http://www.amazon.com/The-Extraordinary-Book-Useless-Information-ebook/dp/B00DYX9MCC/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

this - https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--aLLrWkTB--/c_fill,fl_progressive,g_north,h_358,q_80,w_636/18mkxg5t7odjxjpg.jpg

link dont work use this - http://cdn2.list25.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ctrlaltdeletewantd.png

Also addition to my list

-Beard wax

a dvd rewinder

A string.

http://www.stupid.com/52-Things-to-Do-While-You-Poo.html

http://www.stupid.com/extra-nipples-buttons.html

http://webshops247.com/uk/sneeuwbalmaker.html?gclid=CMS-jp2Az8kCFcSVGwod0e4AwQ

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=dvd+rewinder&tbm=isch&imgil=twPYqFtd02HmlM%253A%253B2AIA65d4Px1xjM%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.dvdrewinder.com%25252F&source=iu&pf=m&fir=twPYqFtd02HmlM%253A%252C2AIA65d4Px1xjM%252C_&biw=1242&bih=585&usg=__ZRkrH5ZUNkZsQBb1Nu1Abawqt0Q%3D&ved=0ahUKEwiUu6aPgc_JAhUG6RQKHYU-BGkQyjcILQ&ei=Vj1oVpQ4htJThf2QyAY

or
 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ef/12/9a/ef129acd4fc948472ea161645f60af03.jpg

a locked padlock that has no key

you could try make this for 10 dollars but i think you have to imporvise a bit - http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-10/27/19/enhanced/webdr01/enhanced-13567-1414450864-1.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/Sulyn-oz-Glitter-Jar-Silver/dp/B0090B8K8O/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449673189&sr=8-2&keywords=glitter

yes

My physics homework.

http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/education-during-relief

You could get a Mustachifier!

http://www.baronbob.com/mustache-pacifier.htm

You could also get a Shouting Snowball.

http://www.baronbob.com/shouting-snowballs.htm

Or a Gumby Keychain Bendable Figure Toy!

http://www.baronbob.com/gumby-keychain.htm

Or even Nunchops!

http://www.baronbob.com/nunchops.htm

Last but not least, if she's a God lover, get her a I Dont Believe In Miracles, I Depend On Them Bumper Sticker

http://www.baronbob.com/bumper-dont-believe-in-miracles.htm

Hurry get them while there hot! And remember the is Premium!

http://www.amazon.com/DOMAGRON-Premium-Fake-Poop/dp/B00F1I1MZ8/ref=sr_1_1?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1449675892&sr=1-1&keywords=poop

Wait even something more usless!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GSXHH4U?keywords=obama&qid=1449676835&ref_=sr_1_82&sr=8-82

Handerpants Underwear Gloves

• Great For Jazz Hands
• fingerless gloves have the look and feel of men's briefs
• Wear them on their own as a vaguely inappropriate fashion statement
• Distracts Enemies
• Prevents Chafing

I was instantly sold on "great for jazz hands".

I'm not sure if it has to be an object/item that you can keep, like the denture brush (which i think would be useful, if you keep it long enough) buuut...

You need to read this with that epic film commercial deep voiced guy's voice.

In today's CLIMATE OF FEAR! *audience gasps* during a time of recession... (or just after?) (or just after but before another coming recession?)

when everything is more expensive and the job market sucks! *sort of dramatic noises you get between frames in these commercials*

BURGLARY IS ON THE RISE... DUN DUN DUUUN

When the sanctity of christmas, means NOTHING to those willing to steal for a living...

YOU..

NEED...

PROTECTION!

(I don't think you'll find on ebay or amazon, sorry... you're gonna have to go mall to mall for this)

For 1 hour in your christmas day, give your wife the unparalleled feeling of safety, that she deserves... by hiring

THIS GUY

subject to availability, terms & conditions may apply. possibilty for longer lasting protection if left to fall asleep or if haggled down to $5 an hour, (on christmas day) you cheap bastard.