MobGov - Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

MobGov:  Percy Pig Edition

Welcome everyone to this, our regularish root around in the seedy underbelly of six city crime.  We are looking for the flaky skin cells in amongst all that naval fluff.

The Gory Planet excerpt of information is found here, vital reading if Las Vegas is your destination of choice.

In this edition of MobGov we look at the key issues of the day; (a soon-to-be) regular look at ennui.  We at MobGov presume that if you’re reading this, you took part in the survey and if you weren’t sure what it meant in the survey you went and looked it up.  We have had issues in the past where part of our key demographic didn’t realise what was going on and if we have to dumb it down then the MobGov Standard Translation Department (MG STD) can assist in any additional requirements readers may have. 

Dial 0800-OMG-WTAF and use Option 7 – Hard Word Help for assistance.

Reader Questions

One oft-repeated question comes from our animal loving readerbase.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

We put our research department onto this and the group of egg headed boffins did what they do best (and what they are paid for) – inappropriate animal testing where they trapped a selection of woodchucks in a forest and left them to work.  Extrapolating the data they gathered over the three hours they could be away from a pot of coffee, if your common or garden woodchuck dug one hole (the boffins called it a “burrow” for those more technically minded) then that would equate to 650-700lbs of wood.  That’s just over 300kg to our metric minded brethren.  Top tip – use a pack of woodchucks for all your shallow grave (or back yard clearance) needs.

What happened over the last few weeks and who is everyone now?

Long story short – questions were asked about the hitlist – some people died.  Some people on the hitlist died.  People associated with shooting people on the hitlist died.  People died who had nothing to do with the hitlist.  People died.  Like the changing of the seasons and the movement of the tides…people die, their bloodlines come back.  Sometimes when people die, stories are written about what happened and sometimes the rumours are way more interesting than the truth.  MobGov heard that Tammy had actually offended the Guild of Custard Makers, hence why she was found face down in a Vegas fountain at the first Annual Custard Awards – Sponsored by The Lib_.  Other than that, nothing much else has happened….oooh….no….Georgette is now a left hand woman.  That’s quite noteable, she does love people to focus on her. 

The alphabet

MobGov will be happy to roll out Alpha to Omega - Make Your Life A Whole Alphabetter.  Courses for all ages.

We cannot answer all your questions here but thank you all for your participation.

Ennui Index – 3.6/5

With not a lot happening on either the Western or Eastern fronts avi d watchers of the hitlist are seeing what happens with the ThomasCrown affair.  With Thomas currently on offer at over $400m dollars and no real takers at the moment how high can it get before someone feels it is worth it.  MobGov reckons it could go over $1 billion.  Just think how many bets you could do with that kind of money bulging out of your pockets!  On that subject…

"Inherited" wealth has fucked the hitlist...

• Yes – 58%
• No – 11%
• Purely coincidental – 21%

Other notables:

• Man up
• Depends who has been hitlisted

MobGov Comment

Lots to be said about the state of the hitlist.  Some of it from a personal view if you’re on it/buying hits off and some looking and grateful to not be involved.  Maybe it’s a badge of honour-ish to have pissed enough people off to make it there.  It’s not very often you find a nobody there.  Maybe it’s the personal plaything of a modern day Mansa Musa. 

MobGov genuinely think there have to be better alternatives at keeping leaders honest then it being the domain of one mega rich individual or cabal.  As of today though it is what it is.

Leader Of The Semana

• Smash For Dominating the "Top Leaders Named Smash" Awards – 42%
• Sticks Coz Obviously He Is – 32%
• Asher's For His Role In "DecisiveAction" – 11%
• Biba For Recruiting Mean_Machine – 0%

Other notables:

• Whirl for being uber cool – 5%
• The only CL not concerned solely with themself – TylerDurden – 5%
• Klejnot for her LH and RH choices – 5%

MobGov Comment

Smash is the obvious winner by the sheer adulation his members have for him but the survey commissioners had forgotten about Whirl. 

Who could forget about Whirl?  Just having Garcia as right hand elevates Whirl outside the confines of a mere survey so to make it fair for everyone else, it is right that Whirl is not on the official list.  Spare a thought for poor Biba though.  Even the recruitment of Mean_Machine couldn’t garner him a vote. 

MobGov respects that Biba didn’t order his crew members to go out there and vote on his behalf.

The Issues Burning a Hole In The Pocket Of The Masses

I know Disorders Incog & he is getting stroooooong.  Brilliant.  Always good to know.  Feel free to drop by with a name...off the record obviously

Why are LA still a dirty orange and not a lovely sky blue?  Good question.  Maybe sky blue would make the city more appealing.  Who doesn't love sky blue?

Is Crimson Red in fact a form of purple?  Yes.

Will Heston do a city BBQ?  Hope so!  MobGov love a spicy BBQ lamb.

Is there a quick way to the top?  Yes, a 1% on ThomasCrown to get money for bodyguards, catch the WS, buy the silence of your WS catchers and then spread rumours resulting in the demise of everyone except yourself.  If you start a popular survey based franchise then you can make shit up all day long.  It’s genius.  Contact MobGov Franchising Department  for details.

So if your kink is 'kink shaming' is it still bad to kink shame?  MobGov had to research kink shaming.  We feel enlightened.  As long as your kink shaming is between an indeterminate number of consenting individuals, you kink shame away you kinky pervert.

Are banana hammocks too feminine? – Who doesn’t love a banana hammock?  Are banana hammocks not just bikini bottoms after all?  Just do without swimwear in general.  It takes a certain type of person to carry a banana hammock off and not induce a dry boak.

Rosalie hasn't killed any of her crewmembers for a few days....why not???  Good question.  She still has 19 others, maybe it’s someone else’s turn to thin out their numbers.

Was I supposed to read the questions before answering? – It does help, it’s not like gambling with dice and going for any old option.  Your answer might have real life consequences – I mean, let’s be fair…it probably doesn’t but we at MobGov think they do!

The next fantastic installment: MobGov: Barrel Scrapers and GPTG: Chicago

She busied herself with reading the latest edition, as it was always full of interesting facts and news that everyone should be aware of. About halfway done she reached in her bag and pulled out a highlighter and started going through the stack of papers highlighting one specific bit, just to make it stand out a bit more. "There we go," she said capping the marker and tucking it away. "All better."

Georgette is now a left hand woman.  That’s quite noteable, she does love people to focus on her. 

"I find it interesting you are asking about me, but you neglected to ask me." the fifteen year  old smiles sweetly and tucks the new edition under her arm. I do need to thank you for printing these ne.. she stopped herself before she full said the words news stories... tabloids. They are helping Poe with his paper shredding habit.