A Pet Rock

https://www.etsy.com/listing/168835237/pet-rock-in-carrying-case-with-bed-n?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_e-home_and_living-home_decor-rocks_and_geodes&utm_custom1=c7836155-7052-4763-85a5-4a6f2676b88e&gclid=CJbjrPKgz8kCFdAXHwodQnACfw

How can you go wrong in terms of uselessness?

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/c208/#tabs

http://wonderfulengineering.com/10-most-useless-products-that-you-can-buy-today/

http://www.amazon.com/Rhode-Island-Novelty-Chicken-Yellow/dp/B004I0BBB0/ref=sr_1_17?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681269&sr=8-17&keywords=novelty

or

http://www.amazon.com/Brass-Balls-Keyring-Keychain-Novelty/dp/B001PV1UK2/ref=sr_1_26?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681269&sr=8-26&keywords=novelty

or perhaps even

http://www.amazon.com/Umbrella-Keeps-your-Comfortable-Rain/dp/B00JL95GJG/ref=sr_1_32?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681269&sr=8-32&keywords=novelty

Perhaps its warm when you are eating Icecream...

http://www.amazon.com/Present-Time-Silly-Mini-Cream/dp/B0039I8G0Q/ref=sr_1_sc_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681385&sr=8-3-spell&keywords=battery+powered+icecream+cone

http://www.amazon.com/Rhode-Island-Novelty-Security-Camera/dp/B0049POL84/ref=sr_1_35?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681313&sr=8-35&keywords=novelty

Keep Muslims and Jews out of your wounds with handy bacon Band aids...

http://www.amazon.com/shaped-Adhesive-Bandages-Die-Cut-Sterile/dp/B000SSV8AA/ref=sr_1_39?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681313&sr=8-39&keywords=novelty

Need an alternative to Turkey or Goose at Christmas?

http://www.amazon.com/Creamed-Possum-Gravy-Garnished-Potatoes/dp/B00UGM9LHK/ref=sr_1_56?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681484&sr=8-56&keywords=novelty

Or for that perfect gift... money.

http://www.amazon.com/-1957-Chevy-Convertible-Novelty-Money/dp/B00R55X4PG/ref=sr_1_65?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681484&sr=8-65-spons&keywords=novelty&psc=1

Or finally, air freshener for the bathroom/Toilet

http://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mister/dp/B000OCEWGW/ref=sr_1_72?ie=UTF8&qid=1449681711&sr=8-72&keywords=novelty

http://www.ebay.com/itm/MAGIC-TEKTITE-MOON-ROCKS-meteor-outer-space-stones-NEW-geology-lunar-rock-/231011500778

Get this Magic Moon rocks for just $4.99, Only 6 packs available !

Many believe they can  protect you from the evil... 

Does it have to be one gift for $10, or can you have a few that equal that?

http://mashable.com/2015/11/23/amazon-gifts-under-5-dollars/#0vS1LfohOPqO

Pretty much anything on there is useless and entertaining.  You should go with the LED finger lights, bacon gumballs, or the educational jellyfish.  All great choices. 

And a few more wonderfully useless gifts. 

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/inflatable-unicorn-horn-for-cats

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/squirrel-underpants

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/emergency-inflatable-chicken

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/dill-pickle-mints

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/finger-sporks

http://www.offthewagonshop.com/collections/strange-gifts-under-10/products/handicorn

Because, why the hell wouldn't your wife want this completely useful(less) gift?

http://www.findmeagift.co.uk/gifts/executives-ball-scratcher.html?gclid=CL3LirXPz8kCFQTjGwodkRYCrA

I'mma just leave this one right here.

http://www.stupidiotic.com/product_info.php?products_id=148

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/210069673/soft-gold-nose-warmer-winter-cold-nose?ref=shop_home_feat_3

Definitely this.

$10 worth of MR game credits...it would be like paying yourself to get your wife a gift!

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/52-chat-up-lines-cards-8708-p.asp

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/52-things-you-wish-you-had-said-cards-3312-p.asp

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/bed-fart-cure-mints-7874-p.asp

for them long nights of war when you wb and don't die but maybe leak a little

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/emergency-pants-6041-p.asp

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/pee-pee-bib-6477-p.asp

----------------

post war thread help

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/anti-sarcasm-spray-35316-p.asp

--------------------------

crap gifts

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/christmas-stress-turd-34838-p.asp

http://www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/home-made-poo-gift-2244-p.asp

http://www.amazon.com/Brush-Buddies-8-52060-00362-6-Gangnam-Toothbrush/dp/B00B6HT1EC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449696188&sr=8-1&keywords=gangnam+style+singing+toothbrush

or

http://www.amazon.com/Hicural-1000101-for-Hiccup-Relief/dp/B005AN4LXY/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449697058&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=+Hicural+Hiccup+Stick+Set

or

http://www.amazon.com/Prank-Pack-PP401011-Bathe-Brew/dp/B009ZE29Q0/ref=pd_bxgy_21_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=171HK9FECR4FFMW33TG2

or

http://www.walmart.com/ip/46017833?wmlspartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227033481128&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=71922193136&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=119477033336&veh=sem

or

http://www.amazon.com/Schweppes-Tonic-Diet-Water-33-8/dp/B008XTV982/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1449707524&sr=8-4&keywords=diet+water

or

http://www.amazon.com/Creamed-Possum-Gravy-Garnished-Potatoes/dp/B00UGM9LHK/ref=pd_rhf_se_s_cp_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=51NY7Y28a3L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_SL500_SR100%2C135_&refRID=07JTK7W3C3QW0ZE728XZ

or

http://www.amazon.com/Look-Feel-Canadian-Breath-Spray/dp/B000NRU8DO/ref=pd_sim_236_6?ie=UTF8&dpID=51krj0BR63L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=12065PT4AHAXSNWMM0QN

or

http://www.amazon.com/BigMouth-Inc-Generic-Weener-Kleener/dp/B000SPHPWI/ref=pd_sim_21_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51S-JPXqQUL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=1K4Q03BMDWERTFVXWBAQ

http://www.amazon.com/Stud-Undies-Underwear-Funny-Hilarious/dp/B00NOX4NJY/ref=pd_sim_21_7?ie=UTF8&dpID=41Csy5qIUdL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR91%2C160_&refRID=13QCYCAV311CWMTWTSG8

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Your-Poo-Telling-You/dp/0811857824/ref=pd_sim_21_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=51Ft6OWBVHL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR114%2C160_&refRID=13QCYCAV311CWMTWTSG8

http://www.amazon.com/The-Tuggie-A-Willie-Warmer/dp/B0109R2YRU/ref=pd_sim_21_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51laXKCUHLL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR116%2C160_&refRID=13QCYCAV311CWMTWTSG8

http://www.amazon.com/Hooter-Hoister-Power-Lift-Birthday/dp/B001AZPC9S/ref=pd_sim_21_11?ie=UTF8&dpID=61e-cjIUjCL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=0JSWYY14BCZYC9NNZ318

http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Public-Toilet-Survival-Kit/dp/B0058KKUDO/ref=pd_sim_21_20?ie=UTF8&dpID=51H0hDNznVL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR105%2C160_&refRID=0JSWYY14BCZYC9NNZ318

http://www.amazon.com/Prank-Pack-Beer-Beard/dp/B005UE60PK/ref=pd_sim_21_35?ie=UTF8&dpID=51b17-PFwdL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=13QCYCAV311CWMTWTSG8

A big box, within a smaller box, within a smaller box, within a smaller, within a smaller box, and so and so forth until you get to the smallest box available and when she gets done opening all of the useless boxes, she will find out that she just wasted the better part of however much time wasted opening a present that was never there.

or

teeny-tiny matches, fake money -like at least ten hundred dollar bills, a gift card for three years ago, grass or pocket lint, socks with several holes in them -big holes, lol or the foot part missing. A book with missing pages. Shoes, but missing the back or bottom.

How about, a book with no text in it?

If you can find this in stock somewhere, this is the epitome of useless.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/c208/

http://www.baronbob.com/STONEHENGE.htm

http://www.baronbob.com/toy-garbage-truck.htm

http://www.baronbob.com/food-fighters-party-picks.htm