IT'S TIME FOR GOOD WORKS TO BE AWARDED

Do I have your attention?  Good, because we are becoming an attention deficit society in which the short-form is eclipsing the long-form.

What do I mean by that?

NEW NEWSPAPER ANNOUNCEMENT

It's time for a new newspaper - technically a newspaper is news, but this is one that is a new branded entity.  It's been a long while since Ronald made the news industry his own, with a paper that led to shocking revelations and even deaths.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL

Despite generations of mine being shunned by you, the masses, and despite generations of my lineage now being able to find a home in any crew, let alone a district or a city, I've decided to use YOUR collective minds to inform the next newspaper.

Do you have an OPINION?  Well, VOICE it and it will be PUBLISHED.

You see, I've separated all that matters in this thing of ours into AWARD CATEGORIES and we will announce the WINNER, maybe the LOSER, and some copy as well.

For example, I think BBB was the best leader of recent times, Illuminiated the worst, and I think the most prolific killer has been the late, unlamented Constipated.  I think Gazza was the best war-time leader, and I think that Victoria is Street Orator of the Year.  I think that I just told a massive lie, and that Victoria IS NOT Street Orator of the Year, but that got you thinking, didn't it?

And that's what this is all about.  There's been a lot of talk lately, and a lot of complaining.  Well let's do some CELEBRATING.

Let's resolve to keep this violence-free - it's just an awards ceremony after all.

Why don't you take THIS LEAFLET and fill it in and return it to me?

THANKS.

Let me know you've done it and I'll send you some cash.

THANKS.

This seems like it could be a fun idea and a nice way to celebrate some of the people who are deserving an award for their efforts. I know I will be sure to cast my ballot and make sure my vote is counted. 

On another note, I am in desperate need of a new newspaper to read. With nothing to read while I'm at home with my family I've been forced to... engage with them. As we all know there is nothing worse in life than having to interact with your family after a long day at the docks. At least with newspaper I won't be forced to look at their stupid smiling faces all the time. 

"I'm happy to hear that a New Newspaper will be gracing my doormat again soon, I simply cannot keep up with all the non-basketball or non-SIOT happenings of our world. To be in line with the short-form eclipse you spoke of I suggest limiting every article to a maximum of 7 words (Or maybe style them as haikus?), and to just put a metric fuckton of them in every issue."

"Speaking of brevity, I have noticed that the little name boxes on this leaflet are incredibly small indeed, this is highly discriminatory against people with long names. What about legendary Gangster RomanmeateatersFTW for instance? Should he be denied an award just because his parents gave him an excessively long name?"

Void took some time to scribble a few things on the leaflet in illegible handwriting, and then handed it back to Word_Smith.

"One final question: Will the recently formed Competition Commission, which by now has become a cornerstone of our society, be overseeing that the awards are actually handed out and done so in good faith? We wouldn't want anyone pulling a Grin-22 (or other names which I do not dare utter for fear of getting bloody stroopwafels sent to my address) now do we?"

"I don't know if you're the right person to ask this by the way since the identities of the Competition Commission's members have been kept a well-hidden secret (I presume to make sure nobody will make an attempt to bribe them)."

"What? Word_Smith this must be a trick. You're trying to make me believe the secret society of the Competition Commission is not hard at work behind the scenes making sure that all competitions are run to their completion. You're trying to create a cover to rival that of a certain horse-serial-murdering vegan."

"I will not fall for it. We both know the CC is hard at work to make the world a better place with better competitions, I only wish to know whether they will oversee this award ceremony too."

Void since the Commission was unanimously agreed on, I believe they would have to be overseeing the awards. We all know the CC works in mysterious ways, but I choose to believe that they will steer the Competition community in the right direction and away from the shadows; from the shadows. 

I'm sure when the time is right they will issue a statement through one of their many, many representatives. I'm looking forward to the Awards Ceremony and then reading about it later in the newspaper. 

Covering Void's ears

Are you mad LonelyWolf? You can't say that shit around Void. He really believes in the CC. Would you tell a child Santa isn't real? 

Removes hands

The Competition Commission is definitely not a hoax. It is a very real thing that many people respect. 

"Void is a well known and notorious Peace Pervert. People in a decades time will be talking about what an inane and ultimately useless pacifist freak he was. Obviously I'd never say these things of course. Those are the words of cruel people in the future, or the past. Those are the kind of things an acting GFC at Consigliere say. Even now I can imagine it would be the kind of statement a 'Very nice, very evil' Ian 'Illuminatatied' O'Keefe would say."

I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that Void is too much of a coward to stir the pot. I believe every word he says on this particularly subject is correct. This is clearly the domain of the Competition Commission and I for one look forward to what they'll say on the subject. I thank Wellerman for his strong show of support on the matter."

Hobbs shrugged

"Mr Smith, if the definition of friend is "a long-standing rival; an arch-enemy" then I'd be happy to confirm you as my best friend."

Void nods at Wellerman. "It is true that the CC is a secret organisation with long arms, I have heard rumors that there's also a long bureaucratic process to follow for registering new competitions involving many forms which have to be filled in along with the collection of a certain amount of signatures before getting the approval."

Void looks at Hobbs, a sad expression on his face. "Hobbs your words wound me. You call me a pacifist freak, yet I am not the one on a holy mission to spread the gospel of veganism. Does that not make us both pacifist freaks, are we not pacifist freak brothers? Are you not the Animal Peace Pervert? Also I am not stirring any pots, that's for people who make disgusting vegetable stews like those found in certain hotels."

"Word_Smith it's regrettable not many people have put in their vote, do they not wish to leave their mark on this prestigious award ceremony and have their voice heard? I for one am very happy with the sizeable amount of cash I have received, which I'm sure is still sitting in my PO box for pickup."

"I'm praying that WhereWasI will posthumously win the Street Orator of the Year award, the impact of his political treatises on my person have been immense.

Victoria stood off to the side watching speech, with every random shout from the man, she'd flinch and rub her ears. It was a shame, this infliction of his where he had no control over the volume of his voice. Shaking her head sadly she wondered if perhaps a doctor could help with this. Not that she knew of any, the last duo of doctors had died months ago, and no new ones had stepped up to take their place. A tragic shame, a world of people and nary a medical professional to see to their ailments and sickness. 

Taking a leaflet she filled it out, dropped it in the box and headed on her merry way. Her ears were hurting, and the random shouting without any warning was growing tedious to listen to. Tugging on her earlobe as another shout rang out she picked up her pace, trying to get as far away from the shouty man as possible. 

Silent Assassin takes a pen to paper shaking his head in utter confustion and scrawls

"KuKu..Fareham,,Chicago...Detroit both obliterated...competition commission? ive read dozens of articles trying to explain this whole ball of what seems to be the history behind this  soap opera drama.. one that my former ancestor lost his life over..perhaps im still too new to all of this.. did the competition commision oversee this halloween event that just occured or is the CC just smoke adn mirrors? oh god..perhaps someday someone can enlighten me even though i may end up regretting it.

S.A puts paper in suggestion box walks away feeling dizzy to go get a drink,