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The Star Examiner - January Edition Started by: DuBoeuf on Jan 26, '22 13:37

I'm DuBoeuf and this is The Star Examiner

, a newspaper, which I hope will be released every day, or at least every few days.  

COMPETITION FAILS TO ATTRACT ANY ENTRANTS

ORGANISER'S INVOLVMENT IN THIRD MOST BLOODY EVENT IN HISTORY BLAMED

Lincoln_Lawyer launched a writing competition, which, at the time of writing, has failed to see a single entrant, and which hardly anybody seems to care enough about to discuss.  We took to the streets to ask some passers-by what their thoughts on the competition are:

"My cousin entered one of Lincoln's competitions before.  He was found shot dead.  His buddy had also entered.  His buddy's entry got judged, but my cousin's didn't.  As well as being disproportionately lethal, there's no consistency.  It's like he will accept some entries from dead people but not others.  It seems like a form of bigotry to me.  I won't be entering."

"I mean, last time he held a competition 62 people died.  He himself said that competitions always result in deaths.  I don't want to die, so I won't enter."

"My father-in-law's barber entered one of his competitions, and one of the barber's clients won it, actually.  But Lincoln gave the prize fund to someone who hadn't entered.  So why would I want to enter his latest competition just for my prize to be given to some other bum?  Doesn't make a lick of sense."

It is true that 62 people died during Lincoln's last competition, something which mob historians covered in great detail here.

IRONY DECLARED REDUNDANT AS HONESTY- DESCRIBES COMPETENT LEADERSHIP

Moronic thug Honesty- today attempted to sound like a statesman by using fancy words of which he has no real understanding.  His speech, which was about as well received as Lincoln's competition, saw a side to Honesty- which those of us who encounter him elsewhere don't see.  Instead of discussing smearing human waste on walls, Honesty- attempted something neat.

We asked some passers-by what they thought of the speech, and this is what was said:

"The guy is trying, and that's something.  At least he didn't try to be funny, as he's seriously not at all funny, despite claiming he is."

"Last time I heard this guy talk, he was going on about being a real tough guy, and throwing human waste at walls.  I thought he was mad, but it seems he isn't.  Or isn't any more."

"I don't want to say anything for fear of reprisals.  I just want to play some darts and be left alone."

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Gods... i guess there's is no hope for you to change.

Just shut up already and good luck trying to stay alive here.
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Hi Cleo Actually someone already killed him so he is already dead, assumingely for his disrespect in this piece he published right here at this news stand.  Disrespect is generally not looked upon too kindly here in our streets, and can often times (depending on how severe) seal your fate with a brand new pair of cement shoes, much like it did to Mr. DuBoeuf here.

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That is not entirely true. His grandfather, "Mr_Keating" disrespected lots of people for months and nobody did nothing about it. People even homed and stood up for him.

And yes, I saw he was killed, but his kin always return... to keep pestering people. So I just said "shut up" to all his kin (to come) (hope not).

Thanks for "explaining", I guess you own up to your name, heh.
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Always interested in what the latest snoozepaper has to say, Mickey picked up a copy from the gutter from where it belonged and took a read.

"In other news, cock goblin's family member found gunned down outside his "cottage" for the 15th time this month."

Now that was some headline thought Mickey as he flicked through the travesty of a publication. He was frankly amazed that any Publisher had bothered to print this Comic book, The Cryptkeeper and Gyro Gearloose wouldn't be quaking in their boots at the competition. If only there were a publication like The Coconut Chronicle, The Fat People News Chronicle, The Rusty Star-Examiner or The New York Times. Dropping the rag back where he found it, Mickey chuckled to himself, 'Ground Beef', that truly was funny Dagda, and he made a mental note to tell the man himself.

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My lineage owned all of the following except the FPC: The Coconut Chronicle, The Fat People News Chronicle, The Rusty Star-Examiner
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mansplaining

"Thanks for "explaining", I guess you own up to your name, heh."

That beatdown by Cleo surpasses any type of toughness, even that of the CL I'm so scared of I've dubbed "Mr Spoon"

I might as well announce the disbandment of the KLF.

Considering launching another group called 2 Unlimited.
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My lineage owned all of the following except the FPC: The Coconut Chronicle, The Fat People News Chronicle, The Rusty Star-Examiner

Are you sure about that Martyr? Something tells me you may be talking out of your sizable ass. I was just reading a few issues of all these publications, and I never once saw any of your ancestors names on the mastheads.  

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My physical condition is similar to my psychological one: sharp, agile, all protein.

Like all famous media moguls, I kept my involvement quiet.

But why do you think the Chronicle ran so many stories that were favourable about the Soviet State?
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Ugh, dont you get tired of being put down like a dog every single day? Also, I beg you to stop saying my name or I will probably have to change it, since everything that comes out of your mouth is no better than a big stinky cat turd. It will taint my name.

Cleo spits on the ground.

Is it so hard for you to try to be here in peace, like a normal human being? Not bringing Lincoln, stupid writing competitions and your shenanigans up, all the time? For crying out loud, you are like a broken record. YOU'RE BORING.

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The KLF killed Dagda.

You're welcome.
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"Dubious claim, at best!" Bacon thought to himself as he learned of the circulating rumors spreading like wildfire through the streets. Such outlandish statements were bound to happen at some point. "I think this 'claim' lacks a degree of credibility at face value. Undeniable proof should be provided to verify and substantiate the allegation," he mumbled to himself like a poor piggy. 

One must assume that his thinking was that of the potential for dissemination of misinformation on the streets. Who knows the truth these days.

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Honesty stumbled upon a paper boy handing out newspapers on a moldy wooden crate. Honesty was in a drunken stupor from binge drinking maple syrup all night.

*Hiccup* "Speaking of human waste, I think I may have some in my pants right now." *Hiccup* "It'll always be hard living to such comedic genius that we know as Kuku. He not only managed to make his name a living joke, but his whole lineage is a damn comedic spectacle." *Hiccup* "Listen to me, paper boy. Get out while you can. Run. As fast as you can. Try to escape the brittle lineage that is Kuku's. IT'S NOT TOO" *Hiccup* "LATE!"

Honesty groggily got on his feet and zigzagged his way back to his HQ, where he can go clean himself up.

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Honesty- I think the writer of this newspaper set out to make you look ridiculous.

You have beaten him at his own game, and fulfilled and surpassed his ambitions.
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I aim to please, Martyr. I've been making myself look ridiculous since my birth. I've quite mastered the art. I think it's why Kuku and his people love me. I inspire their material. Of course, they have long ways to go, but hey, you wouldn't be able to reach the peak of Mount Everest if you didn't first have to walk the long road, right?

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Interested people want to know the nuts and bolts of what happened between your ancestor and CommissarKuku.

Tell us?
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My ancestor called CommissarKuku out on his bullshit and he ran to Grin with his tail between his legs because the self-proclaimed "leader of the streets" managed to lose his words when confronting my ancestor.

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Please, quote the exact exchange.

I've heard it's something pretty neat
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You can find it by yourself. I'm not wasting my time for you. It's in the archives of the street announcements and writings.

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It isn't there. Because it never happened.
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This Forum Is For 100% 1950's Role Play (AKA Streets)
Replying to: The Star Examiner - January Edition
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