i collect them... what's the best/worst you've used or had used on you?

here's the latest on my wall of shame...

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material..."

*insert dramatic eyeroll here* lol

- Do you have pet insurance?

- *insert bored, conditioned, uninterested response - yes, no, the reply doesn't really matter*

- Aight, I just wanna make sure you're covered for when I destroy dat pussy *winks*

^ best line ever. Guaranteed to work. You're welcome gentlemen.

a classic one:

Are you okay? It must have hurt when you fell from the stars

You like wine?

Cause damn you look good for "old" age..

:/

You tired?

*confused looked* - No?

Oh I thought you'd be tired as you've been running through my mind all day.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Why don't you sit on my knee and we will see what pops up?

I had a friend who used the line "I wanna stick it in you" (said in a drunken slur).

And it worked.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

You're so hot you woke up a snorlax in my pants.

You, me, cave, now

You smell of elderberries

My favourite from my ex husband in RL

"Have you ever made love in an apple orchard" 

can I just leave this here?

12:56:12 <Vampire[MR]> Wtf

12:56:16 <Vampire[MR]> Who shot me?

12:56:56 <Vampire[MR]> Oh I'm still alive... Sorry

12:57:12 <Vampire[MR]> Nah my bad got confused

12:57:18 <Vampire[MR]> Just saw an angel

12:57:25 <Vampire[MR]> So I thought I was dead

Does this smell like chloroform to you? (As you hold out a rag in your hand).

My love for your is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. 

 

lmao loving the angle one