http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/141707742050?ul_noapp=true&chn=ps&lpid=82

If that isn't useless.. Idk wtf is... 

Nothing like a good old broken whistle. 

https://gyazo.com/93d301c284fd595caf62c72256d99363

a rock

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cigarette-Lighter-Camping-Waterproof-Windproof/dp/B014RBHSLG/ref=sr_1_2/278-6054071-3061345?ie=UTF8&qid=1449670736&sr=8-2&keywords=solar+lighter

what a bargain

an umbrella made of tissue paper

Automatic Soap Dispenser

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Stainless-Steel-Hands-Free-Automatic-IR-Sensor-Touchless-Soap-Liquid-Dispenser-/361307898708

Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015R6JR6Y/ref=s9_newrz_hd_bw_g201_i2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-5&pf_rd_r=1CJP6E0A4HR15TQ7TSFZ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=b14b4a5d-402c-525f-a9cb-91276f56fdb5&pf_rd_i=13749761

I honestly do not get them, I mean.. You wash your hands anyway, so what does it help. It isn't like you touch a normal dispenser AFTER washing your hands, so it litterally serves no purpose. Besides spilling extra soap by accident.

If anyone disagrees, please englighten me.

https://gyazo.com/21631dcf11409d6f1f5c257875135068

It is a "Squishy" sponge after all.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/249043978/fart-bottle-prank?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_c-paper_goods_and_party_supplies-party_supplies-party_favors_and_games&utm_custom1=0880131c-d3a6-4ba4-8d61-c154a9adbe22&gclid=CMKNlKv9zskCFdaRHwodCpQACw

Well if you're talking useless.

-depending on what phone she uses get the wrong charger.

if she uses iphone, get her a android charger. if she uses android, get an iphone charger.

-Some kind of pet food.

-Fishing bait.

-a tie.

-a key to nothing.

Wait.

Get her a coin that has no value.

A DANNY DEVITO STAMP

https://www.etsy.com/listing/198243155/danny-devito-handmade-stamp

I'd say As Seen On TV is always a gold mine for useless things. Sure they probably provide the solution to some very niche issue, but if they don't actually work, that makes them usefully useless right?

My favs are:

http://www.asseenontv.com/long-reach-comfort-wipe/detail.php?p=296060

http://www.asseenontv.com/hot-stamps-hair-designs-hair-glitter/detail.php?p=763604

But with an under $10 filter, browse to your heart's content!

http://www.asseenontv.com/gifts-under-10/index.php?v=novelty_gifts-under-10&icid=leftnav_novelty_gifts-under-10

an alarm clock that say wake up on screen but not make any noise

What she really needs, is a shoe lace.

Nothing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B002J8VDXE/?tag=099saveund20-20

A confetti burst for every hi-5: http://www.fiesta5.com/

A penis-shaped egg-mold: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000YX3E7Y/?tag=099saveund20-20

Poop soap: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GURVJ3O/?tag=099saveund20-20

An informative book on things you shouldn't masturbate to: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0399536493/?tag=099saveund20-20

aaand light up goo: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HZ9210G/?tag=099saveund20-20

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EBCBG7E/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00EBCBG7E&linkCode=as2&tag=funnpict00-20&linkId=JHDKOVDR4C4KNV6K

*clears throat*

Well here's for a special price of $10 each! Hurry! Christmas won't last! :D

Ctrl + Alt + Delete WAND! (Leave the hassle! Use this wand!)

Solar Powered Cigarette (Be one with the SUN!)

Head-mounted Toilet Paper Dispenser (Can heal a broken heart! Trust me!)

Lipstick assistant (Practice makes perfect? Not anymore!)

and for our final entry! *drum rolls*

DVD Re-winder! (YES! ITS #$%$ USELESS!)

http://www.amazon.com/Gears-Out-Box-of-Rocks/dp/B0186DAJXU/ref=sr_1_4?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1449671431&sr=1-4&keywords=box+of+rocks

I mean really what's more useless then some "hand picked rocks" but hurry they are almost out of them lol

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0013C143G/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=

I mean if you think your marriage can survive such a gift :o 

hopefully we were allowed more than one choice haha if not I pick the second one over the first one as my submission