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| The Chronicle- Issue Twelve | Started by: Marietta on Jul 25, '09 14:06 |
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*** Well... here's the paper! *Long and awkward silence.* You should all be happier about this. I know I am. ...I have more enthusiasm, I swear. It's just too damn hot lately. Oh well. Screw summer, Marietta The City of... 'Odd'-erly Love? July 21st marked a new beginning for Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In the dead heat of the summer, as the evening hours began to tick on and turn into a cool night, leader Odd emerged from the dusk and was named the new Philly Godfather. Odd started as the Right Hand to a Los Angeles Captain by the name of Shagtastic, who headed up The Clinic. After a war that Los Angeles and Philly fought alongside one another, Philly's resources were severely wiped out. An arrangement was made, and the former Right Hand was suddenly working for the Godfather of Philly himself, JimmyTheLionHeart. The man started his crew, SPIRIT, back in May, and has been a steady force for the city of Philly ever since. After JimmyTheLionHeart died, Odd assumed the helm of the 'ship' and began to auth his own Captains and take over the majority of the Philly business, as an acting Godfather. On the 21st, however, the title became official. His family was passed on to his former Right Hand Paul_Walker, a constant presence in the SPIRIT organization for quite some time. Congratulations from the DetChron to Philadelphia on this momentous occasion. Best wishes to the new ranks and new leaders! New in the Eight Cities Chicago: The Windy City announced their Carnival this past week- with contests, money give-aways, and even face-painting! Detroit: PedroRourke, Captain who heads up the Retribution, became the next Detroit Don, while Death-Knight ended his business district competition. Las Vegas: Captain Tie made a speech about the meaning of Made Man, while Left Hand to Aurora, Tallien, gave a spirited debate about the importance of rank. Los Angeles: The City of Angels was boiling hot this week, with Captain Judge_Holden wandering around the business districts to find ways to keep himself cool! New Orleans: Still empty... but not for long! *Wink wink hint hint cough.* New York: Leader TM authed himself his first Captain, Otis-Driftwood (The Devil's Rejects). Philly: Don Odd became Godfather Odd, passing on the SPIRIT to his former Right Hand, Paul_Walker. Saint Louis: Had a BBQ and invited no one. Jerks. Advice from Amy Q: Amy, A: George, Q: Good afternoon, Amy Moose, A: Mister Goodwin, If you would like to write to Amy, please send a letter to Advice from Amy, Care of Marietta Carne-Vale The festivities kicked off on July 19th; Don Sidious of Chicago announced that the Windy City would be holding their first ever carnival. Open to all cities, it would ensure a week of good will, money making and general 'fun' among the mobsters across the United States. Don Sidious took it upon himself to award one million dollars to a single person roaming the Streets of Chicago every day, as well as throwing some of his ever famous Chicago Crackdown Challenges. His Right Hand Kizzy was doing face paintings, which could be seen on some of the more famous mobsters of our time. Left Hand Silhouette found herself knocked up, and along with Kizzy they were awarding cash prizes to anyone who could account for the evening the 'magic happened', as well as for baby name ideas. Open letters seemed to be the big hit this week; Chicago urged everyone to write an open letter about anything they desired, and the best one would be selected for a prize at the end of the week. Even Right Hand to KingBenny, kong, was seen throwing his own special lottery. We at the DetChron want to thank Chicago for their generosity and the week of fun they provided us. Everyone had a wonderful time! Famous Mobster Sightings Curious about what the more famous of our world get up to during the week? Here's a look at what we here at the Chronicle were able to capture. Man from Chicago, Sledgie, climbing out of the sewers on a crowded Windy City street. Right Hand to Don ScipitaRourke out of New York, Pip, playing a piccolo in a meadow as a crowd of mice danced around. Bloodflower, Philadelphia citizen, studying bouquets of flowers at an outside market. Los Angeles Mobster Banjo, throwing bricks repeatedly through the picture window of a neighboring business. Boss from Detroit, violet, singing to herself as she waited in line to rob a bank. Hopey, Right Hand to RjFuller in Chicago, collecting funds for the 'Save a Kid' foundation. Was seen spending said money later that day. Mobster from New York, Dave_, eating an ice cream cone and giggling to himself. Man from Las Vegas, JohnnyDriver, stealing an expensive car from outside of a well-known Las Vegas restaurant. Restaurant and Business Review of the Week Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a random (or suggested by readers like you!) business or restaurant in a random city and will share whether the place was dressed to impress or destined to flop. Though New Orleans is a ghost town at the moment, it's business district certainly isn't! We managed to find a quaint little place called the Telkin Bar. Opened just over a month ago, this little bar has managed to keep a steady and thriving business. Even if the rest of New Orleans hasn't quite kicked up it's heels yet, this place most definitely has! Run by New York mobster Telkin, we had quite the enjoyable evening at this speakeasy. Environment: Very laid back and anything goes. People are always happy and enjoying themselves in this place. Billiards tables for fun, couches for relaxation and a full stocked bar keep this place lively. It is said that on the grand opening, free drinks were even being served all day! Selection: Food on the 'bbq' and tons of drinks to spare; Telkin Bar offers quite the variety that could fulfill your every whim of imagination. Service: Telkin himself runs and operates the joint; he is fast and friendly, and is accurate. He goes beyond the wants of the patron and helps serve their needs as well (including handing over a glass of water to a patron who was too drunk to formulate words!). Clientele: Many, many mobsters have been seen here- including quite a few Right Hands and Leaders as well! With a fun place like this, how could you not expect to see a variety of people here? Our rating: Four out of five stars. We think a month from now this place will be full operational and will see a rise in business with the reshaping of New Orleans. Congratulations to Telkin and the Telkin Bar. If you too want to be one of the establishment owners reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue of The Chronicle! Looking for some fun and a place where you can hang your hat and just dance? Check out Detroit's newest hang out- the Jazz Hall! Meet up with friends, listen to great music- Detroit's Jazz Hall has it all! Have an odd job laying around that you need to get done, but simply don't have the time? Too busy to get that project off the ground, and need a helping hand? Contact Editor Marietta Rossi for free job advertising in The Chronicle. This Week in LCN History Ever wonder what the Mafiosi of yester-year were up to? Well damn it, we'll show ya! Check out this what happened during the random events weeks of July 10th to the 23rd! Jul 11th: Don Animal of Las Vegas (La Casa di Ombra) and family tried to take down then Los Angeles crime syndicate. Leader Vic_Mackey (30 Incorporated) was felled, while his Captain Mr_Corleone (Atto di Classe) continues to fight. Then Chicago leader Alessia (La Famiglia dei Guardiani) join in to aide Don Animal. Then mobster Alonzo from LA also rogues. Don Animal dies to a shot by Alonzo. Ace_Rimmer (former Animal member/Wise Guys Inc.) sets up to help with the LV/Chicago side of the war. In the end all LA war threats are eliminated. The war lasted over a day and a half. July 13th: Then mobster Daera was authorized to set up as a captain to Iris (The Java Cartel) in Philly (The New Scum). July 14th: Then mobster DaKine was authorized to set up as Captain to Skulls (The Renegades) in New Orleans (N.O. Pit Bulls). July 15th: DaKine starts a debate about whether sending out invites to war survivors is member whoring or being a savior. July 18th: Then mobster DrFeelgood creates the Fresh Start Foundation, for all the new civilians who flooded to our shores during this time. July 19th: Ace_Rimmer (rogue leader in Los Angeles, Wise Guys Inc.) was eliminated by then crew leaders. July 19th: Then Philly Captain Daera (The New Scum) makes a speech about the different types of leadership seen throughout this world. July 20th: Captain to Alessia (La Famiglia dei Guardiani) LargeHamster is authed to move family (I Roditori di Los Angeles) to Los Angeles. July 20th: Captain to Iris (Java Cartel) Daera authorized to move his family (The New Scum) to New York. July 21st: The very first edition of Gossip Magazine "Tea Time!" (a brain child of then mobsters Kleighton, Victoria and Marietta) hits the newsstands. The disclaimer said it all: Disclaimer: If you are wearing a bold or slanty suit, you WILL be the subject of many of our articles. If you don't like it, deal. It comes with the territory. July 23rd: A new Chicago Captain was set up in the form of Judson (La Urbana Metropolitan). July 23rd: The Mafia Weekly paper makes a come back (Resurrection Edition) with chief editor Taskmaster at it's helm. The Chronicle presents... Real Mobsters of Genius Today we salute you, Mr. Annoying Persistent Loan Asker Guy. Fill in the Blanks Every week we interview a leader, asking about all their hard work, fame and glory. Yet it is often seen that Right Hands and Left Hands are shunted to the side, when they put just as much time in as the Boss themselves. In this new section, we have asked three Right or Left Hands to fill in the blanks on a survey sheet. Their answers vary from the serious, to the hilarious to the just plain disturbing. This week we caught up with DeanovichLegovski of Philly, Theodoric of Detroit and FrankCastle of Las Vegas. Below were their answers (respectively). Hope you all find them as enlightening as we did! My full name is Deanovich "turns to the left" Legovski. My full name is Theodoric Gerorg Friedrich.
Weather Chicago: Detroit: Las Vegas: Los Angeles: New Orleans: New York: Philly: Saint Louis: Caught In the Action We at the Chronicle have always been huge fans of those who are adventurous in This Life of Ours... especially those who regale us with the tales afterward. From now on, we will be highlighting the three mob activities we saw that we liked the best each week, or the best three story recounting told to the public. July 20th: Wise Guy Anthony_de_Luca, of Chicago, and some of his associates were caught in a shoot out when discussing plans for a take down of another organization. When he went home, he found his wife thankfully alive, but his children received a worse fate. Our sympathies are with you, Mister de Luca. July 21st: A mobster from Detroit by the name of ttarrab found himself being jumped in an alleyway. With the help of a man named Toni, he managed to escape the sticky situation. July 24th: Deadpool was at it again. After being asked by Godfather Odd to investigate the death of his cousin's husband, Pool found himself in a sticky situation including a dead woman, a double-crossing associates, and a kick to the balls. Digging for Answers I often have young petty thieves and thugs come up to me, sit on my lap, and ask me questions. Usually they involve me taking my clothes off. Those people are promptly slapped and/or stabbed and sent on their way. But every so often someone breaks into our thing and is confused about a particular aspect of our business that they can't explain. Well, I'm here to help. Between keeping an ear to the grapevine and my own scholarly research I'm able to uncover just about anything. So if there's something you're confused about, just drop me a letter. Now let's get started for today's question... Professor Kates, what is the deal with shooting all of these inactive bums? An excellent question. Even a cursory look at the obituaries will reveal that the vast majority of deaths are people who accomplish very little in our world. This people, who have been variously dubbed the "inactives", "IAs", or "bums" of our world, are essentially wastes of oxygen. While some of them may become petty thieves, a large number barely make a living in even a sedentary civilian life. Homeless, they eventually wind up sleeping in public streets or parks. But why do people shoot at them? After studying old journals in the Detroit Public Library, as well as various private collections, I've traced the practice back to Humbert Rutherford Harrington, who was a shooting enthusiast at the turn of the century. In 1914, when the Great War broke out, Humbert was living in an estate outside of New York City. He was immediately convinced that the United States would enter this war and, consumed by the desire to accumulate personal glory, embarked on a period of training. But as tin cans, cardboard targets, fowl, and deer fell by the wayside in the years of 1914 and 1915 he was still unsatisfied. Harrington's journal records the following: "I vanquished 87 ducks today with my faithful dog, who seemed to snigger at my single miss. My urge to shoot the dog was overwhelmed by my failure. Ducks do not move like a man. Ducks do not think like a man. I must find another way..." He would find this alternate approach in discussing his problem with Antonio Barducci, one of his business associates. Together they worked out an arrangement. Barducci, a powerful figure in the New York underground at the time, would round up several homeless men and women from the slums of New York and bring them to Harrington's estate, where they would be freed in his enclosed acre of wildlife and hunted down. No one missed these men and women who were nearly comatose when Barducci's soldatos scraped them off the streets. Harrington became quite the marksman, but died four days before the United States entered the war when one of his rifles exploded in his face. Barducci, after realizing that even a fop like Humbert Rutherford Harrington became a cold-blooded killer of men, implemented the practice in his own hitsquad. Lacking the inclination to transport these inactive bums, Barducci's shooters gunned them down in whatever city they happened to find them in. They were careful to wait until their targets became truly inactive to avoid a public outcry. After a few missteps in which a bum shot after 6 days was startled into screaming his killer's identity, the time frame of 7 days was derived. As Barducci's men became more and more powerful, other families adopted the practice in an attempt to keep up. City Hall and government officials generally look the other way, as a huge population of comatose homeless would present them and their electorate with issues of practicality and aesthetics. And so it is that this practice has continued down to the modern day, due to the efforts of Humbert Rutherford Harrington and Antonio Barducci. Obituaries and Retirements A section where we respectfully honor and highlight the lives lost of those Made Rank and up. Made Men Capos Bosses Consigliere New York Does it Again This past week long time New York leader TM took a bold step and announced his first Captaincy. Former Left Hand Otis-Driftwood was granted to run a small organization underneath The Sicilian Connection. Otis, heading up the newly named Devil's Rejects, was heard stating in his opening speech, "My ultimate goal, is to help make New York the best it can be. I will do this through hard work and dedication. Often there are times when hard work and dedication are over looked. This will not be the case in my tenure as Captain. All work, however minor, will be rewarded and everyone will be given fair opportunity." An ambitious goal, and one that we can certainly get on board with. Congratulations to TM and Otis on their new business arrangement. We hope to see many great things out of the Devil's Rejects for months to come! Money Money Money The Editor has too much money. More than she knows what to do with sometimes. What better way than to reward readers of The Chronicle? Everyone who purchased a copy of the paper last edition had their personal information taken down by one of our salesmen. Their names were put into a hat, too many to even count! Per usual, three names were drawn and selected. These three people have been named winners of 100K each! And this week's winners were... Huggybear, Silhouette and Esham! Congratulations! The money has been wired to your bank accounts. Enjoy! Remember to buy your copy of The Chronicle. You never know- next week you could be a winner! What's the Deal With _______? We here at the Chronicle will allow people to vent every week, anonymously, about something that irks them. (Within reason!) Don't like colorful tattoos? Hate people who don't wear family tags? This here's your place to say your piece. Peace. Whichever. All you have to do is send your rant to the Editor, Marietta, and start your rant with 'What's the Deal With _____?". Since no one else volunteered these past few weeks, I think I'll have another hand at this one. Wish me luck folks! This week: Allllllll The Speeches About Made Men What's the deal with all the speeches about Made Men? I get it. Made Man is one of the most important ranks (if not THE most important rank) you will ever receive in a family. I get that it's your Boss telling you "Hey, I pin my trust and loyalty on you, because you've been such an asset to this organization so far." I get that it's a big freakin' deal, because it is. It really is. But why do we have to have about fifty speeches about it in the past few weeks? Suddenly it seems as if our world has gone Made crazy. I'm not calling people out on their Street activity. Hell, I love it. I'm just wondering, why does everyone keep going for the same subject? Are we really that hell bent on Made Man that we're going to be stuck on it until it's been analyzed from every angle? I don't get it. Maybe that's because I haven't made my own speech about it yet. I'll get right on that. Do YOU have a problem with something that happens every week? Want the chance to vent about it? Write into The Chronicle and we'll publish all your rants for you! Nice Recipes for Hardcore Mobsters Too hot to do some actual cooking for dinner? We completely understand. But with a homemade Potato Soup, you'll still get the home-cooked meal but in a fast, easy and efficient way! What You'll Need: Directions: Serve garnished with parsley, sliced green onions, or a little shredded cheese. Horoscopes Want to know what the week holds? Well we can't tell you that. Get a glimpse about how it might turn out, though: Aries (March 21st through April 19th): To find your horoscope, please turn to Section D-7! Thank you for reading the twelfth edition of The Chronicle! Our staff really hopes you enjoyed it! We are always available to answer your questions at any time. Please contact the editor, Marietta, with any concerns you may have. If you would like to write for the Chronicle, please contact Marietta for more information and to set up an interview asap! Visit us in the coffee shops in #detchron |
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Another great paper Marietta, way to brighten up my day <3 |
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| Reply by: Rover at Jul 25, '09 14:09 | |
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I love reading the paper! ;] |
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| Reply by: Silent_but_Deadly at Jul 25, '09 15:17 | |
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Absolutely the best thing around......Great job as usual |
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| Reply by: Johnny_Killa at Jul 25, '09 15:31 | |
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Marietta how do you do it another excellent paper |
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| Reply by: Ruaidhri_M at Jul 25, '09 16:02 | |
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A pleasure as always Godmother. Lovely way to wake up, nice hot cup of coffee and a newspaper... |
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| Reply by: Gaius at Jul 25, '09 16:08 | |
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Fantastic edition Marietta and Kates. As always i find myself losing time reading your news! |
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| Reply by: Starshine at Jul 25, '09 16:10 | |
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Once again a nice read, Well done. |
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| Reply by: Recro at Jul 25, '09 16:26 | |
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Once more mother. You still impress me with your awesome news paper. I love reading these newspapers. They are a great thing to take ones mind off their problems and work. Can't wait for next weeks edition. |
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| Reply by: Death-Knight at Jul 25, '09 16:27 | |
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Another wonderful edition Marietta |
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| Reply by: Kevin_Myers at Jul 25, '09 17:29 | |
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Great and informative as always. :D Thanks for the updates. |
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| Reply by: Esham at Jul 25, '09 17:31 | |
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A great read as ever. |
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| Reply by: Hellboy at Jul 25, '09 17:38 | |
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Damn, I love the paper when I get a mention. Keep up the good work. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jul 25, '09 17:44 | |
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I always enjoy reading the chronicle. It is nice to be able to get a good overview of the world and even nicer to know that some people up there keep a close eye on what happens out here. |
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| Reply by: Deuce_Bigalo at Jul 25, '09 17:57 | |
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A great read like them all |
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| Reply by: MafiaT at Jul 25, '09 18:41 | |
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More fine work, Detroit. Thanks again for taking the time to put this together. |
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| Reply by: Sidious at Jul 25, '09 18:42 | |
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A great edition as always. I did miss the interview with a leader section, though. |
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| Reply by: CrazyNine at Jul 25, '09 19:01 | |
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loved the read, thanks again |
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| Reply by: CaptainCrunch at Jul 25, '09 19:22 | |
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Sledgie skimmed across the pages half heartedly, already knowing there wouldn't be any cartoons. But something does catch his eye. Sledgie. His name written on the page in black and white. (well, an off white, and some patches of blood courtisy of the previous owner of the paper) He sits down and tries to decipher the surrounding words, sounding out the harder ones. He remembers the sewers... but can't remember WHY he was in the sewers. |
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| Reply by: Sledgie at Jul 25, '09 19:30 | |
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Good read, as always. Keep up the good work! |
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| Reply by: Kung at Jul 25, '09 19:38 | |
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