Chuckley Knuckling?

It was a bleary eyed Friday morning and not even the cup of tea adorning the Knuckle's desk or the toast it had forced down (triangles > squares) its majestic throat, could get the creative juices flowing. This might have been an issue if we had to produce anything of any substantial quality. Fortunately, it was only this pile of bollocks and the words practically flowed out all over the unsuspecting page, rather like CorneliusWilson was prone to flow out all over unsuspecting meat vendors if they gave him a significant discount. Sometimes even if they didn't. Sometimes it wasn't even meat vendors. Sometimes it wasn't even adults.

Pending criminal trials aside, Crawford was strumming his guitar, well known to be his favourite pastime and the grating of the ill-timed notes was beginning to get annoying. It was a mystery why he persisted with the instrument; he clearly had no talent for it, being roughly on par with dreadful Ozan and his dismal (dis)Organized Crimes. Despite Chuckle's best efforts, he just couldn't get Crawford to forget it and focus on his life of crime. Instead it was "guitar this" or "kick ass solo" that, the guy just wouldn't shutup about it.

Fortunately for everyone, the Chuckle Knuckle delivery boy Marionette burst into the new offices, nicknamed Eden, and interrupted Crawford's inane mashing of the strings.

"Sir! Sir! Pwease Sir!" Marionette drawled, his limited intellect was accurately reflected by his stunted speech. "Trouble's-a-coming Bwoss!!!"

God. Damn. It.

Why do you guys always do this to me? We produce a nice little number...well, maybe not nice, but an adequate little number at least, yet that isn't good enough for you is it? Noooooo, you have to go and spoil it with all your "conflict" and "violence". What's wrong with a pickpocketing contest or two eh? At least that doesn't massively change what I have to include and everyone loves a good PP event! I know SexyBeast would be the first to volunteer to hand out any cookies that may have been made for the purpose. Perhaps accompanied by an out of sync guitar solo to keep passersby entertained?

Alas, you've let me down. Soooo, I guess alllllll this work I've done so far is worthless.

Chuckle makes a tearing gesture, symbolising ripping up the issue he'd already produced and all his hard work being turned into mush.

I hope you're fucking happy. I've had to start all over again! It's Marionette's birthday too! Guess he won't be able to learn how to ride his new bike now. That's fine. He'll understand. He probably has another few weeks before the cancer finally finishes him off anyway. Re-writing this is more important. So what if he dies a virgin because I've had to cancel our night out? That's cool. I'm sure his mother won't hold it against me that he's missing his father/brother's funeral because I can't drive him there. After all, I have a fan base to satisfy. What does a dying wish matter compared to that?

...Who am I kidding? I hadn't written anything and fuck Marionette. He can't even hold a candle to Augustus.

Horrorscopes
by Knuckle

Capricorn
(22nd December - 19th January)

Success stems from the foundations laid by hard work and perseverance. As you're a lazy, uncommitted, piece of shit Capricorn, enjoy continued failure.

Aquarius
(20th January - 18th February)

Someone close to you is going to ask you something important; you will say yes. It is your mother. She's asking you out.

Pisces
(19th February - 20th March)

You may have pitched yourself too high by wanting a new career. Careful. Some people are made to work 'Cluck Cluck Chicken' for the rest of their lives. You are meant to service those people.

Aries
(21st March - 19th April)

Today is penetrating. By today I mean CorneliusWilson. And by the full stop after penetrating, I mean your bottom. Sorry about that, sometimes these aren't an exact science. To clarify: rape.

Taurus
(20th April - 20th May)

If you think that the mental pressure is becoming too much, don't worry, it isn't. It is the physical pressure from your parents throwing shoes at you because you're a continual disappointment that you should be concerned with.

Gemini
(21st May - 21st June)

This is a time when good luck surrounds you. You're going to get mugged. Could have been bummed though, can you say silver lining? Probably not without those teeth they knocked out :S

Cancer
(22nd June - 22nd July)

Cancer - Fate's punching bag. A co-worker needs your help. They need you to fuck off.

Leo
(23rd July - 22nd August)

Your brother is in trouble. You will have to make a decision. They are all pointless, because I'm going to murder him and you're fucking next.

Virgo
(23rd August - 22nd September)

Self-expression is important to a happy life. However, a jury might be disinclined to believe exposing yourself in front of a school is 'self-expression' and rather more like 'sexual predator'.

Libra
(23rd September - 22nd October)

There is going to be a problem in your group of close friends. They'll realise that you've been pretending to hang out with them and eject you. You might kill yourself. I would.

Scorpio
(24th October - 21st November)

Don't neglect your personal life for the sake of your job. You dip into bins - that isn't a 'job'. Your personal life, aka crying whilst you masturbate, deserves priority.

Sagittarius
(22nd November - December 21st)

Careful when you try to fight the current, your opinion is not always right. In fact, you're a stupid little prick and I don't think you've ever been right in your entire life. Bleat with the rest of the sheep. You're a doofus after all.

Gagging Orders and Super Injunctions
by Chuckle

One day, I'm sure this will be a hot topic and super injunctions will be the buzz words of the future. At the moment though, you guys may be rolling round in your 1932 Station Wagons, thinking about how Bismarck should shutup and be wondering just what the fuss is about?

Well, unfortunately for all of us, the Knuckle has been censored and we have been forbidden by the highest authority in the land from discussing certain aspects of certain cities for the foreseeable future. Whilst we do our best to deliver you this fine, grin, publication, we can only achieve that with the support of certain individuals. Falling foul of them, even for you my dear friends, could be positively hazardous to the health of your precious source of semi-factual reporting.

People may argue that they need to hear the important news told exactly as it happened and those people will be reminded that they are reading entirely the wrong publication. However, those people who argue that they need their half baked truths and idle conjecture on the other hand, they can be rightfully outraged! Outraged I say!

As we are unable to mention by name the individuals, cities or organizations that we may or may not have mocked in the past due to our subsequent censorship, I'd just like to take this opportunity to address each city individually:

Nice job Chicago.
Well played Los Angeles.
You rock New York.
Philly, my man!
Keep it real St Louis.
Still cool Las Vegas.
Detroit, what's up?!
Unnamed MafiaReturns City, you guys are [censored].

As you can see, the Chuckle Knuckle takes this shit seriously!

Why do you keep doing this to me?
by Chuckle

You've all been doing some things which have been annoying me a lot since the last issue. You may think you're being legitimate, authentic and possibly even cool, but I can assure you that you most certainly are not. You're actually just being a massive dick. Fear not, I'm here to show you the error of your ways!

1) Your shitty oversized pictures

150 x 225. How difficult is it? Make them fit, I'm tired of seeing these skewed pieces of garbage adorning people's faces.

2) Telling your generic stories in the Street so that nobody can reply

The Boss looked at Chuckle and Chuckle looked right back at him. They sat in the quiet corner of the abandoned warehouse by the docks. The tension was palpable, Chuckle could feel the sweat..blah, blah, blah.

How is anyone else going to get involved in this dollop of ass? This is me regaling everyone with the story of how JohnnyFucko, who never even existed, demanded that I take out a rat, who also never even existed, without any opportunity for any interaction from anyone else. Here's a bright idea, instead of making the whole thing up, why don't you go and knock over one of the many joints in the business district. You could bring other people with you, plan out the job, make the score and then deal with the consequences thereafter. That would be interesting. This is dog shit.

3) Putting your IRC name within your profile

IRC Name: UsedToBeABigDeal - Because I want you to love me for my past endeavours.

Get a grip. Nobody cares who you are on IRC. Most of you are dicks on IRC anyway. I wouldn't advertise or brag that you used to be important, rather than right now, where you're just a waste of space. This isn't winning you any plaudits and what's wrong with a mobmail? Why do you need to go on IRC to discuss these things? Anger.

4) Using everyone's rank like it is a title.

I can see the misconception. Someone gets referred to as "Don PastyNuts" and then people put two and two together to reach sixteen thousand. "Don" is an honorific title, which was traditionally used followed by the first name of the person involved. e.g. In the case of Marionette, real name Geoffrey Spinks - "Hey Don Geoffrey, why are you eating your calf?"

In the mafia, Don is the regularly used prefix with either the full name or the surname of the individual following it. So to stick to our example, in the case of Marionette: "Hey Don Spinks, I warned you about eating your calf. You're going to limp now!", "Hey Don Geoffrey Spinks, your calf looks like Mrs Beast's nether-regions.

However, around this shithole, people drop ranks in all over the place and add them to names like they are titles. "Capo" is not a title. This is a rank. "Made Man" is not a title. This is a rank. You can't stroll around all "What's up Capo Chuckle?" as you sound like a complete chimp. It would be akin to talking your local sanitation officer, who for the sake of argument we'll call AlabamaWorley, like "What's up Bin-man AlabamaWorley? Collected any interesting bins, Bin-man AlabamaWorley?"

See, stupid.

Don is an honorific title to replace 'Mr'. Donna is the feminine version of this title and used to replace 'Mrs'. Gangster, Goomba, Earner, Wise Guy, Made Man, Capo, Boss and Consigliere are all ranks we've meshed together to form our structure. Whilst these are undoubtedly not all legitimate ranks, they are ours and certainly not titles. I'll allow Godfather as an honorific title, but that was rarely followed with a name.

Cease and desist with this dickery. You know who you are. It is making me hate you.

5) Mailing me asking about the next issue, when you didn't even comment on the last one!

Easily my biggest grievance. I love knowing that you guys like this and I genuinely appreciate everyone who mails me expressing an interest in reading the next one. Howeeeeeever, the Knuckle is an egotistical beast. If it was a monkey in the zoo, it would be the grinning bastard on the tyre swing, wanking whilst mother's covered their children's eyes. I mean this with all sincerity, if you read this, comment. Even if it is something generic, like "Crawford sure does suck on the guitar, why is he so obsessed with it? Even so, this is great!"

It will make me love you.

Well, at least not hate you. Which is something, right?

That Little War thingy
by Duke Earl

I suppose it is high time I addressed the colossal war, which occurred between our two publications. The conflict arose on a mammoth scale, with many cities becoming embroiled in the fighting, multiple organizations wiped out and many useful men and women sent back to the earth. Some amongst the surviving populous have been wondering as to the real reasons that this war happened. Some people will have you believe that it was a lack of transparent leadership, others would have you think that the Roman Empire squashed them out of fear or paranoia. As ever, it is the Chuckle Knuckle that you can trust and down to us to deliver you the truth! With this in mind, we dispatched our man Duke Earl to the scene of the crime to establish what went on.

The reason for this war was extremely simple. It began when Roman convened a council of the Governors from across the Empire, even inviting those from the free provinces of Unnamed MafiaReturns City, Detroit, Las Vegas and Philly. They collaborated with the Senate upon what they perceived to be a real threat to the freedom of the citizens of the empire and the honorary citizens of the other provinces. Between them, they believed they could better the province of New York by providing it with straight paved roads, tenement blocks, sanitation and functioning plumbing. In exchange, all they would ask for was a small amount (tiny really) of tribute from the barbarians.

Understandably, the uncouth barbarian hordes of New York turned their noses up at the prospect of true civilisation and culture. They feared nothing from these soft men, with their short pointy blades and stupid hats. They liked their wooden huts and small villages. They had no need for straight roads and they already had rivers aplenty to bathe in. Their women and children wouldn't be made into slaves and their menfolk would fight tooth and nail to defend their homes. Piss on the Empire and their taxes.

You would imagine the conflict would now ensue, unabated until it reached a conclusion. However, there was an underlying element to it all. When the Governors told their Generals and they in turn issued orders to their trusted Legates for the plan of action, a certain crafty individual saw the chance for all the sestertii he could get his grubby paws on. His name was Marcus Dashus and he approached the barbarian leaders with news of the imminent attack from the Roman Empire and their allies, hoping to be rewarded with a nice plot of land where he could graze his horses. Preferably one on the Palatine Hill.

Instead, the barbarians laughed at Marcus Dashus, they didn't believe the words of a proven traitor and they cast him down. They ignored his treasonous words and they condemned him by recording word of his treachery, so even should they lose, the Empire or their allies would discover the truth. Distraught, Dashus tucked his tail between his legs and scurried back to the Empire, hoping to lie silent beneath their gaze. He cowered in the shadows, hoping to avoid detection.

Undeterred by the treachery, the Empire persisted and the battle was joined. Casualties fell on both sides in the fierce fighting that followed, with warriors from both armies trading blows in epic struggles. It was the individual skill of the barbarians, some felling multiple opponents at a time, against the calm, organized discipline of the Empire and its allies. In the end, there could only be one winner.

With the battle won, despite being bloodied and tired, it was with a heavy heart that the Emperor came to the streets and told of his respect for the fallen foe. The Empire's colonisers were sent forth and began drafting plans for civilization to encompass the new province of New York within its borders. One last duty was required and Marcus Dashus was brought before the assembled forces and crucified. The cross was used to pave the Via Appia and the rotting corpse adorns the main thoroughfare to the Empire to this day. It serves as a warning; the deepest depths of hell are reserved for traitors and you won't get there easily.

As ever, a thorough report from Dick.

(You can see what Roman really had to say about the war here)

Further to: 'My stupid crew have been informed, Sir'
by Chuckle

Knucklers (as our fan club refer to themselves (yes, they exist (seriously))) everywhere can rejoice and here at Eden we're chalking up a big juicy line in the win column.

In the past issue, you may remember that our beloved Chuckle complained about the stupidity of the leaders in coming out and informing the world that their crew had been informed about a protection announcement, before going on to offer some undoubtedly heartfelt token condolences to boot. Well, guess what? They've only gone and listened!

Imagine my delight when several protection orders served their purpose without the need for any sycophantic cock sucking or extremely generic and inadequate eulogies being offered! I must say, I'm delighted and would like to congratulate all the leaders on not being huge losers any more.

Good job guys. Keep it up!

(You can see this huge improvement, I don't know, here)

Knuckle's Competition - Result

In the last issue, we asked last time 'Who is MafiaReturns most anonymous crewleader?'

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who voted and I can reveal that the result is as follows:

- Genesis (25)
- Aalyshah (18)
- [censored] (17)
- Athyna-Grinz (16)
- The_JesTer (15)
- doogle (14)
- Francie (14)
- Grif (13)
- SalvatoreMaranzano (13)
- Dementor (12)
- Flux_Pavilion (12)
- [censored] (11)
- [censored] (11)
- ShiftyWaffle (11)
- Iestyn_ap_Llywelyn (10)
- SpuffWaffle (9)
- Batman (9)
- Tanda (9)
- Naenia (9)
- Whatsername (8)
- InspectorGadget (8)
- JimmyNapoli (7)
- Kimble (7)
- SexyBeast (7)
- LoveGun (7)
- Marston (6)
- BostonGeorgeJung (6)
- [censored] (5)
- Roman (5)
- FOX (5)
- Mrs-Doubtfire (4)
- AlabamaWorley (4)
- Phreaking_Panda (3)
- Premeir (3)
- Gaius (1)

There are quite a few deado's in that list, but a hearty congratulations to [censored] on finishing first in the poll. Congratulations to Athyna-Grinz on the runner up spot. Grif and my own choice SalvatoreMaranzano tied for third place.

Conversely, the most prominent are Premeir and Phreaking_Panda in first place, AlabamaWorley and Mrs-Doubtfire doing it for the girls and halving second place, whilst FOX, Roman and [censored] hold third.

I'm not really sure what you all based that on, but hey-ho.

EvilClown-'s Competition

This week we've gone and cooked up something else for you all to enjoy. I mistakenly allowed EvilClown- to run this and you'll see why this was a mistake for yourself in a second, when you click the link.

Anyway, he's drafted something...well...he's drafted something. We should probably just leave it there. If you're interested in enjoying this delectable little treat, it can be found here or by clicking the link above called "EvilClown-'s Competition". Even though it is a survey.

Story Time: The Mole
by EvilClown-

In the previous edition, we told the tale of Bob Liar and how he became a fat piece of shit. Since then, I'm been swamped with people (all one of them) looking to submit their own stories for the next edition. I've decided to bang that story right bloody here. Enjoy.

On the left side of my face, just below my lip, rests a mole. It's not unsightly or anything, and I'm very careful to remove the hairs that grow like weeds. It's a ritual I attend to at least twice per week, starting with an electric razor and then finishing with a pair of tweezers. One by one, I watch those tiny weeds fall into the sink, and then down the drain they go, washed away to some unknown location where they can fix themselves to the bottom of the sea and re-grow themselves as fish food. It's my contribution to the great circle of life.

The other day, during my biweekly mole excavation, I noticed something that had been unnoticed before. Those weren't hairs growing out of my mole. They were tiny people, and as I cut them with my razor, I heard them cry the most diminutive of cries, cries you couldn't hear unless you really listened.

I'm not sure how I heard their tiny voices over the whirling of my razor, and I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but I'm fairly certain they were in pain. I contemplated adding the white noise of the exhaust fan, or possibly creating a rushing waterfall out of the faucet to drown both their cries and their bodies. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. They had committed no wrong—other than being unpaying tenants. But what could they pay me, other than the tiny money they might have possessed in their tiny pockets.

Turning off my razor, I set it down and then gently swept the little people clinging for life in the porcelain sink into a soft washcloth. I tried my best not to harm them, but even my slightest touch was a crushing blow for the ant-sized creatures.

With no microscope or magnifying glass at hand, I had to rely on my naked eye to get a better look at my former tenants. Even holding the cloth as close to my face as I could, I still couldn't make out any distinguishing features in any of them. They all just looked like tiny hair follicles. But I could hear their cries, and I swore I saw them gather in tightly around their fallen friends. Then, there was a moment of silence.

From the hallway I heard my wife call for me, wondering if I looked presentable enough yet. I said a silent prayer for the vanquished little ones, set down the washcloth, and studied the small people still growing in my mole. Could I really bring myself to finish them off just for the sake of looking presentable? They cowered in silent fear, and my wife again called for me. Knowing she wouldn't understand, I quickly restarted my razor and finished them off, hoping that the little fellows believed in reincarnation.

I never said it was a good story.

Obituaries

I've decided that no publication of any sufficient calibre is complete without an obituaries section. In our walk of life people die and they will be honoured in this section. Unfortunately in our walk of life some people don't die and we wish they would have. They will also be honoured in this section.

People Who Have Died

...can be found here.

Lazy bastards.

People We Wish Had Died - Who Actually Died

Some things in this life are inevitable. Someone will pickpocket you. You will get thrown in jail. And, if you wind up on the Death Wish List, you are going to be snuffed out. This isn't a boast, a threat or a warning, this is a simple fact that people will find out to their cost. You can't fight fate.

Aalyshah

It took us just one issue to claim our first victim. Her crime wasn't a large one to some, but to us it was tantamount to treason...against our eyes...yeah.

You can't stroll around rocking a quote as terrible as Aalyshah's and not expect a big fat lightning bolt to cut you down. And struck down she was.

Let this serve as a lesson to all those currently harbouring ridiculous quotes, the DWL is coming for you.

People We Wish Had Died

They gathered around the bloated corpse of Bob Liar. With a swift efficiency, they carved him open and spread his entrails on the floor before them. They took his liver and made the incision. Much muttering ensued, they considered what the omens meant as the blood flowed freely from the body. They continued to dismember the corpse, examining each organ in turn, contemplating upon what they saw. The divination took some time, but it was clear what had been seen. This time, they endeavoured to kill off more people on the DWL than the sponsors list, although it was still certain - The Death Wish List was composed.

Ozan

There is nothing we appreciate more than a good Organized Crime. What's not to like? You get to operate with some right characters, you make a nice score, and everyone goes home happy. Or do they?

Not when you're in the Ozan gang! Not only did this worthless waste of space take 25 minutes to finally organize this crime, when he actually bothered his arse to do it, he went and bloody failed!

When questioned about how useless he was, he came clean:

From: Ozan
Subject:

covers his face with his hands

you really have no clue how embarrased i feel atm...

And so he should! What a despicable failure! There is only one final solution and that is DWL.

Inspector_Clouseau

"Here to prove I can still play this game"

This laughable statement is drawn directly from the good Inspector's quote. We haven't stopped laughing at him since. We may actually have been laughing at him before, but even so this made us laugh even more. Surely nobody believes he can still play? Seriously? If you do, I'd appreciate a mail explaining why you've adopted such false hope.

What makes him DWL-worthy? Well, I spent so long laughing at what a failure he is, I've only just managed to get round to writing this! I know, what a bastard.

Raptor

This is something of a pre-emptive strike. It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, but it will certainly happen at some point.

Jun 08, '11 14:36 An unidentified assailant took $5000 from you.

This is the only mark that this despicable creature leaves of his presence. He pilfers your coins with his featherlike claws and then laughs behind your back. This villain is the reason why people attempted to exterminate his entire species. His strategy is simple, PP you to death. You become so disenchanted by repeatedly losing your $5000, that you give up all together and shoot yourself in the face. He previously used a spoon with painful results.

However, he's switched his M.O. He'll just PP you. Again. And again. And again. And again....

Augustus

We don't play favourites here. Whatever we divine, it gets translated into the list. We can't make exceptions.

With this in mind, former LHM and now general air stealer, Augustus, has been named for the slaughter. When people have been replaced in the past and had their slanties taken off them, they've had the dignity, honour and class to end it themselves. Clearly, Augustus doesn't. He's lingering on, like a dog chasing cars, barking and wagging his tail, trying to keep up but steadily falling further behind.

We feel a little sorry for him, so it might be a bit of a relief to be dying soon. Rest easy big guy.

People We Wish Had Died - But Can't Actually Die

In something of a first for the DWL, we find ourselves shaking our fist, calling up our buddy Death only to be told that our victim can't die! Outrageous says us! Fact says he. Alas, the divination can't be ignored and when you're named, you're named. Soooo....

Anubis

Ours is a sad tale, friends.

Once upon a time old Chuckle tried to return to these shores and he couldn't remember how his ancestors used to manage it. He went away and prayed, hoping for divine instructions. He didn't receive any, so he had to forge an entirely new method of arriving here. In doing so he forsook all right to his ancestor's inheritance - primarily their treasure trove of a Back Alley.

(I tried to sign up again, but rather embarrassingly couldn't remember my password. The reset password link doesn't do anything. A new master account was the only alternative.)

Upon establishing himself, he sought out one of those godly folk, made an offering in his temple and before him the mighty Anubis appeared. Chuckle made a humble request; could the great god use his powers to allow Chuckle access to his ancestor's cache, which he was now unable to reach? Anubis, in his wisdom, told him this was not possible. Disheartened, but accepting of a situation beyond his control, Chuckle retreated from the temple and went about his business.

Several nights went by, before Chuckle was granted a vision. Within this vision, he saw one of his predecessors seeking out the same god and making the same request. He sought access to this same cache and made the same offering, yet he was not refused. Instead, he was told that it could indeed be done and was promptly granted access to that Back Alley vault! He was delighted and worshipped the god for remainder of his days.

Upon waking, Chuckle was crestfallen. Why would the Gods be so cruel to him? Alas, we do not know. What we do know is that we've got a DWL slot reserved for Anubis until he makes that Back Alley accessible again!

The Gazman BG Foundation: Update 10th June

For anyone interested, Gazman is currently 'Protected'. The fund is still in operation, although it is universally recognised as a failure.

If you are looking to donate to the Gazman BG Foundation, you shouldn't. Don't be such an idiot. Spend your money elsewhere, like on buying Crawford lessons for his beloved guitar.

Acknowledgments

It takes a certain type of brilliance to have produced only one issue and already have fallen way behind the schedule. I'd like to take all the credit for this stupendous feat, after all I'm the driving force behind this double dose of nonsense, but I couldn't have achieved this magnificent achievement alone. So, thank you to all those writers besides EvilClown-, for contributing absolutely nothing. You guys are wonderful.

EvilClown- actually came forward and delivered a terrible quiz/survey/something or other and a nonsensical story. Everyone else has let down Team Knuckle. Therefore, if you would like to try your hand at this writing business, all contributions are welcome. You may get mocked, but you might get celebrated as a genius. Who knows?

I've messed with the formatting on this, hopefully to make it easier to digest. If you prefer it this way, the old way or some other way, be sure to let us know so that we can tell you to fuck off and do whatever we want make it as easy as possible for you!

A final word to those people who sponsor this, stop being such tight bastards. Most of you gave a handful of dollars, how cheap! My dignity is worth more!

Something like a disclaimer

If I've taken a pot shot at you in this, it is because I think you're big enough to handle a joke and may find it funny yourself. If I've thought wrongly and you aren't big enough to handle that, I'm a useless Capo taking up space in Chicago, who some idiot blessed with slanties (take that Camazotz). RIP Chuckle.

Great read as ever Chuckle, can't wait for issue 3

Crawford always did like spending all day sucking on me.

JkL briskly walks down the street, the sun is shining and he as a spring to his large stride. 

Another excellent read Chuckle. 

And as for Raptor, and his damn pickpocketing lizard like hands. That lizard hybrid has been violating my family's pockets for years. 

Jun 06, '11 00.24 You PICKPOCKETED! Raptor 

Was only once, but it felt damn good and I clearly please easily. 

And with that, JkL continues his stroll through the streets. 

You wish, Guitar.

And my stupid crew has been informed of your stupid newspaper, Chuckle. My condolences.

Deny it all you want, I still have the photos.

You'll have nothing and like it.

Shut up, Chuckle.

Chuckle I have to say what another great Issue lol....Figured I just drop  by ask when is the next issue coming out ;p

Another great read, Chuckle. I see my sponsorship has gone far (way to stretch that $1).

As for the Clown competition... Eh, lets not do that again.. I feel old and dirty now.