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I Need a Good Lawyer Started by: JFK_Jr on May 09, '22 12:00
"The best lawyer this world has ever seen lost his life in the recent, bloody, awful war (the so-called "Fareham War")

A journalist that I am not going to name continues to print and collect lies about me.

His CL seems uninterested in stopping the slander.

So I need a lawyer.

Is there a lawyer in the house?"
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I am the finest lawyer this world has ever seen. I surpass even the late great that you refer to. 

My powers though, lie within my suit and I cannot find the damned thing. 

If you could help me find my suit, I would consider representing a misunderstood soul such as yourself. 

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"Cantfindasuit, I am wondering perhaps if you are related to the late great kong who displayed his excellent lawyering skills in courtrooms on these very streets some years ago? His most high profile case was defending one Mr. VIPCreditsGrin in a civil case to determine whether or not the defendant owed a substantial amount of money to pay for a suit that he had commissioned from widely respected suit maker Dominic.  I actually have transcripts of that court case right here!."  Frenchie hands Cantfindasuit an envelope filled with important looking documents.   "Since that case involved an impressive suit it reminded me of you."


"Anyway I digress. I heard of your predicament and I was hoping that I could be of service.  I know that this is probably not the suit that you have been looking for, but I happen to have the most charming suit in my possession and it’s just going to waste.  It’s a family heirloom at this point, but it hasn’t been worn for ages. Facts are that my ancestor purchased the suit from Mr. kong’s case from Dominic, not VIPCreditsGrin.  If you would like, you are more than welcome to borrow the suit.  I have a picture of it here. " She hands Cantfindasuit an 8x10 glossy print of the gorgeous well-crafted suit.

 

"I also happen to have the minutes of a street auction where my great great great grandmother MariaReynolds presented her proof of purchase, so you won’t have to worry about anyone trying to lay claim on the suit.   What do you say?"

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I remember that suit. I think I heard the story of how VIPCreditsGrin, the rightful owner of it, encountered a grasping social-climber at his street auction who was trying to steal the suit from him. MariaReynolds I think her name was. Unfortunately she only had puny twig arms, so the story goes, and she couldn't manage the gargantuan fabric alone without a team of oxen to carry it back to her lair, so VIPCreditsGrin pushed her down into the dirt, her half-smoked cigarette falling from her mouth as she crumpled to the ground in a heap. Neil_Anblomi quickly picked it up and stole it. Theft was a habit of both his (namely half-smoked gutter cigarettes) and the times really; something that doesn't seem to have changed. FrenchieHorn here appears to be perpetrating another theft against the estate of my forebears in giving away that which isn't hers. 

Beat it, Horn. Take your shouting elsewhere.

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I think I may have heard of that incident but being a prolific alcoholic I can't be sure if it is a social memory, observed memory or genetic memory, or perhaps something completely fabricated that has entered the social consciousness and is believe by some, quiet erroneously I may hasten to add, to be true... What was I saying? Oh yeah, Neil_Anblomi, was famous for two things, mouthing off to people who believed themselves better than him, and not paying for smoking. He would bum cigarettes off anyone he came across, and if none were forthcoming he would happily smoke old stogies he had found, short but not to big around. However I think, as a serving Police Captain, I would have to say that the 5 second rule applies here, and that as MariaReynolds had clearly discarded the cigarette, it was freely available to anyone who wished to lay claim to it. 

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I think you are confused Grin-22. VIPCreditsGrin was an attempted thief. He commissioned that suit from Dominic and then once Dominic made good and showed his work VIPCreditsGrin decided that he didn't like it and wasn't going to pay for it. Maria Reynolds, however, liked the suit very much and she sent money to the tailor of that suit and received the suit from Dominic soon after. The only way Glenn could have been trying to auction Maria's suit would have been if he had stolen the suit from her. VIPCreditsGrin never paid for the suit, and the minutes of the auction clearly shows MariaReynold's receipt. Grin talks a lot, he always did. Most of his ancestors and descendants also talk a lot. This is a well known fact. Grin tried his best to talk fast and convince people that he owned the suit in question, but it's all just words. The receipt is actual evidence. Anyway, I would very much like to hear from Cantfindasuit to see if he or she is interested in borrowing my precious family heirloom.
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That sounds, quite frankly, like absolute horseshit. The only positive is that it was delivered without shouting. The suit has VIPCreditsGrin stitched on it in billboard sized letters and, despite what you may have believed, he did pay Dominic for it because I remember seeing his lousy estate and thinking someone was afoot. Dominic's ancestor, RonaldCarabbia, can attest to their family coffers being boosted to the tune of a credit. If old Maria falls-on-the-ground Reynolds came into possession of it, that was via her well-known underhandedness and nothing more.

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No, it doesn't. Just more nonsense talk. The fact that VIPCreditsGrin didn't pay for that suit was the entire subject of the lawsuit earlier mentioned. He hated the suit, he complained to anyone who would listen that it was way too big and unflattering. Yes, it was embroidered, it was originally created for VIPCreditsGrin. He just didn't want it. It's hardly noticeable, so I'm not at all surprised that she decided to purchase it anyway.
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The kangaroo court that was convened by people wearing very ugly suits, MariaReynolds well placed among them, was the dictionary definition of nonsense. Despite that, you will note within the public record of that idiotic hearing, this entry:

Ok just discovering this little legal business. I haven't listened to all of you because as I say, wasn't aware this was going on and also, you're kind of boring. Plus I recently held a street auction and sold some of my possessions; raised quite a lot of money, actually, but I've had a lot on.

So basically, because of how much money I now have, I have decided to pay Dominic the beggar, a further credit as a gesture of goodwill and this no admission of guilt one off payment concludes things here. Don't choke on it, Dom. Honestly. 

Anyway, no further comment required from you chaps. I'd thank you all for your time, but yano, boring and that. Well, that's that. Cheers. 

- VIPCreditsGrin

Dom, ugly buffoon that he was, was paid. So how exactly did Smokey Maria purchase it? Seems like she walked her soon-to-be-floor-covered face right into a scam and bought precisely nothing. Then she tried to hold up a legitimate street auction and was rightly pushed to the ground where she belonged. 

Seems like Cantfindasuit sees through your tobacco web of lies, Horn. Pull the other one. 

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She purchased the suit literally immediately after VIPCreditsGrin said he wouldn't have it. Her purchase occurred days before the lawsuit and auction.  VIPCreditsGrin may have decided that he would purchase the suit, but had he gone back to the tailor he would have had to wait for a new suit to be crafted, as the original had been sold to MariaReynolds already.  You can't just buy things that are already sold.  

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What did she purchase exactly? Dominic didn't have the suit, he'd given it to VIPCreditsGrin. Was he crying with his beggars bowl for something he already had, available to sell on to any Tom, Dick, or smokey Maria? No, of course not. VIPCreditsGrin had it and, due to the terrible adherence to the design brief and gargantuan size, retained it as compensation. Fortunately for him, VIPCreditsGrin became a very wealthy man and deigned to give Dom a credit anyway just to leave him alone - "Fuck you" money, as it is known in the billionaire circles. Maria was then herself conned by the swindler-tailor and seemingly bought thin air. The actual garment was sold for a far greater amount (the VIPCreditsGrin ownership effect), and like all things, was then passed on in subsequent duels. 

A long story, still pretty long, Cantfindasuit was looking for his suit, not a picture of another suit you probably took out of a magazine or something.

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I think this fellers son needs a good thrashing

 

 

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"I continue to require a lawyer, not least because of recent happenings.

RonaldCarabbia has not released a "news"paper but I remain fearful that his network of lying informants may grow.

Is there a lawyer in the house?"
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