I don't lie as I'm perfect as I am but you would have to work out if I am lying or not but have you the nerve to find out lol

I accidentally became the mayor of a small town after stopping for gas because everyone thought I was the new candidate, and somehow I won the election without giving a single speech.

For two weeks I made ridiculous rules like free pizza on Mondays and mandatory afternoon naps, and the town voted me "Best Mayor Ever."
When the real mayor returned from vacation, he thanked me for doing such a good job, gave me the keys to the town, and asked if I'd come back next year to run it again.

“Where are we going?" I asked
"I don't know" he said. "Just driving."
"But this road doesn't go anywhere," I told him
"That doesn't matter.”
"What does?" I asked, after a little while.
"Just that we're on it, dude,' he said.”

“there was a song i heard when i was in los angeles by a local group. the song was called "los angeles" and the words and images were so harsh and bitter that the song would reverberate in my mind for days. the images, i later found out, were personal and no one i knew shared them. the images i had were of people being driven mad by living in the city. images of parents who were so hungry and unfulfilled that they ate their own children. images of people, teenagers my own age, looking up from the asphalt and being blinded by the sun. these images stayed with me even after i left the city. images so violent and malicious that they seemed to be my only point of reference for a long time afterwards. after i left.”

when I was 10 years old, i held the record for the most hotdogs eaten i 30 minutes, i ate 110, and I threw up after the contest ended

“She laughs and looks out the window and I think for a minute that she's going to start to cry. I'm standing by the door and I look over at the Elvis Costello poster, at his eyes, watching her, watching us, and I try to get her away from it, so I tell her to come over here, sit down, and she thinks I want to hug her or something and she comes over to me and puts her arms around my back and says something like 'I think we've all lost some sort of feeling.”

“I come to a red light, tempted to go through it, then stop once I see a billboard sign that I don’t remember seeing and I look up at it. All it says is 'Disappear Here' and even though it’s probably an ad for some resort, it still freaks me out a little and I step on the gas really hard and the car screeches as I leave the light.”

“And as the elevator descents, passing the second floor, and the first floor, going even father down, I realize that the money doesn't matter. That all that does is that I want to see the worst”

I once wandered into what I thought was a shopping mall, only to discover it was a movie set though no one else seemed to notice my mistake. Believing I was a tardy actor, they threw me straight into scenes without a script, and my bewildered expressions were hailed as “Oscar-worthy improvisation.” When the film premiered, I somehow won Best Supporting Actor, but I declined the award, convinced they’d mixed me up with someone else entirely.

“Someone named Angel was supposed to go with us tonight, but earlier today she got caught in the drain of her jacuzzi and almost drowned.”

I've got unlimited funds. I've got three wifes and a mansion close to Miami.

Life have never been easier. I work out 3 times a day, and I ONLY eat healthy.

I love it when Nevaa takes a payday and I always do my best to enusre that there are plenty of available funds in the crew bank account to keep him well looked after.

“The DJ at the Edge tonight isn’t wearing a shirt and his nipples are pierced and he wears a leather cowboy hat and between songs he keeps mumbling “Hip-Hip-Hooray.” Kim tells me that the DJ obviously cannot decide whether he’s butch or New Wave.”

“It's hard to feel sorry for someone who doesn't care."
"Yeah?" I ask.
"What do you care about? What makes you happy?"
"Nothing. Nothing make me happy. I like nothing.”

Well, im a world class athlete that earns 12M+ per year. Its not that hard to become a world class athlete, all you have to do is train 😂

I've not pooped today at all. This is normal for me. I never poop on a regular schedule and often go days and days without pooping. It's a very normal thing for me. In no way do I often poop multiple times a day, sometimes way to often. That does not happen. 

I am not a cunt

captialism

everything but also not. also purple monkey dishwashers and ancient Chinese closet wizards