again.  This time, Zahara came up with the ball and deftly managed to sneak past PBT to break the deadlock.  Already it was obvious this was going to be a far harder match for Zahara.  PureBloodedTexan was used to this sort of pressure and didn’t look bothered at all.

Zahara 1

PureBloodedTexan 0

PureBloodedTexan caught the ball once Chuck had thrown it to him.  He looked into the dark sunglasses of Zahara to see if there was any emotion about the final and only saw his reflection looking back.

He bounced the ball confidently from hand to hand, he even managed to bounce it through his legs to the delight of the crowd.  Still looking into the impassive, pools of nothingness PBT tried to come up with something that could break basketbot’s concentration.  The feint left and drive right were options.  He wasn’t confident enough to really try putting the ball through his legs quickly enough to put her off balance so he strolled round the edge of the arena like a bored bull outside mating season.

Then, quick as a flash he tried a jump shot over Zahara.  As soon as he let it go he thought it wasn’t there and made an immediate attempt at getting to the rebound first.  Zahara nudged him as he went past but it still wasn’t enough to put him off.

PBT picked the ball up and went to do another jump shot.  Putting all her effort into attempting to block the shot, he saw Zahara coming towards him and stopped.  Her momentum carried her past, this was an epic miscalculation from Zahara and it left PBT with the easiest of layups…which, when you’re as cool as a cactus in the Texan winter, was not going to be missed.

Zahara 1

PureBloodedTexan 1

MezzaninE tried to pull West to his feet to encourage his city on but as the man behind the Basketbot Operation and Strategy System he sat as emotionless as Zahara.

Zahara had looked as exhausted as a basketbot could look after that attempt to block but she was definitely not done at this point.  PureBloodedTexan was putting up a lot more fight than her other opponents and she would have to be quite fortunate about how the ball rolled from here on in.

She scooped the ball up and started to dribble but PBT was on fire after that round.  He hustled, harried and pressured Zahara.  It was like trying to crack a nut wrapped in bubble wrap, stored in an unbreakable container but like all good Greek myths there was a something…a tiny chink of weakness and PBT grabbed at it like he was grabbing a bull by the horns. 

As the headscarf end wafted past him he held it and gave it a tug.  It was enough to put Zahara off balance, mid dribble and he got hold of the ball.  As he tried to get a shot off, an angry Zahara chopped at his arm.  This was not a final for the purists but given the cash at stake and the business they were in, dirty tricks were not unexpected.  His shot missed wide of the rim and bounced off the backboard but he was in a good position to recover the ball.  He got the ball and tried to get past Zahara.  She still grappled with him trying to get the ball but managing to keep it away from her PBT eventually wriggled free and jumped up for the layup.  Chuck would have preferred a dunk but each to their own and a point was a point.

Zahara 1

PureBloodedTexan 2

This was a must win point for Zahara and she bowed her head in preparation and reset her thought processes.  One point at a time was what it would take to win but PureBloodedTexan was really getting on her nerves with his persistence and unwillingness to just roll over like a fish or raccoon.

She picked the ball up and had formulated a plan to get this job done.  Squaring up to PBT she wanted to exert her dominance over this mere mortal.  Unlike PBT, she did have the confidence to try something extravagant and now she was given the chance.

She bounded towards him and put the ball through her legs and back again.  She pump faked once and he jumped.  She pump faked again and he went to jump a second time.  As he was a little off balance, she took the ball left and right.  PBT staggered like a drunk at closing time.  He grabbed at her like she was a lamppost so he didn’t fall but she was gone. 

Knocking his hands away she was past him and up to the hoop, she had popped in a good looking layup before his ass had even hit the floor.

Zahara 2

PureBloodedTexan 2

All the crowd were on their feet.  These two were putting everything into this and Chuck wondered fleetingly whether to call a halt and split the money there was so little between the two.  He quickly dropped that idea. 

MezzaninE jumped up and down, Right was shouting “FY, FY, FY” in some strange language and the Detroit and Philly crowds were waving their Stetsons furiously.

Mezz couldn't sit still - the tension was too much!
Frantically waving his flag around, He couldn't contain his nerves and decided to hide behind Right.

It was all down to this.  The last possible round in the last match of the competition and the two were locked at two points apiece.  If a collective of storytellers had sat around a table to concoct a tale, this would ending would have been rejected for being too obvious yet here everyone was.  It was going to be PureBloodedTexan who would start this last round off.  Zahara took a second to ensure her headscarf was secure.  There were to be no opportunities for anything other than a fair contest…at least as far as PBT was concerned.  Zahara would still have access to her feminine wiles if the need arose.

PBT bounced the ball up and down slowly as if willing Zahara to make an early move but she was happy to bide her time and see what PBT had up his sleeve.  Chuck looked at his watch, if PBT hurried up Chuck might get to his favourite sandwich shop for lunch.

PBT tried to find a way past but Zahara, bent low and poised to go either way followed him with arms outstretched in an attempt to make sure he didn’t get too close and roll past her.

The Detroit crowd got to their feet and shouted, the Philly lot made lots of noise but sports loving Evening sat chewing her nails and glanced over at West.  West stared at the action while Right shouted encouragement to Zahara.

PBT tried again to get past but Zahara edged closer and closer, shuffling PBT backwards towards the edge of the arena.  She was starting to block off a lot of options that he had.  In desperation, he tried a long range shot, hopeful that the skills he had demonstrated in the qualifying would come off but while not a feeble attempt, it failed to trouble the hoop in any way.

Zahara was quicker to the rebound than PBT but as she went to get the ball, PBT pushed her a little and she couldn’t get control.  He managed to pick the ball up but this was starting to descend into school playground basketball where there was little skill and lots of dirty tricks.

He tried a layup but Zahara stopped him…maybe a little unfairly but Chuck resisted the urge to say something…the tug on the headscarf had went unpunished.

Zahara got the loose ball and tried her hand at a little shot.  Finally the skills learnt during all those years playing netball came good.  Without the energy to jump she tossed the ball up towards the hoop and finally it fell.  It wasn’t quite the dramatic last point Chuck had wanted.  He’d hoped for style, pizzazz and showmanship but got sloppy, grabby ball handling instead…yet here it was.  Finally a winner had been crowned.

Zahara 3

PureBloodedTexan 2

While the Seattle contingent danced in the seats of the arena, the Philly and Detroit side looked a little miserable.  Zahara paraded around in the big gaudy crown that MezzaninE had made and Chuck invited all of the finals contestants who were still alive out onto the arena floor.

Thanks everyone for putting up with this competition, I think we had two worthy finalists and one great contest but in the end there could only be one winner.

It is with great pleasure to present to you, Zahara as the first NBA Six City Champion.

A minion brought out a selection of cheques that Chuck signed and handed out to all the finalists:

MezzaninE - $1m

Sisyphus - $1m

Elodin - $1m

humuhumunukunukuapua - $3.5m

PureBloodedTexan - $8m

Zahara - $26m

On behalf of the organising committee and all other associated people I would like to thank all the qualifiers and finalists for making this a success.

Mezz didn't know what to do with himself, he was overcome with joy that Zahara had managed to win what was definitely the toughest match of the competition! Although this did meant that he had too sing yet another ode to the illustrious lady of Seattle.
 

"Risin' up, back on the street
Did her time, took her chances
Went the distance, now she’s back on her feet
Just a mobster and her will to survive.

So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the Zahara, it's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks her prey in the night
And she's watchin' us all with the eye of the Zahara…."

Congratulations to all participants of what has been a thoroughly entertaining competition and a massive thank you to Charles_Barkley  for hosting, commentating and adjudicating the entire event! 

Mezz runs off to the nearest watering hole to challenge some guy called 'House' to a game of dice or three...