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The Leader of the Street's News V1 Started by: MrKuku on May 16, '23 14:54

HUGE Lottery Win for New York Media Magnate


The noted writer, publisher, supposed inducted member of the New York mafia, and Leader of the Streets, MrKuku, won a staggering $175,000,000 in the nationwide lottery last Friday.


An emotional MrKuku said "I'm so happy.  I feel I deserve this, given all the work that I do for the good of the community.  I'm of course going to give almost all of it away and return to my life as a pauper, but it's nice to feel rich just this once.


MrKuku then headed to play dice, and then accidentally gave $20m to Duchess, a mistake for which he is still seeking recompense.




Yet more tomfoolery emerged from Chicago, when LostBoy attempted to kill an associate of the New York mob.  LostBoy, who was reputed to be with TheBeast's crew, made the wildcat assault, missing his target.  The 3rd in command of his crew then attempted to shoot LostBoy but missed.  The third act of this pantomime saw LostBoy expressed as a member of TheBeast's crew and left defenceless.  An unknown assailant killed him.


We ask: What Will Chicago Do About this?


And we remember the pre-emtive strike that historian, writer, publisher, and Leader of the Street, Mr_Keating, took about a previous generation of LostBoy.  Keating saw through his facade and executed him before he could cause any trouble.  The next generation of LostBoy received first prize in a competition he didn't enter and, clearly emboldened by this good fortune, engendered in his offspring a sense of entitlement which had nearly lethal consequences for New York.




Anonymous tipsters took some time off from sending the Leader of the Streets anonymous messages about TheBeast to accuse @Brogone1997 of purging.  Bro' did see some casualties over the past week or so, but purgin?  I don't think so.  He was possibly cleaning house, or clearing dead wood.


Try harder, anonymous tipsters!  I won't just broadcast your allegations willy nilly.


Thanks for your continuing support.  Please send me money, and tips.  I'm off to take some opiates.  I love you.

Report Post Tips: 6 / Total: $120,000 Tip

Excuse me if i'm wrong sir, but isn't Marston the actual leader of the streets?

I can see you're leader of Brooklyn, but you're number #6 in the top #15 influential people of the streets. Please, correct me if i'm wrong though, as i'm new to this world.

Report Post Tips: 5 / Total: $260,000 Tip

Colonel_Ives.  Yes, happy to correct you.  You're wrong.


I'm the Leader of the Streets. 


Good day to you sir

Report Post Tips: 2 / Total: $40,000 Tip

"It's good to read another newspaper, even though it's a competitor to my own wildly successful Immolation of Restaurants. I've had many restaurant owners approach me, BEGGING me to make a visit to devour their entire menu's worth of grub, groveling at my feet for that famed S rank (Scrumptious)."

"Speaking of, I will require a sizeable bribe from you to prevent me from writing another issue, and I expect your recent lottery win will accomodate this perfectly. We both know that "Systematic Immolation of News" and "The Leader of The Streets News" would not be able to survive the competition of my restaurant review booklet."

"I already tried getting the cash from Duchess through a lawsuit as reparations for the emotional trauma she caused me but that failed and now I'm 20 million in debt."

Report Post Tips: 2 / Total: $40,000 Tip

@JubTheHub - MrKuku hereby reclaims the Systematic Immolation trademark.


What do you say? 

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Rebecca crossed her arms over her chest and let out a noise of displeasure, "I would like Wellerman to come to the streets and explain why he's decided he can say when the contest is over, when you yourself, the runner of this glorious contest, stated entries would be open until the evening." the woman said. 

"I think Wellerman is abusing his power, power that he stole from the people and I demand answers and compensation." Rebecca said, pointing a finger at MrKuku "And furthermore, I demand properly fried eggs." 

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MrKuku, this is unacceptable. We all know that the "Systematic Immolation" trademark has become public domain after the mysterious disappearance of WhereWasI.

Now unless WhereWasI makes a messiah'stic appearance to resolve this copyright mess I'm afraid I'm going to have to request a sitdown.

Report Post Tips: 1 / Total: $20,000 Tip
I’d like to stake my claim as the “Prince of the streets”.
I’m not sure if this makes MrKuku my dad.

Does it?!
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Rebecca realized a few minutes later that she had wandered away from where she had meant to speak, but it didn't really matter. MrKuku was everywhere on the streets, everyone knew it. People too simple to manage just simply avoided the streets because one might say he owned them. Or something. 

But hopefully no one would notice she had spoken 3 feet too far from the left, and to help distract she started making her expression look slightly angrier. 

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Rebecca I can assure you that I am not the one making these decisions. I am simply relaying the messages to and from the Competition Commission. I thought your story was very good, but it's not up to me to decide. In fact, MrKuku here might be the right person to be talking to. Since MrKuku is the Leader of the Streets, he's should be able to petition the Competition Commission to amend the Competition Commission Constitution. 

It's within his power as the Leader of the Streets. 

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I'm willing to award Rebecca $20m if it can be recovered from Duchess

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I thought that was coming to me?

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MoralCompass - Your accountant has made payment of $20,000,000 to MoralCompass.

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Thanks, good contest. Very well run, clear rules and not loads of deaths. 

As a gesture of goodwill for inspiring my story, I'm going to split my winnings with Colonel_Ives

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That's a kind gesture, MoralCompass.  Perhaps Colonel_Ives would like to use this platform to say a few words? 


Still waiting on Duchess getting me the $20m as well.



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MrKuku, I will not be sending back your 20 million, certainly not in a lump sum at least. I have felt somewhat inspired by TheBeast, however, and would be open to offering a payment plan to compensate you to the tune of, let's say, 50k a week for 7 years? 

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MrKuku, I am also still waiting on 20 million from Duchess.

My name is higher on the list when ordered alphabetically, which should mean I get paid my reparations first. Get in line, son.


Don't make me request a second sitdown while our first sitdown over the Systematic Immolation copyright dispute is still pending.

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I wasn't sure what you were talking about MoralCompass, but then i searched and found your story written on a writing contest and realized you simply repeated almost all my words. This isn't inspiration, its a straight up copy. But anyway, thank you for your huge "share" of your winnings with me: $20,000. 

If i knew about this writing contest i would've entered myself. Or not. Apparently people are complaining about not receiving their prizes.

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I haven't received my prize either. 


As Prince of the Streets I'd like to say I'm shocked and appalled for all of us that are left prizeless from this brutal, bloody writing competition. 

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There's a lot of $20m rolls unaccounted for.


Could those who received one please make themselves known?


Colonel_Ives, could you give me your @$10m please? 

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